Tag: inspiration

Humble Pie

I was intimidated the other day when I came in for my appointment with a Stretch Lab trainer whom I had never met before. She sported a grey crew cut hair style and she was “cut” and “stacked” as my gym rat sons like to say. I was shocked when the trainer had the quietest, most melodic voice I have ever heard. I had to lean in to hear her. And she was utterly gentle, and intuitive, and kind of soft and motherly, in an earthy way.

We got to talking and she said that she had gone through most of her life feeling like she was a total badass and most of the rest of the world was “weak.” When she had problems and relationship breakdowns it was always the other “weaklings’ ” fault. This trainer had been a competitive bodybuilder and marathoner until one day one of her knees gave out. The trainer had to have knee surgery, but there were complications and she ended up having to have three subsequent surgeries. She lost most of her muscle mass and she had to rely on “the weaklings” in her life to help her to crawl her way back to herself. This woman told me that while this experience was incredibly difficult, it had given her whole new ideas about what real strength is in life. She said that true strength is never about going at life, all alone. True strength is being able to ask for help from others when you need it. She said that having to rely on others at times, is what clears your blind spots about yourself and about others. The trainer said that her reluctant bites of humble pie are what brought her back, and propelled her forward, to her best form ever.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Oppy

Last night my husband and I watched the sweetest little documentary called Good Night Oppy. It was a lovely, delightful watch before going to sleep. Good Night Oppy is about the Mars Exploration Rovers which landed on Mars in 2003 and were only expected to stay functional for a 90 day mission, but both of the rovers, named Spirit and Opportunity, ended up “living” and exploring Mars for years and years. Despite aging, and memory problems, and weathering many journeys and storms, Opportunity or “Oppy” ended up doing her job for almost 15 years! If you need a “feel good”, inspiring movie that takes you out of the drama and negativity that sometimes seems so pervasive these days, watch Good Night Oppy. It’s so pleasant and gratifying and brings out everyone’s “inner geek”. Good Night Oppy shows the excitement of dreams come true, all from the beauty of human ingenuity and teamwork. The documentary even shows how music unites us all. Good Night Oppy reminds us that we can love our own creations, and our machines like we love living things. (Who of us hasn’t shed a tear after selling a beloved car?) Good Night Oppy reminds us of just how far the breadth and the depth of our own love can expand, perhaps even to Mars and into universes beyond.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

“Why You Should Get Used To Being Misunderstood:

If we say what we want, we will be called aggressive. If we people please or appease, we will be called selfish because it’s never enough.

If we place a boundary, people won’t honor them or will violate them. If we have no boundaries, we’ll drown as we try to meet everyone’s expectations.

If we follow a path that’s not traditional, we’ll be told it’s risky or it won’t work out. If we do what’s expected of us, there will still be people who critique how we do it.

If we have the courage to share our gifts with the world, there will be people who would prefer us to be silent.

If we stay in our comfort zone, we live with the regret of “what if I would have…”

If we decide to break the cycle, there will be people who label us as the problem.

If we stay in dysfunction, the connection and love we receive there will always come with conditions.

If we outgrow relationships, some people will feel abandoned in the process. If we stay in relationships we’ve outgrown, new versions of ourselves won’t be accepted.

The only answer really is to live a life that’s authentic to us and allow people to misunderstand us in the process

Because they will anyway.” – Dr. Nicole LePera, @Theholisticpsyc (Twitter)

I usually make Monday posts on the blog, light, short and funny. (I like to just ease into my week.) However, today I’m feeling a little more verbose. And if you think that I am verbose and prolific, then you need to check out Dr. Nicole LePera on Twitter and/or Instagram. Dr. LePera freely gives out a plethora of helpful, insightful, meaningful, direct, easy to understand “therapy” on a daily basis. I highly recommend reading her stuff. She has given me so much food for thought. I agree with Dr. LePera’s platitudes about 98 percent of the time and even when she is saying things that “I already know”, the daily reminders are so helpful and useful. I found the thread which she recently wrote on making true apologies and amends to be so excellent that I decided to send it to our immediate family text chat because lately I think that our family has been a little lax in that area with each other. (This action of mine got “ignored”, or met with mixed reviews, but the seed has been planted . . .)

