I recently read that the United States has more lighthouses than any other country – more than 700. (Michigan has the most lighthouses, at 129). Figuratively, I suspect that the United States has more “lighthouses” than we could possibly count. I believe that the whole world is filled with “lighthouses.” I have benefited from so many examples of light in my own life, in my own little corner of the world. Who hasn’t?
My horoscope from Holiday Mathis the other day said this: “You’ve been influenced by memorable people. If not for the lasting impression they made, you wouldn’t be following their advice and examples. You’ll now consider how you can create such memories for others.”
It’s so true, isn’t it? In our own lives, so many other lives have served as beacons of light and love and hope, to us. These impressions and examples have only added to our own inner light, which hopefully, in turn, serves as a tall, shining lighthouse to help and to serve others, who may be feeling a little lost at sea. And even our mistakes don’t go to waste. Even our own worst examples of our own darkest selves, can inspire others to desire to be, and to act, nothing like us. That, too, is a good thing, in the long run. Everything that we do, and that we say can be turned into some form of good and light, in the end.
Another thing that I read recently suggested that we spend a lot of time trying to turn the darkness around us into light. This is a waste of time and energy. Our job is to become the light, and thus the lighthouses, that helps to lead others out of the darkness and murkiness, and into the safety of the solid shores, where we can all stand tall and share the light. We just need to shine light on the darkness around us and when we do this, we see that the darkness was mostly a mistake, made of our own whirling fears and uncertainty, which made us turn away from the light that is always there.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“For you to understand me, the first thing you should know about me, is that I am not you.” – Mindset For Life, Twitter
This quote is so key. The other day I read something interesting. It said that we all know and understand that we have a tendency to project our own negative qualities on to others, as a way to disown these qualities in ourselves. (That’s where the phrase, “Point one finger at me, and three fingers are pointing back at you” comes from.) When we are feeling particularly critical about something in someone else, there is usually some similar trait in ourselves that we strongly dislike, and we can get that insight about ourselves, if we are humble enough to play detective on our own selves, instead of focusing always on the faults of others. Even more interesting to me was that my reading also said that we also have the tendency to project traits that we do like about ourselves, on to others. We think that parents, or partners, or friends, or teachers, or bosses, should have certain likable, familiar traits, and so we often project these positive traits on to people, whether they actually possess these traits or not. Both projections make us feel safe and in control, but neither are rooted in reality. These projections do not make for authentic, healthy relationships.
The above quote also got me thinking about an interesting conversation that I had with a friend the other day. She works for her church, and she mentioned that her church’s denomination is having a lot of controversy within its membership about certain key issues. She mentioned that she, herself, was struggling with where she stood on some of these issues. We both talked about how difficult it is to get a consensus on anything, in any group. Even in my marriage, my husband and I don’t agree on every single thing. Trying to find just the right place to eat, or where to go on vacation was often tricky among our family of six, until my husband and I finally, out of frustration, used our executive privilege. (Raising four kids got me really familiar with the term, “herding cats.”)
That’s the hard thing about joining various groups, and thus being labelled as a member of that group. Do you honestly believe in every single platform of your own political party, or your own religious affiliation, or your own workplace’s stance on everything?? Are your beliefs so solid that they could never be changed, even as you grow and change, and as the world around you changes?
My weekly horoscope by Holiday Mathis said this: “Your beliefs, which are based on the best information you have in a given moment, will inevitably change as the world does. There’s no shame in this. Values, on the other hand, withstand the tests of time. Love, tenderness, beauty, harmony and teamwork are values represented in your week.”
