empty nest Archives - Page 153 of 171 - Adulting: Second- Half

Lipstick Fixes Everything

Thank you for checking in and letting me know that you all are okay, friends! That really made my day. I just found an old teddy bear and I carefully placed the little guy in one of our front windows. There is a fun trend going around the world, called “Bear Hunt.” Parents who are trying to get their little ones out for walks and bike rides, look at houses and count the number of bears they can find in the homes’ windows. Someone started up the Bear Hunt in our neighborhood. I hope that it brings the little ones joy and their parents some respite. The Bear Hunt game brought me some cheer, carefully positioning our little guy, smooshed up against the glass of our window. I wonder how many times that our bear will get counted today. I hope that he gets counted many, many times, and with the counts, I hope, comes a lot of smiles.

Another thing that I read about the other day, was that some schools are doing “Virtual Spirit Weeks.” So, I believe yesterday was “Pajama Day”, which is something probably more of us celebrated without even realizing that we were part of “Virtual Spirit Week.” People are so ingenious and creative and hard to keep down. I love it!

It’s interesting to observe yourself and the rest of the world, with how we are handling this forced shutdown. I’m honestly afraid that I’m too rattled right now, to really take full advantage of what this break could do and mean for me. My son said, “Mom, this is your time. Write a book.” I just can’t seem to get motivated to start on that project, or much of anything else, honestly. I find myself being highly distractible right now. I can’t even keep a focus on reading, which is one of my absolute favorite pastimes. I guess that once I come into more of an acceptance of everything that has happened, and an understanding that this is going to be our way of life for a while, I will be able to recreate a temporary, satisfying new routine. I just hope that this dawning of an “acceptance of the situation” doesn’t come too late for me, so that I can fully take advantage of the hidden gifts that this time has to offer.

In other news, I have actually put on make-up about 3-4 times since we have been holed up in our home, for about two weeks. I have found this to be a particularly uplifting experience, when I have mustered the energy to do it. It is like seeing an Extreme Makeover in my own mirror. There is a remarkable difference between “I don’t even give a damn. I haven’t seen my brush in days. Baseball hats are my friends,” to “Wow, mascara really is a difference maker and maybe our grandmothers were on to something, when they coined the term, ‘lipstick fixes everything’.”

Something that really made me chuckle during our “house stay” so far, was the night that my daughter forced my husband and our sons to play the old-fashioned board game Mystery Date with her. My daughter has a dark side and she was utilizing the passive-aggressive control that her birthday afforded her, to torture the men in our lives. Misery loves company, I suppose. Mystery Date was a board game first released by Milton Bradley in 1965. The object of the game is to collect “the right clothes” for “the right date” and to not get stuck with “The Pest”, a scraggly looking guy who doesn’t look like he could take a lady out for a McDonalds hamburger, on a good day. I quickly agreed to wash the dishes, so that I could just watch this scenario, like it was a hilarious sitcom. The last time Mystery Date was re-released by Milton Bradley was in 2005. I don’t think it will be re-released any time soon, in this era of #MeToo. It struck me that men would probably get tarred and feathered, if they had a male version of the Mystery Date game. What would the female version of “the pest” look like and how loud would the outcry be? Also, all of the pawns of the game, are pretty ladies, who look like Stepford Wives with just different colored dresses and shades of hair. In today’s world, shouldn’t the pawns be men and women and everything in-between????

Clearly, I have too much time on my hands, in order to spend too much time in my head, thinking about things like the Mystery Date board game, and its social implications. My family has probably reached a time in our seclusion where we are starting to drive each other crazy. I have enough self-introspection to understand that my habit and my obsession of overthinking just about everything, loses its charm quickly.

I love you all. I know that we will all get through this, better than we were before. Take good care. Stay well and please stay in touch.

Fortune for the Day – “One finds joy in living through love.”

