Florida Archives - Adulting: Second- Half

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

I’ve been stalled in writing because I am waiting for my mind to thaw, and my fingers feel like stiff little icicles that do not want to be separated from each other. I feel guilty living in Florida and complaining about the cold, but it is currently 46 degrees outside which is typically unheard of in our neck of the woods. And my husband and I are incredibly stubborn. We won’t turn on the heat pump unless things become dire. We don’t like the smell of burnt dust. I read something on the internet that said that those of us complaining about the cold, just can’t wait for the days that we can complain about the heat. Yes, that’s about right.

When I was in my twenties I had a boss who liked to ask quirky questions. She once asked whether I would prefer to freeze to death, or to be overheated to death. While I pondered the question (and also why she was asking it), she mentioned that freezing to death is actually a very calm, gentle, easy-going death. I never asked her how she knew this, but I never forgot this particular moment either. When I think about this now, I honestly pick “neither” forms of death. I pick neither.

I always feel bad for people from up north who come to Florida in December and January and end up coming in to visit us during a cold spell. The stubborn disappointment is palpable. Everyone seems to think that Florida is always sweltering because they once went to Disney World in July. These defiant winter tourists still wear their shorts and t-shirts and flip-flops and they pretend not to notice that their toes are turning blue. And of course, we overly dramatic Floridians are bundled up like we are about to ascend Mt. Everest, as we layer on every old coat which we have ever owned (“it’s a good thing that I kept my high school ski jacket for days like these”).

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1987. How do you feel about photography?

Snow White in a Bird Cage

We have had workers here this week repairing and re-screening our pool cage. For those of you who aren’t familiar with pool cages, many of us here in Florida have enormous, ugly metal and screen contraptions surrounding our pool areas. On the good side of these “bird cages” (as they are sometimes called), they help to keep bugs, wildlife (remember that in Florida, wildlife includes a plethora of alligators), and extreme levels of plant debris, out of our pools. On the negative side, they’re ugly. Still, I love my ugly birdcage. It keeps my doggies in, and the gators and the coyotes, out.

The owner of the pool screening company suggested that we make even more out of our back view by doing what is called a “panoramic screen” which requires less bars. See it above. (You can see the muse of my blog, Harmonia, peeking up, right over by the purple plant. You can read all about Harmonia if you scroll down on my blog’s home page). This is the view that I have from my desk, as I write to you, right now. That lush foliage you see, is part of a nature preserve behind the lake. This spot, in my writing nook, peering out at my view, is probably my happiest of all of my happy places. All sorts of birds waddle and fly by. We get deer and turkeys and herons and alligators and squirrels and possums and owls and armadillos and hawks. Essentially, I am Snow White in a bird cage. Currently, I am sitting here at my desk, filled with peace. Sometimes, different animals walk by and they quizzically peer over at me, almost like an opposite zoo, and at those moments, I am gratefully held captive by my overwhelming feelings of awe of the beauty, and the connection, and the easy, unforced flow of nature and creation.

There is one pool screen worker here who is spry and energetic and his job is to put up the ceiling screens which he does by perching up on a horizontal ladder held by beams. He is sometimes upside down, much like I envision Michelangelo being, while painting the ceiling of the Sistine chapel. It is nerve-wracking to watch. As the workmen were leaving last night, my husband and I were conversing with them about the project, and the spry, acrobatic man and I ended up having sort of a philosophical discussion about different things going on in society. He was making some very deep, astute, wise statements and I told him that what he was talking about sounded a lot like the things which I write about on my blog. With a sheepish pride he said, “Cool, I had an English teacher who said that I could become a writer.”

And for some reason, that statement filled me with gratefulness. I suddenly loved this man’s teacher. I almost felt brought to tears. I love when people see other people. I love when people inspire other people to be the beauty and the potential that they see in them. I love when people help other people to open up and to discover the loveliness and the magnanimity in their own unique selves. Isn’t this what we are supposed to do? Isn’t this what we are made for? What else could be more important? This is love. Love.

