Tag: inspiration

It is Your Turn

I’ve been cleaning out cupboards and closets lately, and when doing this yesterday, I came across three stuffed folders of writings/pictures/philosophies, etc. that had inspired me throughout the years enough to want to print them, and to keep them, and to even stuff them into moving boxes to take to our next homes. (I have plenty of those folders all around my house. This was just from one shelf, from one cupboard.) In it, I found a list of all of the children, and their birthdates, and their middle names, born to nine of us women who have remained good friends since college. (Interestingly we have had 24 children amongst us: 12 boys and 12 girls. Nature knows what it is doing.) What was really cool is that when I came across this list, I realized that the youngest baby born to our friend group was having her ninth birthday yesterday!

Another thing that moved me (once again) was from a eulogy of a friend of a friend’s father. This man grew up in a working class family from my hometown, Pittsburgh, PA, and he ended up being a very successful dentist, builder and developer, after he had successfully served in the Marine Corps during VietNam. He raised five children with the love of his life, and together they had seventeen grandchildren. He died in 2008. The eulogy mostly consists from what is written at the top of the eulogy: “Our gift to you from the family is a list of sayings, thoughts, that our father expressed to others and advice from his personal letters. They may not all be original, but they do represent how he lived his life.”

Readers, there are quite a few of these sayings and thoughts and philosophies that the family attributed to this wonderful man. I am just going to list a few:

Tell your family and your friends that you love them . . . every day.

If it’s going to be, it’s up to me!

Always, always, always treat everyone with respect.

If a poor kid from Pittsburgh with average intelligence could do it, then anyone can.

Do small things for others – leave notes, compliment them, smile, you will make their day.

The glass is half full.

Lead by example. You don’t always have to tell someone. They will see.

Only ask of others what you are willing to do. Be humble and sweep the floor and take out the trash.

We are the stuff of stars.

See God in nature – everywhere.

Never forget that freedom comes from responsibility and discipline.

You must constantly thank others.

Life is but a series of learning experiences.

We adults miss so much. We become wrapped up in success and worldly things.

Tell others how proud you are of them. Do it often and tell them specifically.

Be patient. Things may be difficult now, but there will come a time when these will be your most happy moments.

Always be questioning everything. Have a hunger and thirst for knowledge.

A man’s life expands and contracts in direct relation with his courage.

If I listed everything that this man did and accomplished in his life, your head would spin. He died at the age of 68. Here is the last of his words printed on the eulogy:

I am the bow and you are the arrow. I have pulled the string tight and true. Soon I will release the tension and you will enter the universe of life. It is your turn.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Museday-Tuesday

+ The sun’s light looks a little different on this wall than it does on that wall, and a lot different on this other one, but it’s still one light. We have borrowed these clothes, these time and place personalities, from a light, and when we praise, we’re pouring them back in.
– Rumi

This week, instead of looking for things to criticize and to critique, let’s look for what’s to praise. Let’s pour the light back in, this week. When we pour light into something, we illuminate it. And illumination helps us to truly see the full scope of everything, and to understand.

 + Speaking of “different”, a spotless baby giraffe was born at a Tennessee zoo recently. She’s spotless! She’s not albino, she’s all brown. This baby giraffe is believed to be the only spotless giraffe alive in the world today. The zoo is holding a naming contest for her:

“the naming contest list to four choices: Kipekee, which means unique; Firyali, which means unusual or extraordinary; Shakiri, which means “she is most beautiful”; and Jamella, which means “one of great beauty.”

Those aspects which each of us have, that make us unique to anyone else, is our own special brand of “kipekee/firyali/shakiri/jamella”. Show off your own “kfsj”. When you’re purely yourself, you’re spotless!

+ Do you remember when almost all writers had pen names? I decided this weekend that if I ever decide to use a pen name it’s going to be “Anole Dogsmile”. It came to me this weekend. It started when I had that uncomfortable feeling you get when someone is staring at you, and I finally noticed that what was staring at me was a tiny, little, newborn anole. He was sitting on the screen behind me, just holding his ground, and staring me down, and around that same time, I glanced at Ralphie, our Labrador retriever, and I had an epiphany that all three of our dogs’ lips naturally turn upwards. They are almost always smiling, and then I thought about it and I realized that most dogs have this same trait. Dogs not only smile with their tails, but they were born with natural perma-grins (much like dolphins). So if you ever pick up a book by “Anole Dogsmile”, that’s me.

