Friends, today one of my daily inspirations/meditations said this, in a text: “Not only is this the 183rd day of the year, but there are 183 days left in 2020. Despite what’s happened, you are halfway to 2021. Be encouraged and keep going.”
Everyone I know, seems to need this message right now. In some ways, if feels like a lot of people in this world, are at a collective breaking point. This year has been “A LOT” and it feels like we are quickly heading to “TOO MUCH.” I’ve never craved boring and mundane and uneventful, more, in my entire life. I know that we are all going to be okay, but still . . . . enough already.
On a happier note, my middle son turns 22 today. I cannot believe that my children are really, really adults. I look at that age and I can no longer be in any more denial that my son is still a child. Being a parent is a constant cycle of surreal moments. Beautiful, sentimental and surreal moments.
July 1st was never an ideal day, in the way of birthday parties, when my son was growing up. Most of his friends were on summer vacations and trips, with his birthday being so close to July 4th. Some years, we celebrated my son’s half birthday. We had a big birthday party when he turned 8 and a half, during the winter, at an indoor rock climbing venue. We served a birthday cake that was cut in half. The above quote reminded me of those half birthday celebrations.
I think we all need a laugh today. This quote cracked me up (or maybe I’m just crackin’ up):
Right before this coronavirus thing really took hold, I swam with manatees. It is easily one of my favorite memories of 2020. Go to your happy memories, today. Go to your gratitude. Look for the stuff that makes you happy. Make lists, and make writing the lists of “your happy stuff” a priority today. This will be your best fuel for a quiet, moody Monday in 2020. This will keep your energy light and bright and clear and strong.
Lately, all of the protests, the political divides, and the attention to injustices and systemic racism, has made me more self aware. I’ve been trying to look at everyone who I meet and I see and I know, under the lens of what our similarities are, instead of our glaring differences. Recently, I had an “aha” moment, awakening me to the fact that I may not be as open minded as I like to portray myself to be.
I share practically the exact same sense of humor with two people in the world. The first person is my sister, and the second “person” is a furry named Rex Masters. Several months ago, someone “normal” who I follow on Twitter would retweet hilarious memes from a Twitter thread by someone who goes by the name of Rex Masters. Rex’s Twitter profile picture is a dog, or more so, a person in a fancy, colorful, furry dog suit, much like a college mascot. I started following Rex on Twitter, and it never fails, every single day, he gives me something to laugh about, usually something worth a hearty, laugh-out-loud guffaw. Now to be clear, at the time that I started following Rex, I was very, very naive. I didn’t know about “the furry subculture.” For those of you who are as “innocent” as I am, this is what Wikipedia says about the “furry fandom”:
“The furry fandom is a subculture interested in anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, speaking, walking on two legs, and wearing clothes.” Wikipedia
Now, for the longest time, I didn’t realize that Rex was part of the “the furry fandom”. I honestly didn’t know that the furry fandom existed. I just figured that Rex had the dog picture on his Twitter as a way to keep his privacy and to be cute and funny. I figured that he liked dogs as much as I do. I didn’t realize that Rex was a hard-core fur-suit wearing member of the furry fandom, until I started noticing Rex’s posts about where to buy fur suit items and other posts expressing disappointment about furry conventions being cancelled due to COVID. So, I did some more research, to try to understand what the furry subculture is all about. It turns out, that a big part of being a furry, is having an alter-ego and often acting out that alter-ego, in a fur suit.
I pride myself in being a “live and let live” kind of a person. Or, at least I try to be. My thought is, whatever your hobby or interest is, as long as it doesn’t hurt you or anybody else and as long as all of the activities concerning the hobby, are among consenting adults, that is your business. Variety is the spice of life. I can’t pretend that I fully understand the appeal of being an adult and wearing a fur suit around for the “fun” of it, but of course, I am a menopausal middle-aged woman who is hot and sweaty, almost all of the time. Right now, in the midst of menopause and summer in Florida, even the act of wearing clothes, is starting to lose its appeal for me. Perhaps I should look into nudist colonies?!
