inspiration Archives - Page 66 of 81 - Adulting: Second- Half

Women of Excellence

The good news is that my daughter’s COVID test was negative yesterday. We all sighed a big sigh of relief. She works at a local credit union. It started as a summer internship and they asked her to stay on and work part-time during the school year, which happens to be her senior year of high school. I was hesitant about this, for time management reasons, but my daughter loves working there, so my husband and I acquiesced. Recently, one of my daughter’s female managers got promoted, and she was moving to a different location. Upon leaving, the manager wrote a hand written thank you note to my daughter, in which she wrote that my daughter is “a woman of excellence.” I love that terminology, and this is not just because I am a proud mama. One, I love women who support and mentor other women. This is a rarer phenomenon than it should be. Second, I have honestly never seen that terminology in writing before. “A woman of excellence.” What does that mean? I want to be one. I want to be called “a woman of excellence.” I want to believe that I am “a woman of excellence.”

I looked up the word “excellence” in the dictionary. It means “the quality of being outstanding/extremely good”. That’s pretty general, right? I think that we all have things that we are extremely good at, and we all have areas that we could probably work on. Maybe we don’t care enough about certain traits, to work hard enough to become excellent at them. There are certain areas that I do believe that I am “a woman of excellence” and then there are other things in my life that I believe that I am more likely to be called “a woman of sub-standards.” To be “a woman of excellence”, does that mean you have to be good at everything? That feels like a lot of undue stress and pressure, and perhaps, a lesson in frustration and futility. Perhaps being “a woman of excellence” means knowing yourself, knowing your values, and your priorities, and your purposes, and being excellent at these things. I’m not really sure. All that I know is that I would like to be one. I would like to be known as “a woman of excellence.” And I also know that I am grateful that another woman acknowledged and appreciated this quality of excellence in my daughter, besides just her adoring mother. That was an excellent thing for that woman to do, for a young woman coming up in the world behind her. And this vital encouragement is something that all of us “women of excellence” are more than capable to do, for the future generations of excellent women, for whom we are paving the way. If this encouragement and inspiration for young women is the only area that we choose to be excellent at, I am convinced that this will be more than enough.

“Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with excellence.” – Anonymous (probably written by an anonymous person of excellence and humility)

“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” – Vince Lombardi

“Excellence is not a skill. It’s an attitude.” – Ralph Marston

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

My daughter has to take another COVID test today because someone at her work came down with it. Luckily, my middle son got to come home for the holidays. He tested negative for COVID right before heading home, despite his roommate catching it. His roommate was vaccinated and boosted and still came down with it. And now his roommate’s plans to visit his 95-year-old grandfather for Christmas, are ruined. His roommate only had mild symptoms for one day, and now he is left all alone at their apartment for the holidays. I will never turn this blog into a political or controversial or an inflammatory tirade, so all that I will say is “Sigh.” I don’t have the answers. “Sigh.” I (like everyone else) am so sick of this sh%t. “Sigh.” Deep breath. “Sigh.” “Sigh.” “Sigh.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

That Glow

Yesterday I experienced some of the lesser qualities that often come up during the holidays. These annoying little frustrations: cancelled orders, delayed orders, thinly-veiled passive aggressive guilt trips, twinkly lights half on/half off, things breaking out of nowhere when I am in a rush to go, long waits to get chores completed, and an email from the high school principal telling us parents to please not worry about a viral, national social media post, threatening bombs and guns at numerous, anonymous American high schools, across the nation. When these types of happenings occur as a one-off, you usually let them slide off your back as best you can, but in the middle of the holidays, when there is this underlying expectation to be so jolly and merry and bright, this string of annoyances made me start to behave like I belong on The Naughty List, in a big way.

While there are so many things that I love about the holidays, yesterday made me focus on what I like the least about the holidays, and that is the distraction of it all. It’s not like our everyday chores and obligations and routines go away, while we are busily and yet also thoughtfully, trying to do all of “the extras” that come with the show. Sometimes I even feel resentful. I just want my “normal” life back. During the holidays, it’s often easy to become irritable, and then flog yourself for being an irritable brat, during what is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year.”

