empty nest Archives - Page 153 of 167 - Adulting: Second- Half

The Friday of My Life

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Happy Valentine’s Day!! Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! I hope that you will enjoy the day, no matter what your relationship status is, currently. Love abounds all around us, in all shapes and sizes, in all forms and mostly in the form of just being completely and fully alive. Love is what we are made of, so please make this Valentines Day all about celebrating Love. That’s all. Please just celebrate wonderful, beautiful, awe-inspiring, life-giving Love. Earlier this week, Think Smarter on Twitter posted a post that said, “Don’t tell anyone ‘I hate you’ directly – Say ‘You are the Monday of my life.’ ” I thought to myself, that could be made into a more positive statement. “Don’t tell anyone ‘I love you’ today, just say ‘You are the Friday of my life!’ ” Now that, my friends, is true love! Another good quote that I saw on Twitter today from FofF, “There are people you haven’t met yet who will love you.” Hold that truth close to your heart today. I love all of you. I cannot thank you enough for your support and validation. Please feel my love.

New readers, Fridays are reserved for favorites. Typically I list about three favorite things, songs, books, quotes, whatevers, etc. and I strongly encourage you to share your favorites in the Comments. Please see previous Friday posts for more favorites I have shared. Today, I am going to be in “cheesy Valentine mode” and list some all-time favorite romantic quotes from great chick flicks. Hope you enjoy! Have a lovely day and a fabulous weekend!!

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.” ~ Moulin Rouge

“You had me at Hello.” ~ Jerry Maguire

“I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so badly.” ~ You’ve Got Mail

“It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other.” ~ Good Will Hunting

“You make me want to be a better man.” ~ As Good As It Gets

“I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floating around accidental—like on a breeze—but I think maybe it’s both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. I miss you, Jenny. If there’s anything you need, I won’t be far away.” ~ Forrest Gump

“It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together … and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home. .. only to no home I’d ever known … I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like … magic.” ~ Sleepless in Seattle

“You’re the first boy I ever kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last.” ~ Sweet Home Alabama

“Listen to me, mister. You’re my knight in shining armor. Don’t you forget it.” ~ On Golden Pond

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.” ~ The Notebook

“I wish I had done everything on earth with you” ~ The Great Gatsby

“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” ~ When Harry Met Sally

And on a personal note, “Dear wonderful, amazing, incredible, awesome, kind, handsome, gorgeous, generous, smart, funny, athletic, dedicated, successful, husband, best friend, lover, life partner, father of our four beautiful children, love of my life ~ I am so incredibly grateful that you are the one I call My Valentine. Forever, I love you, with all of my heart!”

P.S. – Fortune for the day –“There is in the worst of fortune the best chances for a happy change.” – Euripedes

The Honey On Top

I told my husband that football season is over, and thus, it is “movie season.” We have watched a movie practically every night this week. I love it. My husband kindly goes along with it, as I did, watching a lot of football, this past fall. The other night, we watched the heart-wrenching film, Honey Boy, based on Shia LaBeouf’s childhood experiences with his alcoholic father. It’s a tough watch, but it’s a good one.

What a like about books and movies is that almost always, besides being entertained and/or emotionally engaged, I also glean some sort of practical knowledge, to put into my proverbial tool box, which I carry around with me, while experiencing my life. So, the handy dandy tidbits that stuck with me from Honey Boy, are two items that the Shia-based character learns in rehab. One, is to hug yourself. I know, it sounds silly. It looked silly in the movie. I remember hugging myself as a kid and moving my hands up and down my back, as a prank, making it look like I was making out with someone, when I was viewed from behind. I don’t know about making out with yourself, but apparently, hugging yourself is a “real” thing. There is scientific proof that hugging yourself releases “feel good” hormones that help to ease your current pain or stress. Go ahead. Give it a try right now. No one is looking. Awwww! This is soon to become a habit, right?

The second tip is that when you feel yourself emotionally overloaded, a quick way to get back to center, is to force yourself to name four things in the room or area that you are currently in. It’s a quick and easy way to stop your mind from racing with escalating thoughts, which in turn, are provoking turbulent emotions. It’s your own personal “time out”, when you feel yourself losing emotional control. Desk. Candle. Clock. Screen. So easy, so simple, so useful.

These two suggestions were worth my time and money spent on the movie, even if I had not cared for the movie, at all. Everything has its worth, if we look for it. Here’s the fortune for the day:

“Be happy. It’s one way of being wise.” – Colette

Template for Being

My friend sent this to our group chat this morning. I am going to make this my “template for being”, for the rest of 2020. This is the perfect year to become your own best friend. One time when I was muddling around with a tough decision, one of my dear friends said to me, “What advice would you give to me, in this situation?” That was a huge perspective changer. I am much softer, kinder, more compassionate, forgiving and understanding with my friends and my family, than I tend to be with myself. We work hard to be “good” in relationships, but we often leave the most important relationship out of that equation. Our most important relationship is with ourselves. No one will be with us longer, on this Earth. And if that statement still feels/sounds/seems too “selfish” understand that it follows that we cannot love others any better than we love ourselves. Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves. I am guessing that Jesus wanted us to love our neighbors a whole lot better, than the conditional, demeaning, cold, harsh way that we sometimes treat ourselves. It also follows that if we don’t learn to love ourselves, we are starving for love, so we try to suck it dry from other people/things/experiences outside of ourselves. We soon find that our neediness, or that “giving to get”, doesn’t work in the long term, and we start resenting the very people and objects we claim to love, and thus, a vicious cycle continues.

