My husband’s colleague texted him from another state. He and his family are staying with their extended family this week for Christmas. He said that the house is crazy and chaotic, full of kids and dogs. He told my husband that it must be like living with our family.
We started having kids less than two years after we were married. We had four children in the span of eight years and we’ve always had at least two dogs and other pets, in the mix, throughout the years. This past fall has been strange and surreal, with it being just my husband, myself and my daughter at home, with the two fur babies, who are at least, out of their puppy stage (sort of) .
The three of us have become accustomed to a fair amount of “quiet”, only having to go to the grocery store once a week, laundry always being clean and hung up, and jugs of milk actually going sour before we drank/used it all. I better understand now, why people have always said to me, “I don’t know how you do/did it.” With the college boys home the last week or so, and the grown son coming home tonight, the quiet moments are sparse, the grocery runs are daily, the stinky laundry is piling up at a monumental rate and we’ve run out of milk more than once, already. We are all whizzing around in different directions and it is hard to keep up with everyone’s comings and goings, as hard as I try. The dogs have seemed to pick up on this whirling energy and they are behaving like two furry toddlers, way too hopped up on sugar. It is chaotic. It is crazy. And it is love. It is us. This is us. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sundays are all about the rhymes. Soul Sundays are poetry workshop days here at Adulting – Second Half. Let’s have fun with this! Please share your poems, your poetry, your songs, your raps, your ditties. Here’s my goofy one today:
My Little Old Mug
Oh my little mug
I wish I could give you a hug
For all of the pleasure that you’ve given me.
Instead I must throw you out
Since I’m always spouting about
Not becoming a hoarder.
My daughter pointed out your age and your cracking
Which means your drink holding ability is lacking
And there is really no point in keeping you.
As the family chimed in, about my reminding them of expiration dates,
Handing them Goodwill bags to fill, giving their old things new fates,
I just couldn’t be hypocritical.
Little mug, I considered hiding you away
To sneak you out on a “by myself” day,
But my conscious just wouldn’t let me do it.
Thank you for your service and for the joy that you brought me,
Your humor, your size, your years of holding my coffee
Perhaps you are truly ready for mug heaven.
(or the back hidden corner of the cupboard which no one uses – see you soon!)
My middle son leads quite the interesting life. He is always busy. He has been busy since the day he was born. My son wants to go to medical school. Earlier this week he shadowed a urologist doing seven different surgeries. He texted the family, that he held a person’s kidney in his own hands, for the first time. He was so excited. My daughter and I tried to keep our dinners down, as he described, in vivid detail the different surgeries that he had observed, involving the kind of anatomy that urologists care for, in their line of work. When I glanced at my husband, a few times, I noticed that he had a greenish hue about him. There was a lot of leftovers left on our plates that night. I have a sense that I already know more than I have ever wanted to know about surgeries, and we’ve only just begun on this journey. It’s kind of like having a relative who is a pilot (I have a couple of those) or in law enforcement or in the military or even the restaurant industry. Ignorance is bliss. I believe that statement to the very bottom of my soul. But I never want to squelch anyone’s zest for life and I am one of those people whom other people love to tell their stories. I am very open and curious, sometimes to my own detriment.
I just had a quick chat with this same son this morning, as he was headed out the door to play an early morning alumni soccer game with previous coaches and players from his alma mater high school. He mentioned that he was going to an ugly Christmas sweater party tonight and then he talked about the Ferrari and the Rolls Royce that he drove last night. He is a valet during the summer and his company allows him to take on some jobs during his college breaks, to make extra money. Since cars are one of his passions, the tips that he gets are the icing on the cake. Being a valet is a dream job for him. (And if you are as curious as I am, the Ferrari driver and the Rolls driver both gave him a twenty each.)
