Our youngest son graduated early from college in December, and he will be starting his first “real” job out of college this summer. He and one of his long time best friends are planning to be roommates downtown in our city, so they have been apartment shopping. I took them out to lunch the other day and it was amusing to hear them complain about all of the “crazy” things that you have to do in the adult world. They were making fun of so many things that just don’t make sense. I laughed and I told them, “Guys, you’ve only just begun. Get used to “crazy”. It’s everywhere. At least you are aware of all of the “crazy”, even if you have to be a part of it.”
Along these lines, on Easter, our youngest son was complaining about the fact that two times in a row, his Starbucks barista did not put any ice into a special new drink, which is supposed to be known and created and advertised for its full-out freezing iciness. I said to my son, “Well, next time you’ll have to say, ‘This drink is known for having a lot of ice in it, right?’, to you know, kind of jog his memory.”
“I shouldn’t have to do that, Mom. It’s his job to know how to make the drinks,” my son said stubbornly, as I barely stifled my guffaw. “Darling, there are a lot of things in this world which should happen or shouldn’t happen, but still don’t or do happen. Part of being an adult is learning how to navigate a system that’s all kinds of crazy without going crazy yourself.”
I’ve learned in life that smiles, kindness, friendliness, foresight, self-deprecating comments mentioning that I can sometimes have a tendency to be a PITA, or sometimes a little “high maintenance”, lowered expectations, and accepting that I will have to make many reminder calls and I will have to repeat many questions (and then self-deprecatingly admitting that reminders can be annoying), have helped make it easier for me to navigate my own little corner of cray-cray. The goal is “to be in this world, but not of it“, right? Of course, it took a little while to get my process into play, and being at peace that I even have “to do this process” (which sometimes feels fake and manipulative) is still something that I am working on, now in my ripe old fifties. It’s interesting being the observer of my children as they enter the arena of Crazy World, right out of their Starting Gates of Adulthood. Maybe they’ll turn crazy enough to change the world into the way that it should be.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.