inspiration Archives - Page 66 of 80 - Adulting: Second- Half

Your Attention Please

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

(On an aside, I am struggling a little bit with writing today. This is an odd experience for me. As you all well know by now, I’m pretty prolific. I think this morning’s “writer’s block” mostly has to do with the fact that I got a new keyboard. My last ancient, dusty, “several times spilled on” keyboard was disgusting and no amount of spray action from a full can of compressed air was going to save it. It should have been trashed a long time ago. Still, this new keyboard feels foreign to me. Despite being a best seller on Amazon, it’s noisy and stiff and it feels clunky. My other keys were shiny from use. These keys feel matte and dull and too spread apart. Subtleties truly matter. I now understand why the “writers of old” held fast to their old, trusty typewriters. There is more to writing than just writing. The means matter. They truly do. Please, stay with me, as I let this new keyboard slowly become one with the pathways of my mind and my heart, so that I can best convey what I want to say. Like so much in life, I see that this is going to be an eventual process, and a lesson in patience.)

A big trend these days is an emphasis on “staying present”, staying in awareness, staying in the moment, but this usually only makes sense when we are reading about it, or being lead on a guided meditation in a yoga class, and even then, if we’ve had too much coffee, or we have too many things on our plates to deal with, the staying with our breath thing goes right out the window. (there’s a reason why our bodies breathe on their own, right? We’ve got other sh$t to deal with.) The times that we truly are staying completely present, we ironically, aren’t usually aware that we are doing it. These are the times in which we are completely and totally and mindfully and emotionally involved in whatever we are doing right at that very moment, and this is usually when we are engaged in something that we love to do. When we are involved in our passion projects, we are one with the passion and one with the project. Time stops. We are staying in the flow of life, moment by moment, and it feels so great. It feels so natural and the realest we ever feel. So why can’t we always stay in that state of pure, jubilant, in-the-now presence? We can, but like all things, it has to be our daily intention, desire and practice to do it.

I read some of Mary O’Malley’s writings lately about staying in awareness and her writings are the most helpful, practical “take” on awareness, which I have read in a long while. She has a blog and several books on the subject. O’Malley suggests that you take a look at all of the “story tellers” in your mind. If you are worried about the future, you are with a story teller. If you are ruminating about the past, you are with a story teller. If you are harshly judging yourself or others, you are with a storyteller. Your peaceful awareness part of yourself, the part of you that can notice your own breath, notice where pain and other sensations are in your body, the part of you that can notice your emotional response to happenings, doesn’t make a judgment. It just peacefully and unconditionally notices everything right in the very moment. Like it notices your physical pain, and your emotional trauma, it also notices your crazy train flow of thoughts.

Therefore, if you are feeling the need to find a pause in the storm of your thoughts or your emotions, or you need to find a pause in your reactions to your thoughts and to your emotions, check in with yourself. Take that deep breath and ask yourself, “Was I scared about the future? That has nothing to do with where I am right now. I was caught up in my “story telling”. Was I criminally flogging myself for something I can’t change in my past? That has nothing to do with where I am right now. I was caught up in my “story telling.” When you feel yourself getting emotionally roiled, check in with your thoughts. What kind of “story” is brewing in your mind? Call yourself out. “Storyteller!!” When you make this a practice, you can start calling yourself out on your own mind’s imaginary storytelling all of the time. This will help you to better intentionally respond to the circumstances happening in your life, versus having knee-jerk, overly-charged reactions. When we call out our Storyteller, we get back to noticing what is actually real, what is in the moment, what is actually happening now. When we stop with the “story telling”, we get back to what actually is. When we bring our attention back to “what is”, we are truly noticing and experiencing the peaceful flow of Life, without the distractions and made-up stories of our overactive and oftentimes preconditioned imaginations.

