Monday-Funday

i i i i i i

i i i ii

i I i i i

ii i i

i i iii i i i

About a week ago, I was reading magazines by my pool. Ralphie, our swimming-obsessed yellow Labrador was thrilled to have me out there with him. He jumped out of the pool to greet me, and he shook all of the water off of his 100-pound self, which landed all over my magazines. This has happened before. I know the drill, but this time, I had barely even begun to read my magazines. I almost considered it a loss, and tossed them unread, into the recycling bin, but something made me hold on to my Spirituality and Health magazine. I let it dry off, and I am so glad that I did. This weekend, I got to read (albeit on extremely wavy, wrinkly pages) an article by Kevin Anderson, who is a regular contributor to the magazine. And it turns out that this particular article is just what I needed to read, right at this very time in my life. Isn’t that how the Universe works?

Kevin Anderson explains the visual, which I rudimentarily created above. When you are in the middle of a sh*tstorm in your life (for lack of a better term), and everything seems chaotic and overwhelming, it is best to stay in the “I” of the storm. If the above visual represents one of life’s hurricanes which we all go through from time to time, we must be like birds. We must learn to stop fighting against the storm and to stay in the “I” of it, in order to be safe and to be centered. Kevin describes each version of the letter I/i’s this way:

i/i = “The small-i version of us is quite expert at generating fearful, stressed-out, depressing thoughts. The small-i self becomes part of the swirling storm in which we are caught when life feels like too much.”

I = “The large-I version of us is the eye of the storm. That self is capable of observing the storm swirling all about us both in the outer events of life and in our small self’s stressed-out approach to them. The large Self is the only version of us that knows how to return over and over to “I accept that this is here now.” But the large-I does not stop with noticing our judgments that life should be other than it is. It has the wisdom to act on whatever needs to be acted on from a centered, non-reactive place.”

Kevin then goes on to talk about birds who are migrating in the winter and inadvertently get caught up in big storms. Birds are wise and intuitive enough to stay in the eye of a hurricane, versus trying to desperately fly against it, or out of it. Even if the hurricane takes the birds a little off track from where they were originally planning to go, the birds know that they will eventually, safely reach landfall. He suggests that when our fear thoughts are swirling like a storm, we need to think of these thoughts as “a bell calling us to a brief meditation practice. When we notice fearful thoughts, we can breathe as if we have a direct connection to the highest virtues available.”

Just the reminder that the “I” part of us is always with us, and always available to us, in the steady, deepest center of each and every one of us, is such a comfort. The “I” part is the only part of us which is eternal, peaceful, non-judgmental, wise, and clear. The small-i versions of us are ego-based, and they are constantly changing with the winds of our outside circumstances, and the different people and the unique situations in our lives. The small-i versions of us are not eternal. They change with the winds. The bottom line of the article is the reminder to always stay with the “I” when you are feeling off track. Notice your small-i “freak outs” and gently move back to the “I” as often as needed. “I” will never steer you wrong.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Saturday Musings

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

When we dropped off my middle son at medical school earlier this year, there was a beautiful fountain on the medical campus, with this inscription engraved around the circumference:

“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.”

It felt so fitting to see that lovely quote, as we were watching our son embarking on his dream of going to medical school which he had worked so hard towards, for so many years. It turns out that the quote is by Christopher Reeve, the incredibly inspiring actor and activist, whose birthday would have been today. Christopher Reeve also said this:

“Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.” Always choose hope. When you look back at your life, you see so many things which have worked themselves out, in the most amazing, unexpected ways than you could have ever imagined, right? Hop on the hope train, and never get off. Always keep hope in your back pocket, as you journey through your life adventures. Hope’s compass always points north.

On a less serious note, I passed a store window the other day, and I saw this:

As my long time readers know, back in 2020, during quarantine, I temporarily lost my mind (didn’t we all?) and I decided that our family needed to get on the pandemic puppy bandwagon. My husband was not on board, mostly because we already have two other young, large, energy-filled dogs, Ralphie, the Labrador (the one who is currently on a diet, firmly against his will) and Josie, the elegant, yet noisy collie. Still, in the end, we “compromised” and we got Trip:

Now, honestly, I can’t pretend that having a three dog family is necessarily an ideal situation. I fully admit that there is often quite a bit of chaos, involved with living with three energetic, young dogs. That being said, all of us, in our family, have fallen quite hard for our crazy little Trippy. Interestingly, Trip has chosen my husband as “his person” and although he won’t ever admit it, I think that my husband is just a little bit smitten with our little brown dog.

