Tag: inspiration

The Much Needed Thread

I’ve been a little down the last couple of weeks. I was involved in a fender bender that seems to be taking on a life of its own, I’m feeling a lot of bittersweetness with all of the endings my youngest child is experiencing at the end of her senior year of high school, and there have been some dark and sad events occurring in our extended family. In short, my normal, everyday cheerfulness has felt a little more forced than it usually does. I’ve even gotten a little cynical, wondering if people are even kind anymore. But then, the Universe worked its magic (as it always does, look for the messages – they are always there):

This morning, after quickly scanning the news headlines, which helped to create an even sicker pit in my stomach, I started scrolling through Twitter and I happened upon a Tweet where a woman remembered and recounted a kindness that had happened to her on the NYC subway. It was late at night, she had just gotten on to the train, realizing that in her haste, she had dropped her keys which were connected to her wallet. A stranger, seeing this happen, quickly grabbed the keys and the wallet and hurled them on to the train, which landed right next to her, just as the doors to the subway were closing. She said that she thinks of this stranger and his quick thinking/acting and kindness often. This post has started an amazing thread that you can check out at the Tweeter’s Twitter handle (@amandamull). Amanda posted her story less than a day ago and already it has over 1000 comments, connected to it, telling similar stories of wonderful kindnesses strangers had done for other people. People talked about people going out of their way to return wallets, men who protected vulnerable young women, people going out of their way to show people directions, while being lost in foreign countries, people helping pregnant women stay steady, people paying for things or giving things away with smiles on their faces, people helping turtles flip over and cross busy roads, etc. One story that really brought a lump in my throat, was of a woman who had just found out that her three-year old child was diagnosed with leukemia. She was sitting on a bench outside of a concert hall crying. A teenager, who was attending the concert, saw her crying, and sat down on the bench with her, and for at least 10 minutes, cried with her. What I gleaned from this thread, is that it doesn’t take much to make a difference in a person’s life – a difference that they never forget. One man, David Lyall, wrote this:

“I grew up in NYC. One day I was walking to school, maybe I was 12, my Dad had died a couple of years before, life was dark and I was depressed, and I looked over my shoulder and saw a young woman smiling an encouraging smile at me from the back of a bus.”

A smile, friends. A smile. How easy it is to give away a smile, and yet how much it can mean to someone! A smile.

Deep into this wonderful Twitter thread, I saw this exchange:

“nothing gets you high like an anonymous act of kindness

Giving and getting”

The people who were recounting their stories were not just on the receiving end of benevolence. People proudly wrote about kind and generous deeds that they had done for others. This reminded me of the time that I’ll never forget, when my late father-in-law framed a thank you letter that he had received from a stranded young woman, whose car tire, he had stopped and changed. He was so proud of his act and the beautiful note which she had written to him. He sheepishly said, “See, I’m not such a bad guy.”

When you go to read this growing thread on Twitter, I’ll forewarn you that there are a few stories of ungratefulness and haughtiness and nastiness, but overwhelmingly, the stories being told and remembered and recounted, are feel-good stories, the kind of stories that make you want to live by the mantra, “Be the reason someone believes in good people.”

I have to say that reading these stories made me remember countless kindnesses shown to me along the way, as well as many times which I can proudly boast of me or one of my family members doing benevolent acts for others. Right now, I am filled with more positive, loving energy than I have felt in weeks. It’s a wonderful feeling.

Luke Bryan: I Believe Most People are Good | Country music quotes, Luke bryan quotes lyrics, Country song quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Monday Memes - 50+ Funny Memes To Start Your Week

We had a nice weekend. I read two interesting books, and my husband took two long bike rides on his favorite trails, and we planted a couple of new flowers in our garden and did some mulching together, among other things. One of the books that I read this weekend was about the Japanese concept of “ikigai”, which roughly means living in the flow, with a sense of passion and purpose. We lived a lot of our own “ikigai” this weekend, and I hope to put even more of my ikigai, into the week ahead.