+ I read an interesting expose by Donna Cunningham about the difference between two different kinds of “guilt.” One type of guilt is true guilt. This is the guilt that you were designed to feel when you have done something against your own moral code: such as steal, cheat, lie, etc. This type of guilt is used as a healthy course correction. You feel true guilt in order to get yourself back on track, and to perhaps even make amends to people you may have hurt. True guilt tends to dissipate quickly after you change your actions. The other kind of guilt, is more of an emotional manipulation/power play that is unfortunately a frequent transaction in our society. We use it, and others use it on us, to get people to do what we want them to do. This is not healthy, “true guilt.” This is an unhealthy, passive-aggressive/emotional power trip, which often leads to holding resentment. Resentment is as dangerous to our bodies as toxins and pollutants. Built up resentment makes you feel like your insides are being eaten up. When you are feeling the emotion of “guilt”, ask yourself, “What have I done wrong?” Disappointing someone for not doing what they want you to do, is not doing something wrong. Why are anybody else’s feelings/needs more important than yours? You should not do things out of FOG – fear/obligation/guilt (the unhealthy guilt) nor worry that if you don’t do what they want, you’ll be abandoned. You may sometimes choose to do things that you don’t necessarily want to do, with the awareness that you are making this choice, not out of FOG, but out of kindness and consideration. You haven’t given your power away when you make a conscious choice. What is the remedy to the unhealthy kind of guilt? (Cunningham defines unhealthy guilt like this: “Guilt is resentment turned inward . . . (it) is no more than secret resentment of unwanted obligation.) The remedy is essentially, to grow up. Own your own life and your own power. Be cognizant of your own needs and your responsibility to your own adult life, and for meeting your own needs. Learn to be comfortable with sometimes disappointing others, and be respectful of others’ right to say “no” to you (don’t just manipulatively “give to get”). Healthy, wholesome, true adult relationships are based on love and mutual respect for the other’s right to live their own lives as they see fit. A true relationship is not based on fear, obligation and guilt. A true, loving, healthy relationship is based on respect and autonomy and mutual affection and honesty. As Cunningham says, “Resentment alienates us from our fellow man. Guilt alienates us from ourselves.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

And even those who know the content, bring their own perspectives and experiences and projections to “reading” us. In the end, only us and our Creator know our true “content” and sometimes our “content” even reads as a mystery to us, as we go through the chapters of our lives.

When I was young, we were taught to respect and revere books. Books were considered sacred. We weren’t to fold or tear the pages. We treated the cover gingerly, sometimes even putting a cover on top of the cover, in order to keep the book protected. We were taught never to judge nor pick a book by its cover. Sometimes the most wonderful books had the plainest of covers and/or most banal of titles. Often a book that resonated with me, might not resonate with my friends, and that was okay. There were a sea of books in the library, for all of us to find our match. The library was the quietest and most peaceful part of the school. Each precious book had its own spot on the shelves, where it rested, until small hands and eager minds picked it up and opened it, to see what wonders lie inside. It was intoxicating to get to know a new book and to learn something new and interesting and unknown.

I like the thought that we are each our own book. Though I cannot possibly read all of the books ever written, I do know that books are so much more than their covers and their introductory descriptions, and what other people think of them. Each book holds a story, told like no one has ever told it. And that is precious and unique and sacred.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning! Welcome to poetry day on the blog. On Sundays, I often implore you to write yourself a poem. This poet says it best:

I follow a man named Joseph Fasano on Twitter. He’s an English teacher in NYC, but he is also a published prose writer, poet and a musician. Joseph Fasano is also an incredible curator of other people’s poetry. I highly recommend for you to follow Joseph Fasano on Twitter. You will learn so much. Recently he assigned his students this: “Your assignment tonight is to read a writer someone told you not to“. Readers, let’s follow that assignment. Go to a banned books list and amaze yourself by just how many of the books on that list you have already read, and loved (and perhaps, were even assigned to read in school). Let’s not let sterilized AI and limited, fearful ideology take over the beauty, creativity, honesty and humanity, that comes from the written word of so many different perspectives and experiences, told in the voices of true, vulnerable humans, seeking some form of wisdom and understanding. Empathy is uniquely human when we decide to utilize it.