That being said, yesterday I also noticed some of those most special gifts that tend to come around the holidays, the gifts that aren’t wrapped in a bow, and put under the tree. My two youngest children, celebrated being done with their finals, by going to see the Spiderman movie together last night. They both have been Marvel fans since they were little, and they made giddy plans, careful to not watch any spoilers, to go see a movie that they both ended up thinking was one of the best Spiderman movies they had ever seen. When they came home and excitedly regaled my husband and I, with the highlights of the show, my mind kept flashing back to two little children, brother and sister duo, watching Marvel cartoons and playing with action figures for hours. I think, at this moment, I might have started glowing like the Christmas tree.

One of our youngest son’s best friends from high school (and who also attends the same university), picked up our son for some golf yesterday, and he also told our son to keep himself free Monday night, because a few of my son’s buddies are wanting to take him out to a fancy steak house, to belatedly celebrate our son’s 21st birthday. This invitation came on the heels of the news that my son’s fraternity brothers did a fundraiser late this fall, and were proudly able to send a check for over $1000 to the Epilepsy Foundation, in my son’s honor. My son has had to remain home with us, for the majority of this semester, because his epileptic seizures have been uncontrolled, and as always, his wonderful friends have been so supportive and loving and kind. And witnessing all of this, reminded me of just how loving and supportive and kind all of our friends and our family have been to us, during this difficult chapter in my son’s epilepsy experience. And this is when I know that I started glowing, even brighter than our Christmas tree. And I didn’t feel distracted at all, at that moment. At that moment, watching my happy, contented children and reflecting on the love that we have been given from so many people, and the love that we have for so many people, despite my earlier frustrations, in this sometimes crazy, annoying, distracting, frenetic time of the year, all that I felt at that very moment, was peace. All that I felt was love. All that I felt was gratefulness. And these priceless, eternal presents, are the presents that are always here for the taking, when I take the time to notice them, and to soak them in. And that’s when I get that glow, that glow that starts from deep within my heart. I get that glow which you could never buy in a bottle. And I try to hold on to that glow, for as long as I can.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Writing About Storms

Today is my birthday. I just “cheated” a little bit and I went back and I read what I wrote on my birthday during previous years on the blog. It’s funny, some years the birthday post was an entirely long, emotional outpouring and then, one year I didn’t even mention that it was my birthday. That’s the way of birthdays, right? Some years you wake up all chipper and excited and you almost feel like that 11-year-old kid again, when your birthday was almost as exciting as Christmas. And then other years, you feel very quiet and introspective and reflective and maybe even a little somber. And sometimes, you even wish that you could avoid the whole hoop-la altogether. Today, I woke up with a slight migraine. So until my Advil completely kicks in, all that I am feeling today, on my birthday, is annoyingly “thumpy” in my head.

Recently, close friends of mine asked me if I was ever going to write about some really difficult chapters and happenings in my life. They encouraged me to do so. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. These painful situations in my life, involve other people and I am always tentative to write personal things about other people. I feel tentative, because living to the age of 51, has shown me that what I believed to be true at one certain stage of my life, oftentimes, after some time has past, and some processing has created a little bit of growth in me, I often see the various situations and happenings in my life, in a different light. At the very least, after time, and some processing and some personal growth, most of the happenings (the good and the bad) in my life lose their intensity and their consumption of my time and my focus of thought. Perhaps, this is what we really mean by “forgiveness.” When emotion is processed and it dies down, you are able to look at situations, and at other people (and even yourself) with real clarity and sometimes even compassion. You are able to pick up the broken pieces. You discard what is no longer needed, and what is too heavy to carry, and you do this in order to move on forward, on your life’s path, standing a little taller and walking on, a little lighter and a little more confident. I am not sure if writing about what has happened in the past, would help me on my path. It might just add a heavy load to my bag, that I no longer want to carry on my journey. Time will tell.

In life, we all have our storms, right? And when they are torrential storms, they have the tendency to shape us, and to mold us like no other events have ever done in our lives. When these major storms hit our life’s path, our first tendency is to ignore them, or to try to run away from them, or we make up stories, pretending that these storms aren’t actually happening . . . we just don’t want to admit to, nor look at the damage that these violent storms are creating in our lives. We just don’t want to deal with the storms. But eventually, these storms’ relentlessness requires us to face them head on, because if we don’t, we are likely to diminish and/or to perish. Our pain in the storm finally becomes overwhelmingly greater than the pain and the fear that we have about the unknown and of change. When we are at our utter weakest in the storms, when we are totally exhausted and completely battered and spent, is usually when we finally surrender, and this is when the miracle happens. We become stronger than we ever knew was possible. We make it through the storm, to the other side and we head on safely towards the light.