❤️ What is Ikigai & How to Redefine Purpose | Management 3.0

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Better Late Than Never

“So, in an age of acceleration, nothing can be more exhilarating than going slow. And in an age of distraction, noting is so luxurious as paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is so urgent as sitting still.” – Pico Lyer

I know that I may have some long-time, loyal, everyday readers, who might be a little bit concerned about me right now. I understand. I pride myself on consistency. I am late writing this post because my host server, Bluehost, was experiencing “Gateway” problems all morning. (don’t ask me what that means, I’m a writer and certainly not a technical one) And I can’t complain. I can count on one hand how many times Bluehost has caused me issues on being able to get on to my WordPress blog site to write my daily blog. In my experience, Bluehost has always been reliable and consistent. I can’t complain. Nothing and no one is completely without fault in this world. C‘est la vie!

So, in the meantime, I have been deliciously lounging outside by my pool, reading a wonderful book, while every 45 minutes or so, coming into the house to see if I could finally log on to say “hi.” I have been living Pico Lyer’s quote above, this morning, and it has been exhilarating and luxurious, and in my case, probably also “urgent.” I have been living more distracted and disconnected lately, than I usually like to go about living my life, and I have suffered some consequences for this lack of attention to the present. Perhaps, even Bluehost knew to force the issue, to make me take a pause.

I hope that you all didn’t go immediately to “the negative” in your minds wondering why I didn’t post. I only write this because unfortunately, this is something that I have the tendency to do. A good friend of mine took her elderly dog to the vet this week, and I didn’t hear back from her when I texted, asking how the appointment went. I’m ashamed to admit that I immediately envisioned the worst possible scenario, and I was already comforting/hugging her in my mind. Well, what really happened is that she changed her cell phone provider and her texts weren’t coming through. Her wonderful, longtime fur companion is just fine! And so am I.

Have a luxurious, exhilarating, urgent “sit still” with me today, if you can. It will do us all a world of good, which ultimately, makes for a good world.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

My “Stuff”

The last few days I have been processing old “stuff”. We all have this “stuff” – aggravations, hurts, pains, annoyances, disappointments, outrages, etc. from the past that poke up their ugly heads out of nowhere, like moles out of holes. It is annoying when this happens, because usually, you forget that you still have this “stuff” lying around in your psyche, until something happens that screams, “Do something with your “stuff”!!! Your “stuff’s” still here!!!” And then, you emotionally react and you start playing “Whac-a-mole” as the “stuff” pops up all over the place, taunting you, and making you feel completely out of your mind.

Now, I’ve mentioned many times that I am a fire sign. I have an ugly temper. So my “Whac-a-mole” hammer goes at lightning speed and with great force. I go all out, when dealing with my “stuff” and my poor, dear, trusted loved ones get to hear all about my “Whac-a-mole” adventures, with all of my “stuff”, until their patience runs thin and they are ready to “whac-a-me.” And I don’t blame them. I just hope that they realize by now, that this is what I do. I stare down my “stuff” when it makes its appearance. I get angry, sad, frustrated, indignant and I yell and I scream and I talk and I cry and I text and I rant and I try to make of sense of it all, as I hammer down all of the “stuff” popping up all over the place. I exert my fire energy heartily. But, of course, we all know what fire does. Fire burns things. Quickly. So instead of me keeping on with chasing down and hammering away at all of my “stuff”, in order to push it into the underground, pretty soon my fire energy ramps up and it starts to burn my “stuff” all away, and I still smolder for a little bit, until all of the “stuff” is burned away clean. And then I feel better again. I feel more even keel and in control. I feel clean and clear. Certainly, I am not naïve to think that “my stuff” is all gone. There is a lot of “stuff” living under the surface holes, this I know. Once you have lived for over fifty years, “stuff” accumulates. I just hope that I have burned away some of my “stuff” for good this time. And I am grateful for the kindness and the love and the empathy and the patience and the forgiveness that my loved ones have shown me throughout the process. Their example helps me to give that kindness, love, empathy, patience, and forgiveness to others, and to myself, from their beautiful examples of love.

