All Over the Map

Today’s Fortune: “The soul is here for its own joy.” – Rumi

Today is Monday and I slept horribly last night, for reasons unknown to me. Just as I am all over the map in my actions, flitting from one half-finished chore to another, so goes my thoughts. Therefore this is going to be a “random thoughts, all over the map” day here, at Adulting – Second Half. Here is what is conjuring up in my wild and crazy, and very sleepy mind right now:

First Thought – If I am going to continue to be archaic and insist on using my Barnes and Noble hardback, paper desk diary, as my daily calendar, I must improve my handwriting. My handwriting has become barely legible. Further, I must stop writing “in code.” The reality is, I forget the code that I created almost immediately after I write the crazy, unidentifiable words/symbols/wtf? on my calendar, and I spend hours in puzzlement and bewilderment and anxiety, trying to understand what I am supposed to be doing. I then become my own version of Angela Lansbury, trying to decipher my own sloppily written, and not-so-very clever abbreviations, for the things that I must do in life, in a timely fashion. I must fix this problem. Stat.

Second Thought – I saw this quote on twitter made by a young woman who appears to be in her twenties: “Third wave feminism in not about empowering women, it’s about hating men, yelling in the streets, and on demand abortions. Traditional feminism is empowering. Third wave feminism is embarrassing.” Someone commented on her tweet with this comment: “Third wave feminism hurts women more than men. Men are afraid work with women now, afraid to be in the office with them, afraid to date them. Any man with a career he has worked hard for would be NUTS not to be terrified.”

I have walked this balance beam for a while now, raising both young men and a young woman, in this current divisive climate. I understand that sometimes it is necessary for the pendulum to swing far out in one direction, in order for healthy change to actually happen, but I do hope that it comes back to center soon. I think, as women, when we project anger and hatred and disappointment that we have about some “bad” men, on to every man who we meet and know, we are being completely unfair. Do we do that to other women in our lives, making every woman who we meet, feel bad about being a woman?? If a man is instantly disliked just for being a man, what makes us, as women, so likable and agreeable, to him? If a man’s experience is that every woman who he knows, are man-haters, one can see how he would start to deeply distrust women. Thus, he will project his learned hatred of women on to every woman who he knows. And thus, the cycle of inequality, mistrust and divide continues. I think that it is our responsibility as mothers, grandmothers, aunts, etc. to be strong, wise, healthy examples to both young men and to young women, and to raise up strong, confident, kind, capable, loving, self-respecting adults, who can discern for themselves who is toxic (no matter what that person’s sex may be), and to be brave enough and healthy enough to create strong values and boundaries, to protect and honor their own true selves. When they feel solid in self-love, they will share that healthy love and respect with the other men and other women in their lives, who deserve it.

Third Thought – My husband and my eldest son are currently reading the book called Empire of the Summer Moon, at the same time, so that they can discuss it when they are finished. The book is primarily about the history of the Comanche Native American tribe. Now the book sounds a bit too brutal for me to stick my nose into, but it did remind me of this scene from one of my favorite movies of all time. If you have never seen the movie, Hell or Highwater, put it on your watch list. The character development is excellent. It is one of those movies that you think about long, long after you have watched it. Here’s the scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V-5p3fM90s

Now, I must get back to more half-baked projects and to deciphering what I am really supposed to be doing today, that is, when I can figure out what the chicken scratch on my calendar really says. Have a great week, friends!

Soul Sunday

Fortune for the day: “What seems to be, is, to those to whom it seems to be.” – William Blake

Let’s get to the poetry workshop part of the day! Here’s mine, please put your stream of thoughts, in poetic form, in the Comments section. Thank you, Carla, for joining in last Sunday. I deeply wish that our poetry forum would get more poetic in 2020, so that we have many interesting, thought provoking poems to read and to interpret and to feel and to connect with, on our Soul Sundays, that we share here at Adulting- Second Half. This is firmly a no-judgment zone. I have veto power and I will not allow any hate on my blog forum. Poetry comes from love, from vulnerability, from the deepest understanding of life that sometimes cannot be put into ordinary prose. Poetry does NOT come from fear and hate. Again, here’s my poem for the day:

The Mind

The most outrageous adventures

Most often take place in the far corners of our own mind.

It is fascinating that a place of comfort and reprieve

Can also be a berth of agonizing hell,

In the flip of a switch of an ordinary, random thought.

If a thought is allowed to continue and to grow and to repeat itself,

It becomes a prison cell, a sorceror holding a hypnotist’s ball and chain,

Creating a trance and a falsehood of reality, that overtakes the soul.

If we can stand back with bemusement and detachment,

The mind is often nothing more than a scatterbrained child,

Changing continually, with the winds of whimsy.

