Writing and Empowering on Twitter asked her followers this question: “Have you ever complimented a complete stranger?”
I thought that this was a ridiculous question. I do it all of the time. A lot of people answered the question the same way that I do, although men seem more reticent to give compliments to others, in fear of being considered “creepy.” And many women stated that they are hesitant to compliment men, because many men usually take compliments as direct flirting. I have experienced that unfortunate phenomenon. Still, I always err on the side complimenting. I have never understood why people are so stingy with compliments. Compliments are free, they are kind, and they show people that they are being noticed and appreciated. I never give false compliments. I only compliment things that I truly do like. Compliments never deplete you of anything by giving them away. Honestly, by looking for things to compliment about people, it forces me to look at all of the good surrounding me wherever I go. And the surprised, pleased responses to my compliments given away, always fill me with joy. What an easy, wonderful way to uplift someone else and yourself all at the same time!! Compliment a stranger today. It will improve your Monday tenfold.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
On Thursday, my two youngest children (ages 18 and 21) and I went to see the new Top Gun movie. It was great. It wasn’t deep or meaningful or even gut wrenching. (The first Top Gun was a little gut wrenching. Goose’s death was honestly a little devastating in that movie.) Top Gun: Maverick was just fun and thrilling and action-packed and entertaining and perhaps even a little self-deprecating.
It’s fun to watch my young adult children’s appreciation of the things that marked my own coming of age in the 1980s. They loved the Top Gun movie and they even loved the original, which they watched before we went to go see the new one. I’ve even heard a few of my own teenage boom box favorite songs, playing on their playlists, and they think that Winona Ryder is just terrific. (albeit as the mom in Stranger Things)
My generation, Gen X, throughout the years has often been portrayed as angsty and aimless and forgotten, but when I am reminded of what Gen X has brought into being, from a cultural sense, I see the fun, and the lightness, and the goofiness, and the “go with the flow” which has marked our generation. I see a timeless, unapologetic, “chilled out” individualism that is so attractive in these times of constant judgment and aggravation amongst different groups of people. These days we are so busy shifting blame, assigning shame, and putting labels on everybody and everything, that we forget that life is mostly supposed to be an amazing adventure to be experienced without definitions. Sometimes, it’s important to just sit back, and take a fun, meaningless ride on the “Highway to the Danger Zone.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Happy Friday!! Happy Best Day of the Week!! On Fridays, I stay on the fluffy side of life and I discuss any favorite item or book or song or TV show that has made my life more interesting, easy, fun, etc. Please check out previous Friday posts for more favorites and please let us know some of your own favorites.
Today’s favorite is perfect for those of us who do not want to own our own shredders. (I already own plenty of dust collectors already.) I have become more nervous about throwing away paper items with personal information on them, than ever before. I read in a magazine about Guard Your ID ink blotters, which is a simple tool that basically blackens out any information which you do not want shared with any identity thief who might come across your private papers. It works tremendously. It dries quickly, and it affords you peace of mind, so that you don’t have to allow piles of papers to build up, to warrant a trip to the shredder. It is small, easy to keep in a drawer, and I purchased the “Plus” version which is extra wide. It can be purchased from Amazon for around $10.00. Worth every penny. Can you put a price on your peace of mind?
Have an enjoyable weekend, friends! I’ll see you tomorrow!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
The Queen’s Platinum Jubilee is happening in the United Kingdom right now. At age 96, Queen Elizabeth is the first British Monarch to have achieved 70 years of service, given to her country. There are all sorts of celebrations and activities happening in the United Kingdom to mark this occasion, all over their country, throughout this weekend.