I love that I have reached the stage of life where I am mostly now just a sideline cheerleader, an awestruck observer, and sometimes a student who is mostly just inspired by and thrilled for, my almost grown children. If you want to stick to the car analogy, it’s like I’ve done my job, helping to build the machines and now I am just eager to see what they can do. Occasionally the machines come roaring back for a pit stop or to get recalibrated and restored by us, their pit crew, but then they head roaring off again, at a clip pace to their lives’ destinations. I just sit in my overalls, holding my wrench, with a little grease on my forehead, and I shake my head in utter amazement. Then I turn inward, and I realize that it is time to put more of that fine-tuning focus on my own little machine, on that cute, little, jumpy car that I call “me.” I get out my tool box (my tools have pink handles, but they are solid and steely and strong) and I get to work.
Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! A man in England got his 17 dachshunds to pose for this picture. He also has a Labrador retriever, but that dog would not cooperate. As someone who lives with a big old goofy lab, I understand. This picture just put a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart. New readers, Fridays are fun and fabulous here at Adulting – Second Half. Nothing is taken too seriously here on Fridays. Fridays are only for serious fun. On Fridays, I typically list three favorite household items, beauty products, songs, websites, pet products, etc. that just put the sizzle in my swizzle. I strongly encourage you to mention your own favorites, so that we can keep this economy humming along.
Mandalorian – My husband and I are old-school Star Wars fans. We remember when the first Star Wars came out in theaters (1977, baby!). Truthfully, we were sort of disappointed when Disney bought the Star Wars franchise. However, our college boys insisted that we give the Mandalorian (Disney Plus TV Series) a look, and now, we have surpassed the boys by watching all of the episodes available (and we eagerly await more). One look at Baby Yoda, and you are hooked. Baby Yoda is a cross between an adorable baby, and a precious puppy, even though he is green. (kind of like Baby-Monkey-Puppy, but actually cute) The Mandalorian is fascinating. I keep wondering how I can read the emotions of a metal-helmeted man, whose face is never shown. Give the series a look and may the force be with you!
Orville Peck – Speaking of masked men, check out the music of Orville Peck, which is a pseudonym for a gay, masked country singer, who nobody really knows who the real man is, but that doesn’t really matter. His music, is old-timey, haunting Western style and his voice is mesmerizing. At the beginning of each of his songs, you expect the Lone Ranger to appear in your living room. Fascinating and unique and certainly worth a listen!
McDonalds Star Wars Happy Meal Prizes – Getting back to Star Wars, my regular readers know that I had a Christmas feast with one of my favorite friends this week, which included McDonalds Happy Meals. The prize in the meal was so cool, that my little flower insisted that she was going to hang it on her book bag to show it off. I thought that the prize was so neat that I drove back down to McDonalds and bought these prizes for my big kids at home. (you can buy the prizes separately from the food, $2 each) The Star Wars Happy Meal prizes are keychains, depicting the classic Star Wars characters, with a little button that makes a hologram show up, much like how the Star Wars characters communicate in the movies. These prizes are a big upgrade from Cracker Jack trinkets, I am telling you. They would make for fun stocking stuffers for the kids of all ages, in your lives.
Have a fabulous Friday!! Have a glorious Holiday Week!! I will post every single day during the holidays. I’m here for you, friends!!
So, the above is a tweet from Think Smarter, which those of you who are my regular readers, know is one of my favorite and most oft-quoted Twitter feeds. This tweet has been posted on Think Smarter, at least three times. Honestly, I have always related to it, but I felt too shy or vulnerable to admit to you readers that I relate to it. The fact that it has been repeated so often on the Think Smarter feed and already, this current posting of it has 265 retweets and 780 likes, tells me there are quite a few people who sometimes feel like weird, passionate loners. So, maybe we are not the “loners” who we think we are, in this confusing world. Being honest and vulnerable with others, or at the very least, with yourself, is a brave and a beautiful thing. The level of intimacy you feel is one of the most “alive” and vibrant feelings that there is in this world. Unfortunately, our modern way of going about life, encourages us to numb out, in one form or another, putting on layers of masks and performances and then looking for something outside of ourselves, to fill the hole. We miss so much when we do that. Just for today, allow yourself to be as open and honest and real as you have ever been, even if it is just with yourself, your “one man wolf pack.” Sit with that vulnerability and rawness. Cry, laugh, scream, whatever – feel all of your feelings, and sense where your feelings are experienced in your body. In short, give yourself permission to fully experience being totally and unguarded-ly, alive. My guess is, that instead falling back to your go-to of routinely “dulling out”, you’ll be attracted to coming back to the vulnerability. You’ll repeat it, like Think Smarter keeps repeating the above post.