Beliefs are different than values. With whom, and where, and doing what, do you spend most of your time and your energy and your resources? Whether you like it or not, these people and these things are what you value more than anything else. You may scoff, and say to yourself, “Well, I can’t stand my job, but I have to feed my kids.” That’s fair. You value supporting your family and their well-being. Is that a bad value?? It seems pretty virtuous to me. However, your belief may be, “I have to do this particular job, and I have to work these amount of hours to feed my kids.” Is that the truth? Is this particular vocation the only way to feed your family? Would it be possible to work at a different job, or to work less hours? Beliefs are flexible. They can be changed. Do your beliefs support your values? This is what is most important. Be honest with yourself about your beliefs, and see if they honestly support your highest values. If you value inclusiveness, do your affiliations support this value? If you value family time, do your career and your hobbies support this value? If you value health and fitness, do your habits support this value? Where can you alter your beliefs to better support what you truly value? And remember, this is a private project. Go back to the first quote, I used in today’s post. What I most value in life is probably different than what you most value, and that is okay. That is what gives us such amazing variety and contrast and unique experiences in this life on Earth, which we are living right now. Just make sure that you are living the values and the beliefs that are true to you, so that you don’t cheat yourself, nor cheat the world, of all of the variety and mélange that is deserved to be experienced by all of us, right here and right now!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I’m a big believer in trying to make every day a good day, but come on, on Fridays, “the good part” just doesn’t take much effort, does it? Friday is my favorite day of the week, mostly because I love the feelings of freedom and anticipation. On Fridays, here at the blog, I list my favorites. Typically, I try to list around three favorite products, or books, or TV shows, or whatevers that have helped to make my life interesting and enjoyable. Please share some of your favorites in my Comments section. It’s always fun to discover new favorites.
My favorite reading this morning:
“We cannot wake up and know who we are, as we are always building it. Much remains unreconciled, an indication of being alive.” – Holiday Mathis
Friends, we are all works in progress. That’s the joy and the process of living. Cut yourself a break this weekend and just experience the experience without judgment. Please, don’t take yourself so seriously. Be grateful that you have all of the ingredients: mind, body, and spirit, in order to fully experience the awesomeness of living a life on Earth. That’s honestly all there is to it.
My favorite story of the week:
My friend asked her mother-in-law if she believed in “love at first sight.” “Absolutely!” her mother-in-law replied. “It’s happened to me 14 times!” I imagine that there was a pregnant pause at this moment. I know that my eyebrows were raised listening to my friend tell her story. I thought to myself, “Wow, now that’s what I call a romantic!”
My friend’s mother-in-law continued, “The first time that I laid eyes on my three sons, and my eleven grandchildren and great-grandchildren, I completely experienced love at first sight. No doubts about it.”
Some people are just so awesome to their very cores, aren’t they???
My second favorite story of the week: (This time I was eavesdropping at my physical therapy session. My regular readers know that I do this. Tsk. Tsk. It’s a bad habit of mine, but you must know, we writers tend to eavesdrop. Facts.)
The young male physical therapist was lamenting to his older female patient about how much his young sons fight and argue. The woman mentioned that her own sons are now in their forties, but when they were young and they were fighting and fussing, she would take two chairs, sit them down and make the boys face each other. She would then say, “Compliment each other, until I say stop!”
Now, the woman admitted that this activity never went the way that she had planned. One boy would start with, “I really like how ugly your hair looks today.” And then the other brother would try to creatively top his brother’s “compliment” with something even better, like, “I really like how you keep proving to me that you are even stupider than I thought you were . . . ” The woman told her PT that the boys got a big hoot and holler out of this activity and they would end up in fits of laughter, and they would be buddies all over again in a matter of minutes. The brothers would bond over clever and witty insults disguised as compliments. (As a mother of three sons, I know that this has to be a true story. Boys get a charge out of insulting each other. I’ve never quite understood it, but it does create a bro-bond like nothing else does.)
When I hear stories like these, I always think to myself, “Why didn’t I think of that???” It almost makes me want to go back to mothering young children. (“Almost” being the key word here.)
My favorite product of the week:
My husband and I went to the grocery store together to pick out a pile of junk food to enjoy while watching the Super Bowl last Sunday. Russell Stover chocolates were “buy one/ get one” at our local Publix. How perfect, his and her boxes of chocolate, even before Valentine’s Day!!! After devouring two boxes of Russell Stover Assorted Milk Chocolate Covered Nuts this week, my husband and I both agreed that we have been way too snobby about Russell Stover candy. I wish that I didn’t love this candy as much as I do. I wish that I was still a chocolate snob who hadn’t eaten 26 pieces of Russell Stover chocolate this week. My husband even noted that the candy was not perfectly molded to the point that it almost looked like it was homemade. Go get you some Russell Stover chocolates today, if there is any left. It is sure to be on sale after Valentines Day.