Nonetheless, when I figured out that I was following a “furry” on Twitter, I got a little nervous. I wondered if I should “unfollow” him. What would people think?? What would this make people think about me, a middle-aged woman with a mommy blog, following a furry on Twitter??? Would people think that I was a furry?? Would people think that I was a kinky furry???
Now, I’ve always hated the question, “What would people think?” That particular question always brings out the righteously angry rebel in me. I usually bark out, “I don’t give a sh*t what people think,” any time that I hear that question being asked out loud. Still, I wish that was entirely true for me. While I may not be as image conscious, or embarrass as easily as some people, I still have my own large load of insecurities that I am weeding through. I care about what people think, more than I care to admit that fact, to myself or to anybody else.
I decided to keep following Rex Masters on Twitter, but I found myself refusing to ever retweet any of his tweets. Instead, I would take a picture of my computer screen with Rex’s memes and send them to my family and friends, almost daily. I would take a picture of just the memes – never, ever, ever including the source.
Recently, my eldest son, called me and asked me, “Mom, where do you get these memes?? They’re hilarious.” Now, I don’t make it a regular practice to lie to my children. So with a big sigh, I confessed that Rex Masters, the furry – a card carrying enthusiastic member of the furry fandom, was my source of my funniest shared memes. My son laughed out loud. I started giggling, too, mostly out of embarrassment and a little bit of shame. Why did I find the need to hide the fact that a person who wears a fur suit around as a hobby, makes me laugh almost every single day? I was more focused on outside appearances, than the very real connection and joy, I get from having a very similar sense of humor, to a man in a fur suit who calls himself Rex Masters. His memes have added a great deal of laughter and joy to my life, at a time in the world, that laughter is direly needed.
Rex Masters typically posts funny, silly, irreverent memes, but he shared this meme about thirteen hours ago:
Me, and a guy in a dog suit, think alike, in a lot of ways and that is what I need to keep my focus on. Good boy, Rex! You are a good, good dog. You deserve a treat, my friend!
“You are the most perfect you, there is” – Meraki (Etsy)
Think of the most wonderful person in the world, to you (or your pet or your family group or your friend group, or your God, just think of the most meaningful relationship(s) of love to you, that you have in your life). Think about how much you love that person, you admire that person, you care for that person, you treasure that person, you feel gratitude for that person, you feel beyond lucky beyond belief, to have that person in your life. Feel all of those wonderful feelings that just the thought of that person brings into your heart. Feel how much you light up around that person. Feel how secure and comforted you feel around that person. Think about all of the kind things that you do for that person to take care of that person and show them how much you love them. Think of all of the lovely things you have said to that person, all of the lovely things that you have done for that person, how much you consider the thoughts and actions and feelings of that person. Think of all of the kind things that you say to that person, to uplift them and to cheer them up when they are down. Think about all of the wonderful things and experiences and happiness that you want for that person. Think about how much time and energy and thought, you put into that person. Your person(s). Your familia. Your heart.
Now, just for today, try letting “your person”, be you. Today, “your person” is yourself. Treat yourself to all of the love and admiration and care and adoration and gratitude and pride and comfort, that you typically feel and give to “your person.” Realize, the true and amazing fact, that all of the love and admiration and care and adoration and gratitude and pride and comfort that you give to others, doesn’t go away when you give the same to yourself. No, in fact, all of this wonderfulness, will be amplified because you won’t be needy or full of expectations or full of resentments towards others in your life. You will be satiated with the love which you are craving, the love which you are often trying to get outside of yourself. If today, you allow yourself to be “your person”, you will find that you are so full of love and peace, that these feelings can’t help but to over-spill on to everyone you meet.