In my life’s experience, I am best able to come to peace with any situation that has happened, when I know that I can trust myself to protect myself. When I step out of my victim chair, and I take back my power and I say, “No more,” is when the people and the situations that used to consume me, lose their intense pull in my life. My attention goes elsewhere, to the people and to the situations and to the experiences that bring me the most love and joy and wonder into my life. And what is left from the storms of the past, are a few scars, but also the lessons, and my newfound strength, and most importantly, the love and the trust that I have for myself. I realize my own worth, and that I am the protector and the guardian of my own worth. Having gone through the storm and having made it through to the other side, I realize what a capable guardian of myself, I truly am. I realize that I am loved and I am valued by myself, and that feels really good.

The storms in life are often necessary, in order for the greatest truths and understandings to come to light for each of us. Of course, the raging storms are real, and oftentimes, we are not even the creators of the storms that hit us, head on. We were just sailing along, minding our own business, when the squall comes out of seemingly nowhere, sometimes with an unwarranted vengeance, and complete with soulless pirates, all out for blood. The feelings and the desperation and the anger about the unfairness of it all, are real and hard and deep and understandable, and the feelings must be felt and they must be processed, in order for us to make it to the safe shores beyond the storms. Some people choose to stay in the storms. These people may like the excitement and the intensity and the drama of the storms. They may only feel truly alive, when they are in the middle of a barrage of storms. And that’s okay. It’s their journey. They are the navigators of their own paths. Some people would desperately like to escape their storms, but they never come to the realization that they are their own tickets out of the storms. They don’t comprehend that they are their own captains. We can try to show them how we, ourselves, made it out of our own similar storms, but in the end, they must take their own brave moves, to navigate towards the clear, peaceful skies. We must respect other people’s right to journey in life, as they see fit, but we must also remember that we always have the right and the ability to navigate out of a storm, even when others choose to stay in the storm.

I think that I am all done with today’s birthday post now. I wonder what it will mean to me when I read this post, on my birthday next year. One thing that I have learned with each passing year, is that whenever I think I am totally certain about something, something tends to happen (sometimes even a storm) to change my surety. With every birthday, another layer is removed, and the mystery of it all, still continues on. One thing that has never changed for me, is that I am so grateful for this experience of living Life. I am grateful to celebrate yet another birthday and I can’t wait to see what is on the horizon next, storms and all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Who I Am

@michaelwithana (Twitter)

There’s a conversation that I had with a friend last week that has been swimming around in my head, wondering if there was a blog post to come from it. Then I saw this tweet this morning and I saw it as a sign to “just start writing.”

My friend has a daughter in her early twenties who is going through one of those existential crises, where she is utterly unsure about every decision she has made in her life thus far. The daughter opined to her mother that she felt that every decision she has made thus far, in her young adult life, was because she was following the opinions and directions of others. Her strong will to please others had superseded the will to get to know herself, and to follow her own direction in life. And she felt unhappy and unsure with her current station in life, yet she had no idea what direction she wanted to take next. After my friend told me about this discussion she had with her daughter, she and I almost immediately said at the same time, “What woman hasn’t experienced these feelings at least once in her life? ”

Probably most young people, no matter what their pronouns (my kids would be so proud of me for putting it this way. . . I’m growing . . . .I’m learning) experience this “What am I doing? What is my purpose?” crisis as they grow up, and move out of their childhoods. I remember a time when my eldest son, who was a sophomore in college at the time, called me, in pure angst, declaring, “I just don’t want to be “a suit”, Mom. I can’t end up being “a suit”!” I believe that I said something like, “Well, knowing strongly what you don’t want, can help you to pivot that, to what you do want. If you don’t want to be “a suit”, you do know that you want a career in which you don’t have to don a suit.” On an aside, he’s now a successful tech guy. I think that he only has worn his one and only suit at the very occasional wedding, interview and funeral.