Be your own best friend for the rest of this year. Make a Valentines pact to fall in love with yourself. When you listen to your inner critic, ask yourself, “Would I speak to my best friend this way?” When you make a health/life/relationship choice, ask yourself, “Would I advise my best friend make this choice?” When you give the gift of time, money or service, ask yourself, “Is my motivation to give here, clearly altruistic, or am I secretly trying to manipulate getting one of my needs met from outside sources (and if so, can I find a way to meet these needs myself)? Am I keeping expectations chained to this “gift”?” When you let other people dictate how your life should go/be/look like, ask yourself, “Would I want my best friend to give his or her power away? Would I want my best friend to be a victim?” People don’t realize that if we all experienced our own lives, acting as our own best friends, the world would be a happier, healthier, more loving, giving place than it has ever been before. The following verse from the Bible is read to us at practically every wedding that we ever attend. Try to look at it in the context of loving yourself. It takes on a whole, interesting new meaning and depth, doesn’t it?

No fortune for today, pure Love is our greatest fortune.

Make Your Soul Grow

Fortune for the day – “In all things, give thanks.” – Apostle Paul

I didn’t watch the Academy Awards last night. I typically don’t watch the awards shows. I always figure that I can find out who the winners were and look at the beautiful fashions worn by the celebrities, the next day. Instead, my husband and my daughter and I, actually watched the movie, Joker, for the first time. I think that Joaquin Phoenix justly won the award for best actor. That was one intense movie.

I’m very excited to watch Parasite tonight, the Korean film that became the first foreign film ever to win an academy award for Best Motion Picture. I haven’t heard much about the film, which I think is the most delicious way to go into any film, or any kind of experience, for that matter. No expectations, no pre-formed opinions, no suppositions made by someone else’s judgment and assessment, is the best way to go into just about anything, I think. Then, the most fun, is afterwards, comparing each others’ reactions to an experience, in order to see what insights were matched and what observations might have been missed.

In reading about the Academy Awards this morning, I was particularly impressed with the fact that supposedly the writer and creator of Parasite, Bong Joon Ho, spent most of his speech talking about everyone else who had inspired him in his film making career. He said this in his speech:

‘. . . .there was a saying that I carved deep into my heart, which is that “The most personal is the most creative.” ‘

Boon Joon Ho credited that saying to famed director and screen writer, Martin Scorsese. What an eloquent, succinct way to describe the truth. When we are fully and purely our deepest selves, we are our most creative. When we are willing to share our personal creations, they become part of this world. Our creations become part of this inner-connected Life – this Life which we are all in the process of co-creating.

I also listened to my most dutiful, practical self this morning and I stuck to my routine of exercising before reading and writing. While I was planking to SNL videos, I enjoyed some sketches featuring Ru Paul, the world’s most famous drag queen. I later watched some footage of Ru Paul being interviewed about his many Emmy wins for his long standing TV show and spin-offs. He said this:

“I didn’t choose the game, the game chose me.”

I think when we let the game choose us, in the most personal surrender possible, that is when our most pure, fabulous creativity outpours from our deepest, innerconnected reservoirs. How amazing this world would be, if we all gave ourselves permission to be truly and fully, our own personal selves and shared that most personal creation with the world around us.

positive quotes, To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.

Soul Sunday

Fortune for the day -“One who seeks knowledge must desire from a young age to hear the entire truth.” – Plato

Sundays are poetry workshop days, here at Adulting – Second Half. I hope that you are sitting comfortably, maybe even cozily wrapped in a blanket. I hope that you have a delicious, warm cup of tea or coffee, readily available, in order to warm your hands, and your heart. I hope that, in this very moment, you feel surrounded by peace, comfort, acceptance and love. I hope that, right now, in this very place in time, you are in your sacred space.

Here is my poem for today, and as always, please feel the courage, the inclination, the vulnerability and the inspiration, to share your own poems in the Comments section. One day, I hope that this poetry workshop of ours, is “Standing Room Only.” It’s our creative impulses, that come out from within the deepest part of ourselves (without demeaning censure coming from ourselves or from others), that drive this world forward – a beautiful world, which we are all co-creating together. Be free. Be open. Be real. Be alive. Don’t waste another second, in a precious day of your life on anything less than your purest, kindest authenticity. You, and our world, will be uplifted for your effort, and yet also the effortlessness it takes for you to be, your purest, truest self.

Melange

If my things were to represent my mind,

My mind would be chaotic, and in disarray.