Just for today, just for experiment’s sake, allow yourself to be “your person.” When you catch yourself being mean or neglectful or judg-y or demanding or demeaning to yourself, apologize immediately – just as you would do for your “your person” when you have hurt them. Then do something nice for yourself, for reparations – just as you would do for “your person.” Compliment yourself. Thank yourself. When you make a choice or decision today, ask yourself if this choice is one that you would make for “your person,” with their best interests at heart. When you feel yourself in need of advice, ask yourself what advice you would give to “your person” in this situation? When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, just as you would do for “your person”. Don’t admonish yourself, endlessly. Help yourself to do better, as you would do for “your person” . When you feel yourself feeling scared or down or lonely or sad or angry, cheer yourself up, like you would do for “your person.” Empathize with yourself. Don’t dismiss your feelings. Be kind to yourself just like you are kind to “your person.” Let yourself feel and visualize holding yourself, just as you would do for “your person.” Protect yourself, like you would protect “your person”, from cruel people and negative places and experiences.
Today, be real with yourself. Be authentic. Be as you are. You know that you love “your person” authentically, “flaws” and all, because the totality of “your person” and the intimate knowledge of that totality, is what makes you so close to “your person.” You know and accept “your person” like no one else does. Today, be that “knower” of yourself, and accept yourself completely and totally. Give yourself this great gift. If “your person”, asked you for this genuine love and acceptance, you would say, “Honey, you had me at hello. The gift is already yours.” Give yourself the pure and freely given gift of total love and acceptance that you give to “your person”, just for today.
Try this experiment, just for today. What have you got to lose? Today “your person” is you. I think that maybe if all of us did this experiment a little bit more and a little bit more, we’d be surprised about how much better our lives would get, individually, and collectively. Love is infinite. Love has infinite supply. Love is. Why would we deny something for ourselves, that by its very definition is infinite? We have put up the barriers, we have closed the doors, and we have created the false conditions. Love hasn’t done any of that. Love just waits patiently, surrounding us, waiting for us to wake up from the illusion that we don’t deserve, what we already have.
Love “your person” today, with all of your heart. Love “your person” today with everything you have. Today, your person is you and you deserve real Love.
This whole coronavirus situation has really stripped our lives down to the simple necessities and essentials, hasn’t it? With the idea of things starting to open back up, albeit slowly and carefully, I’ve been reflecting on what I really want to add back into my life. There are things which I truly, truly miss and I can’t wait to add back in, such as regular hair appointments and pedicures, but there are other things that I was spending a lot of time on before the coronavirus, that maybe don’t need to be added back into the mix. I had a fair amount of time-wasters and impulsive hole-fillers, that I can do without. This coronavirus quarantine has kind of given us all more of an empty canvas again and that is scary and exciting and freeing and overwhelming, all at the same time. It’s a real swirl of emotion, isn’t it?
I’ve mentioned before, on the blog, that the last recession was the perfect storm for my family. We basically checked every recession box including job loss, savings loss, upside down house, etc. . . . I used to only half-jokingly say that we were “the poster kids” for the recession. I reached a point in that very frightening storm, in the life of our family, where I knew that I just had to keep a focus on what was truly the most important to me. I had to decide what were the things that I was not going to allow the recession to take, and that was the physical health and loving stability of our family (individually and collectively), my marriage, my sanity and my faith. If I held on to these most vital things, then I knew we could build back up. And we did. And my life is healthier and more gratifying and more authentically lived, than I ever lived it before.
These times are scary, no doubt about it. The unknowns are daunting and some of our pots have already been so emptied that we’re scraping the bottom of the pot, with our nails, desperately trying to just hang on. But sooner than we expect, things are going to open up for all of us, and there will be some nuggets, filling up our containers again, and filling it quickly. If we stay in panic mode and mindlessly just grab at any nugget coming our way, especially the old familiar things, without giving any thought and consideration to what we want to put back into our pots, then what have we really gleaned from this pandemic? Anything? Don’t we at least deserve to get some really amazing, life changing insights and direction changes, from one of the biggest crises of our lifetime? It is said that climbing the highest mountains, affords us the most amazing views. We’re climbing this damn pandemic mountain, and it’s tough. We should definitely bask in the major glimpses and the panoramic views and perspectives, when we are finished climbing.