Lately, it has struck me, as we have been getting more Christmas cards with address changes than we have gotten in a long time, that my husband and I are entering into one of these transitional times in life, when this type of existential crisis starts rearing its ugly head again. Kids are growing up, and leaving the nest. Friends are retiring or changing career paths, while downsizing or changing their lifestyles completely. The sometimes mindless, yet purposeful formula that we have been following (and the formula that most of our contemporaries have been following) is coming to a close, as it enters into a wide open, blank-spaced new chapter in our lives. And that’s daunting. Exciting, but daunting. This stage in life starts churning up an angsty, but undirected sense of urgency. As previous ironclad objectives and goals come to a close, the time has come for imaginative pondering and wandering into wide open possibilities.

Before writing this blog post, I read a few articles about getting to know yourself, but I liked this question set, written by Farnoosh Brock, the best. It really helps get the contemplative juices flowing (taken verbatim from this article: https://www.prolificliving.com/get-to-know-yourself/)

What activity in your life lights you up with joy?
What is something you always love doing, even when you are tired or rushed? Why?
If a relationship or job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave?
What do you fear about leaving a bad job or a bad relationship?
What do you believe is possible for you?
What have you done in your life that you are most proud of?
What is the thing that you are second most proud of?
What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better?
If you could have one single wish granted, what would it be?
How comfortable are you with your own mortality?
What is your highest core value?
To your best knowledge, how do other people perceive you?
How would you like others to perceive you?
How confident are you in your abilities to make decisions for yourself?
What is your biggest self-limiting belief?
Who is the most important person in your life?
Who is your greatest role model?
Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with?
What is something that is true for you no matter what?
What is your moral compass in making difficult decisions?
What is one failure that you have turned into your greatest lesson?
What role does gratitude play in your life?
How do you feel about your parents?
How is your relationship with money?
How do you feel about growing old someday?
What role has formal education played in your life and how do you feel about it?
Do you believe your destiny is pre-determined or in your hands to shape however you wish?
What do you believe is the meaning of your life?

No matter what your age, or stage in life, I think that these questions are interesting and vital and an excellent pathway to better understand yourself and what is meaningful and vital to you. Pick just one question and play with it today. Maybe journal about it. Be curious about yourself. You might be surprised by the answers that float to the surface. You might even learn something new and interesting about yourself. You might even fall just a little bit in love with yourself. Knowing yourself intimately makes the loving yourself thing, a whole lot easier.

70+ Self Love Quotes | Self Love Captions For Instagram - Succedict

46 Love Yourself Quotes To Carry You Through Tough Times

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

If You Are Loved

“D.T. was a better person than he was a player, and he was a Hall of Fame player. That tells you how good of a person he was,” said Peyton Manning. “He treated my kids like they were his own. He was there for every teammate’s charity event.”

I was heartbroken to hear the news that Demaryius Thomas, a former professional football player, mostly known for his time with the Denver Broncos, passed yesterday at the age of 33. It is believed that Thomas died while having a seizure in the shower. This is a fear that any of us who love people with seizure disorders, deal with every single day. My son once had a seizure in the shower. I remember my husband ripping off the locked bathroom door that day, as if he were the Incredible Hulk. Any time anyone tragically dies of circumstances related to seizures, it is like a giant gut punch to me and to my family. It makes the gravity of my son’s epilepsy all the more real and visceral to me, but yet like a moth to a flame, I need to know more. I need to understand what happened in these various stories. I think that I am always trying to understand “the whys” and “the hows”, even though this is usually a lesson in futility. Usually “the whys” about anything that happens, often remain a mystery, and yet it is our human tendency to waste a lot of time on “the whys” about anything. The most repeated answer is usually nothing more than “just because.” Let it be. I have to remind myself, again and again, that I am not in control.

I spent a lot of time yesterday reading the stories about Demaryius Thomas. By all accounts he was a wonderful, stand-up man. When he was 11, Demaryius’ mother and grandmother were incarcerated for drug trafficking and they remained in jail for around twenty years. Demaryius was raised by his aunt and uncle. He became singularly focused on becoming an excellent football player and by many accounts, he ended up being one of the greatest receivers to play the game of football. In 2015, Demaryius wrote this wonderful blog post entitled “For Mama” for The Players’ Tribune. Here is an excerpt:

“No amount of money, no amount of fame, no amount of anything in the world can replace your mother. I realized that holding it all in wasn’t good for me, and I reached out to a preacher who really helped me talk through it all. People think orphans are kids whose parents have died, but 80 percent of orphans in the world have at least one parent who is alive somewhere. There are millions of kids just like me all across the U.S., and hundreds of millions all over the world.

