Tag: inspiration

Beautiful Moments

We saw this beautiful rainbow in our backyard yesterday. It was a welcome sight after a tough afternoon of attending a Celebration of Life, for a 54-year-old woman who had recently died of cancer. Her children and our daughter played on the same tennis team, and so my husband and I wanted to pay our respects, especially since our daughter would not be able to attend, since our daughter is currently studying abroad.

One of my wonderful, loyal, longtime readers (Thank you, Gail!) left the comment on a previous post that I had written about this particular event, that she always leaves funerals/Life Celebrations with a little bit of awe, and a wish that she had known the deceased person better. After listening to friends and family talk so fondly of this woman who had passed, and viewing many lovely pictures of all different times and events in her life, I understood what Gail was saying. I did not know this woman well. I only conversed with her at our children’s tennis matches, but yesterday I got a fuller picture of who she was, and how loved she was, by so many people. There is a winsomeness in not being able to know many people, so intimately. It’s impossible. But there is such beauty in intimate relationships – the emotion felt, the idiosyncrasies that are so fondly noticed and appreciated, the shared memories between people which later become legends and lore . . . . It’s beautiful how we connect to each other in multiple different ways. We each have a few, deep intimate relationships, and then we have many more casual community relationships, but in the end, they all add up to shared life and shared experiences, which give meaning, reference and reverence to our own individual lives.

On a positive note, we actually ran into a couple we hadn’t seen since we moved from North Carolina in 2011, at yesterday’s Celebration of Life. Our sons had played competitive soccer together, and it turns out that they had moved to our area in 2017. We look forward to catching up with them over dinner in the next month or so. After asking myself the squeamish, uncomfortable question, “Oh no, am I starting to reach the age where funerals become reunions?”, I settled into the happier thought that the world is smaller than we think. Our relationships are really just webs which connect us all. We truly are all interconnected, in one way or another.

I am going to end today’s post with a picture of Harmonia, who is the muse of my blog. (You can read more about her on the Homepage of the blog https://kellyfoota.com/ ). No garden is the same every year. Last year, we thought we had ripped out all of the wild flowers from our back garden (which my husband had grown from seeds), but wildflowers are tenacious and strong and willful. A couple of days ago, I took this picture of a slightly muddied and crowded-in Harmonia, who seems to be sniffing one of the flowers. She seems to be reminding us to “take time to smell the roses.” It’s a good reminder. We never know when we will no longer have to opportunity to do so.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2379. What’s your outlook on life?

Creatives

I saw this beautiful passage the other day. It’s all over the internet but unfortunately, I do not know whom to attribute it to – maybe the artist/writer did that on purpose??? The other day, I purchased a fabric/textile piece of art on eBay. I haggled with the seller because as much as I was intrigued by the item, I did not recognize the artist’s name. The eBay seller had a lot of flea market, vintage type items and I assumed that this piece was something which they had picked up at a yard sale or such. The seller sold it to me at a lower price, but when I received the gorgeous, one-of-a-kind item, I got a note from the artist. This is an excerpt from the note: “Dear K, I just wanted to say thank you. These are my creations and not massed produced. I go by a pseudonym to keep my identity private. I have been creating art in various forms for many years. Fiber arts is my newest medium. My work has been featured in Time Magazine and other international publications. I’ve sold to clients around the world, but it was time for a change . . . . .Blessed be (and it was signed with the pseudonym in parentheses) P.S. – You can reach me through my friends on eBay for now.”

My fellow creatives (and that includes just about everybody, in one way or another), don’t dim your light. Don’t be your own harshest critic. Hone your own beautiful, unrepeatable, “unique brand of magic.” If this is too daunting for the self-recriminating, self-conscious part of you, create a pseudonym. Get an alter-ego. Have a pen name. Do whatever you need to do to release that part of you that is dying to connect with the Creative Intelligence which is energizing and teeming, all over this world. We are all part of it, and we all need the fullest version of your part of it. I saw another quote that goes along with this theme and once again, I can’t find its source:

“Applaud creativity, even when its results bother you.”

Creativity is Life.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2330. Have you ever played the bongos?

This Mom

I’m going to a Celebration of Life on Friday, celebrating the life of the mother of a good friend of my daughter. My daughter’s friend and his sister played on the high school tennis team together, and he and my daughter have always traveled in the same social circles since high school and beyond. My heart is bleeding for this family.

I did not know this woman very well. We only saw each other at tennis matches, but she was always kind and easy to talk to, and she clearly enjoyed watching her children play tennis. She was one of “us” – moms doing our best to support our children in their activities and interests. Her life clearly centered around her family.

At Christmastime, my daughter told us that this family was so excited that this mom was going to make it to Christmas. She had incurable cancer and by all accounts, it was a miracle that she was going to make it to the end of the year. Her family was thrilled to get to celebrate the holidays with her.