Interlude

“How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at others with common curiosity and pleasure. You would break out of this tiny and tawdry theatre in which your own little plot is always being played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street full of splendid strangers.”
― G. K. Chesterton

Today, we all find ourselves in an entirely different play/theater than we ever expected, don’t we? And no one is spared from the alarming plot twists, not even Prince Charles. As I mentioned yesterday, I have started into a quiet phase, in my own little lifetime’s drama. I guess that I’m in an interlude. I find myself soaking in all sorts of information, from all different sources and none of it is making any real sense to me yet. And that’s okay. Perhaps the biggest lesson to come out of all this will be patience.

Yesterday I took a long nap. This is the longest nap that I think that I have taken in probably, a decade. I don’t typically like to nap. I guess I hoped that by taking this long, daytime nap, I would either have a lucid dream that explained everything to me in a way that made perfect sense, and put me at ease with all of this, or better yet, I would wake up to find that this whole coronavirus thing was just a really bad nightmare that I could wake up from. Neither of those outcomes occurred for me, but I did feel well-rested, and yet still restless. I am very restless.

How are you all coping? I still see readers in my stats, but there haven’t been many comments, lately. Are you in introspective interludes, as well? Have any “truths” arisen to the surface from your wise internal “knowing”, your “Being”, since all of this began? As I said, I’m absorbing all of the information, perspectives, and reactions to this situation that I feel like I can soak in, on any one day, from all different sources. You, my trusted readers, friends and confidantes, are whose viewpoints, I would most like to take in. If you are feeling the inclination and the energy, at least let me know that you are okay.

Love. Peace. Hope. Stay well.

Fortune for the Day – “Be open to the wonderful; the bizarre; the possible; the unknown.”

The Wise Owl

I have seen and I have heard a lot of owls lately. I heard one early this morning when I was taking our dogs out. We live near a nature preserve, so we are fortunate to witness owls more than the average people come across them, I think. So, I have seen and I have heard more than a few gorgeous owls in the last couple of months and I have even noticed more of them in artwork and websites, as of late, it seems. I know that some old wives’ tales suggest that owls are a horrible omen of death, but I think that they are more a symbol of wisdom, clarity, change, and intuitiveness. I think that owls are majestically beautiful.

I need quiet today. I need to quiet my mind. I need to quiet my interactions with others and the outside world. I need to take some time for calm introspection. All of our infinite wisdom lies within, I think, and I need to tap into that vast, knowing, loving reservoir of being-ness and light. I hope that you can find an understanding of what you need today, and I hope that you find the courage and the ability to give that to yourself, whatever that need is for you. Stay well. Sending peace, love and clarity from my heart to yours.

No Horse Pucky Archives

Happy 16th birthday, to my beautiful daughter! This isn’t quite the plans at Disney which we had made, but at least we (your parents and your brothers and your doggies) are your captive audience, and your dutiful servants for the day. xoxo Disney is just delayed.

I think that in a time of uncertainty, fear, and boredom, another one of my “no horse pucky” stories is called for, to lighten the mood. The other day (I can’t remember which day; they are all melting into each other. Quarantine days look remarkably the same around here.) I went into my garage and started poking through the storage boxes. Back in the year 2000, I had belonged to an online pregnancy chat group. I was pregnant with our third son, during that time. Our other two boys were ages four and two, and our daughter was not even yet, a glimmer in our eyes. It turns out that I printed out every single post that I had made on the chat group, and I kept the printed sheets, as sort of a pregnancy journal. The other night, when I rediscovered the “journal”, I delighted myself and my captive audience family, with various anecdotes that I talked about in the journal, including the time my 4-year-old son said that my new haircut made me look like “a monster” and he meant it sincerely, as a major compliment. Anyway, Tuesday, November 7th, 2000’s entry is absolutely “no horse pucky” worthy and reading the entry, brings me back to the sheer horror of that day, like it was just yesterday. Keep in mind, my third son was born in early December of 2000, so I was very, very, very pregnant that infamous day, with a 4 year-old son and a 2-year-old son (who had the nickname “Road Rage” at that time period; his temper was legendary) in tow. Here is the journal entry (Tuesday, November 7th, 2000):