We rely on the kindness and the couches of others to get us through the day. I had multiple high school coaches who looked out for me. Multiple college coaches. Deacons. Pastors. Aunties. Uncles. Friends. If even one of those people had let me slip, would you even know my name? Maybe not.

I talk to a lot of kids who have parents in prison, or who left them when they were young for one reason or another. I know the anger. The pain. The fear. Especially the loneliness. They just want somebody to say, “I care about you.” But that doesn’t happen enough, so they get into trouble.

As men, as athletes especially, we don’t like to talk about love. We talk about brotherhood and all that, but not love. But it’s the most important thing in a child’s life. More important than the kind of school you go to, or what neighborhood you live in, or even if you grow up around drugs and violence. If you are loved, you’ll make it out.“

“If you are loved, you’ll make it out.” This blog post struck me for its poignancy and its truth. I have been mentoring two young ladies for three years now. Neither young lady has her father in the picture. Neither of them are wealthy. One of their mothers is a cleaning lady, and the other one’s mother works as a cashier at Wal-Mart. Still, they are amazing, intelligent, talented young women and from the get-go, I would tell my husband and my family that I don’t worry too much about either of them, because it is obvious to me that they are loved. There is no doubt in my mind, that both young women are loved openly and fiercely by their mothers and by their families, and so, from the first time of meeting both of them, I knew that they would be okay. I am just so happy to add to their brimming pots of love, and I am so grateful that they add to my own pot, by loving me back.

If you are loved, you’ll make it out. It always comes down to love, doesn’t it? That’s the “why”. That’s “the how” about anything in life. Just love. Just be love. If you don’t feel like you are loved, then just start loving. It’ll come back to you tenfold. Giving love, automatically starts this miraculous boomerang phenomenon, so that when you give your love away, before you know it, you’ll get whacked in the head with more love than you know what to do with. Just don’t be stingy with your love. Don’t be conditional with your love. Just start loving. Love yourself. Love your life. Love Life. Love everything in your life, even the stuff that’s hard to love. Embody love, because underneath all of the stories, and all of the projections, and all of the insecurities, and all of the scramblings, and all of the puffery, all of the suffering, that’s all there really is to anything . . . Love. Who? Love. What? Love. Why? Love. Where? Love. How? Love. Just Love.

Rest in Peace, Demaryius Thomas. Rest in Love.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Your Attention Please

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

(On an aside, I am struggling a little bit with writing today. This is an odd experience for me. As you all well know by now, I’m pretty prolific. I think this morning’s “writer’s block” mostly has to do with the fact that I got a new keyboard. My last ancient, dusty, “several times spilled on” keyboard was disgusting and no amount of spray action from a full can of compressed air was going to save it. It should have been trashed a long time ago. Still, this new keyboard feels foreign to me. Despite being a best seller on Amazon, it’s noisy and stiff and it feels clunky. My other keys were shiny from use. These keys feel matte and dull and too spread apart. Subtleties truly matter. I now understand why the “writers of old” held fast to their old, trusty typewriters. There is more to writing than just writing. The means matter. They truly do. Please, stay with me, as I let this new keyboard slowly become one with the pathways of my mind and my heart, so that I can best convey what I want to say. Like so much in life, I see that this is going to be an eventual process, and a lesson in patience.)

A big trend these days is an emphasis on “staying present”, staying in awareness, staying in the moment, but this usually only makes sense when we are reading about it, or being lead on a guided meditation in a yoga class, and even then, if we’ve had too much coffee, or we have too many things on our plates to deal with, the staying with our breath thing goes right out the window. (there’s a reason why our bodies breathe on their own, right? We’ve got other sh$t to deal with.) The times that we truly are staying completely present, we ironically, aren’t usually aware that we are doing it. These are the times in which we are completely and totally and mindfully and emotionally involved in whatever we are doing right at that very moment, and this is usually when we are engaged in something that we love to do. When we are involved in our passion projects, we are one with the passion and one with the project. Time stops. We are staying in the flow of life, moment by moment, and it feels so great. It feels so natural and the realest we ever feel. So why can’t we always stay in that state of pure, jubilant, in-the-now presence? We can, but like all things, it has to be our daily intention, desire and practice to do it.