Just for fun, it likes to see how far reaching its thoughts can take us,

evoking deep, primitive emotions that stir wild energy,

intense energy, flowing throughout and reaching every cell

of sometimes the entire physical body.

The one thing that the mind doesn’t ever care to be . . . .

is quiet.

Too Quiet

Fortune for the day: Everyone must row with the oars s/he has. – English proverb

Thursday night I was feeling a little grumbly and annoyed. This is not unusual for the first week back from a lengthy winter break. I was feeling a little worse for the wear, from going full steam into a new, busy routine and I was also trying to coordinate other family members’ needs and obligations (also in full steam mode). Friday morning I had agreed to drive my daughter and her friends to a club competition, where they were going to present a project. The competition spot was a good hour away and their presentation is only 10 minutes long. Honestly, I was agitated and feeling my inner whining going, “When am I going to get some time for me? When am I just going to get some peace and quiet for myself? wah wah wah wah”

While the young ladies were doing their presentation, I ended up in a wonderful, warm, interesting coffee shop. It was filled with signs with funny, pithy sayings such as this:

And this:

And this one in the bathrooom:

Yes, the hipsters were getting a chuckle out of old lady me, walking around the shop taking pictures of all of the funny signs, that just openly and obviously tickled me. I am a decent tipper, so I didn’t get thrown out of the joint.

This is the sign that really got to me, though:

This whole delicious coffee shop experience helped to change my negative attitude, and this last saying was the major cherry-on-top. Soon after, I picked up the girls who were happy with how their presentation experience went. We shared a delicious, giggly brunch and I dropped them off at their friend’s house, where they planned to have a sleepover party. I went home to a very, very quiet house. Too quiet. Sometimes you have to be careful with what you wish for, I suppose.

Clearing Things Up

Fortune of the Day – There are beautiful and wild forces within us. – St. Francis

Over the winter break, I read Ann Leary’s The Children. It was on sale at Barnes and Noble. I really enjoyed reading Leary’s The Good House, so I looked forward to reading another one of her books. Leary’s characters tend to be very direct, and very matter-of-fact, in the way we sometimes stereotype people from New England, where many of her stories take place. I like that aspect of the characters. Her books are also filled with interesting tidbits and asides, which might be my favorite feature about her writing. For instance, The Good House described, in amusing detail, how to be a fake, yet credible fortune teller and The Children was chock full of ideas on how to commit minor fraud crimes, plus a bonus survival tip. This tip claims that if you can find the star Polaris, at night, and then find a landmark underneath it, you will always know where true North is pointing, even while hiking in the light of day. Now I don’t plan on committing any fraud, but it was kind of vicariously fun, to get into the mind of someone who amuses themselves by committing petty crimes. The best part of the book, is that I feel like I got two-for-one deal while reading it: one, the joy and relaxation of reading interesting fiction and two, a possibly life-saving survival tip, which will come in handy, should I ever agree to going into the Montana wilds again.

An interesting fact about Ann Leary: She is married to the actor Denis Leary. In 2013, during a troubled time in her marriage, she wrote an essay for the New York Times’ Modern Love feature called “Rallying to Keep the Game Alive”. You may have seen this essay depicted on the Amazon Prime video Series, “Modern Love.” Her essay was the one in which Tina Fey plays Ann Leary. Playing tennis with her husband is what brings their marriage back to center. Ann Leary is also a recovering alcoholic and her insight into the mind of an alcoholic is really explored in her book, The Good House. Fascinating stuff.

However, I will finally get to the real reason why I am writing about Leary’s book, The Children (which I found to be a good read, not a fabulous read, but definitely worth my time). I mention this book because the main character is a blogger. The main character is a 20-something/never married/never had children undiagnosed agoraphobic. And guess what the main character’s blog subject is about? She blogs about her adorable, active family and lovely children. Seriously. And Yikes.

Readers, I assure you that I am the REAL DEAL. A lot of my readers are friends and family, and they will verify is that I am just as kooky and wide-openly honest, as I write. I am happily married to my college sweetheart and we do have four adult-ish children and two dogs. I have watched many, many episodes of the TV show Catfish (a show that catches on-line fakers and liars) and while I find that show fascinating, it is not at all, in my DNA to make strange, elaborate lies. That’s why I don’t think that I could ever write fiction. Do I exaggerate and dramatize and use creative license sometimes? Yes. Definitely. Life is more interesting when you dress it up with some flavor, but I am not a liar. I was honestly kind of surprised that Ann Leary, a mother herself, really believes that a never married, never mothered, never had much exposure to many children at all, could really capture in writing, all of the emotion, exhaustion, hilarity, and growth that comes from being a female head of household. I like to think that we women could spot a fraud like that in a second, but then, I guess a lot of the times, we believe what we want to believe. That seems to be a major theme of life these days. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

So now that we’ve cleared that up, I am going to take some baby steps and try to leave the house today, so that I can get more fodder for my blog about my “adorable” family . . . . . .

