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Highly Functional

Years ago, a friend of mine told me that the difference between functional families and dysfunctional families, is that functional families had mostly good times, with a few bad times sprinkled in, whereas dysfunctional families had mostly bad times with a few good times sprinkled in. I thought that was a reasonable definition.

I have thought about her definition many times throughout the years. (This is one of those times in life, where someone told me something that has stayed with me my entire life, and my friend probably doesn’t even remember saying it. Don’t you love the idea of how often you may have touched someone’s life, ever so casually yet profoundly, and never even realized that you did it? This is one my favorite ways in which the Universe works its magic.) I think that functional/dysfunctional definition can be expanded to so many situations in our own lives . . . jobs, health habits, friendships, romantic relationships, money habits, personal moods, etc. In general, this definition can be applied to your own personal life. Is your life mostly functional or is your life pretty dysfunctional? Nobody’s perfect, and nothing is ever “all good” or “all bad”, but a lot of times we cling to people, and situations, and habits in our lives, out of inertia or by forgetting that we have more power to change things for the good, than we think we do. Sometimes we stay stuck due to the hope that those few good times sprinkled in, will magically turn the whole circumstance around.

I read that designers and inventors usually don’t try to reinvent and change the wheel. They just break the wheel down to its smallest parts, and work on how each of those parts could be better. In the end, after working on each of the individual parts, and then putting the wheel back together, you end up with a more functional, better designed wheel. Here’s a good example of an individual’s life wheel (credit: Maestro Performance):

If you consider each pie piece in this wheel, which of these is the most functional areas in your own life? Which pie piece could use some new energy and design? Which pie piece might be so dysfunctional that it is impinging on the overall health and well-being and operation of the entire wheel of your own life? Summer, with its typically slowed-down pace, is a wonderful time to sit in reflection of how well your wheel is turning in the directions that you want it to go. Usually, it’s only one or two pie pieces that could use a little work and focus, and once those pie piece are cleaned up, it is truly amazing how much better your whole life seems to flow.

Your business is designed to function quotes This quote of mine is being shared around the world what an | Dogtrainingobedienceschool.com

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I Could Never

What I am writing about today, has nothing to do with the above quote. I just really liked the quote because I adore books. This one tickled me, too:

But here’s what is really on my mind today:

“I could never handle that . . . . I could never go through that.”

Yes, you could because you don’t have a choice. You would handle it. You would go through it. You would do your best and you would survive and maybe even thrive.

I remember having a friend who had twins shortly after having her first child. She said that people always told her that they could never handle her situation and she would laugh and then she would always answer them the same way, “Yes, you could, because you must.”

We always think that we couldn’t handle other people’s problems and difficult situations, because we are attached to our own problems. There is a parable that talks about throwing everybody’s problems into one big pile, and then the Universe telling us to go back to the pile and pick the same number of difficulties to take back, to deal with in our daily lives. It is said that we would be amazed by how quickly we would all run towards the pile, and take our own problems back. We know and understand our own problems. We are intimate with our own troubles. Sometimes we are even attached to them.

Dealing with, and grappling with my son’s epilepsy is probably the most difficult thing which I have ever dealt with in my life. People tell me the, “I could never handle that . . . ” line, all of the time. I know that this is their kind way to try to show sympathy and support and to compliment me on my “strength”. But I always answer it the same way that my friend with twins does, “Yes, you could, because you don’t have any other choice. You would do your best.”

I would rather not have to prove my strength through my problems. Wouldn’t we all? But that’s just not life. I have never met an adult person who has never had any problems or worries. Still, the blessings that come from our complications, are the reminders to ourselves, that we do have it in us, to manage and to cope and to persevere and to often overcome and triumph over the hardships in our lives. We can reflect on the many times that we have muddled through the tough times in our lives and made it through to the other side, maybe not perfectly intact, and probably not exactly in the same form that we started out in, but maybe that was the purpose for the problem, in the first place? Growth is hard but necessary. Growth from our adversities usually brings us to a whole new level of understanding and faith and compassion and respect for the sheer awesomeness and yet fragility of our own living experience.

“I could never, ever go through a world-wide pandemic and have to deal with all of the fears, and uncertainties, and grief, and ugliness, and pain, and difficult decision making that would come from that kind of a situation.”

