hope Archives - Page 11 of 14 - Adulting: Second- Half

Today’s Mantra

These are the memes that spoke to me from Twitter today. I read also on Twitter that Harry Styles is extremely upset about what people are putting out on social media about his girlfriend, Olivia Wilde. He said this about Twitter: “a s***storm of people trying to be awful to people.”

I think Harry is right. Social media can be extremely negative, harmful, mean and bullying. It can also be filled with inspiration, beauty, and wisdom. It’s what you look for in anything, that makes it so. Most people, places, and things are just neutral. We put the meaning and stories and attention into/on the item, or the person, or the relationship to these people, places and things. What is terrible for me, might be wonderful for you. The key is to put the focus on what is wonderful for you.

Are you letting yourself be loved, you grumpy little shit? Earlier this week, I got a root canal and honestly, I haven’t felt this good in quite some time. I realize I had been walking around, ignoring a growing, gnawing problem (literally in my head) that I was hoping would magically just disappear. Most of the time, life doesn’t work this way though, right? Our bodies, and our emotions send signals which grow louder and louder, for a purpose. They are saying, “Let yourself be loved, you grumpy little shit!”

Truthfully, I have more energy and vitality than I have felt in a while. I had the infection removed and my whole body is sighing with relief. My husband read that in the 1800s, people had a higher average body temperature than we have these days, because many people walked around with low-lying infections and diseases that could not be remedied. We have so many remedies these days for so many problems. Are you utilizing the remedies that are needed for your own mind, your own body, and your own spirit?

Today’s mantra is “Let yourself be loved, your grumpy little shit.” (and this means putting a big emphasis on showing love to yourself in your every waking moment, and in every decision that you make for yourself. Love and gratitude radiates outward from a healthy, loving heart. We will all benefit from your healing.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Alive With Color

Yesterday I sent flowers to a loved one who has been through hell these last couple of months. I called a florist whom I do not know, in a state where I do not live, and I explained the nightmare our loved one has gone through with her health. I asked the florist to create something cheerful, bright and really special. He said to me confidently, “Don’t worry. I got you.”

And that fabulous florist delivered handsomely. Yes, those are even bananas in the arrangement!! Bananas! Our loved one is thrilled with the flowers, and I am thrilled with this florist. I absolutely adore people who are intimately involved and prideful and passionate about their work. It always shows. When people do what they love, the results are amazing. The love shines through.

On the topic of flowers, my friend told me about an organization in our town that delivers recycled flowers (or unsold flowers donated by our local grocery chain) to people in hospitals and care homes all over the country. Another friend of mine, who is downsizing, just donated a plethora of vases to this wonderful organization. As I did an online search, it turns out there are quite a few of these wonderful entities that do this lovely service for their communities. Below are three of them. They all need volunteers to make the arrangements, and to deliver the arrangements and they also happily accept donations such as the vases my friend just gave to them.

There is a garden of good in this world. And it is flowering with people who make a difference in the lives of others. The love shines through.

Random Acts of Flowers

Welcome to the Power of Flowers Project!

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Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Your Spirit

I always tell my family that none of us are even leaving this life with our bodies. And they groan, “Mom, you’re so morbid.” But I think that this is an important concept to fully understand and to grasp, in order to best savor your life. I love my stuff, but I get that what I really love, is the experiencing of “my stuff.” I love to play around with clothes and fashion and shoes and make-up, and I love to drive around in my car with the convertible top down, but I do these things with the full understanding that it is the experience of playing around with my stuff which actually enthralls me. Life is the experience for the spirit to enjoy. My body is the vehicle to get my spirit to all sorts of experiences. My physical home is a place that protects my body and comforts my spirit. But none of this is mine. My spirit (which is my peaceful awareness of all that it is experiencing) is the only eternal part of me, and the memories of all that my spirit has experienced in this life, is the only thing that I’ll be taking with me, when I leave this Mother Earth and journey on. I hope that I am collecting an incredible treasure trove of memories to take with me, because that is the only treasure I have amassed which truly has any real meaning and eternal value.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What Matters

Some things matter and some things don’t. The journey of life is about discovering the difference.