“I am a cage, in search of a bird.” – Franz Kafka

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Flowery Place

“The calm before a storm” is a real thing. It is still and sunny and beautiful here. Most of my friends, are just hunkering down, waiting to see what will happen overnight. I’ve made some pasta this morning, in case we lose power. I’ve also made some extra coffee (cold coffee is better than no coffee). The schools are closed today and tomorrow. Today, the schools are mostly closed for preparation and evacuation (if need be), because honestly, if you looked outside, you would never dream that a big storm is coming. I think that everyone I know around here has at least some low-level anxiety, but these hurricanes are just the price which we pay to live in paradise. We are all preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. As it stands, the hurricane is supposed to make landfall a pretty good bit north of us, in the big bend of Florida, which is a low population area. If a hurricane has to happen, this is probably a best case scenario. Please keep our state in your thoughts and prayers. For all of its detractors and “Florida Man” memes, I believe that many, many people can say that they have experienced at least one beautiful memory in Florida (and probably many more than one). It is a major destination spot for people here and from all over the world, because of its utter beauty, diversification, “open-minded/anything goes/something for everyone” relaxed attitude, and its magnificent collection of nature. Florida is a magical place.

“You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a trip to Florida.”

“Florida is a golden word. The very name Florida carried the message of warmth and ease and comfort. It was irresistible.”- John Steinbeck

“Florida is a very healing place.”- Burt Reynolds

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Summer often likes to leave with a bang in our state. I am not too concerned. We live pretty far inland, and we’ve lived through many big Florida storms and many big Florida storm scares. If you don’t get a daily blog post from me later in the week, just figure that our power is out. Still, I’ll take any extra prayers and good juju for the people in the path of Idalia.

Have a great week, friends! Here are some bonus thoughts that I wrote in one of my inspirational notebooks this past weekend, from my readings. I’m sorry, I don’t know who to credit some of them to:

+ When a human reaches the end of his or her rope, he or she reaches the beginning of God.

+ Choose change before change chooses you.

+ We all have gifts that we don’t recognize, not because they are hidden but because they are so much a part of us that we can’t see them. Other people are the mirrors that allow us to see. – Holiday Mathis (***I really like this last one. We are often told that other people mirror the traits about ourselves that we don’t like and which we tend to disown in ourselves, so it’s a nice turn to think about people being mirrors to our positive traits, too. It’s also true that the traits that come naturally to us, we tend to discount. But these unique attributes of ours are gifts to us, and to others. My husband has the uncanny ability to find lost things. He’s found glasses buried in sand in the shore of the ocean. He’s found tiny earring studs at the bottom of a pool. If I lose something, I often wait for him to come home, because I know that he’ll find it. This gift of his, was the first thing that came to my mind, when I read this quote. What are some uncanny traits that you have that are so naturally a part of you, you can’t see them? I bet that your loved ones could tell you.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Surreal

It’s almost cruel how beautiful it is here, now that Hurricane Ian has passed. The storm seems to have brought in the cooler, lovely fall weather with it, in one fell swoop. It’s sunny and beautiful and still and calm. My wind chimes aren’t even making one tiny ting-a-ling whatsoever. It’s so strange to just “go back to normal” after experiencing the build-up of fears and anxieties and destruction that big storms bring to us.

Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment, my husband worked, and my daughter drove home for the weekend, from college. We ended up going to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Life goes on. For most of us, we are relieved that the storm has passed, and not much has changed. For some us, our lives have been irrevocably changed and building a new life will take a great deal of healing and time and energy and vision and hope. Some of us will have to climb new mountains, while the rest of us just go back to our usual, comfortable lives in the valley. It’s honestly surreal. But such is life.

Once, when we were visiting Seattle, Washington, a man told us that living in Seattle is like having an intoxicatingly beautiful, brilliant girlfriend who is always depressed. (It rains a lot in Seattle.) Along the lines of this analogy, living in Florida is like having the most gorgeous, fabulous, optimistic, fun, exciting spouse/partner/lover, who on rare occasion, goes entirely bonkers and takes the house down in the process. Those of us who live where we live, do so for many reasons – climate, family, jobs, entertainment, etc. Different traits appeal to different people and everyone’s tolerance is different for various levels of high jinks and melee. Where each of us choose to place our boundaries with anything in life, is highly individualistic. Are the highs worth the lows? How much excitement does one crave? How much is reliable, stable peace worth? Again, these questions are just one small part of the pot of questions swirling around life as we live it. And living life is about either finding out the answers to our questions, or making peace with living with the mystery of the questions themselves. It’s honestly surreal.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Oh Ian!