As much as I appreciate Dr. LePera’s insights, over the weekend she posted a thread about “forgiving” her younger self for all of the mistakes she had made throughout her lifetime. It was a beautiful thread and I think that forgiving yourself is key for a healthy mindset, but I also think that Dr. LePera should have taken it a step further to thank her younger self for having the guts and gumption to venture into life without all of the accumulated wisdom she has acquired throughout her life, from her studies and from her experiences. Do elite athletes like Michael Jordan have to forgive their younger selves for not being the amazing players that they eventually became, from the get-go? Is anyone an expert at anything from the starting gate? The seeds of talent and desire may be there, but the seeds have to be nurtured and grown, and usually this “seed nurturing” in anyone’s life starts out by some pretty young, naive, inexperienced farmers (our younger selves), who are learning as they go. Of course we young farmers make mistakes! It would be weirder if we didn’t! And we’ve all had to grow the seeds of our lives in all different terrains, with all sorts of unique weather, and conditions, and toxicities. Honestly, what’s more impressive – a naive little seedling that makes it through a big storm, or a hearty tree that is firmly rooted and has the knowledge and ability to rely on the experience of making it through many storms?! We need to thank those little seeds who were us for having the guts to give it all a try, without much knowledge, training and experience to go on. We need to thank the younger versions of ourselves for overcoming our fears in order to be willing to try all of the experiences that have molded us into ourselves today. The younger versions of ourselves helped us to evolve and to become who we are today, right at this very moment. Ponder this: We are currently, right at this moment, the younger versions of ourselves, who ten years down the line, we will be simultaneously forgiving and thanking, all at the same time.

Perhaps all that life really is, is growing from seedling into hearty trees, reaching into the skies of our adventures, constantly learning as we go. Isn’t this action best done with big dollops of forgiveness and gratitude for ourselves, and for others, as we co-create this beautiful, mysterious forest of our shared world?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Welcome to Sunday on the blog, a day devoted to poetry. Poetry is everywhere. It’s in our songs, in our descriptions of things, and in the cadence of our movements. And the biggest misnomer that people have about poetry is that it is SO SERIOUS. Haven’t we all read several of Dr. Seuss’ books?! Below is one of my favorite actresses reciting a poem. Enjoy! And write yourself a silly poem today or speak out loud one of your favorite songs in a serious, poetical tone. Make yourself and your loved ones laugh. What could be better for your soul?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I See You

Yesterday afternoon I did something for myself that I have been pondering doing for a long, long time. But it always got put on the back burner. Part of it was probably fear (why rock the boat?), and part of it was prudent ideas about money (Putting four kids through college is the priority.) But since I told myself that I was going to start out my PART III empty nest stage of my life “in fine feather” this seemed like a wise and bold choice to show myself that I mean business.

So yesterday, I got Lasik surgery, and today this computer screen looks clearer than it has looked in quite some time. Without glasses or contact lenses, I am looking out my window and I can make out the edges of tree leaves from across the lake. I started wearing eye glasses when I was in the third grade, and for vanity’ sake, I quickly moved on to contact lenses. I don’t think that some of my friends even realized that I wore contact lenses until I carelessly scratched my cornea with old, outdated travel-sized contact lens solution, and I ended up in the ER during a girls’ trip in Nashville. (And let me say that cornea scratches are far more painful than Lasik surgery even comes close to being. When I scratched my cornea, I was sure that I was going blind, or if the pain continued, I was considering possibly blinding myself.)

Anyway, today I am celebrating the gift of sight, and I am also celebrating doing something meaningful and maybe even slightly extravagant for myself. After years of taking my body for granted, I am showing it that I am grateful to it – for its health and its vitality and for the ability to birth and to keep up with four children for decades. Today I am celebrating what my senses bring to my life’s experience. Today I am celebrating the sensuality of life in all of its crisp, crystal clearness.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

There’s a Theme Here, Friday

Today’s Favorite:

credit: @woofknight

Kidding, not kidding. Does this really exist? Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday! On Fridays, I stick to the frivolous stuff in life. The more that I study philosophy, the more that I realize the gist and the meaning of it all: Stay in every precious fleeting moment and just enjoy it, dammit. How better to go about that task than playing around with the stuff of life? On Fridays on the blog, I talk about one of the things, the websites, the songs, the arts, the crafts, the products, the movies, the books etc. which have made my life more interesting and fun. Please see previous Friday posts for more favorites and please add your favorites to my Comments section.

Today’s favorite is pretty practical. I’m in that stage in January while I am still having fun organizing and cleaning stuff out. (I’m expecting this mojo of mine to fizzle soon, so I am capitalizing on the moment.) Confession, for most of my adult life I have had a plastic grocery bag storage problem. (And let me say right here, that I use recycled bags whenever I can, but we have three big dogs. Those teeny, tiny rolls of plastic bags which are impossible to open, and are equally impossibly small, just don’t cut it for our large dogs’ “leave behinds” on our walks. Only plastic grocery bags do the job properly.) Anyway, I have always devoted one or two cabinets in our kitchen or laundry room to the overflowing cloud of plastic garbage bags that pops out and threatens to drown and suffocate the entire household every so often. What a ridiculous waste of space! I found this contraption on Amazon that seems to hold a million plastic bags in a small tube which can be hung in our garage. The bags are removed from the bottom, much like you remove a Clorox wipe from it’s container. I just freed up a whole giant shelf in our laundry room! Voila!! Look up “TOGETRUE Plastic Bag Holder, Mesh Grocery Bag Holder Hanging Storage Bag Dispenser” on Amazon or other retail sites.