“Dogs are like potato chips. You can’t have just one.”

“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.”

“When an 85 pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” — Kristan Higgins

“This home is filled with love and dog hair.”

Scarce Asset Friday

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Hi friends! Welcome to the best day of the week. Fridays are awesome!! Fridays are hopeful, full of anticipation and relaxation. On Fridays, I typically list three favorite things, or songs, or websites, or books that have captured my attention. This has been a rough week for me. My singular focus, all week, has been on my son’s health and well-being. (he has epilepsy) So, I’m just catching my breath on this lovely Friday. I don’t have my typical list of three favorite things. What I do have, is some incredible quotes from a recent article in Adweek, from an interview with Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez is almost other-worldly in her beauty, and in her abilities, and in her talents and ambitions, but her quotes, from this interview are such good reminders for all of us to remember that we are all “scarce assets“, which Jennifer describes this way:

“For me, what I realize is … no, there’s only one me. There’s only one that person. There’s only one that person. There’s only one that person. And what they each have to offer is uniquely different than everybody else.

I have a small circle and I like it that way. I’m not the person who gets a hundred texts a day or whose phone rings constantly. That’s not who I am. I have a very small group of very close people I trust and that I love who I know have my best interests at heart and who understand me as a public person but also as a private person.

I don’t think you start thinking about a personal brand. You become it because of what you create, what you do, how you live and who you are. Ultimately, I think it’s about what you reflect and what people see because in the end, you represent something. I’ve been incredibly fortunate in my life, and I live out loud through my artistry and my creativity and try to stay as authentic to myself as I can. I’m real. That was important to me—to stay connected to my roots and not ever change or make what people said or thought about me influence who I really was inside. It’s about being limitless and never allowing anybody to put me—and limit me—within a box.

Remember that you are a precious, scarce asset in this world. Treat yourself as such. Have a great weekend.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Favorite Things Friday

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Good morning, friends and readers. Welcome to the best day of the week!! My regular readers know that I typically keep it light and fun on Fridays. On Fridays, I list three favorite things, or songs, or websites or books, or life hacks that make my life more interesting and engaging. You, my readers, really like Fridays, at the blog. Interestingly, usually the most popular days on the blog are on Fridays, and on Sundays (the day that I devote to poetry. You never knew that one of your favorite things is poetry, did you? I caught you. ;)) So this tells me that you, my readers, are my favorite kind of people, a delicious mix of fun and frivolous, yet deep and soulful. It’s good to be well-rounded. Bravo!

As many of you know, we suffered another setback with my son’s epilepsy, this week. His new medications aren’t working out, which is deeply disappointing because the side effects of these medications were much more tolerable, than his last medications. We coaxed our baby to come home for the weekend, so I had the best sleep of my week last night, knowing that he was home safe with me, in my safely feathered nest. (I love sleep. It’s definitely one of my favorites.) My youngest son (the son with epilepsy) is obviously one of my favorite people in the world, and it is not just because he is my son. It is also because my son is funny, and smart, and ethical – almost to a fault; he is insightfully (and sometimes brutally) truthful – like no other person I have ever met, and so, so resilient. I admire him greatly. I love him beyond reason.

I’m drained, friends. These setbacks with epilepsy are hard on our family. These disappointments bring all of our fears and uncertainties, back up to the surface. People who live with serious disorders, know better than anyone, just how fragile life is, and how quickly it can be taken. After experiencing a major health setback, and once you calm down from the anxiety, and you let your shoulders drop, you can sometimes find the gift that comes from these painful realities of living with a disease, or a disability that can take your life, at any moment. It brings clarity and beauty and gratefulness for every simple moment of living a life. I can’t tell you how much my heart sang last night, to listen to my husband and my son yell, in unison, at the football game last night, as they have done so many times in the past. I savored that sound like it came from Heaven above. Because it did. Heaven is all around us, if we open up our eyes and connect our watchful eyes to our hearts.

I’m sorry to get so deep on a Friday. You readers don’t like that, I know. You might be thinking, “Lighten up, lady!”, but it’s my blog, and I’ll cry if I want to . . . .

Please always remember that when you are considering your favorite things in life, it’s never really “the thing”. It’s always the feeling that you get from “the thing.” If you think of one of your favorite things, or people, or places right now, you will get those wonderful feelings that those things give to you, seeping into your consciousness right away. Try it. Do it often. Your favorites are really your favorite feelings, and you are capable of dosing yourself with your favorite feelings regularly. They are just a thought away. Stay aware. That’s the only way to live.

