Tag: inspiration

Destination Point

I spent some time over the weekend, reading through a pile of magazines that had grown to the size of a small toddler. I love how “skim-able” magazines are, you get tidbits here and there, a few photos that really catch your eye and imagination, and even the advertisements aren’t annoying. You can spend as much time on any content, in any one magazine, as you like, and then quickly turn the page. I love the tactile experience of magazines. I hope that magazines never go away, in their physical form.

I got through playing with my magazine toddler in the span of a couple of leisurely, relaxing hours, while sitting in the delicious sunshine. I ended up with a much teenier, baby pile of tear-outs for my decorating idea file, and also for my writing idea file. One page that I tore out came from one of my favorite features of HGTV magazine. Every month, HGTV magazine features 3-4 houses in a particular part of the country, in an article entitled “Copy the Curb Appeal”. This article shows houses which most of us would agree have an appealing, unique, “stop and stare” element to their outside veneer, making you almost yearn to go inside of the house, or at least to find a non-threatening, non-stalkerish reason to linger for a while, outside of it. The creators of the magazine break down the individual elements of the house’s facade (i.e. paint colors, house numbers, lighting, etc.) for you to try to get that same kind of look for your own home.

We all know these eye-candy houses, in our communities, that deserve to be featured in this type of article. I imagine that a lot of us hope that our own houses have that kind of curb appeal. When we try to sell our homes, the realtors always put a heavy emphasis on curb appeal, as it is the first impression anyone will have of our homes. I like what one set of owners said what happened when they spruced up their home’s outward appearance:

“Once we painted it vibrant colors and planted a lush garden, it stood out. Now neighbors tell us it’s a destination point on their walks!” – Brooke and Bob Nickman

Isn’t that a wonderful compliment? It means something to be “a destination point” in any form, doesn’t it?? Destination points are places where people make a point of going to, because the energy there is so good, so enticing, so moving . . . . We love being in places that are “feast for the eyes, and food for the soul.” I was thinking that destination points, are a good thing to ponder and to meditate on, at various stages of our lives. Where are my destination points on my walks, on my drives, where I go out to eat, where I shop, where and who I go to visit? Why are these my destination points? What feelings are evoked at these places? Does my home feel like a good destination point to me? Do my relationships? Does my self-talk feel like a good destination point? The word destination is really just a longer way of saying “destined”. Do the experiences, and places, and people in my life feel like they are my true destiny, or do I need to shake things up a bit? Is my outside facade still a good match for my inner workings? There are so many questions that can come from these two innocent words, “destination point”. And the questions can remain as light, and as flimsy as a one-dimensional Hollywood backdrop, or the questions can get as deep and intricate as understanding all of the different elements that make up just one brick, of just one home. And in the end, it never really is about any one destination, is it? It’s always more about the feelings, the anticipation, the experience of getting to, and then the feelings being felt at any one particular destination point, along the way of the precious journey of our lives.

Top 40 Destination Quotes (2021 Update) - Quotefancy

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

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Happy New Week, friends! These past two weeks I have been completely off of my regular schedule and my regular routine. It feels good to feel like the reset button has been pressed. I like time periods that are full of a lot of everything (activity, food and drink, excursions, people, events and celebrations, etc.). These time periods are lively and fun, but they are certainly unsustainable for the long term. When you finally return to your old routine, you welcome it back, like a long lost friend or a well-worn pair of slippers. What had become dull and boring, all of the sudden becomes the normality that you crave. And it feels so peaceful and good and joyous to be back to the natural, regular rhythms of your own daily life. Today, instead of feeling like it’s just another agonizing, manic Monday, it feels more like a new starting gate to the beginning glimmers of a pleasant summer to come. And there is no need to start sprinting out of the gate. Summer is full of long, leisurely days. It’s okay to slowly amble out, taking time to smell the roses along the way . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Quietly

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I’m not a quiet person. No one has ever really accused me of being quiet. No one in my family really is all that quiet. My family tends to do things big, and loud and in numbers. Interestingly, my sons have the tendency to get into serious relationships with ladies who are only children. My eldest son flew in with his girlfriend (an only child) last night. I kept watching her, wondering what she could possibly be thinking/feeling, while digging into a seafood boil with a cacophony of loud, cackling people, while going through piles of family pictures, and all of the while, three energetic dogs swirling all around her, throughout the night. If she hated it, she’s an excellent pretender. She’s lovely. My middle son has dated his girlfriend (also an only child) since high school. Recently I heard her describe our family like this, “They’re loud and there are a lot of them, but they are so much fun.”