Below is one of Joseph’s most excellent poems. (anyone who has ever had to leave a terrible situation, can relate to this one):

And he posted this poem the other day. This poem so reminds me of my grandparents’ generation. They just had a way with living life in acceptance that I think we may have somewhat lost throughout the years:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thoughts for Thursday

+ I’ve been complaining a lot in real life, and also even here on the blog, about how “stuck” certain situations seem to be in my life. I’ve often heard organization gurus talk about how clearing out your living space helps to bring movement to “stuck” energy, and I know this, in my heart, to be true. Yesterday, I got proof. I’ve spent most of this week, cleaning out some closets and organizing my things, and that in itself has felt amazing. (Why do we put this chore off when we know just how good that it feels when completed??) Anyway, two small situations in my life that had felt a little angsty and “hopeless” to me, miraculously turned around yesterday. If you feel “stuck”, put that irritation and angst away for a little while, and instead go all in with cleaning out a couple of your drawers, or a shelf, or a closet. As within, so without.

+ Dr. Nicole LePera recently wrote this Tweet on Twitter:

LIFE ACCOMPLISHMENTS THAT GO UNNOTICED: 1. Being happy in your marriage 2. Taking a pay cut to do a job you love 3. Making a major life shift at 50 or 60 4. Enjoying your own company 5. Being able to say “no” comfortably 6. Using your gifts to help others 7. Divorce from a dysfunctional situation.

Isn’t this the truth? I know many people who are financially/professionally successful. But I know a lot less people who have accomplished any or all of the things listed above. These things are rare accomplishments because they require a lot of self-awareness, prioritizing, sacrifice, authenticity and bravery. And interestingly, these accomplishments listed above, are what often brings the most intrinsic satisfaction to one’s life. Bravo, to my courageous, dedicated friends and readers, who can count yourself as accomplishing at least one of those items on Dr. LePera’s list! Your accomplishments do not go unnoticed. They are admired, respected and appreciated.

+ I read an interesting article recently that talked about when we are going through a big change in our lives (such as empty nest, relationship changes, job changes, etc), we have a tendency to want to torch everything to the ground, and to start fresh, but this is a major mistake for most. Our everyday routines give us structure and predictability, in a world that often appears chaotic. Our daily routines help us to stay disciplined, feel purposeful, and they stop us from ruminating and overthinking. When going through major changes in our lives, it is best to stick with the routine, but also to “watch” ourselves in it. What needs tweaking? What could be added? What could be let go? You’ll learn more about yourself, by observing yourself right where you are, than chucking it all, to go meditating on a mountain in a different, exotic country. And when you do decide to go on your mountaintop meditation journey, you’ll already know exactly who you are, and you’ll have brought your healthiest, wisest self with you, in order to just enjoy the major change and the sensations that you’re experiencing.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Four Laws

Anne Lamott likes to repeat this often in her writings, and in her social media:

The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit

by Harrison Owen

1) Whoever shows up are exactly the right people to show up.

2) When it begins is exactly the right time.

3) Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened.

4) When it’s over, it’s over.

Harrison Owen was an Australian writer, explorer and photographer who wrote these principles after observing the interactions of many different people and types of groups, all over the world. He developed a process for running large group meetings, based on these four observed principles. He called this process “Open Space Technology.” Harrison Owen drew up these principles with the idea of getting the most out of large meetings of people, in the way of creativity, and open-mindedness and the flow of concepts and perspectives and ideas.

Nowadays, The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit are often used as a spiritual reminder to individuals and to groups, to help them come into a peaceful acceptance of what is, and also, to let go of what is not in our own control.

If you are having a circumstance or a happening in your life that you are struggling with accepting and/or you are trying to control the outcome to no avail, does it bring you comfort to apply “The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit”? We often spend way too much time in the “would of/could of/should of”, “hindsight is 20/20”, things didn’t turn out exactly how I had hoped and planned, thoughts and feelings of regret, about events that have already passed in our lives. If we can consider that the “The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit” may possibly be the undeniable truth, then we can shift our awareness to the lessons, the awakenings, the positive gifts and elements that came from the situation, and our own personal growth that occurred from the circumstance, which will help us in our lives’ experiences, going forward.