Happy weekend, my favorite readers of my favorite blog! See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Every Day

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Thank you to everyone whose work makes a meaningful difference in my own life, every single day. Thank you to the people working at the electric company, and the water plant, and the cell phone towers. Thank you for the police, and the paramedics, and the fire department. I slept well last night, knowing that you are always at your jobs. Thank you teachers who have taught my children so well. Thank you farmers for providing our sustenance and thank you wonderful chefs for making the food even more delicious. (especially the cook at my son’s fraternity house. I know what it takes to feed three sons, I can’t imagine making meals for 300 young men every day.) Thank you medical professionals. You are working on fumes, these days, we know. Thank you airline professionals. The anticipation of my trips and adventures is one of the best feelings in life, ever. Thank you to all of the constructions workers who have helped to make our house what we want it to be. Thank you to the people who reliably take our garbage and recyclables away, every week. You are saints! Thank you to every repair person who has fixed our cars or our appliances, much to our relief. Thank you to my husband and other bankers who help to gather the funds where they are needed, in order to make people’s dreams able to be realized. Thank you entertainers and musicians for being the source of a hearty laugh or a deep cry, whenever we need it. Thank you maintenance crews for making our roads so driveable, even in the craziest of weather. Thank you manufacturers. I love my stuff! And I’m always looking for more stuff to delight in. Thank you, technology professionals and engineers and scientists. I can’t even pretend to understand how you do what you do, but I do know that what you do, has brought us to a whole new world, in the span of just a couple of decades. Thank you retail workers, who always make everything sitting right on the shelf where I need it, look so easy. Thank you Amazon delivery people. Sometimes I wonder if we have one of you assigned just to our house. You are a dream come true! Thank you fellow writers. Reading is one of my greatest passions in life, and you have given to me so much wonderful material! Thank you to everyone that didn’t come to mind in the first ten minutes of me scrambling to get this blog post out. I appreciate you. Know this. It’s amazing to me, in just one day of my life, how much other people’s work goes into making my every single day, what it is to me. Nobody does anything alone. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

“No man is an island, entire of itself. . . . ” – John Donne

Quotes about All in this together (99 quotes)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sun-Baked Dog Fur

The other day, when I took my dogs out, the two older ones sat down decidedly in the grass, their noses twitching to the scents in the wind. They were making it clear to me that they weren’t going anywhere else, anytime soon. My dogs instinctively knew that they needed a restful sunbath. So they took it. And I followed suit. And it felt wonderful to sit out in the pleasant sunshine, on the soft grass, smelling the earthiness all around us. I buried my nose in the soft, luxurious fur of my collie, Josie. There may be no better scent nor feel in the world, than sun-baked dog fur. This is a type of the easy, simple therapeutic experiences that can make all of the difference in a day, but we often forget to take the time to do them, nor at the very least, to notice that we are doing them. In this way, animals are often wiser than we are, because they are so attuned to their senses, and allowing themselves to bask in their senses.

What are the little things that perk you up? What are the little things that make you excited to anticipate doing them? Really taste and savor your coffee, or the various flavors of your lunch. Really bask in the warm water of your shower. Be really deliberate about what scent of perfume that you want to apply today, and make a point to sniff your own wrist often and delight in the scent mixing and changing with your own skin’s essence. Follow your intuition. Take the time to savor the sensualities of the day.

“Sensuality is the total mobilization of the senses” – Milan Kundera

“To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread.” – James Baldwin

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Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Most Popular Posts

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Earlier this week I was perusing my Nextdoor website for recommendations for some housework that we need to have done. I believe that this was the original intention of Nextdoor, as it focuses on one particular community, usually within a 20 mile radius. Unfortunately, though, like almost all social media websites, our Nextdoor has also become a political fight, “mask vs. anti-mask”, “vax vs. anti-vax” nesting ground, among other heated, controversial topics, both local and national. I usually avoid these posts, as if they were the most contagious variant of the coronavirus out there, but I somehow got curious about a particular post written by a neighbor named John Guidi, that was noted as the day’s most popular post. It turned out to be a well-written, hilarious, sarcastic post, starting with this line:

Political posts: If you feel you must make controversial posts on this board, please adhere to the following guidelines:”

Here were some of the guidelines:

5. Make sure to condemn somebody in every post.

8. Try to offend as many people as possible.

11. Always attempt to be very defensive.

15. No matter what someone else posts, always try to find fault with it.

17. State and restate the obvious.

I honestly read the post with glee and apparently so did many others in our neck of the woods, as it had over 200 likes and “thank yous” and smiley faces attached to the post, and 177 comments, comments which turned out to be a lot more of the usual back-and-forth, righteous, “rule” additions, posturing at the podium, etc.