“Happiness arises from getting what you want, and this comes and goes in your life. Joy arises from being with what is – all of it!”
― Mary O’Malley

“With full attention, you become an instrument of healing on our planet, for all that you touch and every being you meet is then transformed by the power of your focused attention. Therein lies the possibility of Heaven on Earth.” – Mary O’Malley

“We live in a story in our heads that is always trying to get us to “do” life, dictating to us, telling us we need to make ourselves and our lives better or different from what they are. In our endless trying, we have forgotten how to be. We have forgotten how to open to the marvelous and magical adventure of life. We have forgotten how to trust ourselves, to trust our lives, and to live in joy.”
― Mary O’Malley

Landscapes

post credited to Think Smarter, Twitter, writer unknown

I love this post. Who makes up the landscapes of your life? Who’s your delicate flower? Your raging ocean? Your quiet forest? Your towering mountain? Your colorful sky? Who has knocked you down and left you breathless? Who brings sunshine into your life? What if you listed all of these different people right now, and then listed the lesson that each of them has taught to you in your own life. Wouldn’t this be an insightful exercise? Wouldn’t you be amazed at the blessings different people have been, and can be, in order to help you to find your own true north, your own true self?

On the opposite side of the coin, imagine what force of nature you might be in other people’s lives. Are you that same force of nature for everyone whom you meet? I’ve known sweet, cuddly panda-types who are able to turn on a dime into raging Kodiak mama bears, if their children are being threatened. And I adore them for that transformative power.

It’s interesting, too, when all of these people come together as a family, or as close groups of friends or co-workers. You almost get a whole new experience and lessons when this happens. Your family and your people who make up the different landscapes of your life, create unique worlds for you and each bring out different aspects of yourself. What group of people make up your rocky terrain? Who’s your smooth sailing team? Where do you fit into these different landscapes? How do you feel in these different elements? How do these different terrains morph you into different forms?

During the holidays, it is so easy to stay distracted and busy and bustled and frazzled. Don’t forget to take a pause and give yourself the precious present of your own presence. The holidays happen at the end of one year, and on the cusp of a new year. There is no better time than now, to spend some quiet time in meditation and in contemplation. Turn the twinkly lights down. Put the to-do list into a closed folder for a moment, and take some time to breathe and to relish and to cherish and to mourn and to feel and to cry and to laugh and to hope and to pray and to smile and to believe and to listen and to hear and to smell and to taste and to savor and to see and to really see and to swell and to relax. Notice what happens when you do these things. Notice what happens in your body. Notice what happens in your mind. Notice what happens in your spirit. Be curious about you. Take some time to be human. Take some time to just be. Realize your own presence, your own energy, your own scenery and delight in it, and all of its amazing abilities. Realize everything that you bring to yourself, and to all of the different people in your life. Realize your part in every landscape of your life and be in awe. You are amazing. You are a vital part of it all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Do you remember the days of being your parents’ remote? I do. Sigh.

I’ve been pondering a lot about the process of elimination. I have been thinking about how progress usually has a lot of mishaps along the way. It’s rarely smooth sailing.

My youngest son has epilepsy. The way you find a medication that will work for epilepsy, is purely by a process of elimination. You start with one medication, and you keep going with it, until you seize, or the side effects become unbearable. Then, you move on to the next medicine, and you start all over again. I imagine it is the same for many disorders and diseases. It’s never a simple process. It can be daunting and frustrating and disappointing.

In that light, I started thinking about how judgmental we are about ourselves on our own journeys in life, and also how judgmental we can be about others, and even about the generations who came before us. However, the reality is, most of the answers which we learn about anything in life, never become crystal clear until we test them out, right? You learn not to touch a hot stove because you experienced being burnt once or twice. You learn from your experiences, far more than you learn from any lectures. Your experiences give you an extremely visceral memory, to help to keep you on track.