~ Alan Cohen

I love the story I read over the weekend in People magazine. A little girl was on a flight with her parents, and as they left the flight and were walking in the airport, in the wee hours of the morning (I think around 2 a.m.), the little girl panicked realizing that she had lost her first baby tooth and that she didn’t have it with her. It had probably fallen out on the plane. A pilot, seeing the little girl’s distress, promptly came over and wrote a note, vouching for the lost tooth, for the little girl to give to the Tooth Fairy. The note asked the Tooth Fairy to accept the note in lieu of the tooth. I am sure that the Tooth Fairy accepted the note.

Kindness matters.

I also read an excellent article by Paul Sutherland in Spirituality & Health magazine. The article was talking about perspective. He wrote this:

“I have been immersed in spirituality and religion my whole life. I met a few “repent or go to hell” fearmongering Christians, Muslims, and Jews along the way. Listening to the frown-lined devotee who is keen to save my soul, I ask: “Are you happy?”

I pause for their answer. I then ask: “Are you saved, or content that your life is reflective of Moses, Jesus, or Muhammed, or whoever guides your worship?”

I then listen and simply say, “Seems if I had a personal relationship with God, was feeling guided by God’s presence, and had faith, I would be so happy, optimistic, and joyful that I would hardly be able to contain myself. I certainly would not be running around judging people and tearing down those God created in God’s image.”

Paul also told the story about lamenting about all of the world’s ills to one of his teachers. His teacher let him go on and on and then said firmly, “Paul. Suffering exists so we have something to do.” Paul Sutherland ended his article with this statement:

“I realize that, actually, suffering can be our call to optimism, to act, to hope, and to work for a world where every person goes to bed feeling safe, happy, loved, full, connected, and optimistic about tomorrow.”

Perspective matters.

Masaru Emoto, a famous Japanese author and researcher, studied water crystals and what the effects of words and feelings have on water crystals. Here is an example of some of his findings:

Whether you believe these findings about water crystals to be true or not, we already know what Emoto was trying to convey:

Gratitude matters. Wisdom matters. Truth matters. Peace matters. Love matters.

It appears what really matters in this world, are those things which are eternal and recognizable to all of us, no matter our age, our country, our language, our backgrounds, our educations, and our beliefs.

Love matters. Love matters. Love matters.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What Are We Doing?

The Statistics can be Intimidating

It is estimated that there are between 143 million and 210 million orphans worldwide
Everyday an estimated 5,760 more children become orphans worldwide
Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually
Each day an estimated 38,493 orphans “age out” of the orphanage system and are put on the streets with no family and no home
10% to 15% of these children commit suicide before they reach 18 years old
All face highly challenging and uncertain futures without the support of a family

Credit: Project 143

If you do the math, 2,050,560 children become orphans every single year. And approximately 250,000 of children are adopted annually. Hmmmm. I’ve never been great at math, but it appears to me that there are plenty of children already in the world who would greatly benefit from being adopted. And sadly, we in America, all know the face of another precious orphan whose parents were gunned down at a Fourth of July parade, by a 21-year old man (with prior issues of violence), who legally bought high powered rifles in his own state.

I’m not trying to be political here. I am grateful for the new law that our Republican governor in Florida put into place recently, that would never restrict loved ones from being able to visit their loved ones in a hospital. No one should EVER have to die alone. Last fall, there was more than one time, when our son’s epileptic seizures were out of control, that we were denied access to visit him in his hospital room, and this was in Florida which was generally much less restricted than the rest of the country during the earliest times of the pandemic. I remember sobbing at the front of a hospital entrance in my husband’s arms, with the power to do nothing but to hope and to pray.

Can we stop with the party lines??? Can we start to come together with realism, common sense, and an agreement to compromise, for the good of our country and for the good of our country’s precious citizens??? These hard core, black/white, all or nothing, stubborn, defiant, righteous, hateful lines that both of our major parties are walking, are not doing us any good. We are not walking a straight path. We are walking in circles. And we are quickly circling down the drain, to the despair of the majority of us, who adore our country.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good Story

The other day, I was riding my bike around our neighborhood and I noticed several signs in many yards (similar to the one that we have in our yard) proudly announcing graduates. I naively thought that they were all high school graduates, and I was really surprised that we had that many teenagers living in our neighborhood, whom I didn’t know, but then with closer inspection, I noticed that a lot of the signs were from our local elementary school. So, in reality, there are quite a lot of fifth graders who live in our neighborhood. This makes more sense.