When something is in the past, it is what it is. It happened the way that it did, with the people who were part of it, during the circumstances that are already over. And when an event is over, what is best left, is not to ruminate on wishing that things had gone differently, but to accept the event for what it was, and to explore the truths, and the emotions, and what is salvageable and helpful to bring forth into the now experience of your present life. If you can get yourself to believe that the circumstance happened exactly as it did, in order to bring to you (and to the others who were involved) these very life lessons and skills and awakenings, you can find peace about the situation, instead of staying mired in frustration about your regrets, and your own lack of control. If you can believe that there is a bigger process in play, with more meaning and intricacy and overall connection involved in it all, than you could possibly understand with your one small, human mind, than you can find peaceful presence in every moment of your life. Use what works.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Fun is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as “Light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, or amusement; boisterous joviality or merrymaking; entertainment” (Wikipedia)

What do you do for fun? Do you do what society says is fun, or do you really know what you, yourself, find to be fun? Are you caught up in a rut of doing the same old things that you used to do for fun (perhaps from childhood on), that if you are honest with yourself, you don’t find to be fun anymore? Maybe if you are excruciatingly honest with yourself, you might find that what you do for “fun”, has never really been fun for you, but something you have done to please others, or something that you think that you should find to be fun, because others seem to find it fun. Have you turned something that used to be fun for you into a goal-oriented chore? (For example, perhaps you used to love to run, or workout, or play golf, for fun’s sake, but now it has evolved into a strict, time-consuming regimens, full of self-judgment? Or perhaps that club that you joined, used to be fun, until you took on a leadership role that now just makes it another added stress in your life.) Remember that the dictionary describes fun as “light-hearted pleasure and amusement.”

Make an off-the-cuff list of things you do for fun. Then really study that list and ask yourself the questions from above. Narrow down your list only to the things that actually bring to you “light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, and amusement.” If your list is sparse, think about things that you could add to this list, to bring more light-hearted pleasure and enjoyment into your life. If parties aren’t on the list that’s okay. Perhaps sitting in a quiet corner with some needlework is more fun for you. Maybe you used to find shopping to be fun, but now you crave a simpler life with less stuff. All of the sudden, organizing and purging might be more fun for you at this stage in your life. We change all of the time in all different facets of our life. It’s okay to no longer find joy in tennis, book club, yoga, art collecting, going to concerts, scrapbooking etc., even if at one time this thing was a true passion for you. Passions burn out (passion comes from fire, and fire always burns out when its fuel goes damp or empty). Don’t feel guilty if you have spent a lot of time and money on skiing or boating or stamp collecting. You can sell your equipment, or you can charitably give it to others who are just discovering their own varied interests. Or you can just lessen your time commitment to certain pleasures that aren’t as fun as they used to be for you. Maybe instead of skiing every weekend, you choose to take a ski trip once or twice a year. This opens up some space on your calendar to try something new. Just because you are good at something, or highly skilled at something, doesn’t mean that this particular thing has to be your source of fun and pleasure. A lot of people work at what they are talented at doing, in order to afford to do what they truly love to do, and on what they really find to be fun and intriguing.

One of my friends swears by the app, Meetup. Meetup is an app/website to help you to find groups and clubs with similar interests as you have, in your local area. She said that when she first joined Meetup, it was like dating, she had to be open to exploring. My friend soon figured out what groups were right for her, and which ones were non-starters. My friend laughingly tells the story of walking towards a group of people who all looked to be at least her parents’ age and older, and so she turned right back around and went home. She knew right off that this particular group wasn’t for her. However, it was through Meetup, that my friend ended up trying kayaking, which is now one of the greatest sources of fun and activity and friendships, in her life.

People tend to discount fun. Fun isn’t “important” enough. We don’t have time for fun. And then we question why we have so much anxiety and depression and burnout in our society. If you ever watch animals, they love to have fun. Our three dogs (none of them are puppies) turn our home entrance into wrestle mania at least once a day. Two of our dogs would play fetch to their deaths, if we didn’t stop throwing the ball. Wild animals frolic with each other all day long, even when grown. Fun is not just for puppies and children.