I happened upon a recent monolog by Bill Maher making fun of some of the rules and customs surrounding the British monarchy. Apparently there is one Earl whose only job is to carve the queen’s meat, and when having a meal with the queen, the minute the queen stops eating, everyone else is required to put down their utensils and stop eating, as well. To many, this seems ridiculous, particularly since monarchies are created by birthrights, and are not actually merit based. Still, even in recent years, when there has been quite a lot of scandal surrounding the British monarchy, a large majority of people in the United Kingdom support keeping the monarchy in place, and they take pride in its long, stable tradition. Many British citizens believe that their royalty brings a lot of interest and tourism to their country, and that it unites the people in their shared heritage. In all fairness, I can’t go grocery shopping here in Florida, without seeing pictures of some members of the British monarchy on our magazines, at any time that I am there. It’s safe to say that the fascination with British royals is a worldly thing.
I think that a vast majority of all of us people, like our traditions and our pomp and circumstance. We like the feeling of unity and pride and meaning, with the recognition of our shared rituals. Any decent comedian could rip apart any of our celebratory ceremonies for their apparent silliness, and unnecessary steps, and regulations, and uniforms, and accoutrements. Having just gone through my daughter’s high school graduation ceremony with the mortarboards and the robes, I am sure that if I were an alien visiting from outer space, I might quizzically consider this societal custom, with perhaps even a giggle. And of course, when observing other country’s and other cultures’ traditions and ceremonies, these events often seem so foreign and unfathomable to any of us who are used to thinking that our own traditions and celebrations are what is “correct.” If we are honest and aware, a lot of our current ceremonies and traditions and rituals, whether they be religious, or of the military, or educational, or governmental, could easily be poked fun at by any person with sound thinking abilities. In fact, many of our traditions have been changed throughout history (even in our own lifetimes), due to the realization of the impracticalities and absurdities and even dangers of any particular custom or tradition.
My thoughts on customs and traditions and rituals, is this: Be conscious of what you are doing. If this tradition brings you pride, happiness, positivity, connection, enjoyment, contentment, and it doesn’t hurt or harm anyone else, then it is a good custom for you, and for your loved ones to enjoy together. Who cares if it seems silly or extravagant or outdated or pointless to others? If it is beautiful and meaningful to you, and to others, then it is a lovely creation, worth holding on to and sharing, in your life’s experience. If this custom, tradition, or ritual is harmful and used for control and manipulation and entitlement, that brings harm to others, then be honest with yourself, is this tradition one that you want to continue celebrating in your life? Is this tradition meaningful to you, or is this something that you have been unconsciously doing, by just going through the motions due to the expectations of others, or out of an irrational fear that has been imposed upon you?
When anything is considered in life, it always comes down to the same thing, doesn’t it? Awareness. Notice what is, and contemplate what is, and decide if you want to be part of what is, or if you want to change what is for the better. And at the same time, allow this same courtesy to others, even if their traditions are different than yours.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
My youngest son is taking a stress management course this summer which is required for his business degree. He was telling me that in these early days of the course they are going over the facts of just how bad stress is for your health – physical and mental. As someone who has had many different kinds of pets over the years, it is always the common mantra in animal wellness, that the animal must avoid stress in order to remain happy and healthy. Stressed birds pluck out their feathers. Stressed fish sink to the bottom of the tank in despair. (And remember, we are animals, too.) While the stress/health connection is an obvious truth, the idea of how just how bad stress is for one’s health, honestly, just has the tendency to stress me even more.
A big component to stress is overthinking. So, you know, don’t overthink. Ha! Don’t think about elephants. Don’t think about lemons in your mouth. Are your lips puckered? I am an overthinker. If you are one of my regular readers, you probably have already gotten that sense about me. But overthinking is not good nor helpful. It is a major component in fueling stress. So, how do we stop overthinking?
As with any problem in life, the only way to get a hold of overthinking, is to become aware of it to begin with. That’s when our feelings and sensations come in handy. If you are feeling stressed, why are you feeling stressed? Chances are, if you aren’t right in the middle of a stressful crisis that actually requires action on your part, and yet, you are still feeling stressed, you are overthinking about it. Get curious about yourself. Become aware. Awareness is the first step to any meaningful change in your life. If you become a highly aware person, you will feel more control in your life, and more control equals less stress.