It’s a super strange feeling, anticipating a hurricane. You get plenty of warning – almost too much warning. The anticipation is killer. I’m a “let’s just rip the band-aid off, already!” kind of a girl. And Mother Nature says, “No dear, we’re going to make you sit with your fearful what-ifs for a while. It’s good for you.” Ugh.

The last time a big hurricane directly affected our area was five years ago. And we evacuated, with four kids and two dogs in tow. We went to Atlanta and the people there could not have been kinder and more welcoming. Instead of price gouging, they gave us discounts, and extras, delicious heartwarming food and long, caring hugs. I will always have a warm spot in my heart, dedicated to the good, hospitable people of Atlanta, Georgia. But evacuating didn’t come without its challenges. The roads were filled with wall-to-wall, crawling, slowly inching along traffic. We ended up having to sleep one night at a rest stop (six stressed people, including sweaty, ornery male teenagers + two big dogs, in a cramped car = not good sleep), which was littered with cars of people, doing the same exact thing. There were cars everywhere, even on the grass and on the sides of the highway. Most gas stations along the way, were out of gas. And watching the news, wondering what kind of mess we were going to go back home to, was excruciatingly stressful. Media sensationalism is a terribly painful experience, when it affects the people and the places that you most love and care about. On the way home, after the hurricane, we were surrounded on the highway, by brigades of utility trucks from seemingly every state in the nation, heading down to help with our plight. I remember this bringing tears of patriotism and gratitude, to my weary eyes.

We had a pow-wow with our near-by neighbors last night, and most of us have decided to stay and weather this one out in our homes. (Including a doctor and his wife, who is a physician’s assistant, who live across the street. This helped seal the deal for me. We’ll look out for each other. That’s what neighbors do.) This experience will be a contrast to what we did the last time, and I am curious to compare, first-hand, which is the better way to handle these things. Our adult children are all in safe spots away from here, so that is what gives me my greatest peace of mind. Honestly, right now my husband and I find ourselves stressing mostly about inconsequential things, like how are we going to brew our coffee when the electricity is out?!

People often question why you would want to live in Florida, and other tropical spots when hurricanes are a seasonal concern. These perilous storms are the price we pay to live in paradise. Florida rarely has gray days. Sunshine is a given. I can go to the beach for lunch if I want to, and bury my feet in the sand, feeling the soothing gulf breezes, lulling my heartbeat to match the rhythms of the tides. We have gorgeous sunsets, and dolphins are as common as the deer, and the wild turkeys, and the herons and the hawks that we see almost daily. Florida is an inclusive, melting pot. No one feels like an “outsider” because everyone here is from somewhere else. There is something for everyone in Florida, even the kooky “Florida Man.” Our state makes loads of money from tourism. There are many good reasons for this fact. Florida is soothing to the soul.

This may be my last blog post this week before we lose power. I don’t know. Regardless, I’ll see you on the other side of the storm. One thing is for certain – you fully know and understand the people and the things that you truly treasure and mean the most in your life, when you are facing down a life-threatening storm. My dearest readers, I can’t wait to be with you again, after the storm.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What Are We Doing?

The Statistics can be Intimidating

It is estimated that there are between 143 million and 210 million orphans worldwide
Everyday an estimated 5,760 more children become orphans worldwide
Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually
Each day an estimated 38,493 orphans “age out” of the orphanage system and are put on the streets with no family and no home
10% to 15% of these children commit suicide before they reach 18 years old
All face highly challenging and uncertain futures without the support of a family

Credit: Project 143

If you do the math, 2,050,560 children become orphans every single year. And approximately 250,000 of children are adopted annually. Hmmmm. I’ve never been great at math, but it appears to me that there are plenty of children already in the world who would greatly benefit from being adopted. And sadly, we in America, all know the face of another precious orphan whose parents were gunned down at a Fourth of July parade, by a 21-year old man (with prior issues of violence), who legally bought high powered rifles in his own state.