Don’t be afraid to have an empty pot or a wide open canvas for a little while. Don’t be too quick to mindlessly fill that canvas with your old, familiar lifestyle. Don’t be afraid to leave some empty space for a while, until things that really resonate with you, come along to make the picture more vividly you. An empty pot doesn’t feel like a gift most of the time, but it is lighter, and it does have space to hope for things once thought not possible, in a pot that was already overfilling. Let that space be filled with light for a while, until what truly reverberates and feels most meaningful to the deepest center of your own heart and soul, appears and asks to be invited into your life. If we all do this with our now streamlined lives, imagine what the world will look like after this whole virus crisis is past us. If we do this, anyone and anything that we have lost through this time, will not have been lost in vain. We will have given all of this pain and this fear and this sickness and this sadness, some meaning. We all have the power to do it. We all have the power to bring deep meaning and awe-inspiring redemption, from this chaos. We are much more powerful than we know.
It’s a very interesting experience, blogging through this global health crisis. I am very attached to my blog. It’s one of my creations. I feel very maternal towards it, and thus, towards you, my readers. How are you doing? How are you coping? What can I do for you? How can I comfort you?
I noticed that I feel a major responsibility with this blog. I want to be a constant in your life. I want you to know that I am here for you, on a daily basis. I will not let this connection go, even as we get more and more isolated, in every other realm of our lives. I never thought that I would say this, but thank goodness for all of our technology, and our various ways which we can communicate (instead of just face-to-face). Thank goodness for all of the entertainment we get from our technical gadgets. Last night, I got into a major laugh-fest reading tweets about Generation X. Supposedly, since we Gen-Xers are used to being ignored and abandoned, we are the ones who are truly most suited for quarantine. Who knew? Laughter is really good medicine. I also got a good laugh out of myself. I wore garden gloves to shop in my grocery store yesterday. And I didn’t avert my eyes to anyone. Thankfully, I’ve never been one to embarrass easily.
I’m not going to pretend. I’m disappointed. I’m scared. I’m overwhelmed. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m putting on a brave face for my family, which is sometimes a majorly pretend facade for what’s crumbling underneath. Sometimes, the facade doesn’t cover up much of anything and then I feel like a failure as the maternal head of household. Still, perfection is not what is called for, here. Showing up and doing the best that we can is all that we need to do, one day at a time. And that’s what we are all doing. We are doing our best, every day, and that is all that is needed. We will prevail. Stay well, friends and readers. I love you!
“You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul You’ll be my breath should I grow old You are my lover, you’re my best friend You’re in my soul
My love for you is immeasurable My respect for you immense You’re ageless, timeless, lace and fineness You’re beauty and elegance
You’re a rhapsody, a comedy You’re a symphony and a play You’re every love song ever written But honey what do you see in me”
You were probably singing along to the above lyrics from the song “You’re In My Heart” by Rod Stewart, as you were reading them. (Admit it. I know you did. You are fun like that!) I have always thought that those lyrics were the best that I have ever heard in a love song, and what I really enjoy about the song, too, is that it is encased in such a fun, upbeat, easy-to-sing melody. It’s the kind of song that 25 people will belt out together, at a bar or a party, all looped together, in shoulder slung arms. I did some research and I found out that Rod had written that song, mostly for the Swedish model/actress, Britt Ekland. Having always been quite the “player” in romantic relationships (he has had three marriages, and eight children by five different mothers), Rod doomed their relationship to last only about two years, but the song will go on in popularity, for quite some time. The lyrics and the tune are timeless.
I think that Rod Stewart probably has a big heart . . . . a big heart in the sense that it is filled with a lust for life, rarely witnessed in other human beings. I just read that in the 26 years that Rod Stewart (now aged 74) made 13 musical albums, and went on tour 19 times, he was also creating a masterpiece. Rod Stewart just put the finishing touches on an epic model train railway city. This is how it is described: “a 124ft spread depicting an entire US city and inspired by the view from his childhood home.” (Twitter) So, while writing songs and rocking it out on stage, womanizing, being a dad and a husband, and a grandfather, and a knight, an avid car collector, and at one time, having given it a go at becoming a professional “footballer” (in America, we call them soccer players), Rod Stewart was working on his model train set. Apparently, though most of this awe-striking creation is kept in his Los Angeles’ home’s attic, he would bring parts of it on tour, keeping the part that he was working on, in its own separate hotel room, so that he could work on it, in between shows.
