I have become That Woman. That Woman who drove Young Mama me insane. Young Mama me met That Woman several times throughout the child rearing years and it was never pretty. Typically, it went something like this. Young Mama me would be in the grocery store. I would be wearing the stained sweaty clothes from the day before or perhaps clean clothes that came off of the top of giant Mt. Laundry. We all knew that these clothes never really had a chance to make it into closets and drawers before being soiled again anyway. Young Mama me would be donning a pony tail that was starting to turn into an unintentional dreadlock. Young Mama me would be trying to keep the four kids organized in the grocery store by screaming at the top of her lungs, “Get in a line!!! Like ducks in a row!!” (All four kids still do a great impression of Young Mama me attempting to do this feat.) Back in those days the kids, of course, were very similar to marbles on the shiny, hard floor of the grocery store, bouncing, rolling, bumping into displays, spreading out in every which direction. Nothing at all like ducks in a row.
So, then Young Mama me would finally navigate the grocery cart overflowing with diapers, paper towels, family sized Cheerio boxes and a bunch of other things that the kids managed to sneak into the cart, to the checkout lane. Young Mama me usually eventually managed to get to the checkout lane with all four of her marbles in tow. Then, it never failed. That Woman was right behind Young Mama me, smiling serenely and winsomely at the crazy marbles, like they were Harry Winston diamonds that had just fallen from Heaven above. Now That Woman looked very different from Young Mama me. She was middle aged, wearing clean pressed clothes and donning a nice leather purse instead of a stained, smelly 3 ton diaper bag. Her hair and make-up were neatly done and her cart was near empty. She may have a container of sushi, a slab of cheese with a name Young Mama me could not pronounce, or perhaps a bottle of French wine, a baguette and a sleeve of fresh flowers. And she was at the store, peacefully, all by herself. And just in that moment when Young Mama me was desperately looking into the ether space for the fast forward button that would get me to That Woman’s stage in life, That Woman would look at Young Mama me, all doe-eyed, and say something like, “Oh honey, just enjoy these times, these kids. It all just goes so fast. Before you know it, they’ll be grown and gone.” In that moment, Young Mama me would desperately want to hit That Woman. While holding a death grip on my cart handle, I would be thinking, “WTF?!? What on Earth could possibly make you think that I need a Guilt Trip on top of all of this fun, you evil witch?!?”
Now that I am That Woman, I have a much better understanding of what she was trying to convey. It was not a guilt trip at all. That Woman is just not very good at communicating because she has a lump in her throat. That Woman can’t go back to herself as a Young Mama and say, “Honey, cut yourself a break. You are doing the best you can and what you think is so important, really isn’t. Those babies are going to be fine and as much as that little boy of yours, having a tantrum is driving you crazy, you are going to miss stroking his sweaty little red curls. Because one day, very, very soon, those curls will be on top of a 6’2″ man and you won’t be able to reach them. And he won’t be around anyway because he’ll be several hundred miles away in his new job, probably in a meeting room or eating lunch with colleagues. Yes, that little sweaty marble will have colleagues.” So, all that she is trying to do is to pay it forward because she can’t go back.
I really think if Young Mama and That Woman could see each other’s lives through each other’s eyes, they would really appreciate each other. It would be such a good reminder to not live too much in the past, but also not to try to rush into the future too quickly. Both ladies would realize that they have it pretty good in their current stage of life and then they would feel grateful for that and for each other. Then, as they were leaving the grocery store, they both would feel lighter, connected and excited to see what the rest of the day would bring.