These yard signs for graduates are a relatively new phenomenon in our parts. We didn’t get them from the high school, when our three sons graduated from there. I think that the proliferation of yard signs mostly came about during the pandemic (so that kids could be celebrated, even from afar), and I think that they are wonderful! No doubts, the pandemic has been horrible, terrible, no-good, miserable, sad and unbelievable. Still, there are a few things that have come from the pandemic that I am grateful to have come into my life. I love the celebratory yard signs (I have seen a lot more of them for birthdays, and babies – more than I ever did before the pandemic). I love that my husband works a hybrid model now, spending a couple of days during the week, working from home. My husband is happier, and I like having someone else in the house during the week, sometimes, too. If I am running a lot of errands, I have peace of mind that my husband is home with the dogs, or that he can let in a person, who might be fixing something in our home. It’s definitely been a win-win, and a situation that we never dreamed could have happened before the pandemic. I have a gratefulness now for all of the everyday things that I used to mindlessly take for granted: toilet paper, cleaning supplies, meat. There is something to be said about noticing and appreciating the things that we used to just unconsciously count on being there for the taking. I sigh with relief and happiness that my local grocery store’s paper products and freezer sections are mostly full these days. And truthfully, I’m a little more hygienic than I ever was before. I am more careful in crowds. I use hand sanitizer like I never did before, and I think that these new habits have helped me to stave off a lot of germs, besides just the coronavirus. Even in the bad times, there are always kernels of good that come from these times. It has been proven to me, again and again, in my life’s experiences. No matter what concrete jungle you find yourself in, there is no doubt that you will find some little green, hopeful, resilient plant poking its plucky little leaves out from the teeniest of cracks in the dirty, grey concrete. There is good that defiantly grows out of bad, every time and everywhere.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Good, Smart, Strong Ones

Like so many others, I was deeply disheartened to hear the news that Naomi Judd, the famous country music singer and other half of The Judds, had taken her own life over the weekend. Naomi took her own life days before The Judds were inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame. Naomi Judd suffered crippling depression and she brought a lot of attention to mental issues and depression and anxiety, by using her fame as a voice to these issues, in the way of writing books and doing interviews on the subject for many years.

Naomi Judd was the mother of Wynonna Judd, her partner in The Judds singing duo, and of Ashley Judd, a movie star, activist (one of the forerunners to bringing Harvey Weinstein to justice), and a person devoted to humanitarian work. Ashley Judd also has a degree from Harvard University.

All three Judd women suffered awful abuse from their childhoods on, but I remember being really interested about the Judds and their lives, when Ashley Judd wrote her memoir All That Is Bitter and Sweet, about a decade ago. With this book, she brought a rarely heard voice of empathy, of kindness, of being understood, of validation, to “strong women”, those women who are “too good”, “too smart”, “too together” to show their pain, their weaknesses, their flaws, or their needs to the world. See this excerpt:

“I needed help,” the 38-year-old actress tells the magazine in its August issue. “I was in so much pain.”

Judd, the daughter of country music star Naomi Judd, says she entered the Shades of Hope Treatment Center in Buffalo Gap in February for “codependence in my relationships; depression, blaming, raging, numbing, denying and minimizing my feelings.”

“But because my addictions were behavioral, not chemical, I wouldn’t have known to seek treatment. At Shades of Hope, my behaviors were treated like addictions. And those behaviors were killing me spiritually, the same as someone who is sitting on a corner with a bottle in a brown paper bag.”

Judd says she was visiting her sister, singer Wynonna Judd, who was being treated for food addictions.

“When (the counselors) approached me about treatment, they said, `No one ever does an intervention on people like you. You look too good; you’re too smart and together. But you (and Wynonna) come from the same family – so you come from the same wound.‘ No one had ever validated my pain before. It was so profound,” she says.