Frequently throughout this year, I would ask my daughter if she had any news on this woman’s health, and the report always seemed to be that she was holding steady. She made it to her daughter’s high school graduation, and then sadly, a few weeks ago, she started rapidly declining. This mom died a little more than a week ago.

It did not surprise me that this mom found the strength to hold on until her youngest child’s graduation from high school. It’s what all of us moms want at the very least, right? We want to make sure that we have successfully “launched” all of our children into being capable adults. We want to see it to the end. It’s our purpose. It’s our duty. It’s our innate instinct. It’s honestly primal. I remember feeling the biggest sense of relief, when our youngest child, our daughter turned 18, and then graduated from high school. Of course, I also felt so much pride and love and all of the mixed-bag feelings that come with big events like these in life, but the “relief” was personal. It wasn’t relief in the sense that I didn’t really have to actively parent on a daily basis any longer (although that is its own special kind of exhalation), but it was more a sense of relief that I had achieved my duties. I had honored my commitments. That me, my husband and the divine forces that be, had gotten a new generation of our family to the starting gate of adulthood. I had completed the mission. I had finished the race.

When I have talked to friends about death, no woman I know seems to fear death. We do fear the death of our children. We do fear missing out on all of the vicarious joys our children will experience in their own lifetimes. My heart aches that this dear woman doesn’t get to go to the victory parties of her children’s weddings, witnessing the births of her grandchildren, growing old with her husband. She got the shaft. Her life got cut short from getting to enjoy the more relaxing “golden” years. Her family misses her and they will miss her for the rest of their lives. That hurts. But she still shines. She found the vital, unearthly strength inside of herself (which I think all of us mothers have been shocked to discover inside of our own selves, from time to time), to hold on for the final lap. She saw her daughter to the finish line. Now, she can rest in peace.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1535. How are you different from most people? (Let me the count the ways! wink wink)

Elegant Solutions

+ Yesterday I had a dentist appointment, I had dinner plans with a friend, dry cleaning to pick up, I had things to put away from the weekend, and I had groceries to get in for the week. Yesterday, I had structure in my day, and I got a lot accomplished. Today, my day is rather unstructured and I’m a mess. I’m flitting from one thing to another, leaving a trail of half-done chores and projects. I just spent 15 minutes looking for where I last put my coffee cup, and I’m just getting to writing the blog now. Sigh.

+ Oprah’s best friend, Gayle King, celebrated the wedding of her son and his new bride recently. Oprah asked her readers to pass on advice to the happy couple. I skimmed through a lot of the same advice: healthy communication, being kind and thoughtful to each other, honoring commitment, don’t go to bed angry, etc. One piece of advice that stood out to me though was a reader who said, in the middle of a heated argument, to think or to even say out loud, “I love you more than this argument.”

+ I went to a flea market over the weekend and I saw this delightful sign: “Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy.” I also purchased this ceramic cork jar that had the words, “Elegant Solutions” engraved on it. I honestly bought the jar for the sentiment “Elegant Solutions”. I love the idea of elegant solutions to problems. “An elegant solution refers to a technical or scientific approach that efficiently addresses a problem while being both simple and effective. It often maximizes available resources or consolidates multiple steps, minimizing the complexity of the solution.” (DevX.com) In my life’s experience, when I have a problem, and I’ve done everything that I can do about it, and I finally “let go and let God”, things tend to turn out in the most unbelievably synchronistic, perfect, easy, simple, miraculous way. The Universe has the whole “Elegant Solutions” thing down pat.

+ My daughter is studying in England this summer. She and her friends, (background: all pretty much “type A” kids taking challenging classes, at a challenging university. For instance, while they are studying abroad, their new thing is to run three miles a day in Hyde Park. Fun. Whose kid is this? I won’t run to my mailbox.), they traveled to Barcelona, Spain last weekend and they loved it. They were incredibly impressed with the amazing architecture and the divine food and drink. However, they all agreed on one thing: “It was just too laid back there.” (Huh? Is that really an issue?) They all agreed that they were happy to get back to London and a faster pace. Moving right along . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1818. What technology advancement is overrated?

Monday-Funday

Yesterday, Holiday Mathis wrote about the fact that when you enter into relationships with people, these people don’t come “a la carte”. People are “package deals” with the people they have relationships with, as well. It’s like the old saying, “You don’t just marry the person. You marry the family, too.” I’ve never bought completely into that adage. I think you less marry “the family” but more so, you marry into your person’s relationship to their family and friends, and also your person’s chosen boundaries with said family and friends. So, for instance, you could like someone’s family and friends very much, but not want to spend every weekend with these people. And if your person wants to spend every weekend with these family members and friends, that’s where the conflict lies.