That’s all from me for today. Remember that favorites come in all different packages and many favorites are absolutely free. List your favorites today. This activity will bring a smile to your face. I promise you. This activity is one of my favorite things to do because it brings the joy of my favorites bubbling up to the surface, all over again.
See you tomorrow! Have a great weekend!!!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“I saw my shadow today. 6 more weeks of dieting.” – Jessie@mommajessiec (Twitter)
“You’ll solve the problem and get a surge of gleeful excitement. This kind of charge could get addictive. And who do you have to thank for it? The problem itself, without which none of this would be possible.” – Holiday Mathis
“Welcome to your 50’s; you’re unable to drive at night now.” – whatitsmenej (Twitter)
These quotes above, are what is resonating with me this morning. Using my recent colonoscopy as a springboard, my husband and I decided to give the popular “intermittent fasting” a try, in order to lose some of the pandemic pounds that were so easily added over the last couple of years. (Why is it never as easy to take these pounds off, as it was to put them on?!?) We went to bed at 8:23 p.m. last night, to end the suffering. I am seriously considering going on Ralphie’s (our Labrador retriever) diet, instead. A couple of cups of Hills Science Diet RX Ridiculously Expensive Emergency Lose Weight In a Big Hurry or Pay For ACL Surgery kibble actually sounds like a bountiful banquet, compared to yesterday’s Jello and broth cuisine. (although, of course, Ralphie was still begging for my Jello . . .)
And how about Holiday Mathis’s quote? It’s true, isn’t it? There is great satisfaction in solving problems, but if there are no problems, there is nothing to solve. We all know the typical, classic good feelings, such as giving and receiving gifts of love and kindness, or finding something, like a book or a movie or an adventure to be funny and fun and enthralling, or the feeling of being totally passionate about someone or something, or the feeling of great pride in achieving a hard-won goal. (and honestly, one of my all-time favorite feelings is satisfying my raging curiosity) But right up there, in the all-time greats of feelings, is the satisfaction of problem-solving, right? There is something really triumphant feeling about checking off another thing on the “to-do” list. So, the next time we look at our exhausting, seemingly never-ending to-do lists of things to do and to fix and to solve and to get to the bottom of, let’s also look at these lists as a list of things that are going to bring us the excellent feeling of great satisfaction, with each item that we finish, and cross off of the list. We all know, “There is no light without darkness.”
Finally, when I was young and stupid, it used to annoy me when older women would complain about driving in the dark. “Things have a weird haze to them at night now, especially the street lights.” “My depth perception is all funny at night.” “I don’t like to drive too far in the dark.” Damn, it wasn’t a made-up thing. Add “I don’t like to drive too much at night anymore,” to my list of things which I told myself that I would never, ever say when I got older, but have already said, more than once. Never say never.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“Desire is an ache, but it’s so much better than the numbness of wanting nothing.” – Holiday Mathis
I like to read Holiday Mathis’s horoscopes on a daily basis. She is an excellent writer and my horoscope always reads like a riddle. The above was my horoscope the other day. Even if you think astrology is hogwash, I recommend reading Holiday Mathis’ column. I always glean something from it. I usually think about what unique wisdom she has written about, throughout my days.
This quote of hers reminded me of the other night, over the Christmas break, in which my family all settled into watching Jerry Seinfeld’s latest comedy special. Jerry Seinfeld is worth 950 million dollars. As he adeptly states in the beginning of his special, he is not doing that special because he has to do it. Obviously, Jerry Seinfeld desires to do comedy stand-up routines. It’s probably one of his greatest loves in life.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the rote quality of our lives and our routines that sometimes it seems like a thick fog of numbness can set in. This pandemic, particularly in the beginning of it all, brought us all down to basic necessities of survival. I know that I personally have felt some numbness throughout this scourge. There were many days that I felt like I was just going through the motions. But at the same time, the pandemic has also helped to give us some real clarity, as to what is truly important to each of us, and also as a collective, in many regards. The pandemic has been a “pin pointer”, helping us to get real clear on what actually moves each of us, at our cores, by showing us what we like about our current lives, and what we desperately miss.