Still, relatively speaking, I notice that I have grown quieter as I have aged. I do like to “hide in the corners” more, and just observe. I find myself wanting to really just soak it all in. Watching my family, never grows old. Marinating in what really matters in life, is the most alive I ever feel, even when I am being unusually quiet and still.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Get Out of the Way

I love this video! Imagine loving to eat anything that much. Did you run that fast to the coffee maker this morning? I came close. Who knew that meal worms could be that motivating? What’s your meal worm? What motivates you so much that a whole flock of showy flamingoes would knowingly step out of your way, as you zoom towards your prize? Knowing your motivators is a superpower. Knowing what motivates you, is what will help you to propel towards your goals. Usually we have at least a vague sense of our goals, but a lot of times we don’t reach our goals because we go at them the wrong way. We don’t take steps that motivate us, and we lose interest quickly. A great way to figure out what motivates you is to think of times that you felt the most proud of yourself, and/or the most fulfilled in your life. List those times. Look for commonalities. Things that compel you to take action, are things that motivate you. You are motivated to take action towards the things in life that you are doing or would do for free (even if you are paid to do it).

Another trick to figure out what motivates you is noticing what you think about when you wake up every morning. What excites you about your day? What are you eager to get to? What do you find yourself talking about frequently? These things are your interests and your passions. These things are the rewards that will motivate you to take action. Perhaps honestly reflecting on your passions and motivators, may help you to shape, and even to reshape your goals in life. Remember, Fabio loves mealworms. I don’t love mealworms. They aren’t my motivator. Mealworms are kind of gross to me, actually. I’m betting that you don’t love mealworms either. They aren’t your motivator, at all. And that’s okay. Variety is the spice of life.

I love writing this daily blog. I don’t get paid to do it, but I would be so lost without it. I think about writing first thing when I get up in the morning. I think about my blog throughout my day. I think about things to write about in the shower, and when I am getting ready, and when I am walking around, doing my chores, etc. I question every event in my life, with the frame of: Would this be a good topic to write about? Quite possibly I would actually do the Fabio speed-paddle to my computer every morning, if I had to, just to fire up WordPress. Writing is one of my mealworms. It’s a delicious, juicy, nourishing, personal made-for-me mealworm, that I would have a hard time living without.

A friend of ours is going to be retiring in the next year or so. Interestingly, some of the things that he wants to do in retirement, are a few nights a month of bartending, and also, being a tour guide in a local aerospace museum. I thought to myself, “Wow, our friend is a very social guy. He obviously likes the idea of being with big crowds of strangers. He probably likes the idea of meeting new and different people all of the time. These are the types of activities that excite him and energize him. Being in social situations and crowds is a huge motivator to him, obviously.” Now, neither of those activities appeal to me at all, but it delights me that our friend knows himself, and he knows what he wants to do. I find other people exploring, and then knowing, and then doing their own unique passions, so inspiring and interesting. I don’t want Fabio’s mealworms, but I am vicariously thrilled with his passion for his mealworms. What are your mealworms? It’s a great thing to meditate on this weekend. You might surprise yourself. Feel free to share your mealworms in my Comments section. It might inspire a few of us flamingoes to try something new. It might remind us flamingoes, that we can fly.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Beautiful Mother Earth

Happy Earth Day! “Earth Day” and I were born in the same year – 1970, although the Earth, herself, is actually 4.543 billion years old. Damn, it sure took us a while to realize that maybe we should celebrate Earth, and to work on not taking her so much for granted (and we really are just at the beginning baby steps on that quest, aren’t we?). What do you love most about Mother Earth? Is it her endless gifts? Is it her awe-striking beauty? Is it her resilience? Is it her loyalty and steadfastness? Is it her ability to house and to feed a whole plethora of living beings? Is it her healthy, reliable relationship with the sun and the moon and the stars? If there was one utterly, genuine physical example of Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree, Mother Earth is the ultimate, in the “unconditional giving and loving” regard. On this day, and every day, dearest, most beautiful, most awe-striking, most loving, most nurturing, most hospitable Mother Earth, we humbly say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

“We should honor Mother Earth with gratitude; otherwise our spirituality may become hypocritical.” – Radhanath Swami

“Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children.” – Native American Proverb

“Praised be You, my Lord, through our Sister, Mother Earth, who sustains and governs us, producing varied fruits with coloured flowers and herbs.” – Francis of Assisi

“When we recognize the virtues, the talent, the beauty of Mother Earth, something is born in us, some kind of connection, love is born.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“How strange that nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude!” – Emily Dickinson

“We still do not know one thousandth of one percent of what nature has revealed to us.” – Albert Einstein

Lovely quote about the world for Earth Day

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Karma

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Think Smarter (Twitter) nailed it again. Karma is more complicated than we use it in the casual sense, here in the West. From a Eastern religious viewpoint, karma involves past lives and future lives, and the inner and outer states of our consciences, etc. Still the basic premise of karma is, “What goes around, comes around,” or “The energy that we put out, is the energy that we get back.”