“Yes, you could. You are in the middle of doing it. And you are doing great. And you have proved to yourself just how incredibly strong and vital and capable and resilient you really are, when it comes to having to go through really tough situations. And you will have this serene wisdom about yourself, to fall back on for the rest of your life. This wisdom will help to sustain you, during any calamity that comes your way. There is a hidden blessing in every curse.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Throwback Thursday (if you still feel like reading, these are links to previous, popular posts of mine). This particular post was actually published:

Awkward Stage

Bounceback Brew

This is the fifth day since after my vacation, and my bounceback game is terrible. I could easily be an actress in a Zombie movie without even trying. If I had one complaint about getting older, it’s knowing that if I choose to do anything “extra”, the payback is going to be really, really, really hard and tough and miserable. Staying up extra late, having one extra drink, one extra candy bar on Halloween night, one extra mile of walking, one extra sit-up, one extra half inch on my high heels, pizza with extra cheese – girl, you’re gonna pay, extra, extra exponentially!

Last night, I decided to mix up my own concoction of “Bounceback Brew.” (Those who know me well, know my tendencies to become my own sort of “self-taught” intuitive chemist. I take about 8000 supplements a day. I mix up all of my face creams that I bought on impulse, to create, what is in my own mind, a SUPER fabulous, miraculous, all-inclusive, one-step anti-aging cure cream, until I break out in a strange and intensely itchy rash. I love to “layer” my perfumes and lipsticks, until no one can breathe around me, and my lips stick out an extra half-inch from my face. My dear friends and family, thank you for loving kooky little me, just as I am. It means the world.) Bounceback Brew consisted of taking my biggest mug (the one that says “Queen Bee”) and filling it with boiling water. I then took four different tea bags (two sleepy-times, one detox and one Honey Lavender Stress Relief, all made by different tea companies) and I allowed these bags to simmer in the Queen Bee Mug for a good 30 minutes. I then slurped Bounceback Brew down quickly and purposefully. Bounceback Brew did not make me tired. At all. Bounceback Brew did not even help me in the powder room department, but for some strange reason, Bounceback Brew gave me the giggles. (this is all OTC grocery store bought stuff, trust me on this) After imbibing in Bounceback Brew, I thought that the dumbest things were the most hysterical things I had ever seen or read or thought about. And then I got incredibly annoyed with my husband because he was seemingly confused, irritated, and he didn’t see the humor in any of it, at all. So, I was laughing playfully and yet, angrily scolding my husband, all at the same time. This lasted for a good half hour and then, poof, I was back to my current state of “post-vacation clawback to life.”

Try “Bounceback Brew” if you like. There were no nasty side-effects and they do say that laughter is the best medicine, for just about anything. In the meantime, if you have a better recipe for Bounceback Brew, please put it in my Comments section. I am always game to try something new, even if it takes me extra time to recoup from my mixology “gamble”.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

(credit: Rex Masters, Twitter)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The older I get, the harder it is for me to bounce back from trips and vacations. I feel like I am walking around in a perpetual fog. I have spurts of getting things done, but then a lot of downtime of staring into space. It’s amazing how quickly you forget about the particulars of your daily routine, when you skip it for just a week.

I saw a quote from the American author of A Wrinkle in Time, Madeleine L’Engle that I really liked, so naturally I looked her up and I found quite a lot of quotes of hers which completely resonated with me. I think that you will like them, too:

“Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.”

“We can’t take credit for our talents. It’s how we use them that counts.”

“Just because we don’t understand, doesn’t mean that the explanation doesn’t exist.”

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all of the other ages you’ve been.”

“Truth is eternal, knowledge is changeable. It is disastrous to confuse them.”

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.: Dr. Seuss - Place for writing thoughts: SpotNotebooks: 9798621141103: Amazon.com: Books

Good morning. I hope that you are in a peaceful, comfortable, allowing state of being right now. My friend recently reminded me of the popular quote by Dr. Seuss, as shown above. I repeated it a few times to my family, as we were in the airport, on our way home, from the wonderful, and highly anticipated summer family vacation that we had just experienced together. I thought to myself that the quote is also rather apropos for times that are awful in life, and then finally over, too. It would just be the quote in reverse, “Don’t cry because it happened. Smile because it is over.”

Anyway, back to business: Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Poetry is the attempt to put emotion into words, like no other form of writing can. Write a poem today. Just start writing out your feelings, with no rhyme or reason (pun intended). You may surprise yourself by how beautiful and poignant your words that describe an element of your life’s experience can be. I consider Sundays to be an experimental poetry workshop for all of us. Here is my poem for today:

Pressure, pressure pressurepressurepressurepressure

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EXCITEMENT EXCITEMENT EXCITEMENT!! EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!

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buildup Buildup BUILDUP BUILD BUILD BUILD-UP UP UP UP

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Anticipate it. It’s coming. Overthink. Overplan. Overload. Overdo.