Most of us who live in Western cultures are way up the slope on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Most of us are not worrying about where our next meal is going to come from. At the very top of Maslow’s needs pyramid is “Self Actualization”. Self Actualization is described as “the desire to become the most that one can be.” According to Abram Maslow, when all of our other needs are met (food, shelter, clothing, love, esteem, recognition, health, intimacy, etc.) the only other need that is left for us, is the the need to fulfill the desire to become the most that one can be.
We were all built for different purposes. What motivates and excites you, may not interest me at all, and that’s okay. That’s what makes this world so interesting and full of variety. To become self-actualized, we have to become sleuths to find out about what’s possibly been lying dormant in our own DNA. We have to search past the fog of our own every day automated “doingness”, to get to the light and the beacon of our own deepest longings, and yearnings and inclinations and desires.
All of our flowers will look different in this Earthly garden. It’s the variety of plants in any garden, and how they grow and thrive together, that makes the garden so incredibly, breathtakingly beautiful. And every flower blooms in its own time, which interestingly makes the garden, something all together different, yet still achingly beautiful, in each of its seasons, year in and year out. If the garden is to reach its fullest potential, it is our own individual jobs, to push our own little closed buds, to be brave enough to open up and to bloom brightly, and take up our own space in the sunshine that bathes us all. We must do something with those seeds of desire which are purposefully implanted in each of us. If not now, then when?
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Sometimes I look at some of my journals which are filled with thoughts that make me ponder, make me feel, make sense to me at a deeper level, and that’s all that is needed. I don’t need to expand on someone else’s genius. I’m just grateful that they shared what needed to be said. Here are some of my favorite latest thoughts, gathered from other brilliant sources:
“He who has peace of mind disturbs neither himself nor another.” – Epicurus
“What some people call stress, I believe is rebellion of the heart.” – Iyanla Vanzant
“Rejection is almost never personal. Though it comes naturally to treat it as though it is a barb aimed at our very being, that instinct is confused, mistaken and does absolutely no good to heed. That reason most rejection is not personal is that it can’t be. Most people don’t even know us well enough to reject us personally. They are usually saying no to a small sliver of what we offer the world. More often than not, the reason they say no is that the offer does not seem like a good fit for them and their needs.
If you are a size 10, you’ll have to pass on the size 3 jeans. Even if the size 3 jeans are the best in the entire world, the jeans are of no use to a person who cannot wear them.” – Holiday Mathis
“With a few flowers in my garden, half a dozen pictures, and some books, I live without envy.” – Lope De Vega
“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” – Maya Angelou
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I’ve mentioned that I see my blog as a “museum of thought.” Today’s exhibit is a sampling of a collection which I have been curating in one of my many journals and notebooks. I strongly encourage you to curate your own thought collections. They are inexpensive to amass, easy to keep, and yet, they quickly become invaluable to you – easily among your most prized possessions. Your thought museums give you more of an inroads to yourself. They help you to see what truly resonates with the truest part of your own self.