(from an interview Ashley Judd gave to Glamour magazine in 2011)

I don’t mean to alienate my male readers. I see you, too. I see the “good guys” out there who take it all on the chin and keep on going like Energizer bunnies. To all of my strong, good, smart, “have it all together” female and male readers out there, I see you. I understand you. I empathize with you. It’s admirable how you handle your pain, your life, and your hurts. It’s not easy. You may not emote about them, nor act out on them, as much as some others do. But you have them. Your human, living a human life, in vivid, erratic times. Your hurts, your pains, your needs, are every bit as valid and important, as anyone else’s in this world. You don’t have to be steel all of the time. You can cry. You can let it all out. You can let others know that you need to be held, and to be carried sometimes, too. You are lovable as the whole package of you. You aren’t loved just because you are fierce, and capable, and reliable and giving. You may be admired for those traits, but you are wholly loved for all of you – the whole package. Let yourself be vulnerable. Let yourself be authentic. When you do this, you won’t fall apart. In fact, you will never feel stronger in your life, than when you allow yourself to welcome, and to get to know the whole of you (even the parts that you deem to be “negative” or “bad” or “weak” or “flawed”), as you fall into the loving arms of the Universe. You will be caught by the strength of pure Love, that has never, ever let you go in the first place. You are never alone. I hope that today, if you needed to read this, oh strong, amazing, dependable one, that you hear it as if it were a message from God above, and it reverberates all of the way down to the depths of your soul, and it stays there for eternity. Every part of you is loved. You are whole and you are loved. You are amazing, all the way around.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Favorite Gestures Friday

I was watching a video showing Supreme Court nominee, Ketanji Brown Jackson, being asked about how she would inspire children of our nation to reach the great heights that she has reached in her career and in her overall life. She choked up when she answered the senator’s question. Ketanji Brown Jackson made a point that sometimes it is the smallest gestures that make a huge difference in people’s lives. She relayed the story of being a black young lady from Miami, with a public school background, being at Harvard University for the first time, during her first semester freshman year. She was not used to the cold weather of Boston, nor the abundance of prep school kids who grew up with an entirely different background that she had, and she was terribly homesick. She was questioning whether she really belonged there. Jackson said that as she was walking dejectedly on the campus, an anonymous black woman came up to her, out of nowhere, looked her straight in the eye and said to her, “Persevere.” Obviously, she never forgot that moment. Ketanji Brown Jackson was relaying this very story about a stranger, as she was choked up with emotion, to a senator during the hearings to see if she will become the newest justice of The United States Supreme Court, and to be the first black woman ever to achieve this role.

Today, I don’t want to talk about favorite things like I usually do on Fridays. Physical things are great. They make life fun and interesting and creative and tactile and sensory. They evoke happy feelings when we are experiencing using and admiring the things that we love. There is nothing wrong with physical things, particularly our favorite things. But today, I pose this question. What are three of your favorite things that people have done for you that have left a lasting impression on you, and possibly even changed your life??

This morning my friend shared a text of a beautiful jar, created for her, by her daughter for her birthday. It is filled with little pieces of paper saying different things that she loves about her mother. It reminded me of my third grade teacher, who every week, would make a poster with one of us students’ individual names at the top. All week long, the other students would go up and write what was uniquely special and interesting about that particular student. At the end of the week, each student went home with their poster, filled with pride and happiness that their unique qualities were noticed and admired and appreciated. I never forgot that experience. I loved my poster and I was so happy for every “student of the week”, in anticipation of their feelings of joy and connectedness.

Sometimes it is the littlest gestures that mean the most. When my husband and I were first married, we were visiting people, and we ended up having a difficult, tumultuous, emotional time with these people. I was dejected as I got into the shower, anticipating an even more upsetting evening as we were all heading out to dinner. My husband had just showered before me, and as I reached for the soap, I saw that he had carved, “It’s okay. I love you,” into the soap. It is these small, kind gestures that make me fall in love with him again and again.

Use some time of this glorious Friday in your life, to reflect on all of the small but meaningful kindnesses bestowed on to you, and also reflect on kindnesses which you felt compelled to bestow on to others. This is love in action. What are some of your most favorite memories of kindness and inspiration and hope in your life? This will flood you with wonderful, hopeful feelings in this time, in the history of the world, which we so desperately need more of these feelings of lovingness to abound.