“I just got back from voting and running a few errands. The boys and I enter Eckerd Drug Store, and we are no sooner in the door, when my four-year-old announces that he has to “go potty real bad,” (number two, mind you) and starts groaning and grunting loudly. I ask the clerk where the bathroom is, only to be told that they had no public bathrooms. I announce that it is an emergency and the clerk, noticing my obviously huge pregnant belly ushers us through the store, through the warehouse into this skanky bathroom where my son “blows it out.” (sorry to be gross, but it was GROSS)

After that episode, I decide to buy some sodas that are on sale and I pick up a 12 pack, only to have the bottom give out on me and all twelve cans roll all over the floor. Both sons think that this is great fun and once again, we are the spectacle of the day, at the store. The sweet clerk comes over a with a calm smile on his face and cleans it all up. I then go over to another aisle and I pick up two plastic, one gallon jugs filled with grape juice. As I am walking to the cashier, one of these bottles hit one of those giant steel poles that support the ceiling of the store. The whole plastic top is ripped off and the juice sprays all over us, and the floor. At this point, I was seriously considering running out of the store, but I notice that the puddle of juice is gaining momentum towards the “too-nice-of-a-guy” clerk, busy cleaning up our other mess. He once again, just smiles and says, “Not your day, huh?” and proceeds to clean up the new mess.

Well, you would think that this story would be over, but no. Now, the entirely frazzled me, goes to pay for the juice, and the gallon jug that is now broken, is still filled a quarter of the way, so I decide to set it on the counter. In my utter frustration, I set the jug down too hard and a geyser of grape juice lands all over the completely shocked cashier.

I won’t be frequenting that store any time in the near future or maybe even, ever again. I bet the store personnel started thinking that they were all victims of Candid Camera!”

No horse pucky, true story. I found this true account, in the printed pages of my online pregnancy journal, found in a Mattel’s Hot Wheels paper folder; the folder having a copyright date of 1997.

I think that it is great when you can still laugh at yourself, twenty years later. I can’t wait for the time when we can all look at this coronavirus situation in the rear view mirror, and perhaps even get a couple of chuckles out of what is otherwise, a horrific ordeal.

Stay well, my friends.

Fortune for the day – “Just remain in the center, watching, and then forget that you are there.” – Lao Tzu

Stay Level

RIP – Kenny Rogers, thank you for all of the wonderful, memorable, easy to sing along with tunes!

Here’s some things that I have read over the last couple of days that attest to the resiliency of the human spirit, and the kindness and the generosity of our hearts:

+ Holiday lights are being put up again, to give people good cheer, all over the United States

+ The TOMS shoe company has set up a crisis center for people to talk to crisis counselors confidentially, free of charge (text 741741, for more information)

+ On my Nextdoor app (neighborhood social media), someone said “Thank you!” to whoever paid for their hot dog meal at our local Costco. The clerk said that a person had paid for several people’s upcoming meals, who were behind them in line.

+And if you need a laugh, this video had me rolling on the floor laughing:

https://twitter.com/i/status/1241339963704250368

Just hang on, everyone!! We’re going to pull through this, together. Life is meant to be lived. This is just a pause.

Fortune for the Day – “When things are steep, remember to stay level headed.” – Horace (I seriously just pick these out of a little bag, without looking. The Universe knows what its doing.)

Friday, Squirrels, Turkey Chili

In truth, squirrels will never, ever make my Friday favorites list. Happy Friday, all. This has been my family’s first full week of major social distancing. We’ve only really gone out for groceries and medicine. We walk the dogs every night and it is heartening to see others walking their dogs, too, at a distance, of course. Last night, it was very quiet and serene, as not a lot of traffic passed through the streets. I said to my husband, it’s like being at a secluded campground. We both swore that we saw more stars than usual. It was extremely peaceful.

Readers, I typically list about three favorite products, books, websites, songs, etc. that make life a little bit more full of life on Fridays. Please see previous Friday posts for more favorites. In my scramble to fill up our pantry, we have happened upon some new favorites, from a food perspective. Here are my Friday favorites:

Lance ToastChee Spicy Cheddar flavor – These are the best “Lance in your pants” yet. We all love these crackers so much that I’ve noticed packets of them “hidden” in far corners of our cabinets by various members of our family. Of course, I found the secreted ones, because I was trying to “hide” my coveted packages of ToastChee Spicy Cheddar, in the same spots in the cupboard, already taken by my other family members.