“How beautiful it is when one lives completely and not with just a part of oneself. When one is full to the rim and calm because there is nothing more to get in.” ― Erich Maria Remarque
My son was almost arrested a few days ago. He had only been home from college for about a day and a half. He is an excellent student and he attends a prestigious university. He was with three other friends, with the same kind of pedigrees. It was in the middle of the day. What was his offense? He and his friends were visiting their previous high school teachers and coaches. Despite being what would be called “distinguished alumni”, they are never allowed on the school property again, for the rest of their lives. Why? They entered the school through the back teachers’ gate (on advice from a former teacher). My son and his friends were technically “trespassing” and in today’s world, that is a serious, serious offense.
My daughter is a sophomore, at that same high school. Every day that I drop her off at school, I anxiously scan the crowd going into the high school, trying to get a feel for the energy of the kids and of the other people entering the school, each day. I say a little prayer for everyone’s safety (I’m pretty sure that I am not the only parent who does this) and I wave to the school officer, the same officer who almost arrested my son. Earlier in the school year, I thanked the lead school police officer for making me feel safe, and for giving an aura of calm and authority, to all who enter the school.
My feelings are very conflicted on this entire situation. The police officer acknowledged that my son and his friends are “good kids”. He knows that I volunteer every week at the high school, as I wave to him as I head into the office, to mentor my student. These are some of the reasons why the school police officer gave my son and his friends “a break.” By banning them from school property forever, they got off lightly. They won’t have arrests on their records. The officer assured me that he will probably have to do a lot of explaining as to why he didn’t arrest them for trespassing. Their principal was in tears, begging the officer not to arrest this group of kids, all who had been in the top ten of their graduating class, this past spring. But ever since the horrific Majory Stoneman Douglas massacre, that occurred right here in Florida, the laws are incredibly strict. And as a mother of a student at the high school, I am grateful for this fact.
I have been letting this situation churn inside of me for several days now. It has been unsettling and upsetting, to say the least. My son played basketball for the school, but he is never allowed to attend one of their basketball games again. His friend, a former baseball player, can never go on to the baseball fields. My son will never be able to pick up my daughter from school, for me, nor will he be able to attend one of her high school tennis matches. The teacher who texted the kids to use the back gate, has taught students for years on end. His students consistently have the highest passing rate for the AP Calculus exams, in the entire county, sometimes even in the state. Nonetheless, he is in serious trouble and he may lose his job.
The kids were wrong. The teacher was wrong. The rules are in place for a very good reason. I think that the biggest pit in my stomach lies in the fact that this is a prime example of where we are, in today’s world. This is what it has all come to, and I despise it. For the sake of our children and for our grandchildren and for all future generations to come, we need to change the direction that we are headed in, and we need to find a way to come to a common ground that makes sense for the greater good of our society. Politics, partisanship, superiority, sensationalism and hate, have proven to do nothing for this problem, except to make matters more divisive than ever. We need to wake up.
I wish that I had the answers. I don’t. But I believe that a Higher Good has the answer and if we make it a priority as a WHOLE, to feel in our hearts, our intuitions, and in the deepest parts of our souls, what the right answers are, we can then take loving, tangible steps towards the greater healing of our collective hearts, and of our unified minds. We need to stop living in fear and judgment. We need to stop being narrow-minded and righteous, seeing anyone who doesn’t see things as we do, as the enemy. We need to visualize this problem, as if our entire society was stuck on an elevator car, which is hanging by a loose cable that is about to break, and is about to come crashing down. We need to work together, feverishly, to find an answer to our violence problem. We need to do this, as if our lives depended on it. Because they do. We need to look upon each other as bright, hopeful, capable, sincere people who only want the best for our families, for our friends, for our communities, for our country, and for our society. We need to stop playing coy games. The real game is on, and it is CRUCIAL that we all play on the same team, against the evil that is taking us down.