There must be a connection with musicians and train sets. One of my best friend’s boyfriend is an avid musician, who also faithfully attends his model train club meetings, at least once a week. Apparently, Roger Daltrey, Phil Collins, Neil Young, and Ronnie Wood, also share in the hobby.
Miniature train sets, are fascinating. When I was a kid, we made several trips to The Miniature Railroad and Village, owned by the Carnegie museums and now housed in the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The Ringling Museum in Sarasota, Florida also houses a magical train display, depicting the circus in the 1920s. My favorite part of both of these attractions, is how they simulate night and day, so when it gets dark, all of the the warm and twinkling lights on the buildings and street lamps start to glow.
I kind of got wander-y and meandering in this post, much like a charming little model train, making its way through towns and countrysides, and bridges and tunnels. I’ll park my post back in the station, of the point that I was trying to make all along. Life is grand. Life is full of possibilities. Life is so interesting because we are so interesting in the ways that we are INTERESTED. We all find ourselves attracted to different fascinations. What if we all started this upcoming new year (and new decade, for that matter) with an agreement to go after our interests, our hobbies, our passions, and our curiosities, with gusto? With wild abandonment? With unbridled enthusiasm? Can you imagine how great that would feel? Can you imagine the wonders that would come from that excited frenzy? Take the shoulds/what other people would think/judgments on level of “cool” or “sophisticated”/our somewhat limited beliefs on time constraints/worries that we aren’t talented enough/comparisons to others, etc. etc. right out of the equation and in the forever truism made popular by Nike – JUST DO IT.
Friends, in embarking on a whole new span of time – a new year, a new decade, in our decidedly short lifetimes, let’s throw the excuses out of the window, and get back on the tracks and see where they take us. It’s bound to be amazing. And much like a miniature train, it doesn’t have to end. It can loop around and around, reminding us, again and again, of just how damn delightful it is to be ALIVE.
In just the last 12 hours, I have experienced three truly inspirational stories. Last night, my husband and I watched the National Geographic special about Alex Honnold, the first man to climb El Capitan in Yosemite, free solo style (meaning no ropes!). Having just been to Yosemite this past summer, I cannot imagine how dangerous and terrifying that climb would have been and the fact that Alex achieved it, is almost miraculous. El Capitan was only successfully first climbed by climbers with ropes in 1958!
This morning, my husband was filling me in on a conference he just attended and he told me about one of the most inspirational speakers he has ever seen at one of these conferences. The speaker was Jon Derenbos, a former NFL long snapper, now turned magician who was a finalist and a fan and judge favorite, on my daughter’s favorite TV show, America’s Got Talent. What is truly amazing about this accomplished man, is all of the adversity he has overcome in his life, including the fact that his father brutally murdered his mother, he spent a year in foster care, and Jon has had to have open heart surgery, even though he is only in his thirties. Still, he is living his dream-life, expecting his first child with his wife, performing magic all over the world, and Jon now has a book and a major motion picture coming out about his life.
Also, this morning, when I was reading the news, I read the very emotional and thankful tribute that LeBron James gave to Michael Jordan, after superseding Michael’s all-time NBA points record. He talked about what an inspiration Michael Jordan was to him and all of his friends, as Lebron beat the odds out of poverty to become the great that he is in the game of basketball and in the calling of his Life. Donning Air Jordans with “Thank You M.J.” written on the side of them, this is what he had to say about one of the men who stirred LeBron to greatness, “M.J. was the lightning in a bottle for me, because I wanted to be like him.”
In a world full of negativity and anger vying for our attention, it’s such a great reminder that there is every bit as much positivity, beauty and absolutely stunning human achievements, happening all of the time, all around the world. I like to think that these positive feats way outweigh the negative, in their magnanimity alone. If we make the point of seeking the positive out, we are left breathless in the wake of the possibilities available to all of us, to choose to live in our passions and in our awe of the prospects of achievement waiting to happen, and to stir all of us, to our greatest potentials.