Aw Shit Big Cock Ranch spice – We bought this for my husband from a gift shop, as a joke, a few months ago. It even came in it’s own special package, a white bag with the words, “A Bag of Shit.” It was all in good fun. But interestingly, we’ve been adding it to everything that we eat lately and all I can say is, “The shit’s good!” For all of their delicious flavors go to Big Cock Ranch’s website: www.specialshit.com Even if not to buy, go to the website for laughs.

Hormel Turkey Chili with Beans – My husband and sons have eaten this canned stuff, more than once, for lunch. While we are all quarantined together, I’ve agreed to make the dinners, but for the other meals, it’s “every man for themselves,” otherwise known as “Fend For” in my household. This canned delicacy seems to be a favorite. I am not sure if it is about the ease or the taste, but overall, Hormel Turkey Chili is a good one to stock up on.

Stay well, friends!! Happy Friday!! Share in the Comments, any new food favorites you recommend. Recipes are welcome, too!!

All of the Flags

How beautiful! Brazil projected the flags of our countries on to its “Christ the Redeemer” statue last night. As awful as all of this COVID-19 situation is, I do love the feeling of the world working on something together, and putting so much of the hatefulness aside.

This is one of those times in life that I am trying to expand my patience and my understanding of people and their reactions to this experience, and I am also hoping that they are doing the same for me. What is the “right” reaction to these times? Is there even such a thing? It is said that when parents experience the tragedy of losing a child, they are 50 percent more likely to get a divorce. I believe that this has a lot to do with the fact that we all process our emotions, our trials, and our experiences, differently, in an internal sense. We grieve differently, and on different internal time schedules. We know this and yet we are aghast, when externally, people are all behaving so differently towards a situation, that it makes us start questioning our own reasoning and our own sanity. That’s all very uncomfortable, isn’t it?

Like all times in raising children, I am having to hold my ground in what I believe we, as a family, have to do to keep not only our family safe, but also our community safe and our medical workers safe, so that our hospitals aren’t overrun and our doctors aren’t sick. In my opinion, these have to be our priorities. Clearly, not everyone has the same opinion, as I do. Our beaches are packed. It is times like these that I have to remind myself that I can only control my own discernment, my own actions and reactions, and to put the focus back on to myself, and the well-being of me and my family. Everyone processes things differently. Everyone takes time to let things “sink in.” Everyone has different beliefs on how this all should be handled, individually and as a community. And who really knows, who is really “right”?

I think that I have witnessed a lot of denial, and anger, and rebelliousness, in myself at times, and also, with other people. No one wants this to be happening. No one created this virus. No one wants their lives changed instantly, in what feels like a blink of an eye. But, the virus is here. It is causing deaths, and disruptions, and shut-downs, and economic pain, whether we think it should, or not. It is what it is. We can only control our OWN reaction to it. To try to control others’ reactions to it, is futile and a waste of time. To lament and to judge and to resent others’ reactions to it, only causes pain for ourselves. At the same time, we don’t need approval from others about our own decisions and our own reactions.

A reset button has been hit on the world. As a society, we are in a major pause. Many of our lives have been reduced to being “quiet with ourselves”, in a way, which many of us claim to want, all of the time. Yet, a lot of us seem very uncomfortable with this new reality, this new introversion, and so we still try to control everything outside of ourselves. If ever a time, there was going to be the life lesson about self exploration, self examination, self love, self acceptance, now is going to be the time. And the beautiful outcome of that is, if more of us come to that level of self understanding and acceptance, we will feel that same, all-encompassing compassion towards all others, and the world will be an even more beautiful, uplifted place. I see the world as a Phoenix, who will rise beautifully, and cleansed, and simplified, and renewed, from the dark ashes of loss and of fear and doom and sadness.

I thought that Think Smarter (Twitter) put it beautifully, with this post:

Stay well, friends and readers. I love you and I am here for you.