Once you notice your own stressful rumination, lead that rumination and overthinking to problem solving. If it turns out that you are stressed about a problem that you have no control over, then lead yourself to think about how you can take steps to change your attitude about the problem. Challenge the thoughts that are popping into, and swirling around your mind about the problem. We have a tendency to be dramatic and to use black/white thinking when we are stressed. We have a tendency to use absolutes like “Life will NEVER get better!” when we are overthinking. Look at your statements from a detached point of view. Laugh at yourself. Tell yourself how over-the-top and ridiculous that you are sounding, like you would say to a good friend if they were saying some of the theatrical statements that are dancing around in your head, out loud. Roll your eyes at yourself. Keep it all in perspective.
Many people have success with giving themselves a certain time period of the day, when they will allow themselves to ruminate. They give themselves an “overthinking block of time.” The key here is to put an absolute time limit on this overthinking period. What often happens is that when you give yourself the “comfort” of having a time block when you will allow yourself to overthink and ruminate, by the time that you actually get to that said period in the day, you no longer feel the urge nor the need to do it any longer. Sometimes, by that time, the problem has already been solved.
Finally, to avoid the stress of overthinking, deploy mindfulness techniques, like focusing on your breathing patterns, or distract yourself with activities like the alphabet of gratitude. I am grateful for Apples, Breakfast, Candy (hmmm, I am noticing a theme here. If you can’t concentrate on simple one-word things, while going through the alphabet of gratitude, go into more detail for each item that you are thankful for, such as, “I am grateful for fabulous Breakfast Buffets that include things like savory bacon and chocolate muffins and eggs however I want them cooked, with delightful spicy sauces to put on anything and everything” . . . you get the picture.)
Stress is an unavoidable fact of life, but overthinking about your stress is avoidable and curable. Overthinking does nothing to alleviate stress. In fact, overthinking exacerbates stress. Don’t worry about how much you stress. Don’t overthink about how much stress that you have in your life. Uh oh. Right now might be the time to play the elaborate alphabet of gratitude game. A, B, C . . . . .
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I told you that my main activity this past long weekend was reading. Here are some more interesting thoughts that I came across as I joyfully read and read and read:
+ I have a fair amount of subscriptions to decorating magazines. I find them to be so visually stimulating and beautiful. One thing that I have often noticed, even in the higher end designer magazines like Architectural Digest and Veranda, is that no matter how opulent the home, no matter how exquisite the decorations, no matter how rare the antiques and art collections which fill the homes, more often than not, the owners are photographed in their homes with their beloved dogs. And that’s what makes their homes even more beautiful. One of the late Gloria Vanderbilt’s apartments were featured in one of the magazines and she is quoted as saying, “Decorating is autobiography.” I love that sentiment and I find it to be absolutely true.
+ I read another article about a woman who had to move from her beloved home that she had built and designed herself, for a job change in another city. She was distraught about leaving the home, so she started journaling about it. She wrote a long list of everything that she loved about this house that she and her husband had built and everything about it that she would miss. Then, to be even, she started writing a list about everything that she didn’t like about the house and what she would have changed if she could have changed it. Much to the writer’s surprise, the list of what she didn’t like ended up being a good bit longer than what she actually liked about the house. I remember reading that this is a good exercise to do with anything which you are having to leave, give up, move from, or stop – relationships, jobs, habits, hobbies, etc. We all know that it is wonderful to focus on the positive things in life, but to get through the grief of losing something or someone, it doesn’t hurt to be honest with yourself about the negatives that you will also be “losing”, too. This being real with yourself, helps move the grieving process along, in a purely balanced, authentic way.