Everything’s Gonna Be Alright

Fortune for the day (getting this out of the way before I forget again) – However long the night, the dawn will break. (African Proverb)

So, as you can see, I’ve made it successfully through my new morning routine for a second day. Today, was not quite as smooth as yesterday. I took my dogs out early, into the dark, dark morning and I managed to step in a large plop of dog caca, while wearing my ginormous Ugg slippers (which are the most wonderful, durable, comfortable slippers in the world, btw). This occurred unbeknownst to me until I managed to walk around a fair portion of my home, spreading the love. So, I had to add mopping and disinfecting the tile floor to my new morning list, the “Must-do These Chores Before Doing Anything Else That Feels Remotely Fun/Interesting/Addicting, etc” list.

I met a new acquaintance the other day and she was asking me about my blog. I said that it is mostly aimed at connecting to/relating with, other middle-aged people, at my stage of life. I meant to say, “It is meant to be read mostly by soon-to-be empty nesters, finding their way to the next thing.” Instead, though, I made a Freudian slip and I called us, “empty nexters” and I thought, “Wow, that is actually the right term. We aren’t actually experiencing empty nesting, we are contemplating the empty – next-thing.” I like that terminology better. We middle-agers have vessels that have been quite full, sometimes over-flowing with responsibilities, duties and obligations. Now, those vessels are slowing seeping out to near empty, so that we can fill them up again, with our “next thing.” I love it!

I’m going to end this blog post with some lyrics to a wonderful country song that came over my iPod when I was taking my daughter to school today. My kids are very frustrated that I still use my old fashioned separate iPod (who’d ever think iPods would become old-fashioned so soon?!?), so my daughter informed me this morning that she changed some of the settings on my iPod, so at least, it would seem like I actually stream my music on Apple Music or Spotify. She said, “See, you like this song, and we haven’t heard it in forever.” She was right. Err, sometimes I hate it when the kids are right. Anyway, it was the perfect song to hear today, after my dog poo fiasco, and me cursing, under my breath, at the guy who blocked the intersection, only to find myself accidentally doing the exact same thing on the way home, during the crazy morning rush hour. So, that’s when I started my well-worn self-flagellation for judging others, and then I started worrying about friends who are unfortunately starting out their new year, in the hospital. Luckily my propensity for singing (and sometimes dancing) along with songs (particularly country songs), stopped my negative thought loop, in its tracks. I decided that this song was worth listening to, again and again, until I felt better and it worked. In fact, I am listening to it right now. Here are the lyrics to the chorus:

Everything’s gonna be alright
Everything’s gonna be alright
Nobody’s gotta worry ’bout nothing
Don’t go hitting that panic button
It ain’t near as bad as you think
Everything’s gonna be alright
Alright, alright

There ain’t no doubt it’s gonna work out
Come on, sing it with me
There ain’t no doubt it’s gonna work out
Come on and sing it with me

Everything’s gonna be alright

By David Lee Murphy and Kenny Chesney

Have a fantastic day, friends!! Everything’s gonna be alright!!

Soul Sunday

Sundays are a virtual coffee house, poetry workshop here at AdultingSecond Half. So grab a cup of whatever moves you, and let it flow. Your feelings, your words, your inspirations, whatever comes . . . . please feel comfortable (and excited!) to share your poems in the Comments section. I’m new to poetry, too. This is a no judgment zone. Here’s mine today:

Our Burrow

When all else fails to soothe me,

In your arms, late in the evening or early in the morning,

is my comfort, my peace, my sanctuary.

I want you to feel the current of my love,

Pulsating from something very deep inside the well-spring of my vitality,

Surrounding the form that makes the two of us only One.

One with Oneness, though seemingly quiet and vulnerable,

the robes of our daily defenses completely let down and put aside,

and yet, at this unruffled, untroubled, tranquil time,

We are at our most impenetrable, solid strength.

Our energies merged, the same energies that made our Love and

our loves . . . . our shared creations, experiences, our shared Life.

During these wordless moments with you,

Is when I know Love the most.

(Ooops! I already almost forgot the daily fortune. Here it is:

If one would move the world, one must move oneself. – Socrates)

Categories

The “mids” (my middle two children) are about to head back to their university, to start their spring semester. They go to the same college. I also sometimes call them “the Jan Bradys”. They don’t like that nickname, especially since they are guys. When you have a large family, you tend to break the kids down into subsets. My eldest two sons are redheads (now more commonly known as “gingers”). So, fittingly, I call them “the Reds” and thus, the youngest two children are “the Browns”. (they don’t particularly like that nickname because we are Steelers fans). Our eldest son, a tall, gregarious redhead is often called “Big Red.” And with the eldest three kids being male, and my youngest being our only daughter, we have “the boys and the Princess.” I usually call the dogs, “the fur babies” or “the poopies”. Categories just make life simpler. Ask any librarian.