Along this same note, there’s a good expression that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are the same person. If someone has really toxic traits that are mean or abusive or destructive, all the flowers and charm and sweet traits and talents, do not cancel out their abusive behaviors. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are a package deal. Don’t delude yourself with an abusive person, by saying that the “Mr. Hyde parts of him or her, aren’t really them. Dr. Jekyll is the ‘real’ person.” Unfortunately, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde is a package deal – one and the same.

“All human beings, as we meet them, are commingled out of good and evil: and Edward Hyde, alone, in the ranks of mankind, was pure evil.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2410. What is your favorite sandwich?

Soul Sunday

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. I was inspired to write the poem below when I briefly skimmed some posts on X that said that a scathing article was written about Dolly Parton by The Federalist. I didn’t read the article, but I know that Dolly Parton has given millions to charities all over the country. She is beloved by her fans, all over the world. She has put so much good and happiness and beauty and creativity and acceptance and LOVE into the world that we all experience today. Roger Ebert, the movie critic said this about her, “In Dallas for the premier of ‘9 to 5’, I had an uncanny experience, and on the plane home to Chicago I confessed it to Siskel: I had been granted a private half hour with Dolly Parton, and as we spoke I was filled with a strange ethereal grace. This was not spiritual, nor was it sexual. It was healing and comforting. Gene listened and said, “Roger, I felt the exact same thing during my interview with her.” We looked at each other. What did this mean? Neither one of us ever felt that feeling again. From time to time we would refer to it in wonder.”

Do people float in your presence or do they sink?

Do you make people feel special? Do you make them think?

Do people feel loved by you or are you only courting love?

When people are with you, do they feel touched from above?

Do you focus on the good stuff or do you nitpick for the flaw?

After a time being with you, do people get a sense of awe?

And when I say “awe”, I don’t mean for you, I mean for themselves,

Like you’ve helped them lift their best selves, off from dusty shelves.

Some people are so well-loved because that’s all that they give away,

Love in every which direction, each and every day.

credit: @alioop326, X

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2530. What is your favorite soup?

What Serves

One of my loyal, longtime readers, Kelly (thank you, Kelly!!!) added a comment on yesterday’s post that really spoke to me. In case that you missed it, she said that she was once advised to “Serve the soul, not the ego.” I love this. It could be a mantra. It could be turned into a question when making a decision. What serves my soul? What serves my ego? The things that serve our soul are what make us feel alive, purposeful, connected, authentic, attuned to our own intrinsic values and interests, timeless etc. The things that serve our ego are more about image, looks, awards, reputation, popularity, winning, comparison, etc. The things which serve our souls tend to be lasting. They are the “get down on my knees in gratitude” people, places, animals, vocations, healthy habits and boundaries, time in nature, experiences, etc. which we treasure in our lives and in our living experience. The things which serve our egos tend to be short-lived, often times hollow and disappointing when obtained or achieved, and many times cause us to go right on chasing the next greatest thing. Things which serve our souls, fill our holes. Things which serve our ego tend to be empty calories.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

640. What crime would you like to investigate?

Common Denominator

Months ago, I tripped on the sidewalk and my cell phone went flying through the air, and landed hard, real hard, on the pavement. When I picked it up, I was relieved to see that the screen was fine. I have a good case on my phone. Sadly though, when I turned the phone around, I noticed that the back of it had the “crackle” look. The back of the phone had been shattered.

Still, I was delighted to notice that my phone still worked, despite its new shattered look, and I figured that as long as it stayed in the case, my cell phone would be fine. No harm, no foul. Now, the truth is, we carry insurance on our cell phones, and for a nominal fee, I could have my cell phone replaced. But, honestly, I dreaded the experience of having a new phone sent out, having to figure out how to transfer everything, and I lived in fear of losing everything on my phone, despite backing it up regularly. So, I deluded myself that I was just taking a long time to consider whether I should just upgrade to a newer version of my phone or to get the insurance replacement, and then, I essentially just put it out of my mind.

Lately however, when I have been talking on the phone, I noticed that people were going in and out, and I was missing every 10th word or so. Usually, I blamed this on the other party. “You’re in a bad spot. You’re mumbling. Your bluetooth isn’t working,” I would grumble to others when I was talking to them. Sometimes, I would blame myself . . . .for being in a dead spot or having clogged ears. Finally (this took a long while, as I’m a stubborn old coot), I came to terms that I was the common denominator in this situation. It was my phone that was not working correctly. So, even with that realization, I still waited for several weeks more, telling myself that the old “turn off/on” trick would probably work. It didn’t. Many times that trick did not work.