Got Stuff? George Carlin Says You Need An Estate Plan! | Georgia Estate Plan: Worrall Law LLC

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Truth

“You’ve gotta stop expecting honesty from those who lie to themselves. They can’t give you what they don’t give themselves.” – Inner Practioner, Twitter

The best liars whom I have ever known, I don’t think for the most part even mean to be malicious. I truly believe that these people believe most of the yarns that they spin. The best liars whom I have ever known tend to live in their own little worlds. Their fantasies are their realities. And they love the attention that their fantasies bring to them, like an audience to a magical show.

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” This English proverb says it all. The people who lie to us want to believe their lies, because they, too, desperately want to believe their own lies. And we all get caught up in the excitement and the drama of it all. It’s fun to fall into the wardrobe and enjoy a little bit of Narnia fantasy world where everything is perfect and exactly how we all want it to be. But coming back to reality, can be a hard fall for those of us who face truths, live in the truth, and who want to make the most of the “what’s what” in life.

In today’s world, it is hard to know what to believe. There is so much information coming at us, at every level, and all of it seems to be tainted and slanted by opinions and perceptions and agendas. I was a marketing major in college and it was always preached to us, that when it comes to marketing and selling anything, “Perception is reality.” That is why there are often beautiful people in car commercials. Our perception becomes that if we drive “such and such” car, we become one of the beautiful people.

It is really hard to drive in the truth to someone who has no desire to hear it. This is always a frustrating experience, isn’t it? And even more upsetting experiences, are those “a-ha” moments when you realize a truth about something or someone that you have been denying to yourself. When you finally face how something is, versus how you want it to be, this is nothing short of a gut punch. But then you are liberated. It is the pure truth, that the truth will set you free. When you face the truth, the decisions you make become based in the reality of a situation, and therefore you can get concrete results and answers, versus more tied up and tangled into the never-ending, ever-growing ball of yarn of lies and deceit. When you start living the truth, you trust yourself. You become your own best friend and mentor and then you are able to steer clear of other people’s fantasies. Or at the very least, you are able to admit to yourself that you are indulging in a little bit of delusion for a moment, which deep in your core, you know is in fact, a fantasy or even an out-and-out a lie.

Quotes about Truth and media (34 quotes)
149 Truth Quotes To Make You Live Rightly
Quotes The truth is still the truth even if no one believes it. A lie is still a lie, even if everyone believes it. | Words quotes, Lies quotes, Words

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Image

credit: @Baseball_Fan_34 (Twitter)

I’m back!!! I hope that you had a “wonderful” weekend with whatever “wonderful” looks and feels like to you.

Over the weekend, I read an article about a therapist, who is transgender herself, who is concerned that young children and teens are making the choice to change their gender, too early, and not as thoughtfully and carefully as she thinks is healthy, having done the change herself. She is concerned that “transgender” is currently becoming a little “trendy”. She said that constantly she says to her patients, “When in doubt, doubt.“

I like that statement: “When in doubt, doubt.” It’s a good reminder to get quiet and listen to that still small voice inside that speaks to us, if we are willing to hear it. When in you are in a quandary, doing nothing is doing something, and doing nothing might be the wisest choice for the moment in question. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Trust that still small voice.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A Little Lost

I’m writing this on Wednesday night. We are leaving early in the morning again for yet another high school tennis tournament that could easily end up being my last big high school sporting event ever, out of the last 26 years in which I (with my husband) have raised four children and supported their schooling, and their activities, and their sports, every single year. Year after year. And this is blowing my mind. And it is blowing my heart. Into a million little pieces.

I never wanted my children to feel like I lived through them. I never wanted my children to feel like I was an endless blackhole pit of need, for them to fill. I always wanted us to enjoy each other as individuals, who are happy and fulfilled separately, but also eager to support, and to enjoy each other. Still, I dove in. I dove in deep into this pool of mothering. I love my family that we have created like nothing I have ever loved, and I love the friends whom my children love. I’m a natural mother hen. I protect those whom I love, and I protect those people whom my people love. One of my favorite boys on the team told me yesterday that it wasn’t likely that his parents would come to the tennis banquet. It wouldn’t interest them. This is a man-child who worked so hard to lose at least 50 pounds, and he worked endlessly to earn his number five spot on the team. All that I could think to say to him was, “Well, aren’t they stinkers?!?” And we hugged each other hard. And I thought, “Wow, your parents have missed out on so much, and they will never, ever get it back. And they will never know what all that they have missed.” And I thought that I am so grateful that I have savored these moments. Because now, “these moments” are almost done. “These moments”, that sometimes, quite frankly, I often wondered, in a frazzled state, if they would ever, ever end, are actually coming to what feels like a sudden, and abrupt close, and honestly, I feel a little lost. Honestly, I feel a little lost. I feel a little lost.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Two Questions to Erase

