It is a very strange feeling questioning yourself when you write a text to your adult child. There has been this shift in the relationship where “bossy mommy” probably isn’t going to fly anymore. There is a certain unsaid understanding that when a parent is paying the bills, the scales are tipped to the parents having a certain level of control. My son is paying his own bills now. He no longer relies on me for anything. I’m not supposed to spout my advice unless he asks me for it. I understand that on a logical level and I want to have a great adult relationship with him and my other children, so a lot of times I have to just sit on my hands and wisely choose not to write a text. When I do write a text to him, I find myself editing it, contemplating it, getting feedback on it, almost as if we were two people in a new relationship.
A college friend once told me that I apologize too much. She said that instead of saying, “I’m sorry.” I should say, “Thank you for your patience with my . . . .” So, yesterday, I just couldn’t help myself. Bossy Mommy took over the reigns and she felt it was necessary to text her adult son that he should probably get his dry cleaning done for a big business trip that he has coming up. Ugh. Now I think there was actually a struggle going on between Bossy Mommy and Mature Detached Mother, so the text came out garbled and ridiculous. Autocorrect was having a field day. I almost felt the need to tell him to please not send the text to that segment on Jimmy Kimmel Live where Jimmy reads outrageous texts from parents to their young adult kids. And everyone laughs hysterically. All that I can say is that the final text to my son from me was, “Thank you for your patience with my need to still parent you.”
And he answered, “I love you, Mom.”