Do you ever have the sense that each holiday season seems to have a certain universal trend or vibe or energy to it? I suppose the holidays, in one sense, are really an end cap/recap of the year gone by. To me, every year, the holidays seem to kind of summarize the year, in a very general sense.
This year’s holiday feels a tad more subtle to me than the last couple of years, so far. The parties which we have attended have been nice and warm, but nothing too outlandish. People seem to be “calling it a night” a little bit earlier than usual. The Christmas cards that we have received so far, seem a bit simpler, too. They seem to be less newsy and to contain less pictures. The outdoor decorations didn’t go out as early this year, as they had been put out in previous years, on many homes in our neighborhood. I’m not sure if it is just my own projections, but the holidays just feel a little more toned-down, a tad more introspective, in a broader sense, this year. It’s not a “sad/worried” energy that I am sensing, but more of a quiet, inquisitive, slowed down atmosphere. Is that what you all are sensing?
I notice and analyze quirks all of the time. I suppose that is part of being an observer/writer type person. Last year, about 90 percent of the Christmas cards that we received, had pictures of our friends’ pets on them. Pictures of pets on holiday cards are not unusual, but last year it seemed to be the complete norm. Last year, I was surprised when I opened a card that didn’t include a picture of a pet. I said to my husband, that indicates to me, that people were needing to feel warmth, and comfort, and unconditional love more than ever, last Christmas. Last year’s holiday season seemed to have more of outwardly frenzied neediness to it, than this year seems to have, to me. So far, anyway. This year’s holiday, thus far, seems to have more of a universal theme of acceptance, relaxation, and introspection. Tell me what you are sensing. I would be curious about everyone’s unique observations. And if you think that I am completely “off my rocker”, go ahead and tell me that, too. It’s often been suggested that I move to the beat of my own drum. (Don’t we all? Some of us are just better at hiding our drum beat under the cloak of conformity than others, I think.) My current calm presence can take any suggestions, right now, I am sensing, with a semblance of light bemusement. It’s just something in the air, this Christmas. Right?
Today is my youngest son’s birthday. He is still away at college. He doesn’t have any final exams today, but he does have two tomorrow, so he’ll spend his day studying. We laughed together this morning, when we talked about that fact. Adult birthdays aren’t quite as magical as when you are little kid. Real life still has to happen, with a cake break, if you are lucky.
It is strange not having him home for his birthday. I have been through this now, with both of his older brothers, but it still feels strange. Is there anything more intimate between a mother and her child, than her child’s birthday? On the day of a child’s birth, the child gets the blessing of life on Earth breathed into them, and also, at that very moment, the mother has already begun the gradual, painful, yet affirming process of releasing her child and letting go.
I asked my son, “How do you feel about it being the last year of your teens?”
He answered, “How do you feel about it?”
My real unsaid response was this – Oh, honey, you don’t want me to unleash the storm of feelings that I feel on every single one of your and your sibling’s birthdays. The torrent of pride and love and bewilderment and fear and memories and giggles and gratefulness and giddiness and pain and hope and guilt and amusement and joy and awe would probably be too much for both of us to handle . . . . but maybe not. Maybe that torrent of emotion is what we both felt, on the crescendo of that beautiful winter day, nineteen years ago. And I think that we have both turned out pretty good, so far. We weather well. I know that I love our relationship. I know that I love you from the deepest wells of my heart. The relationships that I have with you and your siblings and your father, is what my makes my life sing its very song. Thank you for the gift of my sacred song.