I recently watched Squid Game. It’s a brutal, but fascinating watch. (SPOILER ALERT) One of the games that the contestants play is crossing a bridge, made of glass tiles which all look the same to the naked, untrained eye. Half of the tiles are reinforced glass that can hold a person’s weight, and half of the tiles are made of glass that will shatter, causing the contestant to fall to his or her untimely death. The first contestant to cross the bridge, quickly does the math. There are 18 steps to be made, in order to cross the bridge safely and intact. The first contestant has a 1/262,144 chance of crossing the bridge safely. All of the other contestants who follow the first contestant, get better and better odds, as the game goes along. The later contestants have absolutely benefited from the mistakes made by those who came before them.

Do not crucify yourself for the mistakes you make in life. Learn from them, and try to help others to not make the same mistakes that you have made. This is the main reason why we study history. History has a tendency to repeat itself, until we finally learn the lessons and take a new path. Do not be too stubborn to not learn from your own mistakes. Do not be too proud to learn from others, and their experiences. Be open to learn the lessons of those who have gone before us. At the same time, try to be compassionate when others make mistakes, realizing that people are not always “doing life”, with the same starting odds. We all make mistakes.

Quotes about Learning from others mistakes (12 quotes)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Not You, Kid

“They’re just not you, Kid.” – @TheNostalgicCo, Twitter

The other day, I wrote a long, heartfelt email to an author about the difference her book (which is now out-of-print) made to me recently. The author is now in her late seventies, but still has an active website. To say that I was surprised by her response, would be an understatement.

“Who are you? Are you a real person? Are you some kind of telemarketer? Anyway, thanks. Maybe I’ll activate my book back up on Amazon.”

That’s all she wrote.

I understand that today’s society puts up a lot of roadblocks, in order for us to be able to trust each other. I also understand that this author is aging and may be going through mental challenges caused by her aging process. In short, I understand that her response has everything to do with her, and nothing to do with me. And my disappointment in her response, is all on me. My expectations are not credos for her to meet.

Along these same lines, my friend’s daughter was recently going through some real angst with some mean girls, in her freshman dorm in college. It was shocking the level of immaturity and cruelty that college-aged women still stoop to, especially in this day and age of careful, cancel culture. Actually, maybe it isn’t shocking. We mothers all agreed that we all know 50-year-old women who still behave like petty Betty, mean girls. And these vipers tend to raise mini-me mean girls, and the cycle continues on and on.

“They’re just not you, Kid.”

They all can’t be you. Only you can be you. Only you can raise yourself to the highest potential of your own best self. How others choose to respond to your growing and to your expanding and to your leveling up, is their business, their problem, their stuff. It has nothing to do with you. You be you. You surround yourself with those people who get you, respect you, honor you, and love you. You surround yourself with people who are for you, not against you. Send the rest on their merry way.

“They’re just not you, Kid.”

You are special stuff.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fried Egg Friday

Happy Friday!!! Happy Best Day of the Week!!! Typically, on Fridays (when I am in a good, happy mood) I share three favorites of mine: movies, songs, websites, products, books, pet stuff, etc. Today I am in a good mood. I choose to be in a good mood. I choose to pick the thoughts that support my good mood. From experience, I can tell you that my mood is usually a choice. Today, I choose to feel good. Now in reality, my regular readers know that I am a big proponent of feeling your feelings. I am a big proponent of being real and authentic. I also understand that sometimes, our dark emotions are caused by messed up chemicals in our bodies, which is out of our control, and may need some serious intervention. And of course, we all know that repressed feelings are not good for our bodies or for our psyches. Still, in my experience, in many cases, you can choose to move past your darkness. I’ve earned the right to say this. We’ve been going through hell with my youngest son’s epilepsy the last few months and I have definitely let myself feel the pain, but I have also crawled back to the light. It feels better in the light. Today, I choose to bask in the light.

In a text chat earlier this morning, a friend reminded us of another matter-of-fact, practical friend’s wise words of advice, “It’s only a big deal, if you make it a big deal.” Be choosy about what you make to be the big deals in your life, friends. Not everything has to be a big wave. Help yourself to give yourself some smooth sailing.