What would you call your own thought museum? The Musings Menagerie? The Socratic Salon? The Gallery of Inward Gospel? The Phantasmagoria of Philosophy? (Hint: you can have more than one thought museum. All it takes is a pen, a journal, an open mind, and the insatiable desire to read, and to learn, and to understand, and the desire and ability to be awestruck with delight.) Here is today’s exhibit from my Meditation Musèe ( a beautiful, well-worn, pink and gold, leather-bound journal, with the international symbol for hospitality, the pineapple, embossed all over it. At this point in time, this particular thought museum is about half full. What I love about my thought museums is that mask wearing is not required to enjoy perusing them.) A sampling:
“Your failures are nothing more than research and development.” – Dean Graziosi
“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.” – George Carlin
“A standard is a yes. A boundary is a no.” – Thomas Leonard
(Edit: One of my dear and loyal readers, Kelly, asked me for further explanation on this quote. I answered her in the Comments section, but I decided to put my interpretation here, as well: When you set standards for yourself, you are saying this is what I want, and what I expect out of a relationship or a job or an experience. You are saying “yes” to what you want from something in your life. A standard describes what IS acceptable to you. A boundary says “no”. It says these are lines that you cannot cross with me in any situation. Remember both standards and boundaries are for YOU, and for your life. Others don’t have to share the same standards and boundaries as you have set for yourself, but if they don’t fit into your standards, nor do they respect your boundaries, they (person, job, experience, etc.) probably aren’t a good fit for space in your life.)
“Participate in the night leaving, participate in the evening coming, participate in the stars, and participate in the clouds; make participation your lifestyle and the whole of existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.” – Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
“You come any closer, I’ll turn you into poetry.” – Umi, Twitter
“Do not confuse character with ego. Character is like an iceberg. It’s massive, solid and unmovable. The Titanic will sink before an iceberg even notices its been hit. Most of the iceberg mass (around 90%) is under the waterline. Those with big character do not usually need to show off. The 10% that people see is impressive enough. When critics shoot arrows into character, very little happens. It’s possible the arrow could chip the ice, but more than likely it bounces off and falls into the water.
Ego, on the other hand, is inflatable. It’s made by the hot air of its owner’s breath. It’s pumped up with talk and can be brought down with the slightest pinhole of truth. When critics shoot arrows into the ego, the ego-owner huffs and puffs to compensate. The ego looks everywhere for more hot air attachments – any blower will do.” – Holiday Mathis
I hope that this sampling has inspired you to start and/or to continue with your own collections. Remember to only keep in your galleries, what completely resonates with you. Thereby, your museum collection will be as incredibly interesting and unique as you are – truly a one-of-a-kind spot on Earth!! You will notice your own evolution as you look back at all that you have collected, throughout your experiences and times in your life. You may certainly have any of the above samplings for your own thought museum. In this world of thought/ideas/philosophies/musings, as long as credit is given to the proper creator, exhibits on loan are highly encouraged!! Like love, the more often thought creations are shared, the more their resonance multiplies!!
Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I’ve mentioned before that I like to read my horoscopes sometimes. This is not so much for predictions of the future, but more so, how these particular horoscopes have the tendency to bring my own inner wisdom and questions, bubbling up to the surface. Maybe these astrologers are just plain wonderful writers, to me. I don’t know. That being said, I suppose because of Valentines Day approaching, there has been more talk about “love” than usual, by the astrologers.
Earlier this week, the Astrotwins reminded me that, “No one owes you love. It is a generous gift.”
And Holiday Mathis says this, “Once given, love is yours, will not expire and cannot be stolen from you.”
Just as these quotes brought up my own inner thoughts and feelings and questions, I’ll let them do the same for you. I will say that the first quote was a good reminder to keep my expectations in check, for myself and of others, and the second quote reminded me of all of the people whom I have shared love with, who have now passed on. That love is there. It will never expire. Everlasting love is a beautiful thing.
Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“Simply put, there are 10 things to do regularly to increase your resistance to stress: Get enough sleep. Eat right. Exercise often. Dress for the weather. Express yourself. Practice daily pleasure. Look for the good. Cultivate a support system. Love them. Let them love you back.” – Holiday Mathis
Last night as we were finishing up a delicious, nutritious dinner, I nonchalantly asked my husband if our daughter had texted us that she had made it to her tennis lesson. Out of all four of our children, my daughter has always been the best about texting us about reaching her various destinations safely. We even complimented her on that fact, before she left for tennis. It was about a half hour after the lesson would have started, when we realized that she had not texted us. I called my daughter’s phone which went straight to voicemail. I waited a few minutes and called it again. Once again, it went straight to voicemail. I called her instructor. No answer. I made a few more increasingly desperate calls vacillating between my daughter’s phone and her coach’s phone. With no answers from either, I could feel my hysteria rising. Without much notice to my husband, I jumped into my car and I headed up to the location where my daughter takes tennis lessons, about 20 minutes away. Rides like these, feel like they are dragging out into eternity. Patience and calm have never been my higher virtues. I was madly angry at every single driver in the cars in front of me, for actually following the rules of the road and for driving slowly and safely. I was incredibly relieved to see no accidents or police lights shining from the sides of the road, as I frantically scanned the areas surrounding me. My husband remained at home, but stayed on the phone with me for the entire ride, to calm my nerves and to remind me to drive safely. We noticed that the tracking app he shares with her was disabled for some reason. We talked to each other about the fact that even the most responsible teenagers forget to text sometimes. We reassured each other that our daughter most likely was fine, and she probably just didn’t hear her phone ringing from the courts. I felt tears choking up in the back of my throat as I drove like a madwoman to the courts. I prayed out loud. My convertible top was down, so I felt my prayers being carried into the wind. When I finally came to the long windy drive to take me to the tennis courts, I saw my daughter’s car. I saw her doing “her thing”, out on the courts.
“Is that your mom?!” I heard one of her fellow teammates say. (I’m guessing I had a slightly crazed look on my face and my hair does get a bit of a manic look when the convertible top is down. Retrospectively, I am seeing myself resembling Disney’s Cruella Devil, at this particular moment)
“Why didn’t you text us?!” I tensely, (but still trying to stay under control), low-key screamed to her.
“I did,” she said as she scrambled to look at her phone. “On crap, it says ‘failed to send’ “, sorry, Mom!”
Her instructor said that she had been avoiding the calls, because the tennis instructor didn’t recognize my number, and she had been bombarded with election calls that she had learned to ignore. She apologized profusely.
I breathed out one of the longest held-in breaths which I’ve had in a long, long while, I wiped my eyes and I carefully and slowly drove home to my husband’s waiting arms. Last night, when my daughter came home from her lesson, I gave her an especially long hug and a kiss goodnight. I didn’t want to let go.
Moral of the story: No matter what, it’s all going to be okay. We know how to take care of ourselves. We know how to take care of each other. Rarely is anything as bad as it seems. Just breathe. Follow the ten simple commands above, and we will do fine with anything that life throws at us. Life is mostly good. The odds are in our favor. This is true. Relax and breathe.
“Things will go undiscussed and maybe this is for the best. Words will have a way of reducing an experience. Besides, it is too soon to define and name all that’s going on.”
This is my horoscope this morning from Holiday Mathis. This is also the last day in which all of our six immediate family members will be together, for a while. My eldest son leaves tomorrow to go back to his home up north, and my middle son leaves on Monday for his senior year of college. My youngest son wants to get a couple of weeks of work in, before he heads back to the university, by the end of the month. And so, of course, I am trying to push all of this reality to the far back, dark corners of my mind. I am reminding myself to stay in the moment, and to Savor. Savor. Savor.
There were plenty of times over the years that managing our growing, large family was overwhelming and exhausting and emotionally taxing and expensive and chaotic and loud and seemingly never-ending. There were many times over the years that I had to remind myself to turn Complain. Complain. Complain. . . . into Savor. Savor. Savor.
Like my horoscope says, “it is too soon to define and name all that’s going on”. I feel like I have been in the middle of trying to define this new stage of my life (the stage where I have to let go of what was, to forge forward, into what will be), for a long, long time now, but it is still too soon to do that. I’m still in the middle of releasing the tight ball of yarn that was our family. The yarns are scattering, the tight ball of string is now more of a loose puddle, but it hasn’t taken on its new form yet. It’s still a fluid, puddle of yarn. Our family yarn is still trying to find its new shape and form. And every once in a while, like during this past week, the string that binds our family, gets together again, and forms into that tight, little, familiar, cozy, warm ball and this coming together reminds us that no matter what our family tapestry ends up looking like in the future, it all started, here, at its core. In the center of that ball is the heart of it all – the love that binds us.