“In life, the categories we belong to can change very easily and can change so very easily that we in fact belong to every single category! We are hunter, we are victim; we are master, we are slave; we are rich, we are poor; we are lock, we are key! We belong to every category!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

Fortune for today: Dwell in possibility. – Emily Dickinson

First Friday

“After ecstasy, the laundry.” – Zen saying

Welcome to the first Favorite Things Friday of the new year and of the new decade!!!! This is the first time, in probably a whole decade, that I am saying to myself, “Wow, I can’t believe that it is Friday already.” The buzz that I have been hearing around with my friends and neighbors, has been a lot of “craving structure” and “getting back to a sense of normalcy.” That is one of my favorite gifts that we get every single year from the holiday season – a true appreciation of our normal, every day lives. New readers, Fridays are fun and frivolous. I typically list three items, songs, websites, etc. that make my world pop. I encourage you to check out previous Friday posts for more favorites and as always, please share your own favorites in the Comments section. It is kind to share.

Here we go:

One Hundred Fortunes – The above quote is from this adorable tiny, beautifully wrapped package of One Hundred Fortunes. I picked today’s beautiful paper fortune, out of the pile randomly and I think that I am going to try to pick one fortune out and put it on to the blog post every day, until I run out. On Christmas Eve, my family and I, each drew our own fortune out of the pile. We took turns reading our fortunes and saying what we felt that the fortune meant to us or was saying about the world. It is one of my most favorite 2019 holiday memories. It felt so intimate and warm to really hear each other’s thoughts and feelings and perspectives. You can find this and other wonderful delights on the creator’s (Ingrid Goff-Maidoff) website: www.TendingJoy.com

The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse (by Charlie Mackesy) – This is Barnes and Noble’s “book of the year” and all you have to do is to flip through it, to understand why. The illustrations are so whimsical and enchanting. I read it to my family on Christmas Eve, as if they were all little children again, and we all lapped up the experience. (either that, or they are all great fakers ;)) The story has a timeless message and I know that our copy will stay in our family forever.

Deep Sleep Pillow Spray by thisworks – I wouldn’t put this stuff in the Tylenol PM category, but the beautiful, refreshing lavendar scent is a wonderfully dreamy way to fall into a nice, peaceful, blissful slumber. The scent whispers comfort and peace. I got mine on Anthropologie’s website.

I guess that I am feeling a little bit more serious and sentimental than I typically feel on Fridays. I suppose this may be because I am in a reflective mood, with it being the end of the year, the end of a decade, the end of our winter break and yet also, the sweet and exciting start to a new year, a new decade, and a new chapter, in all of our lives. The photo below is the last page of The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse. I think that it says what I am trying to convey, the best. Have a great weekend!!!

Kia Ora

Wow. I always want to start out of the New Year starting gate, raring to go, but I think that I am a slow starter. No, I know that I am a slow starter. The tortoise wins the race, though, right? In New Zealand, today is officially celebrated as the New Year’s Day holiday. Today, I am a New Zealander.

Thank you for my New Year’s wishes from some of my regular readers (and friends). We had a lovely time with our college friends. How can you not have a great time with people who have decided to remain friends with you for 30+ years? That needs to be cherished and rewarded. And luckily, all of us girls married nice, solid guys (the good ones whom we decided to hold on to 😉 ) and we are all blessed with wonderful, kind, pleasant children. It was a fantastic way to end one year out and bring in the new one.

I was scrolling through Twitter this morning and this post caught my eye. It was a re-tweet from a twitter account called Jessica Dore (I do not know anything about her, but I find this post very thought-provoking.) Let’s all be heroes and really, really start living even more full and authentic and brave lives this year, and throughout the decade ahead! As the New Zealanders apparently say, KIA ORA in 2020! (Maori for “be well”) Here’s the post:

Image

The End

For the first time in a long time, I am going to attend a New Year’s Eve party tonight. Typically, I stay in, and do more quiet, spiritual reflection. Ironically, all of my horoscopes are telling me that this particular New Year’s Eve would be a good year to stay in and do quiet, spiritual reflection. Ha!

Here are some good NYE toasts, ranging from funny to serious, to share tonight, starting with funny, moving to serious:

“Here’s health to those I love and wealth to those who love me.”

“May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year’s resolutions.”

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.” — Bill Vaughn

“He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; he who makes one is a fool.” — F.M. Knowles

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” — Edith Pierce

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language, and next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.” — T.S. Eliot

Happy New Year’s Eve, friends! However you bring the new year in, even if it is deep in slumber, I am very excited to connect with you next year!!! It’s going to be a great year. 🙂