When my kids play sports, and a bad call is made, I always think to myself, “Well, karma is a bitch,” and more often than not, the consequences of karma happens. Referees have a tendency to make good calls and to make bad calls, for both teams. Still, I find the karma idea, quite comforting. It helps me to stop ruminating in “the unfairness of it all”. The idea of karma helps me to keep my head in the game, right in the very moment, as the game is being played. Perhaps karma is just another word for “faith.” Perhaps karma is saying, “The Creator of All That Is, being incredibly creative and powerful, will best know how to take care of this situation. Trust this, and move on.”

I think that we like the concept of “karma” because rarely is justice served instantaneously. Swift justice is a rare thing. And justice is complicated. The motivations behind actions can be “good” or “bad” and even the labels of “good or bad” are often subjective. “Good” deeds can be done with bad intentions, such as a large donation being made to a worthy charity in order to sway a vote, for example. “Bad” deeds can be done with good intentions, such as stealing a loaf a bread, in order to feed a child.

The bottom line is, if you are comfortable with how you live, and your motivations, and your actions, karma is a comforting concept. You do what you have control of doing, and then you let go, and you trust the Almighty Universe with the judgments and the consequences, of all that is going on around you. Perhaps, the hardest part of all of this, is that you must trust the Universe with the timing. When it comes to karma, the Universe doesn’t use Amazon Prime. There is rarely instant gratification with the justice which we feel is deserved and we want served. But maybe that is the merciful side of our Universe. We all have made mistakes, and we all have made bad judgments, and we all have done things which we regret doing, with motivations coming from the lesser sides of ourselves. We are all relieved when we are forgiven and we are shown mercy for our own transgressions. Often, we feel the most relief when we have to pay a price for our wrongdoings. Experiencing consequences often makes us feel like we have “done the time for our crime”. Experiencing the repercussions of our actions, helps us to forgive ourselves. Finally, experiencing the negative ramifications of our actions, usually motivates us to do some self examination in order to change our future actions, so as karma states, the consequences of our future actions will be better for us in our own lives, and for all others in our outer world.

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Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

You Be You

“Not altering others’ perception of me was one of the best decisions I had ever made. Be at peace knowing everyone has a different version of you in their heads.” – Inner Practioner (Twitter)

“You’ll always be ‘young’ in someone’s eyes and ‘old’ in someone else’s eyes, ‘talented’ to a friend and ‘terrible’ to another. The world is never gonna agree on a definition of what you are, so you might as well ignore that sh*t and be whatever you wanna be for yourself.”- Think Smarter (Twitter)

I remember a time years ago, a close friend of mine said to me, “You are just like me. We need to have people around us, all of the time.”

And I remember thinking that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, a lot of the times, I am on an on-going quest to try to find even more time, to be just by myself. But I didn’t say anything. She needed to see me a certain way, and I knew that nothing that I said, was going to change her mind. Maybe she was on to something that I didn’t perceive in myself?

My youngest son called me late last night to tell me details about a test he had just taken, and about other things going on in his life. He likes having me as a sounding board and as a champion. Out of my three sons, he is the one who calls me, out of the blue, most often. My middle son seems to find the question, “How was your day?” to be bordering on intrusive. I have four children, and I am four different “mamas”. I am the same being, yet how I am perceived by each of them, and how I interact with each of them, is completely different.

This is not to say that I am a “chameleon.” I don’t like to be calculating and manipulative. I am too old and I have worked too hard on learning about myself, to settle for fake relationships. My circle is small, but it is authentic. I like to think that I’m genuinely the same person, no matter what I am doing, or where I am going, or who I am with (with different levels of intimacy, of course). However, it is easy to forget, that the people in our lives, bring their whole life’s experiences to the table, wherever we meet. And all of those experiences often get projected on to us. And we subconsciously are doing the same thing to the other people, who we interact with, in our lives. We like to believe that we don’t have preconceived notions and preferences about other people and things, but be honest with yourself about what comes to mind when I say “Irish” or “pitbull” or “lawyer” or “football player” or “shy person.” Whatever came to your mind when you looked at those words, all came from your own conditioning from the people, and the teachings, and the experiences in your own life. Also, whatever came to your mind when you read any of those words, is likely all together different than what came to my mind, or to any of my other readers’ minds. And who’s right?? As they taught us in Marketing 101 in college, “Perception is reality.”