“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” – Helen Keller
“In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.” – Dalai Lama
I am going to preface this blog post by saying that I am not a person who is very interested in, nor strongly involved in, politics. I am not about to write a political post. I think that the internet already has too many political websites inciting all sorts of anger and angst, and I am not about to add to the fray. Frankly, I am not informed or knowledgeable enough to really know what I am talking about when it comes to most political subjects. That being said, I had an “a-ha moment” yesterday, relating to the government shutdown.
My friend has a daughter who goes to college in Washington D. C. My friend texted our group chat that while her daughter has seen a lot of disruption in the area of our capital, she also had seen a lot of volunteering and fundraising to help the furloughed workers out. Another friend chimed in that a neighbor had started a fundraiser for local Coast Guard families. I looked up what things were being done for these workers and I read about donations to food pantries rising, greatly. I read about grocery stores and food companies creating “free grocery stores” for our government workers. I read about easy, inexpensive loan funds being set up by insurance companies and banks to help our fellow citizens to get over this hump. I read about a donation website being created, to help clean up our national parks. My family and I went to Yosemite this past summer and we had an amazing trip there. I decided to donate to this national park fund this morning.
People are mostly good. Our American citizens are mostly kind, generous, compassionate people who care deeply about other people, our beautiful country, and the future for our children and grandchildren, for generations to come. No matter where any of us stand on our political views, most of us are inherently good people. I had to confess to my husband last night that I had recently lost my wallet in our local grocery store. I had just gone to the bank and it had hundreds of dollars in it. (I didn’t want to tell him because I have a tendency to lose things . . . . a lot.) Anyway, as you can guess, some kind, wonderful, honest person turned my wallet in and that integrity-filled person, took not one penny out of it. Honestly, this didn’t surprise me. I’m entirely grateful. I have been praying for amazing blessings to shower this person, every day this week, but I am not amazed. My experience is that people, no matter their color, age, sex, political party, sexual orientation, economic status, etc. etc. are mostly Good!! I told my husband about it last night because I knew that I needed to write about this today.
When my friends told us about the kind, generous donations and volunteering that was happening to support our furloughed friends and neighbors, I thought to myself, “Wow, what a wonderful way to deal with the frustrations many of us our feeling about our political system these days!” My guess is that every spectrum of person has donated to these various funds or volunteered to help in some way – the people who can’t stand our president, the people who can’t stand our Congress, the people who can’t stand the whole lot of them, the people who see this standstill as a “necessary evil” to get our lawmakers to come together, the people who feel frustrated and helpless and lost when it comes to the state of our affairs, the people who feel confident about the state of our country and our leaders, etc. etc. Bottom line, is that all of these people are doing Good. Together. It’s what most of us do. We are Americans. We are Good. We are Doers. We look out for each other. I feel a lot of pride right now.
I think helping each other through these tumultuous times is so much more effective and empowering, than writing divisive, dismissive, condescending viewpoints on social media that will only be argued vehemently, by those who feel completely opposite in their views. When people feel that strongly about something, their views are very unlikely to be moved or changed. However, being an example of “What can I do to help make this situation better for those innocents who are currently having to ‘take one for the team’?” is a reminder of what our country is really made of – people who care, people who come together in crisis, people who are capable of seeing the bigger picture, people who are resilient and hopeful and strong. And nothing is going to change that because that is our foundation. That is who Americans are and that is why our country is the tremendous beacon of light, for so many people. And I am proud to call myself an American.
I’m heading home now from my magical weekend. The place that I visited was on my bucket list for deeply personal and spiritual reasons. It exceeded my expectations in all regards and has brought a sense of wholeness to that part of my being that has always yearned to experience this spot, from my family history.
I used to hate the term “bucket list” but now I am inspired by it. As I have gotten older and wiser, everything in my life has become more meaningful and pertinent. Everything. The maturity and ripeness that comes with middle age, brings everything to a more full-color appreciation and for that, I am truly grateful.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