I then took a look at the second most popular post of the day, which turned out to be a mother sincerely asking for recommendations for a local therapist for her adolescent son, who is suffering from depression. Her post showed earnest concern and desperation. Her name and her picture and her neighborhood, were all published on the post. And the beautiful thing is that the people who answered and commented on her post, were so kind and loving and honest about their own struggles and situations. She got dozens of recommendations and many tender and hopeful and caring posts, sending love and prayers for her comfort and for her son’s recovery. I got a lump in my throat thinking about how courageous it was for this mother to publicly admit that she needed some help. And the people of my neighborhood and surrounding areas could not have been more kind and understanding, and thoughtful and compassionate with the posts that they wrote to answer her plea. She wrote a sincere “thank you” post more than once throughout the Comments section.

Wow. That’s when I got my own personal “a-ha” moment. As well written as the first post was, it really wasn’t any different in tone, than so many of the biased political posts that we are besieged with, on social media today. Reading the first post and agreeing with it, I realized that right at that moment, I, myself, was in my own high-and-mighty, judgmental, “I am smarter/wiser than”, smirky, condescending ego mindset. It felt “good” and yet not good, all at the same time. Reading the second post, I was humbled. Being a mother, I felt so much empathy for the fear that we mothers feel when we can’t protect and heal our own children, all by ourselves. I felt so much admiration for that mother and equally, I felt so much gratefulness that my community responded like it did, with concern and support and hopefulness. I suspect that the people who answered her, came from many different backgrounds, political and otherwise. Reading her post and the responses to it, was affirming to me. I felt good. Just good. I felt connected to everybody in my neighborhood, not just the people who share my beliefs.

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Heart to Heart

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Today I am sending you a hug. And it is not a quick, little reminder that I love you, like the cute little “o” attached to the “x”, in a fleeting text, unless that is really what you would prefer. This is the kind of hug that is full of acceptance. This hug is a careful recipe full of “I know”, “I understand”, “It’s okay”, “You are not bad”, “You are not lost”, “I can help hold you while you feel your feelings, and then I keep holding you, as you release your feelings and let them pass on by”, “You are stronger than you know”, “You will survive and you will even thrive,” “You are doing great”, “You are more loveable than you could ever fathom”, “I see you”, “We are in this together”, “This too shall pass”, “Just breathe,” and all of this is held together by an extremely strong substance called Love.

One of the great things about being a 50-year-old woman is that my hugs pack a lot of punch. My hugs have a lot of experience and lessons and perspective, and also a curious mix of powerful strength and yet also gentle humility, built right into them. The recipe for my hugs has been simple-d down to the mostly “tried and true.” Did you ever get hugged by an 80-year-old woman? Your grandmother, perhaps? Let me tell you, those hugs are the real magic elixir. Those hugs will heal what ails you, for weeks and weeks to come.

Hugs bring hearts into extremely close proximity. Hugs help to transfer some of the deepest love and wisdom planted in one heart, into the other heart, all of the while reminding the receiving heart that all that it needs to keep on steadily beating, is already readily available and ever-replenishing, from its deepest depths. Hugs are like gentle, natural defibrillators.

Please pass on my hug today. Someone in your life needs one, no doubt. Don’t be afraid to offer a hug to a loved one, a friend, your dog, yourself. Soak it in. It’s good medicine . . . . I know . . . . I understand . . . . It’s okay . . . . I love you.

So here’s your hug: o

Or if you need more, here’s your hug: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Pass it on.

Coy Koi Friday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

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Welcome to Friday!!! Welcome to the best day of the week, in my opinion. My regular readers know that I try not to go too deep on Fridays. Facts are, we live in a material world. Our lives are all about experiences, and a lot of those experiences involve tactile things. So on Fridays, I typically list three favorite things or products or songs or books that have made my own life a little bit more intriguing and fun. Please check out previous Friday posts for more ideas about pleasurable things to try and to experience. Sometimes, I admittedly feel like I am being a little frivolous with my Friday posts. There’s a lot going on the world right now, and it gets a little overwhelming, doesn’t it?