I think what is so freeing about turning fifty, is the earnest letting go of the illusion of control. By fifty, you finally start to understand how fruitless it is to try to control anything outside of yourself. This lesson starts to get understood, usually because you have quite a few failed experiments under your belt, in trying to control everything under the sun (including other people’s perceptions of you). At the same time, understanding that you are now in the second half of your own precious life, you certainly will not allow anybody, nor anything to control you, either. Freedom is the state of being in which you stop trying to control, and yet you also do not allow yourself to be controlled. This is a daunting, but exciting experience. Shackles off!! Freedom feels freeing, doesn’t it?

I once read a book, that unfortunately, I cannot remember the title. (story of my life – I apologize) In the book, the main character was a complete mess, as mother and as a wife. She was not cut out for the homemaker role, at all, which was tough, since the book took place in a conservative Southern town, during the 1950s. However, the same traits that made this character a difficult family woman, also made her a deliciously wild and fun friend. Her friends adored her! And the book was mostly about the daughter coming to terms with that fact. The now grown daughter was learning to see her mother, in a different light, through the eyes of her mother’s loyal and adoring friends.

I like the idea that I am still considered to be “young” by some. I can live with someone perceiving me as “weird.” That seems to be a compliment these days. Some of our best cities in this country, use the slogan, ‘Keep (insert name of whatever amazing, quirky city) weird.’ It would be interesting to hear all of the labels people have for me. Or not. Maybe labels are a waste of time. They certainly are limiting. Once you put a label on something, and you attach all of the conditions that you have for that particular label, you start to lose the essence of the special and unique experience. Are all birds the same? Of course not. Are all cardinals the same? They have a lot of similarities, but those of us pet lovers know, that never have our dogs nor our cats (even of the same breed) ever been entirely the same. I imagine that it is the same for cardinals.

This is a very long post that could just as easily be summed up with “You be you.” What other people think of you, is none of your business. It’s meaningless. “You” is an ever evolving concept anyway, isn’t it? I will tell you that I love “the loyal reader” version of you. In my eyes, you are amazing!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

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Dear Hostess Cupcake,

I recently read this quote attributed to Jon Sinclair: “Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.” Whether you get the job at Phil’s Phine Dining or not, you are headed to your ultimate destination. In fact, scratch that, you are already living your destination: You are living the adventure of being a Hostess Cupcake. That’s it. That’s the goal. And you are doing just fine at it! If you don’t get this particular job, it may sting a little. The rejection may take a little bite out of you, but there will be many other jobs along the way. And you will look back at your beginning years so tenderly and fondly and compassionately. You will be so proud of each step of your journey. It will all make sense to you in the end (and sometimes even in lucent moments along the way), Cupcake. Trust that. Trust the journey. Always just be your delicious, truest, sweetest self, and know that everything is going to be okay. Everything is okay. Look inward. The best part of you is inside of you, Cupcake. It’s pure and clean and lovely, and all of the other Cupcakes have the same sweet inners, too. It’s easy to forget that fact with all the fancy icing we use to cover up the insides, but in the inside, we are all just sweet, mushy, fluffy love trying out this adventure called Life. Enjoy the ride, Cupcake!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Five

A friend and I were watching a girl on our tennis team play an opponent from another school.

“Damn, she’s such a five,” my friend said to me.

“What do you mean, “she’s a five”? I asked.

“She’s so even keel and unflappable, ” my friend said.

“Yeah, you’re right she doesn’t play emotionally. She keeps her composure. She never gets “too high with the highs, and too low with the lows”, I said.

“Exactly,” my friend said. “I’m Italian and I’m menopausal. I’m not a five. At all.”

“I’m not Italian and yet I’ve never been a five,” I said. “I’m a five until something sets me off, and then I go from five to ten in nanoseconds,” I said, not so proudly.

We watched the “five” girl, play her match. Her matches tend to be long and close, but she almost always wins them. She never tries too many fancy shots. She remains steady and even and reliable and determined and polite and kind and pleasant. She just stays focused on winning each point. Nothing seems to phase her.

When Five (I’ll call her that for now on) got off the court, I congratulated her on her long, hard-earned win and I relayed what my friend and I noticed about Five. “Is that your natural state? Do you have to work on being so calm, cool and collected? Are you always so self-possessed?” I peppered her with questions. I, a middle-aged Five-to-Ten-Rocket, was trying to learn skills from a young adult solid, locked-in Five.

“I think that’s just how I am. I don’t see the point in getting upset about anything,” Five answered. Then she smiled at me sweetly and handed me a Snickers bar.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.