Mama’s Here For You

It’s a very interesting experience, blogging through this global health crisis. I am very attached to my blog. It’s one of my creations. I feel very maternal towards it, and thus, towards you, my readers. How are you doing? How are you coping? What can I do for you? How can I comfort you?

I noticed that I feel a major responsibility with this blog. I want to be a constant in your life. I want you to know that I am here for you, on a daily basis. I will not let this connection go, even as we get more and more isolated, in every other realm of our lives. I never thought that I would say this, but thank goodness for all of our technology, and our various ways which we can communicate (instead of just face-to-face). Thank goodness for all of the entertainment we get from our technical gadgets. Last night, I got into a major laugh-fest reading tweets about Generation X. Supposedly, since we Gen-Xers are used to being ignored and abandoned, we are the ones who are truly most suited for quarantine. Who knew? Laughter is really good medicine. I also got a good laugh out of myself. I wore garden gloves to shop in my grocery store yesterday. And I didn’t avert my eyes to anyone. Thankfully, I’ve never been one to embarrass easily.

I’m not going to pretend. I’m disappointed. I’m scared. I’m overwhelmed. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m putting on a brave face for my family, which is sometimes a majorly pretend facade for what’s crumbling underneath. Sometimes, the facade doesn’t cover up much of anything and then I feel like a failure as the maternal head of household. Still, perfection is not what is called for, here. Showing up and doing the best that we can is all that we need to do, one day at a time. And that’s what we are all doing. We are doing our best, every day, and that is all that is needed. We will prevail. Stay well, friends and readers. I love you!

Soul Sunday

Fortune for the Day – “Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows fall behind you.” – Maori proverb

This is all just so surreal. I am praying that this is all that it is for you, my readers and friends – surreal . . . but, not tragic. I admit, I’m a little bit rattled. I’ve lost my footing, my mojo, my ease of words, just a little bit. All of this will come back: my footing, my mojo, my ease of expression. It will come back for me and it will come back for the world. We will overcome this together. We’ve heard the horror stories of people beating each other up for toilet paper, but more so, the beautiful side of the human spirit is seen in the Italians singing at the same time, every night from their windows and the Spaniards, clapping and praising for their health workers every night and people getting groceries for their elderly neighbors. I want to remain being part of the beautiful side of all this. I don’t want to succumb to my darker sides such as fear, panic, greed, and self-centeredness. The permission to really rest, to really take in and to appreciate nature, to feel the security and the comfort of a full house of family, again, are the gifts that are coming from this otherwise, frightening and sometimes, overwhelming experience. Here’s my poem for the day, friends. New readers, please look at previous Sunday posts for more poetry and please use this blog, as a safe, serene spot, to post and to share your beautiful poems.

Simple Lesson

Let me learn the lessons.

Let this worldly pause, be a time of reflection.

Let me use this time to really notice all that really matters.

Let me truly savor this hiatus which I always claim to be wishing for.

God has pushed the Pause button.

I can fight against it, like a tired, hysterical child,

Or I can take in the lessons, like an earnest student of Life.

Either way, this class will wrap up and the only thing left of it,

will be what I attained from it.

If I gather everything that I can from this experience,

It will be a beautiful addition, to my basket of nourishment,

That basket which I carry with me, throughout my daily living.

Let this experience help me to strengthen and to fortify my basket,

And prune from it, the things that are no longer necessary,

the things that have been weighing me down, without me even noticing.

Let me find the gifts of this experience and to focus on these gifts,

Because the focus on the gifts, is what gives to me,

my serenity, my gratefulness, my calm and my peace.

Perhaps the lesson is a much simpler one than I ever thought it to be.

Dare I say, thank you?

Bring in the Clowns

This was trending on Twitter this morning. I did read about a married couple who were stuck on the Princess cruise ship, who said that the experience of being quarantined, definitely brought the spice back into their relationship. If you need some good laughs, through this otherwise “Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad” experience check out #WithEverythingSuspended on Twitter. It will give you some much needed giggles, such as this one:

Hang tight, friends. Stay well. I’ll be here for you. I’m not going anywhere. Literally.

Fortune for the Day – “Don’t search for the answers. Live the questions.” – Rilke