I read some of Mary O’Malley’s writings lately about staying in awareness and her writings are the most helpful, practical “take” on awareness, which I have read in a long while. She has a blog and several books on the subject. O’Malley suggests that you take a look at all of the “story tellers” in your mind. If you are worried about the future, you are with a story teller. If you are ruminating about the past, you are with a story teller. If you are harshly judging yourself or others, you are with a storyteller. Your peaceful awareness part of yourself, the part of you that can notice your own breath, notice where pain and other sensations are in your body, the part of you that can notice your emotional response to happenings, doesn’t make a judgment. It just peacefully and unconditionally notices everything right in the very moment. Like it notices your physical pain, and your emotional trauma, it also notices your crazy train flow of thoughts.

Therefore, if you are feeling the need to find a pause in the storm of your thoughts or your emotions, or you need to find a pause in your reactions to your thoughts and to your emotions, check in with yourself. Take that deep breath and ask yourself, “Was I scared about the future? That has nothing to do with where I am right now. I was caught up in my “story telling”. Was I criminally flogging myself for something I can’t change in my past? That has nothing to do with where I am right now. I was caught up in my “story telling.” When you feel yourself getting emotionally roiled, check in with your thoughts. What kind of “story” is brewing in your mind? Call yourself out. “Storyteller!!” When you make this a practice, you can start calling yourself out on your own mind’s imaginary storytelling all of the time. This will help you to better intentionally respond to the circumstances happening in your life, versus having knee-jerk, overly-charged reactions. When we call out our Storyteller, we get back to noticing what is actually real, what is in the moment, what is actually happening now. When we stop with the “story telling”, we get back to what actually is. When we bring our attention back to “what is”, we are truly noticing and experiencing the peaceful flow of Life, without the distractions and made-up stories of our overactive and oftentimes preconditioned imaginations.

“Happiness arises from getting what you want, and this comes and goes in your life. Joy arises from being with what is – all of it!”
― Mary O’Malley

“With full attention, you become an instrument of healing on our planet, for all that you touch and every being you meet is then transformed by the power of your focused attention. Therein lies the possibility of Heaven on Earth.” – Mary O’Malley

“We live in a story in our heads that is always trying to get us to “do” life, dictating to us, telling us we need to make ourselves and our lives better or different from what they are. In our endless trying, we have forgotten how to be. We have forgotten how to open to the marvelous and magical adventure of life. We have forgotten how to trust ourselves, to trust our lives, and to live in joy.”
― Mary O’Malley

Landscapes

post credited to Think Smarter, Twitter, writer unknown

I love this post. Who makes up the landscapes of your life? Who’s your delicate flower? Your raging ocean? Your quiet forest? Your towering mountain? Your colorful sky? Who has knocked you down and left you breathless? Who brings sunshine into your life? What if you listed all of these different people right now, and then listed the lesson that each of them has taught to you in your own life. Wouldn’t this be an insightful exercise? Wouldn’t you be amazed at the blessings different people have been, and can be, in order to help you to find your own true north, your own true self?

On the opposite side of the coin, imagine what force of nature you might be in other people’s lives. Are you that same force of nature for everyone whom you meet? I’ve known sweet, cuddly panda-types who are able to turn on a dime into raging Kodiak mama bears, if their children are being threatened. And I adore them for that transformative power.

It’s interesting, too, when all of these people come together as a family, or as close groups of friends or co-workers. You almost get a whole new experience and lessons when this happens. Your family and your people who make up the different landscapes of your life, create unique worlds for you and each bring out different aspects of yourself. What group of people make up your rocky terrain? Who’s your smooth sailing team? Where do you fit into these different landscapes? How do you feel in these different elements? How do these different terrains morph you into different forms?

During the holidays, it is so easy to stay distracted and busy and bustled and frazzled. Don’t forget to take a pause and give yourself the precious present of your own presence. The holidays happen at the end of one year, and on the cusp of a new year. There is no better time than now, to spend some quiet time in meditation and in contemplation. Turn the twinkly lights down. Put the to-do list into a closed folder for a moment, and take some time to breathe and to relish and to cherish and to mourn and to feel and to cry and to laugh and to hope and to pray and to smile and to believe and to listen and to hear and to smell and to taste and to savor and to see and to really see and to swell and to relax. Notice what happens when you do these things. Notice what happens in your body. Notice what happens in your mind. Notice what happens in your spirit. Be curious about you. Take some time to be human. Take some time to just be. Realize your own presence, your own energy, your own scenery and delight in it, and all of its amazing abilities. Realize everything that you bring to yourself, and to all of the different people in your life. Realize your part in every landscape of your life and be in awe. You are amazing. You are a vital part of it all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Do you remember the days of being your parents’ remote? I do. Sigh.