My favorites today, are all in video form. I was introduced to two new songs this week, which really moved me. They went into my playlist. See if they speak to your ears. My final favorite for this week, is a link to a video series by a young man who is a travel vlogger, named Drew Binksy. Drew has visited all 197 countries in the world, in the span of ten years and he has made some amazing videos about his adventures. In his latest video, he talks about his eight biggest “takeaways” from this experience. Here are my favorite two insights of his:

+ “The world is safer than you think and 99.9% of people are good people.”

+ “Food is the ultimate connector because everyone needs to eat.”

Choose to have a great day today friends. It’s a precious day in your life. Feel the feels, but then let them go. Here are the links to my favorites for today:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Flying Reindeer

https://twitter.com/filodxxn/status/1465850060235751425

When my middle son was a little guy, hedging his bets, he said to me, “You know, Mom, I still believe in Santa Claus, but flying reindeer, come on! I don’t believe in flying reindeer. I just don’t.”

After watching this video this morning, I kind of do. I kind of do believe in flying reindeer.

I saw this quote on Twitter today, too:

“Life is so subtle sometimes that you barely notice walking through the doors you once prayed would open.” – @meh_thinks

Isn’t this the truth? Look around you, just sitting where you are right now, and look at all of the things and comforts and relationships and friendships and conveniences and answered prayers that you, at one time in your life, fervently hoped and prayed would come into your life. As soon as we get these answered wishes and desires, we quickly start focusing on what we are still lacking, don’t we? Our center of attention always goes to our next wants, making all of our answered prayers seem so easy to take for granted, as if they were always there for the taking, in our lives. Desires are good. Hope is good. These are the attributes which lead to more invention and creation in life. But still, so is appreciation and gratefulness for all that we have already been given. Desire and hope are most potent when they are blended with big dollops of awe and thankfulness and recognition of our constant flow of blessings. Life is like a stealth butler at a luxury hotel or at a Disney resort. It makes sure that all of our needs are being met, quietly and magically, so as to not interrupt or disturb us, as we sometimes walk around impatiently and in a huff and with an air of entitlement, wondering, aghast, why we should have to wait in line for our next big adventure. The audacity!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Big Brood

I figured that we could all use some holiday cheer:

My daughter asked me how to begin her letter to Santa Claus so I suggested she start with, “Hear me out …” (@Dad_At_Law Twitter)

credit: Rex Masters, Twitter

Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish readers!!!

****I know that a lot of you are worried about me and my family, but we are doing okay. A good night’s sleep does wonders. One Day at a Time. It’s the only way to live. You savor and experience your life more that way. Don’t worry. Be happy.****

When you raise a big family (we have four kids), you do a lot of dishes and laundry and driving and PTA forms. You do a lot of juggling of schedules and cars in the driveway. There is a steady hum of noise in the house, always. You are constantly cleaning up messes.

When your big family grows up and moves out, you honestly sometimes forget what raising the big family was like. And then they come home for the holidays, and you are swiftly reminded. As you are doing yet another load of laundry and the dishwasher is running yet again and your husband is vacuuming for the third time in one day, and you have to yell out over all of the noise for someone to move their car so that another car can get out of the garage, and you are trying to remember where everyone is and where everyone is supposed to be, you take a pause and you smile to yourself. You are reminded that you made it through 12 years of high schoolers, relatively unscathed. You are reminded that you helped to give a good, solid start to four wonderful people who are already making a difference in this world. You pat yourself on the back with sheepish pride. And although you realize that you certainly don’t have the energy to do it all again, you are incredibly happy that at one time in your life, you did have the energy to raise a big family. You realize that your big family helped to make your heart grow big, and a big heart is full of love and love is the stuff that sustains you, and that thought is what carries you through the final folding of towels and sheets, from the recent reunion of your big, beautiful brood.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Not-So-Funday Monday