I wrote this post yesterday morning, because I knew that we would be out early for one of my daughter’s tennis events. After I wrote my post, I read this article/interview (see below). I continue to be in awe of the Zelenskys and all of the Ukrainian people. I love this quote from Olena Zelenska, the first lady of Ukraine, taken from the article and I just had to share it:

Madam First Lady, given everything that is going on, how are you and your family holding up?

“It’s like walking a tightrope: If you start thinking how you do it, you lose time and balance. So, to hold on, you just must go ahead and do what you do. In the same way, as far as I know, all Ukrainians hold on. Many of those who escaped from the battlefields alone, who saw death, say the main cure after the experience is to act, to do something, to be helpful for somebody. I am personally supported by the fact that I try to protect and support others. Responsibility disciplines.“

I think Olena Zelenska is spot on with this. I love the comparison to a tightrope. When you are in the middle of a ongoing crisis, I think the last thing you should do, is to get your head wrapped up in thinking about all of the details and “what ifs” and the extremes of the crisis which you are currently weathering. I always follow ODAT (One Day at a Time), and even sometimes, “one minute at at time” when I am going through something extremely difficult.

Here is the rest of the article. It is an excellent read:

https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/12/europe/olena-zelenska-ukraine-first-lady-amanpour-cmd-intl/index.html

And here is my original post for today:

“Intelligent people are those who agree with you.” – Alan Cohen

We all think that how we specifically think about things, or how we view things, is what is right. We know the right way of how to do everything. We know the right way for everybody to do life right. We are shocked when other people see things differently or don’t handle things the way we think they should (“should” being another troublesome word). Don’t these people know what is right? We see this again and again on political forums, where conservatives and liberals go in circles, trying desperately to prove to the others just how right they are about things. And of course, we watch these scenarios and we sigh, and we think to ourselves the old adage, “Would you rather be right, or be happy?” If we changed the question to “What is right for me?” we avoid the going around in the pointless circles. We save ourselves a lot of grief. And it is even better if we tweak the question to, “What is right for me, right now?” Because, as those of us who are in our second half of life have dearly learned, often what was right for us at one time, often changes to something different, down the line.

Now, you may think, “Well murder isn’t right. Most people agree with that statement.” Of course murder isn’t right. Or is murder right in self-defense? Is murder right during wartime? Is murder right when it comes to capital punishment? Is abortion murder? I don’t want to debate these questions here on my blog. This type of debate will never be the purpose of my blog. The point that I’m making is that “right” is a nebulous subject.

We belong to societies where the rules and laws are created and enforced either by force, imposed by a dictatorship (who has decided what is right for their subjects), or by a democracy, in which what is considered right and enforceable by laws and punishments, is determined by a majority. And these determinations often change over time. What was right for one era in time, no longer fits. (Look at how many states have legalized marijuana usage in recent years.)

Which brings me to the second question that we should remove from our vernacular. “Is this normal? This question is better asked in this way, “Is this healthy?” In years past, it was normal for smokers to smoke in their cars with their windows rolled up. So what if this was “normal”? We all know that smoking, in any condition, is not healthy. This is much like the old question so many of us heard from our parents growing up, “If everyone was jumping off a bridge, would you do it, too?” It might have been normal for all of our teenage friends to be “jumping off bridges”, but is “jumping off bridges” healthy? In short don’t worry about being “normal”, worry about being “healthy.”