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I like this quote. Today, this is my favorite quote. The world was never hurt by positive people. Remember, you can be realistic and smart, and still be positive. Being positive doesn’t mean wearing blinders, or even wearing rose-colored glasses. Being positive means looking at the world, through your very own eyes, but just making sure that those lovely eyes of yours are connected to the deepest part of your harmonious heart, and to the immeasurable Mariana Trench of your own inner peaceful soul. Be positive. Be kind. It is the difference that you can make in the world, right where you are sitting.

Today, I only have one favorite. (I’ve been in a “less is more” mood lately. Don’t worry, this has happened to me before. It won’t last.) I was in an office this week, and my pretty little eyes spied this adorable koi fish (and koi fish have ALWAYS been a favorite of mine – It’s a good thing that I am not a thief, I was so tempted to snatch it):

This koi fish is an origami wonder, made with just one, one dollar bill. Now if you are crafty and ambitious, you can look up instructions on how to make one for yourself on the internet (supposedly it takes hours and hours), but if you are more of an “instant gratification” kind of a kid, you can buy ready-made dollar bill koi fish, on places like eBay and Etsy. They would make fun, “conversation piece” type gifts!

“Swim!” said the mama. “Swim if you can!” and they swam and they swam, all over the dam. – popular nursery rhyme

Swim, my loves! Your only other choice is to sink. Have a great weekend!! See you tomorrow!

The Best

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I always say that the things that I worry about rarely happen. I tend to get blindsided by the things that I never even imagined could happen. I have to admit that I never saw a worldwide pandemic coming. I never did.

I also have to admit that I have never fully imagined all of the amazing things that have happened in my life either. True story: At age 40, I was at a time in my life that I assumed I would feel like my husband and I had “made it”, for all of the effort that we had put into our shared lives, by growing my husband’s career, and by focusing on raising our happy family. Instead, our lives got “blown up” by the Great Recession. We checked every box: lost job and income (banking industry), large, expensive home now worth half of what we owed on it (with no buyers in sight), quickly emptying savings and quickly rising debt, and four young children left to raise, and to educate. Instead of feeling like I was at my pinnacle, I felt like I had been thrown into a pit. I was shell-shocked. I was scared out of my mind and I was angry. I felt cheated and wronged. I had lived “the formula” that I had assumed would bring me “overall success” and it had tanked, miserably.

Thankfully, I have always been a faithful, spiritual person (not necessarily a religious person), but I am one who believes that there are much higher powers in play. I have always believed in the overall goodness of the Universe. And so I leaned heavily on my spiritual side, at that time. I also leaned heavily on my love for my husband, and for our children. I realized that we had lost a lot of material, physical things, but I was not going to let the horrible recession take what was most dear to me: my marriage, our loving family situation, and our physical and emotional health. So, during that time, I prayed a lot, I leaned a lot on our loving family and friends, and I lived every single day in faith. I just took my life ODAT (one day at a time). I am not going to go into “the ins and outs” of it all (nor into the ways that situations often seemed to almost miraculously turn out for the best), but let’s just say at age 50, I now have the life that I always dreamed of, and more. Everything that we lost, has been replaced with something “more and better.” And because I went through that experience, I appreciate everything more than I ever did. Life is deeper and clearer to me. Life resonates like it never did before. I am so much more attuned to what truly matters to me. It’s a cliché, but I can honestly say that I am grateful for the changes that the Great Recession brought around for me, and for my family. The Universe knows what it is doing.

Now this is not to say that my life is “perfect”. There have been a lot of heartaches, and losses, and growing pains, and grieving of many people and things, throughout this past decade, but I understand that this is just part of living and experiencing a worldly life. I do believe that the life that I am living is “perfect for me”, flaws and all. I just tell my Higher Power to take over the wheel every single day, and I live in faith that the journey that I am on is wonderful (even on the days that it doesn’t feel like it). In its own way, my own little path is a vital part of every other journey on Earth that has ever happened, or will ever be. When I look in the rear-view mirror of my life’s journey, it makes sense to me, for the most part, and I am grateful to be experiencing my journey. My journey is a gift. And I can’t wait to see what’s on the path ahead of me now.

Always, always believe that the best is yet to come, because it is. It might not arrive in the package that you expect it to arrive in, but that’s good. I have been blindsided by happy surprises in my life, far more often than by pains. And if I am honest with myself, the pains have very often turned out to be “blessings in disguise.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.