And bonus favorite for today: Earlier this month I wrote a blog admitting to my addiction to pens. Luckily another reader came forth with her pen addiction and we had a bonding moment. I mentioned finding Japanese Kokeshi doll pens in a cute Japanese shopping area in New Jersey, that are not only adorable but are absolutely perfect for writing. (their fine tips and their black ink is divine!) It turns out that these perfect pens are available on Amazon to purchase. (What isn’t? I know.) Search up Japanese doll pens, and you will see that there are a plethora of choices.

Enjoy your weekend, friends!!! See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Believe Them

I was reminded of Maya Angelou’s great wisdom the other day, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” We sometimes think that these wisdoms only apply to our intimate relationships – romantic, familial, friendships, or our working relationships, but they also have to do with whom you hire to do things for you.

My husband is the executor of his mother’s will, and he called a few different recommended estate attorneys to get a feel for what was required for the process in her state. He felt good about the conversation which he had with the one attorney, and he decided to proceed with utilizing this attorney’s services. But soon after, the attorney and his associates started dropping the ball. Phone calls and email messages were not being answered in a timely manner. An appointment was missed. Despite a late evening phone call full of (probably legitimate) excuses, my husband decided that this was not a business relationship that he felt good about. The attorney showed my husband that he was “stretched too thin”, and my husband believed him.

I told my husband that he was fortunate that the lawyer showed him “who he was” this early on. This happened to us previously with a rental manager who was to be in charge of our home in North Carolina when we first moved to Florida. When the rental manager disappeared for a 5-day birthday party without any warning (the man was in his fifties), we knew that it was time to cut bait and we again, thanked the Universe for the favor of quickly showing us that this was someone who we could not rely on.

Neither of these men are “bad” people and perhaps more laid back people than my husband and I, would work well with these gentlemen. I don’t know. The bottom line is that when you immediately face the reality of a situation, and you face the reality of your own needs and boundaries in situations, you save yourself and others a lot of trouble and heartache by facing, and then living in your truth. Trust your gut, even when it is telling you something that you don’t want to hear, or to know. Be thankful when someone shows you their red flags early on. Forewarned is forearmed. When people show you who they are, believe them.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Things which I’ve been pondering in this new year:

+ Usually the traits that you can’t stand in someone or something have an equally visceral reaction in the opposite way. For instance, Trip, our Boykin spaniel, is the brattiest, most entitled, most demanding and full-of-himself dog we have ever shared our lives with, and yet it is those very same traits of his personality that make me smile and laugh out loud every single day. The way that Trip demands to have the most comfortable seat on the couch, all splayed out, without a hint of modesty, and how, during our walks, his nosy little self gets up on his hind legs in order to look through the fence of the neighbor’s yard, with the hopes of instigating their pit bull, makes me annoyed, and yet also vicariously overjoyed at his audacity, all at the same time. I imagine that this can be the same for the people whom we love, and even when we consider our own selves. The next time that you find yourself being angry at someone you love, or beating yourself up for your own “worst” traits, see if you can twist it around to something that you also, in equal measure love and admire. Stubbornness can also be stick-to-it-iveness. Messiness can also be laid back and creative. Righteousness can also be bravery. Talkativeness can be good entertainment. You get the picture . . .

+ I have been reading a lot about how little changes are what really adds up to the big changes. Rarely do the big sweeping changes stick. (Already, in mid January, my husband mentioned that the gym is no longer overly crowded in the mornings.) I, myself, have been able to do better with my own health choices, when I make one little change, versus a drastic, all-encompassing change. For instance, for most of my twenties and thirties, I drank at least 4-5 Diet Cokes a day. One day, I decided that for my health, I would quit drinking Diet Cokes. (I didn’t say to myself, I am going to do a complete overhaul to my diet. I just decided to quit drinking Diet Cokes.) I haven’t drank Diet Coke in probably about ten years now. Small changes are easier to focus on and are more doable, than complete overhauls. So now, I am meditating on small changes that I can make in various areas of my life, that will give me that wonderful sense of accomplishment that feels so good. Can I add an extra mile to my walk? Can I go to bed a half hour earlier every night? Can I clean out a drawer a day?