I’ve been pondering a lot about the process of elimination. I have been thinking about how progress usually has a lot of mishaps along the way. It’s rarely smooth sailing.

My youngest son has epilepsy. The way you find a medication that will work for epilepsy, is purely by a process of elimination. You start with one medication, and you keep going with it, until you seize, or the side effects become unbearable. Then, you move on to the next medicine, and you start all over again. I imagine it is the same for many disorders and diseases. It’s never a simple process. It can be daunting and frustrating and disappointing.

In that light, I started thinking about how judgmental we are about ourselves on our own journeys in life, and also how judgmental we can be about others, and even about the generations who came before us. However, the reality is, most of the answers which we learn about anything in life, never become crystal clear until we test them out, right? You learn not to touch a hot stove because you experienced being burnt once or twice. You learn from your experiences, far more than you learn from any lectures. Your experiences give you an extremely visceral memory, to help to keep you on track.

I recently watched Squid Game. It’s a brutal, but fascinating watch. (SPOILER ALERT) One of the games that the contestants play is crossing a bridge, made of glass tiles which all look the same to the naked, untrained eye. Half of the tiles are reinforced glass that can hold a person’s weight, and half of the tiles are made of glass that will shatter, causing the contestant to fall to his or her untimely death. The first contestant to cross the bridge, quickly does the math. There are 18 steps to be made, in order to cross the bridge safely and intact. The first contestant has a 1/262,144 chance of crossing the bridge safely. All of the other contestants who follow the first contestant, get better and better odds, as the game goes along. The later contestants have absolutely benefited from the mistakes made by those who came before them.

Do not crucify yourself for the mistakes you make in life. Learn from them, and try to help others to not make the same mistakes that you have made. This is the main reason why we study history. History has a tendency to repeat itself, until we finally learn the lessons and take a new path. Do not be too stubborn to not learn from your own mistakes. Do not be too proud to learn from others, and their experiences. Be open to learn the lessons of those who have gone before us. At the same time, try to be compassionate when others make mistakes, realizing that people are not always “doing life”, with the same starting odds. We all make mistakes.

Quotes about Learning from others mistakes (12 quotes)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Not You, Kid

“They’re just not you, Kid.” – @TheNostalgicCo, Twitter

The other day, I wrote a long, heartfelt email to an author about the difference her book (which is now out-of-print) made to me recently. The author is now in her late seventies, but still has an active website. To say that I was surprised by her response, would be an understatement.

“Who are you? Are you a real person? Are you some kind of telemarketer? Anyway, thanks. Maybe I’ll activate my book back up on Amazon.”

That’s all she wrote.

I understand that today’s society puts up a lot of roadblocks, in order for us to be able to trust each other. I also understand that this author is aging and may be going through mental challenges caused by her aging process. In short, I understand that her response has everything to do with her, and nothing to do with me. And my disappointment in her response, is all on me. My expectations are not credos for her to meet.

Along these same lines, my friend’s daughter was recently going through some real angst with some mean girls, in her freshman dorm in college. It was shocking the level of immaturity and cruelty that college-aged women still stoop to, especially in this day and age of careful, cancel culture. Actually, maybe it isn’t shocking. We mothers all agreed that we all know 50-year-old women who still behave like petty Betty, mean girls. And these vipers tend to raise mini-me mean girls, and the cycle continues on and on.

“They’re just not you, Kid.”

They all can’t be you. Only you can be you. Only you can raise yourself to the highest potential of your own best self. How others choose to respond to your growing and to your expanding and to your leveling up, is their business, their problem, their stuff. It has nothing to do with you. You be you. You surround yourself with those people who get you, respect you, honor you, and love you. You surround yourself with people who are for you, not against you. Send the rest on their merry way.

“They’re just not you, Kid.”

You are special stuff.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.