(And if you are so inclined, I would love if you, my readers, would share some of your stories about these kindnesses in my Comments section.)

Have a great weekend!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Lifeboat

270 Abet ideas | inspirational quotes, me quotes, words

Last night, before falling asleep, I was scrolling through Twitter and I came across a story that gave me pause. A woman had posted that she had spent the last forty-eight hours wondering if her addict was even still alive. Luckily, he was found unharmed. She posted a picture of herself crying, and she asked her followers this:

Can someone please tell me it’s going to be okay . . .

In a matter of just a few hours, over four hundred people wrote back to her, with kindness, love, deep empathy, and for the most part, the same message, just written in different words. The gist was this:

It’s going to be okay, but you can’t fix this for him. You have the power to save yourself, and no one else.

Many of us who love alcoholics/addicts have had to let this message really sink in. Many people who answered the woman’s question suggested Alanon. Alanon is a great organization. It is geared towards focusing on the loved ones of alcoholics/addicts, and most of us go to our first Alanon meeting hoping that we will get a written, step-by-step guidebook on how to “fix” our addicts. It’s shocking, and at first, somewhat deeply deflating to hear the truth: You can’t do anything to help someone in denial, or who really doesn’t want to change. You MUST take care of yourself. You must take all of the energy that you have been putting towards your addict, and you must refocus it on to yourself.

This is a short article that explains an addict’s thought process better than most I have ever read (and I have read a lot):

https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-an-addict-21927#toc-experiencing-consequences

All of the tools in the world, i.e. therapists, ministers, self-help books, rehab, 12-step programs, yoga, family interventions, affirmations etc. won’t do a lick of good for the person who is not deeply invested in using these various tools in order to help themselves. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes alcoholics and addicts don’t want to be “helped.” And being overly invested in “fixing/helping/changing” someone else and their lives, is its own form of addiction called codependency.

When you wake up to the realization that someone you love is deeply entrenched in alcoholism or addiction, I liken it to realizing that you and your loved ones are on this scorched earth, burning island. You, in your newly awoken state, realize that you can no longer live in denial of the destruction and the damaging fires. You realize that there’s a lifeboat, and you jump on it and you desperately try to get your loved one to get on to that lifeboat with you. But, unfortunately, your addict may not want to get on to the lifeboat. They may try to pull you into the water, where you both will drown. They sometimes want and choose to stay on the burning island, and they are angry that you longer want to be there, pretending that all is well. It’s heartbreaking to get on the lifeboat by yourself, but it is the only choice available, that at the very least, saves one life. It is the only choice that leaves a glimmer of hope for anyone involved that there is a way off of the burning island. And as the example I read last night, with hundreds of responses in a matter of just a few hours, you are not alone, floating on your lifeboat. There are many, many of us, floating in these wavy waters with you, willing to give a helping hand, and full of understanding, from our knowing, pained hearts.

****Readers, I choose to keep the identities of the addicts in my life private. I assure you that everyone in my immediate family is healthy and well, at this time. Thank you for your love, understanding and concern.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Short Addiction & Recovery Poems - Digital Poet

Good morning. It feels like a particularly soulful, hopeful Sunday. My friend sent a video of the most adorable little bird creating a nest in her tree this morning. Nature is hope. Nature continues no matter what. Nature keeps doing its natural thing, oblivious to wars and politics and disasters. Nature is truly the physical manifestation of hope.

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. I hope that you write a poem today. As Hemingway states, writing is clearing. Here is my poem for today:

I worked so hard on the raft.

I found directions to make it,

And guidelines on how to make the journey,

To get away. I made room for all of us.

And I begged you to come aboard.

But you obstinately refused.

You wanted to stay on the Isle of Anger and Pain.

And I wanted to leave,

You are outraged that I floated away,

And I am disappointed that you stayed.

And the distance between us now,

is full of turbulent waves,

and scary, dark unknown things,

swimming and circling below the surface.

I won’t go back, and you won’t start a raft.

And so, here we are, so far away.