+ Recently I wrote about fixing small aggravations in my life and being amazed by the difference this makes in my mental health. For instance, I finally figured out how to turn off our home phone ringers, and it’s been beautifully quiet and peaceful in the house. Yesterday, as I stared at the fingerprint filled, and dog nose smudged sliding glass windows which we have all over the back of our house, I sighed. I had no desire to clean them, because it is either a long, laborious process involving a pail and a squeegee, or a tedious, and pointlessly frustrating process involving at least a whole roll of paper towels. So honestly, I usually just let the sliders be (while still remaining aggravated and embarrassed), until the glass is almost opaque. However yesterday, I took a page out of my husband’s playbook, who has learned how to fix a lot things around the house from various YouTube instructors. I looked up clever ways to clean sliding glass windows. And I found a DREAM solution. Essentially, you attach a 100 percent cotton towel on to your Swiffer, spray your windows with a foamy window cleaner and you can get both sides of the doors done in about a minute. You even can reach the top corners that somehow even manage to get dirty – how this happens, I do not know.

Readers, please share any small changes that you have made that have ended up making a huge difference in your own lives. I would love to hear your tips!

Touch Grass

The younger generations often say, “Go touch grass,” to their friends whom they perceive are spending too much time online, and not experiencing their time in “the real world”. “Touch Grass” means come back to reality, come back to what’s real, get down to earth, breathe in some fresh air, and don’t get too caught up in the incitements of the ever-changing moment.

I like it. “Touch grass.” Simple. Meaningful. Useful. Easy. I, myself, often go outside into my own yard, in my bare feet, and I literally touch grass frequently. Pachamama. Doing this gets you in touch with the present moment and with the connection which we have to all living things. (I realize that at this time of year, it is easier to do this where I live in Florida, than in other places which may be covered in snow. In those cases, “Dig for some grass and then touch it (quickly) and then go back inside.”

Yesterday, my husband had the day off from work, and so we took a long walk with our three dogs, but that wasn’t enough. It was a beautiful, sunny, cool, crisp day, so after the walk, we took off on our bikes, and we rode around for a two hour jaunt out in our neighborhood, around a local park, and we explored various bike trails along the way. When I found my mind veering to past experiences, or to future planning, while we were riding, I brought myself back to the present moment by repeating to myself the statement, “Touch grass.” Simple. Meaningful. Useful. Easy. Touch grass. Touch grass. Touch grass.

Touch grass.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

The older I get, the more I hear the mantra “Keep moving” from people who are older than me. I think that this is probably excellent advice to heed.

Yesterday, Dr. Nicole Lapera tweeted this, “Not everyone is seeking to grow or change. Adjust accordingly.” A person agreed and responded, “Don’t project your desire to grow on to others.”

We often talk about projecting our own negative qualities on to others. “He’s so angry. She’s so negative.” When we are feeling judgmental about others, we are often told to seek out the very attribute that we are judging about others, in ourselves. (When you point a finger, three fingers point back at you.) This new take on projecting what seems like a positive quality, i.e. “your desire to grow”, made me pause.

When we do something for ourselves, for our physical/mental/spiritual health and it feels amazing and makes a huge difference in our own lives, it is natural for us to want to shout it from the hills. We suddenly see how pervasive ‘that thing’ that we have changed in ourselves, is also in our loved ones, in our acquaintances and in our society, and we want to “heal” everyone. We want everyone to experience the relief and the awakening that we are feeling. And then we feel a little shocked when we are met with disinterest, or resistance, or even anger and backlash.

I guess that this all comes down to that nasty “unsolicited advice” lesson. And if, in this instance, we look at the three fingers pointing back at us, what questions could we ask of ourselves? “Do I need validation for my new way of looking at/doing things in my life? Am I afraid of losing people/places/things that aren’t able to change along with me? Do I have control issues? Do I have a savior complex?”

It’s such a hard thing for us humans to go it alone. We are social creatures. It is difficult for us to grasp that our only project in our lives, is our own life. The only person whom we can change, make happy, and journey with, from start to finish, is ourselves. And that in itself, is A LOT. We don’t need to take on more. Any one life to steer, is enough to handle in any one lifetime. Yes, it hurts to see people whom we love struggle with things that we see could easily be fixed and healed. But other people’s lessons and journeys are not ours to fix and to heal. The best healing and fixing we can do for anyone else is to love them, know that they are being held by forces greater than us, and trust that they are on the right journey meant for them. And then we healthfully steer ourselves back into our own lanes, and we continue to keep moving on our own journey, humming a little tune to the beat of our own precious heart.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.