In the natural world, there are no definitions of what is right or wrong, or good or bad, or even normal or healthy. In the natural world, you do an action and there are consequences to your actions. It is as simple as that, and not really complicated at all. If you walk in front of a raging bull, you are likely to get trampled. Even if you are a moral vegan and you have never, ever eaten one bite of beef, if the bull is angry and you are in his way, you will get trampled. And you might think, “Wow, that wasn’t right for that bull to trample me! I’m a vegan and a champion of animal rights!” And nature replies, “A bull is a bull. Getting trampled is a natural consequence of getting in front of a raging bull.”

The beauty of tweaking these two pointed questions in your life, is that you get to decide what is right and healthy for you, with the understanding that you will bear the consequences of any of these decisions that you choose to make. You get to choose what you do, but you do not get to choose how people react to what you do, nor do you get to choose what other people think or do in their lives. You do not need others to decide for you, nor to validate your choices of what is right and healthy for you to do. You don’t need anyone’s permission to live what you deem to be a rightful and a healthy life. And they don’t need your permission or validation, to live what they see to be right or healthy for themselves. In short, as my grandmother loved to preach, it is best to “tend to your own knitting.”

Anytime you are stuck in a quandary these are your best “go-to” questions to ask yourself. “In this situation, what is the right thing for me to do, for me, right now? And secondly, “Is what I am doing a healthy choice for me?” Trust that these are the only questions that you are responsible to answer for, which will bring about various consequences for yourself, and for your own life. The rest of it all, is not yours to concern yourself about, and is out of your control anyway. Save yourself undue grief. Don’t have concern about being “right” or “normal”. Follow your own intrinsic moral code, and make healthy choices, and you will do just fine.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good Good-Byes

I spent two hours this weekend watching a video on closure and “good good-byes”. My mentees are a graduating senior in high school, and a fifth grader who is about to enter middle school. I have mentored them for three years, and this is the year in which it makes sense for all of us, to part ways from our regular weekly meetings. I am struggling greatly with this. I am quite fond of both girls and I am deeply concerned about doing this, in the healthiest way possible. I have never been good at good-byes.

The person who ran the video seminar I watched is a grief counselor. She kept repeating the idea that any change is a loss (even a change that we deem as a “good” change) and the natural response to loss is grief. I am a deep feeler. I am already feeling grief and concern about our good-byes. Unfortunately, in the past, when saying good-bye to people whom I worked for/with, or neighbors from previous neighborhoods, or even childhood friends, I don’t think that I did a great job expressing my sorrow about the change, to the people concerned, or even admitting my sorrow to myself. I tend to be too abrupt. I may have come across that I cared much, much less than what I really was feeling about the change. I tend to have a “Buck up and move on!” attitude, and retrospectively, I don’t think that this response is the kindest response for anyone involved, including me. I want to do these good-byes to my mentees better than I have done good-byes in the past. I want to make these “good good-byes.” I have grown. I want to do this lovingly and gently for all parties concerned.

The leader of the seminar told us that we needed to start talking about our parting of ways, now, a few weeks away from our final meetings. People need time to process their thoughts and feelings. People need a chance to talk about their thoughts and feelings which they have processed, and this should occur over several days and weeks, not just in one moment. The “Buck up and move on!” part of me, is afraid of this. I don’t want to keep poking the bear/picking at the scab. It hurts. A lot. But ultimately, in the end, I don’t want to have regrets and unsaid sentiments which haunt me. These are two girls who have already suffered a great deal of loss in their young lives. I want our parting of ways to be one that is considered natural and healthy and part of life’s evolvement. I don’t want them to personalize this loss, in any way, shape or form. As one participant in the seminar reminded us, the adage, “Relationships are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” is true and all three kinds of relationships have their proper place in our lives.

Today is the first meeting with my girls, when I am going to start seriously broaching the subject of our “good-byes”. This is coming at a time when my youngest child is a couple months away from leaving our nest for college. There’s a little storm brewing inside of my heart, friends, to put it mildly. I think that my biggest fear is that this storm will turn into a raging monsoon and I will feel entirely out of control. I guess, if I am honest with myself, my biggest fear is being “out of control.” Which is funny because, as we all know, control is mostly an illusion anyway.

Saying goodbye to someone you love quote.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.