+ Recently I shared a meme on the blog that said we should choose not to compete, but instead to excel. I always remind my family that “Comparison is the thief of happiness.” All of our lives, and starting gates, and personalities and backgrounds and genetics, will never make for level, even playing fields. Our individual lives are too complicated to be played on a racetrack. Supposedly Fitbit has an advertisement that asks, “What’s strong with me?” This is an inverse to what we often ask ourselves when we are caught up in the futile comparison game – “What’s wrong with me?” Once again, this is just another example of what a shift in focus of your thoughts will do for you, in keeping things and your overall life in perspective. So, my readers, “What’s strong with you?” Please contemplate that question today. I would love to see some of your answers in my Comments section.
+ In pondering the second half of life, I love this quote which I came across from my readings over the weekend: “The first half of life is pursuing happiness, often with the operating system being one’s ego. The second half of life is seeking contentment, with our heart and soul being our guiding influences.” – Chip Conley, CEO of the Modern Elder Academy Isn’t it wonderful that a gift of aging is getting a much better, upgraded operating system?
+ Julia Cameron, author of the timeless The Artist’s Way book, which is a manual/workbook about stimulating your creativity, has come out with a new book that talks about how connected our creativity and our spiritualty can be, if we open our hearts and our minds to this idea. She says this, “I’ve come to see that if you work on your creative life, you develop a spiritual one – they feed each other.” I couldn’t agree more. I have never felt more connected to the higher forces in life than when I am working on a creative project of my own, or I am gazing in awe at someone else’s creative masterpieces. What is more spiritual than creation???
+ I saved my favorite “tidbit” for last. Kitty Sheehan owns a company that writes obituaries for people who have lost loved ones, and who are having trouble putting their loved ones’ lives into words. Kitty said that she once was writing an obituary and the family made a point that Kitty must include the late person’s lifelong friendship to a man named Lenny. They felt that an overall picture of this deceased man’s life would not be complete without mention of Lenny and their beloved friendship with each other. Kitty has since added the question to the list of questions that she asks her clients, “What was it like to be this person’s friend?” When I was reading this article, I decided that this question is a vital one, especially while we are still alive. We can ask ourselves (and we can even ask the question to the others in our lives, if we are brave and choose to get clarity and understanding), “What is it like to be my friend? What is it like have me as a mother? What is it like to have me as a wife?What is it like to have me as an employer or as an employee? . . . . .” If we aren’t particularly proud of the answers, we are still alive to make the answers better. And if we are proud of the answers, doesn’t it feel good to know this about ourselves? Sadly, it is unlikely that we will read our own obituaries. But we are living what will be written in them, right now. What is it like to be me?
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Happy Memorial Day. Happy Start of Summer! I know that a lot of you northerners are opening up your pools today. Jump right in! I was always so excited about the opening up of pools when I was kid living in Pennsylvania.
This weekend has been deliciously lazy for me. I’ve slept in, all three days and I make no apologies for it. I’ve done very little in the way of chores, and I have done a ton of reading, which is one of my most favorite activities in life. I’ve read an interesting book, and half of another good book, and I am all caught up on my stack of magazines. Here are a few tidbits that I gleaned from my magazine reading over this weekend:
+ Avocadoes are berries. (No wonder why I like them so much!)
+ Crepuscular animals are animals that are most active at dawn and dusk. I was reading about red pandas at a zoo and the keeper mentioned that they were crepuscular, so she advised that it was best to view them in all of their glory, at dawn and at dusk. It then occurred to me, that squirrels are also crepuscular (they are – I looked it up) because every morning my dogs go nuts (dumb pun intended) at the squirrels hanging out on our fence, running along it and teasing our dogs mercilessly, as I am trying to write my blog. And then, once again, every evening, as I am starting to cook dinner, I noticed that my dogs also start whining like crazy at our back door, because the squirrels are doing wondrous Cirque du Solei acts on our bird feeder, without fail. So now you have a new word in your vocabulary – crepuscular. (and you also now know that avocadoes are berries. Jeopardy, here you come!)