Today, make your honest list of what you find to be fun. Make a list of things that you would be interested in trying for fun. (if you have a hard time with this one, think about things that you loved to do as a child and see if you can incorporate some of “that” back into your life) Take a time slot in your life where you know that you are in a rut of just doing the habitual, same-old/same-old, and insert something new from the “things to try for fun” list. The worst that will happen is that you will find your curiosity satisfied about something that you had never tried before. It may be “not your thing” but that will just leave an empty slot on your list for another new thing to try.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning, friends. I’ve experienced a lovely weekend. I hope that you have, too. Today, I decided to stop slacking, and I finally wrote my own poem for today. (Write a poem today. If I can do it, you can do it. Trust me. I consider poems to be messages in a bottle sent from the deepest recesses of your heart, up to your head to be translated, with understanding and resonation.) Baudelaire once wrote, “Always be a poet, even in prose.” Here is my poem for today:

Light breezes, finding the perfect seashell,

puppies, babies, foreign lands, spicy food,

the joys and angsts of raising children,

flowers, books, singing robustly when driving my car,

laughing, playing, loving with intimate vigor,

sunny, clear days, and calm, fire-lit starry nights,

As I ponder of what trinket of beauty to write a poem about,

I ask myself,

If I were to be thrown into a small, dark, dank prison with iron chains,

Or I found myself tied to a lonely hospital bed for the rest of my days,

would have I let myself experience enough life and unbridled emotion,

from my vital, gifted, assumed days of freedom and health,

to fill those lonely, lost days with poems of lush and vivid memories?

Am I living the poetry in my heart that is begging to flourish right now?

There is nothing sadder than a heart without poems.

Living life is what beats a heart.

Poetry flows from the beat.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Lightning Strikes

Last night we went to an event with our youngest son and his friends which was held in the arena where our local hockey team plays. Our local hockey team is our city’s pride and joy. We’ve won three Stanley Cups, two of them in back-to-back years. It always gives me a giggle, particularly now, in the August heat of a Florida summer, to think about how dominant we are at a winter sport that was invented in Canada, whose winters are as brutal as our summers. One feature of our event tickets was to be able to tour the locker room, which was surprisingly small, humble, and modest when you think of it as an area that these great champions spend a fair amount of their time. This actually made me smile. It made me think of the unpretentious Ted Lasso. When we turned the corner to a small sitting area with a couple of well worn couches, there were these words printed on the walls (as always, the words were my favorite feature of the night, besides laughing with my family and friends):

“The Standard is set by our action and mindset – Our action is swift and without hesitation, our mindset is one of quiet calm in the heat of battle, we will win as a result of our values. We are Fearless, Accountable, have Integrity, are Tenacious and Humble. We have Faith in The Standard.

Fearless – I am not afraid to fail.

Accountability – There are no excuses.

Integrity – I honor my word with my actions.

Tenacity – I will do whatever it takes.

Humility – Team above self, always.”

With a Standard like this, is it a wonder that they have become The Standard to beat???

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

This Is A Good One

I remember many years ago my uncle relaying a story of sitting next to “The Boss” (Bruce Springsteen) on an airplane heading to New Jersey, and my uncle said that Bruce was an incredibly nice, gracious, down-to-earth man. Since the theme of the blog this week seems to be trending towards “good, kind-hearted people”, I thought that I would share this video. Good people are everywhere. Make it a point to look for them. They usually don’t make a show of it, but they are everywhere. If you make a point of looking out for something, you will be surprised about how often you find it. Sometimes you will feel inundated. Try it. Pick anything – a red rose, a butterfly, a dolphin, an orange car, etc. and marvel at how many times in a small amount of time you see this particular thing or an image or representation of this item, as you are going about doing your daily life. ( “The Baader–Meinhof phenomenon is an example of such biased attention. What is it called when you learn something and then see it everywhere? This phenomenon is called the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon or the frequency illusion.” – Scribbr) Why not add kind, wonderful, thoughtful people to your list of things that you want to see on a daily basis? Wouldn’t that be a great uplift to your every day?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.