Yesterday morning, right after I published my blog, I took my dogs outside. My phone rang and I saw that it was our middle son calling. I knew what he was going to say before I even said “hello.” He and my youngest son had gone to a local park to play in a pick-up soccer game. My youngest son had an epileptic seizure on the field, in the middle of the game. I am grateful that my middle son was with my youngest son during this time. My middle son is a student in medical school and he, like the rest of our family, has witnessed many of his little brother’s seizures. In fact, my middle son witnessed my youngest son having his first major seizure, when my middle son was driving them both to their high school, many years ago. He attributes that experience as one of the major reasons why he decided to go into medicine. My middle son knows what to do when a seizure happens. He took good care of his brother, as always. The local EMT crew came. They know us by name now. They took good care of my son, as always. Luckily, since they were on the grass, and his brother was with him, my youngest son wasn’t greatly hurt, just some sore muscles and a scratched up face from some pebbles in the grass. He came home to recover from his seizure. He came home to my waiting arms.

My regular readers know that we have been going through hell this fall with my son’s epilepsy. His seizures are currently not being well-controlled by medicine. In September and October, my son suffered at least one major seizure a week, landing him in the hospital three times. He is currently taking five different anti-seizure medications, as doctors scour for a medication combo and a dosage, that works to keep the seizures controlled. We were cautiously optimistic that we had finally found that holy grail of medications, because this November, our son was almost one-month seizure free. Yesterday ended that streak.

I feel horrible today. I felt horrible yesterday. I feel deflated, dejected and scared out of my mind. But, honestly, I felt wonderful throughout our Thanksgiving break with our family. I felt pretty good the week before Thanksgiving break. I even felt pretty good the week before the week before Thanksgiving break. I sometimes cautioned myself that “I was setting myself up for a big fall,” with all of my hopeful optimism, but I didn’t care. It felt so good to feel good again.

During Thanksgiving break, our family, all six of us, had a great time together. We cooked, we shopped, we went to the movies, we even went boating. My youngest son went to the gym with his brothers, and golfing with his buddies who were home for Thanksgiving break. I won’t pretend that I didn’t have nervous moments. I won’t pretend that I stopped being hyper-aware of any strange noises in the house. I won’t pretend that I didn’t keep my son on a strict medication schedule. But I relaxed, I laughed, I savored. I had so much fun. I felt so much joy.

And today I feel so, so sad, but during the rest of November, I mostly felt ease and comfort and relief, because I let myself feel those better feelings. If I had stayed miserable and fearful and depressed and angry, all of November, yesterday’s seizure would have still happened. Despite what we erroneously believe, worry doesn’t stop any negative experiences from happening. Worry doesn’t help anything at all, and we all know this, but I got a very clear example of this fact, taught to me with this lucid life experience. I am thankful that I let myself enjoy a nice, and hopeful month, because I would have still felt so, so sad today, even if I had fretted and worried and been miserable for the whole month of November.

I say to you this: if you are in a budding new relationship that you are enjoying, savor it. Experience this relationship fully and excitedly, without fretting if and when it is going to end. If you have lost a lot of weight, be proud of yourself. Delight in your triumph. Don’t spend time worrying if you are going to gain all of the weight back. If things are going well in your job, with your family, with your friends, with your health, with your bank account, with your life, soak it all in. Enjoy the good! Facts are, upsetting, negative things happen in life sometimes. That’s just the way of life. No one is immune. Save feeling lousy for those times. Save it up, and rightfully feel miserable when you are in the middle of a rough patch. But don’t let those awful feelings seep into your good times. Let your bad times, make your good times feel that much more amazing and glorious and precious. You are strong enough to handle adversity, and wise enough to know that by feeling happiness in the good times, you are giving yourself something to look forward to, when you are in the middle of experiencing your hard times. Give yourself the gift of savoring life in the moment.

In the bad times choose to grow stronger In the good times choose to enjoy fully

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

All Good

credit: Think Smarter, Twitter, @WakeupPeople

In the last couple of months, which have been a pretty hairy time for me and my family, because our son’s epileptic seizures had been out of control, I would notice my knee-jerk response to anyone who asked me, “Hi. How are you today?”