GRANDIOSE EXPECTATIONS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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ClimbClimbClimbClimbCrescendoGRAND FINALE TA-DAH!!!!!!!!!!!

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It is possible that we create Escalation! and Exhiliration! and Expansion,

perhaps only for the solace and comfort of the purest, and yet most underrated feeling in our lives . . . .

r e l i e f

Back in the Saddle

Hi friends! I’m back to my usual writing corner. Josie, our collie, is keeping a watchful eye on me, making sure that I am staying put, and not leaving any time soon for another adventure. She likes to herd every member of our family, right where she can keep a careful eye on all of us. Our trip was incredible, and thankfully, my youngest son, who is epileptic, remained seizure free for the duration of the trip, after suffering two major seizures, hours before our departure. Thank you for your love and prayers. I felt them and they sustained me. We are hoping and praying that this is just a matter of upping the dose of a new medication that my son has been trying since the beginning of the year. Time will tell.

I am in that digestion stage, which we all go through, after experiencing major incidents in our lives. I just experienced the trip of a lifetime, seeing things I have never seen in my lifetime, and may never see again. I also experienced a major disappointment, realizing that once again, my son’s epilepsy is determined to remain a terrorizing part of our lives. I have been through an onslaught of stimulation this past week. Now, I am just sitting with it all, trying to absorb what I want to keep, and also to find peace with what I cannot control. Mostly, I want to remain in that flow of love and faith, that allows me to move forward, to live my life in trust and in wonder, no matter what is happening to me, and around me.

Where we were traveling is an incredibly quiet place. It was probably the most quiet, peaceful place which I have ever experienced in my life. There are few roads, few cars, and even few animals, where we visited. One time my husband and I were hiking, and I asked him that we not speak for a while. I wanted to soak in the pure quiet of it all. It was intensely beautiful and healing to be able to be that quiet in myself.

I always try to make a trip, or a novel experience, a deliberate, new part of myself . What I took from this trip, was a reminder of how peaceful life can be, if we allow it. What I took from this trip, is how important it is, to find those quiet, still, peaceful moments and to sit with them and to soak them in. These still moments are the purest moments in our lives when we get to experience the most aware part of our being. These are the moments that we get reacquainted with our spirit within, and they are vital to our well-being.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I Miss You

Hello my dear friends and readers! I miss you. I am in one of the most beautiful, peaceful places which I have ever been on this Earth. Particularly on this trip, I have come to realize that there is a lot of “stuff” in my life that I do not need, nor do I miss, but writing my blog and communing with my readers, definitely goes on to the column of things which I miss a lot about my daily routine at home. You, my treasured friends and readers, and my writing of Adulting – Second Half on a daily basis, are right up there, (along with our three precious fur babies), on the list of Things That I Most Miss About Home. I also forgot to bring perfume on this trip and I LOVE perfume. And I am currently writing this after a full day of hiking and touring and swimming and riding for hours in a stuffy van, and so honestly, right now, my perfume is number one on the list of Things That I Most Miss About Home. (Kidding!) You (and our puppies) are definitely what I miss the most, while I am away with my family on our vacation. But right now, perfume is a close, close second.

Despite reflecting on the fact, that there are so little material things that I really do need, to make me happy, and also, realizing that it is my life’s adventures, and the memories that come with these adventures which are truly my most cherished possessions, I still can’t help myself. I buy schlock. Above is one of the pieces of schlock that I just had to have as a souvenir from my current trip, because to me it represents our family – me and the five people whom I love more than life itself. I bought this trinket because it represents yet another amazing family adventure to me, and it will serve as a reminder of our shared laughs and our shared wonders and shared joys and even our shared sorrows. Mostly, it reminds me of our shared deep, unrelenting care and love. In short, this goofy souvenir makes my heart smile, and it will for years to come.

We have probably 1000s of pictures from this trip, we have shared family stories that come from this trip which will undoubtedly last in our family lore for years to come, but this silly little kitschy dust collector, will represent all of that for me, in just one glance. I must remember this the next time I rummage through an antique store, or an estate sale. A lot of the things that we have in our lives mean so much more than the inexpensive materials that make them, or their relatively insignificance in the way of daily practical usage. Symbols and signs represent the meaning which we find in life, in simple and yet in profound ways. Religious and spiritual places are full of symbols and signs. Is it possible that my silly, googly-eyed souvenir is sacred? It is to me.