+ And my final knowledge drop of the day, comes from an article by Kevin Anderson from Spirituality & Health magazine. He says that we do not heal and solve the problems which we ruminate on. Rumination just causes extra anxiety, stress and even depression. He recommends using the visual of a dog, wearing a cone. Dogs wear those cones on their heads after having surgery in order to avoid constantly licking and biting at their sutures. (I can still picture our adorable Josie, the collie puppy, after her spay surgery. She was such a good sport about wearing the cone, despite running and bumping into everyone and everything!) Anyway, any time that you find yourself stuck in agonizing rumination, put on your proverbial dog cone and do not allow yourself to “lick those scabs.” Anderson suggests actually putting your hands by your neck to symbolize “the cone” and bring your attention back to your breath and to the moment. Most of our problems are solved naturally and organically, after we have taken the steps which we are able to do about our problems. After taking the steps to do what you can, put on your “cone” and get into and stay in the flow of life!
I’ll end with these wise words that Rami Shapiro wrote to a reader who is overwhelmed by all of the sadness and atrocities in this world. Rami quoted the first century Rabbi Tarton, “While it is not up to you to complete the task of perfecting the world, neither are you free to abandon it.” This goes right along with a reader of Real Simple magazine who wrote in to answer the question, “What was your mom’s mantra during childhood?” Sallie Rupe answered, “Be a blessing.” I heard it every time I left the house.”
My blog is devoted to poetry on Sundays. Poetry has a way of penetrating one’s emotions like no other form of communication. I read this poem, which I am going to share below, the day after the Texas elementary school shooting massacre. When I looked for a good copy of it to share today on the blog, I found it in the form of a Ted Talk. I can think of no better poem to share today than The Opposites Game by Brendan Constantine:
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Is there any more delicious of a feeling, than basking at being home, and being unscheduled at home? After experiencing over a month of one major thing to do, or place to go, after another, being at home right now, in this moment, feels luxuriously restful, safe and rejuvenating to me. There is no bed that feels more comfortable than your own bed, and there is no place on Earth that you feel more yourself, than your own home. I have often thought that sometimes the absolute best part of being away from home, is the appreciation that you feel for home, when you return to its loving grace. It is not surprising to me, that when people pass on, their loved ones are often comforted with the words, “He’s at home now. She’s home now, and at peace.” Home is equivalent to peacefulness and tranquility and comfort and serenity. Peacefulness is our true home.
During the pandemic, my family and I had a weekly “movie night”. On “movie night”, all six of us (including my eldest son who lives in another state) would watch a movie chosen by one of us (we all took turns picking out the movie of the week to watch) at the same time, and then we would talk about the film afterwards. My middle son chose Goodfellas for us to watch during one of his turns to pick a movie, and I remember thinking, “Why?? Are you serious?!? I’ve already seen that movie like a million times!” And then we watched it, and Goodfellas was, of course, amazing. In fact, in the end, we all ranked all of the movies that we had watched over those several, long months, during those never-ending days of lockdown, and Goodfellas turned out to be our universal favorite out of all of the movies that we had watched together. So today, on FavoriteThings Friday here at the blog, I choose Goodfellas as one of my favorite classic movies of all time. Pop some popcorn, sit your bottom down on your couch, and watch Goodfellas once again tonight. You won’t regret it.
Today, we are still at freshman orientation at my daughter’s university which is the same university that her three older brothers attended. We are at our fourth freshman orientation of the same university, within eight years. My takeaway of this particular orientation is that the pandemic has made all of us a little rusty. This version of freshman orientation is a little more subdued, a little less seamless, and a little more jaded. This is the first time that we have had to watch a seven minute video on what to do in the case of an active shooter on campus. Watching this video was horrifying, terrifying and honestly, the most quiet and somber energy which I have ever experienced in a large ballroom, full of people. I believe that we are all trying to get back to a peaceful, comfortable, serene “normal.” It’s going to take some time and some patience and some compassion for us to get there. However, we will get there. We will. Believe it.
“To me being a gangster was better than being president of the United States.” -Henry Hill, Goodfellas
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