I’m not trying to be political here. I am grateful for the new law that our Republican governor in Florida put into place recently, that would never restrict loved ones from being able to visit their loved ones in a hospital. No one should EVER have to die alone. Last fall, there was more than one time, when our son’s epileptic seizures were out of control, that we were denied access to visit him in his hospital room, and this was in Florida which was generally much less restricted than the rest of the country during the earliest times of the pandemic. I remember sobbing at the front of a hospital entrance in my husband’s arms, with the power to do nothing but to hope and to pray.

Can we stop with the party lines??? Can we start to come together with realism, common sense, and an agreement to compromise, for the good of our country and for the good of our country’s precious citizens??? These hard core, black/white, all or nothing, stubborn, defiant, righteous, hateful lines that both of our major parties are walking, are not doing us any good. We are not walking a straight path. We are walking in circles. And we are quickly circling down the drain, to the despair of the majority of us, who adore our country.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A Fourth of July Letter

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Dear United States of America,

Foremost, you are my beautiful country. This weekend I stayed in my own lovely state of Florida and travelled to incredibly, scenic parts of Florida which I have never seen before. I saw so much diversity, in just this one state. Miles and miles of untouched wilderness, gorgeous coastlines, cities and small towns, all with their own flavors and charms and heritage. The diversity in the people matched these beautiful, unique places, and this is in just one small part of 1/50th of this incredible, vast, magnificent land.

USA, I love you. My grandfathers and my father served to keep you free. I married into a patriotic family. My father-in-law made a career in the army. My sister-in-law is one of the first women to graduate from West Point. My husband remembers to always put the flag out on every special day. He always remembers, and I love him for that loyalty and respect that he has always shown to you.

That being said, America, I am angry with you right now. So very angry. I love you and I will always love you. You are my country. But right now, I don’t like you. I don’t like you at all. I don’t like how divisive and angry you have become. I don’t like that you seem to have forgotten the very tenants that you were founded on, such as the separation of church and state. I don’t like how violent and dangerous you have become. America, you are behaving like a spoiled, arrogant, greedy brat. For the first time in my life, as an American woman, I can better empathize with how complicated patriotism and days like the Fourth of July must truly feel to our native, indigenous people and to our black citizens. My heart finally understands a little bit of what hurts these days must bring up to huge swaths of your own sacred citizens.

America, you are in an awkward stage, like an angry, petulant, stubborn, entitled, lazy teenager, hellbent on self-destructing. It’s not a path that you want to stay on. You have a lot of healing and growing and awakening to do, and I hope that you wise up to these facts before there is no turning back. Choose your leaders carefully and soulfully, so that the free world can respect and accept your own leadership once again. Find some humility. Find a path forward that you can be proud of, and that will preserve all of the ideals that so many of your own people gave their lives to keep.

Happy Birthday, America. Please do better. You are capable of being so much more. Dig deep and be what you are meant to be – a beacon of freedom and hope and prosperity and vision and dignity and integrity, for all people to revere.

May this birthday be the day that it all turns towards the light of better days ahead for you my beautiful, beloved country. I truly hope so. Make it so.

Monday Fun-Day

It’s been nice and cool here the last couple of days. (70s is cold weather here) I’m loving it. The sun is smiling sweetly on us, instead of scorching us with the deathrays of Florida summers. It’s honestly like a switch has been flipped. I want to put a proverbial piece of masking tape over that switch with “Do Not Touch” sharpied on the tape. I am feeling hopeful this Monday. I wish the same for you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A Slight Yellow Haze

This couldn’t be more apropos to where I live right now. My neighbors drove by the other day and I thought they got a new car. I was wrong; the pollen made their black car look grey.

When I first moved to Florida and I ended up at the doctor’s office every two months for sinus infections, my doctor told me that I live in one of the two worst states for allergies. Hawaii and Florida are the worst states for allergies because something is blooming, all of the time, all year long. She also mentioned that by driving a convertible, it was like I was driving in a giant vacuum cleaner, sucking up all the pollen as I drive along. (I decided that the inconvenience of sneezing and wheezing was worth the freedom of toplessness.)

There are few things more embarrassing than having an allergy attack during this pandemic. I feel like wearing a sign saying, “Chill. It’s allergies!” I watched this poor woman struggling in the grocery store the other day. She was sneezing and sneezing and sneezing, right into her mask. Blech! Poor thing.

It's bad-------- | Allergies funny, Ecards funny, Someecards

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.