Some day, perhaps when I am long gone, someone will pick up this funny little figurine and pitch it into the garbage or they will sell it for a dollar in a garage sale, and they won’t realize it’s true significance. They won’t realize all of the love and wonder and happiness and peacefulness that it holds. They won’t hear the heart beating in it. And that’s okay. It will transform into a new form of the energy that it forever holds. The souvenir’s form never really mattered anyway. The love and the memories that it represents will never, ever go away. And that’s what makes this little rock family, one of the most beautiful things that I have ever owned.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Postcard

Dear Friends,

Consider this a postcard from me, who adores you! Happy Fourth of July! I hope that you are enjoying wonderful celebrations with your family and your friends. I am enjoying a lovely, amazing adventure with my family. We are all happy and healthy. We are going to be fine. I am in a extraordinary place where apparently, every person reads on average 2.3 books per month. This is a good place. What I love best about traveling to places that are new to me, is the feeling of overwhelming, childlike wonder. I love being forced out of my own frame of reference. It’s humbling and exciting, awe-striking and rejuvenating, all at the same time.

I realize that I need some quiet time right now. I need to stay in the moment and to experience my current escapades, quietly and distraction free. So, I’m not likely to post again this week. Please forgive me. Please stay with me. I’m just lickin’ my wounds and yet feeling incredibly blessed, all at the same time. That’s just the story of life, right?

I love you. I appreciate you. I will be back with newly refreshed perspectives soon. Much love and gratitude. xo

Robert Anthony Quote: “Our consciousness, our ideas, our frame of reference and our belief system determine whether we go to the river of life ...”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Unplug

Happy Birthday, G! I have been in awe of you since the day you were born. You’re faster. (and your mama adores you)

Friends, we are taking our annual family vacation starting tomorrow. I have honestly blogged through my every vacation and even weekend trips, in these last three years of my blogging. That being said, I don’t hold a rigid boundary on this. I might blog every day or I might not. Please don’t worry about me, and please know that I will be back to my usual form, in about a week or so, if you don’t hear from me, before then. I hope that you are finding ways to unplug this summer! It is the miracle cure for most things.

Throwback Thursday (a link to some of my most read blog posts):

If You Build It . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Whimsies for Wednesday

+ My daughter has a summer internship at a local credit union. She came home with a stomach bug Monday night. She’s fine now, thankfully. In fact, she’s back to work today, but we were all kind of surprised by her illness. If there was any upside to this pandemic mess, it was that none of us, living and working at our house, came down with flus or colds or any other viruses for over a year. They say that paper money carries a lot of filth on it. I believe it. She’s only been working there a couple of weeks now.

+ I read an article that was talking about why it is so hard for many of us to figure out our purpose(s) in life. The article, taken from an excerpt from a book by Kristine Klussman, says that we get tripped up by three erroneous beliefs about “purpose.” The first mistake, is that we think that our purpose has to be grand and noble and all-reaching. The facts are, we don’t all have to be (nor are we going to be) Gandi, or Martin Luther King Jr., or Florence Nightingale. It’s all of the gazillions of parts that make a whole. Just being and doing our own little gazillionth, is enough and serves its purpose. Secondly, we have the false belief that we just have one singular purpose. Anyone of us, who is a parent, knows that this premise is false. My purpose in parenting has been to raise healthy, happy, productive members of society. My purpose in parenting has been to experience a love like I have never known. My purpose in parenting has been to continue and to carry on the good parts of my heritage, and to heal and to change the parts of my heritage that I found to be harmful. (Right there, I have listed three purposes in my life, and that’s just under the subset of “parenting”.) Finally, we think that our purposes have to be “forever.” Why? If the only constant is change, and we are all evolving in an ever-evolving world, does it not make sense that we will have different purposes in different stages of our lives? There is some real satisfaction in working through a project, or an experience, or a career, and being able to say, “My work is done here.” This feeling of completion allows us to open doors to other purposes in our lives, as we go on. Variety is the spice of life.

+ We all are so good at writing to-do lists. I read something this week that said to end your day with a “ta-da! list”, which lists everything that you got done, during the day. Even if it is just doing a load of laundry, and cleaning some dishes, you did these chores! You didn’t have to do anything. You could have just been a “bump on a log.” Ta Da! You got things done. What a great way to end your day on a positive note.

+ Finally, here’s a perspective changer. The universe is almost 13.8 billion years old. Any of us will be lucky to reach 100 years of age. We humans are not very old, and frankly, in the scheme of things, we are not all that important. I think that Anthony Hopkins gets it right, in the opening meme. Just live your life’s experience. That’s your own real purpose. Your life is fleeting. Your life is fragile. Your life is short. Ta Da! You’re here. Put this on your “to do” list today, in Sharpie and in all caps: 1. LIVE AND LOVE. And tonight, when you are going over your “ta da!” list, smile in peace and contentedness, that you did it. You LIVED AND you LOVED.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.