So yesterday, I finally filed an easy, quick claim, and my insurance company sent someone out, on the very same day to bring me a new phone and to set it up, free of charge. Voila! It was that simple. And I still have all of my data, pictures, contacts, texts, etc. on my new phone.

This made me reflect on a good little lesson about life. If we have an ongoing problem in our lives with other people, institutions, etc., it is often helpful to open ourselves up to some real truthful self-awareness. If we feel that we are the poor victims in every single situation in our lives, guess what? That all gets whittled down to one common denominator – us, the poor, lowly victims. Can you imagine?!? In every single situation in our lives, we innocents feel totally wronged and victimized. In my cell phone situation, it was my belief that everyone else’s phone wasn’t working correctly, until I faced that I was the common denominator in this situation. It was my phone that wasn’t working. When I finally accepted that this situation was actually my problem, I had the insight and the power and the ability and the mojo, to finally do something about it.

Look for patterns of the gripes and problems in your own life. There are areas in our lives where we all have valid gripes. There are areas in our lives where our hands our totally tied. But they aren’t as many as we think. If you find yourself, having the same gripes and the same problems with many different sources, be honest with yourself – you are the common denominator. And once you do this, you have empowered yourself. You are no longer a victim. You can work on changes needed, in order to change the detrimental situations that you find yourself in regularly.

This is not a lesson is shame. Shame is what keeps us from telling the truth to ourselves. Shame is painful. To get beyond pain, we need to be compassionate with ourselves, as we open up to the truth about things. When we forgive ourselves for the parts which we play in our own problems, we then move on to the healthy path of direction, improvement and empowerment. We all make mistakes. We all get caught up in negative patterns. (some of these patterns have started as early as childhood) But we all, also, have the gift of reason and insight, to help us to get on to better paths.

Get detached from your ego, and look at patterns in your own life that you wish to change. Get real with yourself about the part that you play in these patterns, and try something new. This is how positive change happens in our lives. This exercise is what opens our lives to new possibilities and ways of feeling. And empowerment feels a hell of a lot better than embitterment and hopelessness.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2004. What makes you stand out in a crowd?

80th

I’m sorry for the late post today. I got caught up reading all about the approximately 68 American heroes, World War II veterans, who travelled to Normandy, France this week ahead of the 80th anniversary of D-Day on June 6th. Their ages range from 96-107. Over 141,000 Americans gave up their lives to free Europe during World War II. When these heroic individuals have been interviewed by the media this week, they are mostly more concerned to pay homage to their friends and fellow soldiers who died in battle. They aren’t called “The Greatest Generation” for no reason. I sure hope that there is such thing as reincarnation. We need more of their kind back.

“Americans have a profound longing for heroes – now perhaps more than ever.” – Hampton Sides

“there on the beaches of Normandy I began to reflect on the wonders of these ordinary people whose lives were laced with the markings of greatness.” – Tom Brokaw

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2252. Who is the one person you’d love to have as a mentor?

Too Much

Nothing is more lush than the beginning of summer. The start of summer is full of sun, and colors in their most full and vibrant varieties, and long, lingering, “hesitant to go to sleep” daytimes. No one rushes in summer. There is a feeling in the air, that there is time enough to get everything done, even if “everything” includes a whole lot of nothing. No one makes any excuses in summer. You don’t have to make excuses when languid is the expected pace of anyone and anything. Summer is the excuse. I read an article today that suggested that depending on the person or the situation, the beginning of summer is either a time of hope, or a time of dread. I reflected on this idea. When I was a child, the beginning of summer was bursting with hope and excitement. School was off, pools were open, trips were planned, new adventures were as ready as one’s imagination, on a daily basis. When I was a mother of young children, I felt pretty much the same way. It was a relief to get off the hamster wheel of the school and sports schedules that pulled us in exponential directions. It was okay to sleep in, because the daylight would last seemingly forever. Now I am an empty nester. And I live in Florida. Florida is notorious for hot and humid summers. And we are only at the starting gate of “Hot and Humid.” I don’t dread summer. I enjoy the buttoned down casualness that seems to overtake even the most “buttoned up” of any of us (myself included). But any beginning “hope” of the summer season, quickly turns to “I really, really hope summer’s over soon” as the sun turns itself to the Broil setting, and the hopeful blooms of lush quickly turn into dry, shriveled patches of parched surrender, and hurricane season swoops in with its dramatic, unpredictable flourish. I get it now. The beginning of summer can be a time of hope and yet also, a time of dread. And Summer, with her optimistic, light-filled, bright disposition, boldly bouncing in, donning her hard-to-miss ANYTHING GOES colorful t-shirt, laughs at the idea that anyone could dread her coming into town. “Is there really such thing as too much of a good thing?” she boldly asks, as she heralds in the only season which we collectively dare to answer that question.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1682. What do you consider unforgivable?