“Fine, thank you. How are you?” or even sometimes, “Great! How’s your day going?” were my pat responses, and always said in overly chirpy and in overly zealous, zippy tones. The worst I ever said was, “Pretty good.”

Now, of course, this is what we all do. The clerk at my grocery store does not honestly want a play-by-play of my sh*tshow of a day/week/month/year, and I don’t want to have an emotional collapse, in public, while purchasing some milk, bread and broccoli, in front of a bunch of hungry strangers. But still, at those times, I was honestly feeling really rotten. For the first time in a long time, I noticed my answers to those socially polite questions, and I noticed how false my fake answers rang out to me. I was lying through my teeth. Yet, just like Think Smarter states above, maybe my answers held some truth. “Fake it, ’til you make it.” Who knows how things in our lives on Earth are going to turn out, until the very end? And even then, the collective belief seems to be that after our lives on Earth, most (if not all) of us will all transition to an even better place. How many terrible, rotten, no-good experiences, in retrospect, after bringing you to your knees, brought you to new heights in your life, in ways that you could never have imagined? We all have had our rising-from-the-ashes Phoenix moments, oftentimes more than once.

So, with that in mind, how are things for you?

“It’s all good,” at my corner of the Earth. “It’s all good.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Where You Belong

So, on a random tweet which I read last month, from an account I don’t even follow, a book was recommended as a life-changer. It is an obscure, out-of-print book written back in the early 1990s, but somehow I was able to obtain a used copy from a seller on Amazon. I’ve looked every day on Amazon since I purchased the book (including today), and it is always listed “Currently Unavailable.” I truly believe that this book came to me right at the moment that I needed it. The copy was reserved for me.

I’m not going to even mention the title of the book. How many times have you had a book, or a movie, or a podcast, or a sermon, or a lecture, or a workshop, or a comedy skit, make such a profound difference in your own life that you decide you have to get everyone you love and care about to experience the same depth and download of knowledge and insight and pleasure, and so you enthusiastically recommend such book/movie/podcast/sermon/lecture/workshop/skit, and you are surprised with the lackluster “meh” you get from many of the others to whom you made such recommendation? In fact, those of you who like to read my blog regularly, have probably recommended my blog to others, and you have probably heard “meh” about my blog, and that’s okay. It’s not for everybody.

My bigger point here is that enlightenment is personal. Enlightenment is a journey. Enlightenment is pretty simple, really. It means to embody and to be the light that is in yourself (and is in everybody else, too, even in your awful neighbor). Enlightenment means to notice the light in everything and everyone else (even your awful neighbor). Enlightenment means to stay in the present moment, and to experience life, just as it is, without judgment, but in peace and in serenity and in faith and in gratitude. It’s hard to stay in an enlightened state of being. Most of us just get glimpses of it, here and there, as we trudge along living our lives, and sit angrily and fearfully, in our struggles. That’s why I love the reminders that the Universe sends my way, in the forms of people, and books, and movies and podcasts and sermons and lectures and workshops and comedy skits (when I am willing to notice these reminders). I get my own unique “wake-up” call from the Universe reminding me that everything that I need, is right there for me, right inside of my heart and in my deepest knowing intuition. The reminders are subtle, but they hit deep. Peace and serenity are quiet, tranquil entities. They aren’t forceful nor loud nor controlling nor shaming. Peace and serenity are patient. Peace and serenity wait for us to come calling (We usually do this after a major biggie life event that has brought us exhausted, and to our knees, finally making us willing to surrender completely. We humans are stubborn this way.) and then peace and serenity calmly and sweetly and knowingly say to us, “We’re glad you’re home. Sit with us. Stay a while. In fact, never leave. This is where You belong. In fact, honestly, we never left you, and You never left you.”

Peace And Serenity Quotes & Sayings | Peace And Serenity Picture Quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.