Instead I answered, “I feel great! I’m proud of you. I love you. Have a wonderful day!” And then we hung up, and I let go, just a little more.
“You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul You’ll be my breath should I grow old You are my lover, you’re my best friend You’re in my soul
My love for you is immeasurable My respect for you immense You’re ageless, timeless, lace and fineness You’re beauty and elegance
You’re a rhapsody, a comedy You’re a symphony and a play You’re every love song ever written But honey what do you see in me”
You were probably singing along to the above lyrics from the song “You’re In My Heart” by Rod Stewart, as you were reading them. (Admit it. I know you did. You are fun like that!) I have always thought that those lyrics were the best that I have ever heard in a love song, and what I really enjoy about the song, too, is that it is encased in such a fun, upbeat, easy-to-sing melody. It’s the kind of song that 25 people will belt out together, at a bar or a party, all looped together, in shoulder slung arms. I did some research and I found out that Rod had written that song, mostly for the Swedish model/actress, Britt Ekland. Having always been quite the “player” in romantic relationships (he has had three marriages, and eight children by five different mothers), Rod doomed their relationship to last only about two years, but the song will go on in popularity, for quite some time. The lyrics and the tune are timeless.
I think that Rod Stewart probably has a big heart . . . . a big heart in the sense that it is filled with a lust for life, rarely witnessed in other human beings. I just read that in the 26 years that Rod Stewart (now aged 74) made 13 musical albums, and went on tour 19 times, he was also creating a masterpiece. Rod Stewart just put the finishing touches on an epic model train railway city. This is how it is described: “a 124ft spread depicting an entire US city and inspired by the view from his childhood home.” (Twitter) So, while writing songs and rocking it out on stage, womanizing, being a dad and a husband, and a grandfather, and a knight, an avid car collector, and at one time, having given it a go at becoming a professional “footballer” (in America, we call them soccer players), Rod Stewart was working on his model train set. Apparently, though most of this awe-striking creation is kept in his Los Angeles’ home’s attic, he would bring parts of it on tour, keeping the part that he was working on, in its own separate hotel room, so that he could work on it, in between shows.
There must be a connection with musicians and train sets. One of my best friend’s boyfriend is an avid musician, who also faithfully attends his model train club meetings, at least once a week. Apparently, Roger Daltrey, Phil Collins, Neil Young, and Ronnie Wood, also share in the hobby.
Miniature train sets, are fascinating. When I was a kid, we made several trips to The Miniature Railroad and Village, owned by the Carnegie museums and now housed in the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The Ringling Museum in Sarasota, Florida also houses a magical train display, depicting the circus in the 1920s. My favorite part of both of these attractions, is how they simulate night and day, so when it gets dark, all of the the warm and twinkling lights on the buildings and street lamps start to glow.
I kind of got wander-y and meandering in this post, much like a charming little model train, making its way through towns and countrysides, and bridges and tunnels. I’ll park my post back in the station, of the point that I was trying to make all along. Life is grand. Life is full of possibilities. Life is so interesting because we are so interesting in the ways that we are INTERESTED. We all find ourselves attracted to different fascinations. What if we all started this upcoming new year (and new decade, for that matter) with an agreement to go after our interests, our hobbies, our passions, and our curiosities, with gusto? With wild abandonment? With unbridled enthusiasm? Can you imagine how great that would feel? Can you imagine the wonders that would come from that excited frenzy? Take the shoulds/what other people would think/judgments on level of “cool” or “sophisticated”/our somewhat limited beliefs on time constraints/worries that we aren’t talented enough/comparisons to others, etc. etc. right out of the equation and in the forever truism made popular by Nike – JUST DO IT.
Friends, in embarking on a whole new span of time – a new year, a new decade, in our decidedly short lifetimes, let’s throw the excuses out of the window, and get back on the tracks and see where they take us. It’s bound to be amazing. And much like a miniature train, it doesn’t have to end. It can loop around and around, reminding us, again and again, of just how damn delightful it is to be ALIVE.