Jumping from lucky symbols, to memories captured in the form of photographs,

Piles of inspirations, and numbered orderly logs, laid out in disorderly fashion.

Objects that touched my heart, at the very instance that I laid eyes on the piece,

For no particular rhyme or reason, perhaps just deeply primal.

The compilation of it all, makes no sense to the untrained eye.

But to me, it is a beautiful, nonsensical pattern,

A medley, an assortment, that makes perfect sense.

The inner me, coming forth in physical form.

Amusing, interesting, cluttered, muddled, yet clear.

A hodgepodge in harmony.

I Ain’t Mad

Fortune for the day –“Never blame your neighbor until you have been in his place.” – The Talmud

I’m struggling with some writer’s block this morning. Nothing is particularly striking out at me, to write about, or stirring up in the inside of me, to write about. I feel kind of “meh” and listless today, if I am going to be perfectly honest. So, I googled “What do middle-aged women want?” What I got back was a whole bunch of rants (albeit some them very poignant and funny) about how we middle-aged women are ignored. We are ignored by the beauty and fashion industry, in the corporate pay scales, by entitled children (except when they need something), etc. etc. One article was even complaining about the fact that middle-aged women are even ignored by sexual harassers. So then it seems, we middle-aged women get hurt and pissed by being largely ignored, and thus, we get grumpy, indignant and stand-offish. And who doesn’t want to stay clear of a grumpy, stand-offish, hormonal, middle-aged woman with a resting bitch face that could stop a tiger in its tracks? So essentially, we are made to feel that it is our fault that we are ignored. And that really gets our goat. Thus the vicious circle has us trapped. I don’t know what the answer to this is, ladies. I just write it as I see it. Sometimes it is easier to watch, than to engage.

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French Fry Friday

Happy Friday, friends and readers!!! Happy almost weekend! New readers, Fridays are dedicated to frivolity here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I typically list things that make the Material Girl side of me, sing. I strongly encourage you to list your favorites in the Comments section and please also check out previous Friday posts for more favorites to delight in.

Earlier this year, my husband and I were out to dinner with another couple and I started bragging about the fact that I rarely catch viruses. The minute those words came out of my mouth, I wanted to bite my tongue off. I started crazily knocking on anything, within arm’s length, that even resembled wood. I knew that, in that moment, I had instantly doomed myself. So, of course, the chickens came home to roost, after my trip last weekend. (despite bingeing on zinc lozenges throughout the trip, as if they were Hershey kisses) On Monday, I felt that fun little tickle in my chest that kept insisting on popping out of my mouth, coughing style. I felt the familiar exhaustion that comes at the beginning stages of a cold. So, that’s when I doubled up on Vitamin C, continued with the zinc and also added Umcka ColdCare chewables and Trace Minerals Max Hydrate Immunity effervescent tablets to the mix, and I can tell you this, that virus didn’t stand a chance. It got suffocated under all of my supplemental bombardment. I can’t tell you what worked best out of all of the mix, but all that I can say is that the virus was very short-lived. Bye, Felicia! Don’t let the door hitcha on the way out, dumbass virus.

Today’s favorites (the cold remedies were an extra bonus. You are welcome.):

AKC breed beanies – I was perusing the AKC site, most likely for dog training tips, and of course, I quickly gave up and ended up at the AKC store. (story of my life) There, I found these wonderful beanie hats with embroidered patches that look exactly like our dogs (a yellow Labrador retriever and a tri-color collie). I bought the beanies for our entire family. It’s like we are our dogs’ fan club. (but they already knew that) The beanies are top quality, come in all different colors and the yellow lab patch looks so much like our dog Ralphie, that my family thought that I had the hats custom made.

Anthropologie Block Letter Monogram Necklace – I’m not sure why exactly, but lately I’ve been getting a thrill out of wearing my monogram. It’s like lately, I’ve given myself my own stamp of approval. These necklaces are particularly nice quality and the letters are HUGE. Your friends will not have to put their readers on to see your letter, hanging from your beautiful monogram necklace. Laverne from “Laverne and Shirley” would totally approve. My friends and I were watching the HGTV channel and we noticed that a house searcher had two of these necklaces on (perhaps she and her husband’s initials?), which could be a very nice Valentines idea. Buy yourself two necklaces as a romantic gesture for your husband. Win. Win.

Vivino App – My friend introduced me to this wonderful app. All you have to do is take a picture of the wine label from the bottle of wine that you are considering buying, drinking, giving as a gift, or even chugging. All of the information that you ever wanted to know about that particular wine will pop up, as well as users’ personal ratings. Apparently, the app will start to recognize which wines you seem to favor and suggestions will pop up, catered to your tastes. Cheers!

Fortune for the day: “The more one meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be one’s world and the world at large.” – Confucius

Nothing to Prove

Once again, Think Smarter (Twitter) nailed it. I think that one of the biggest traps most of us fall into, at least at some points in our lives, is the need to be “right.” I admit that I fall into this trap quite often. One time, someone very wise said to me, “What does “right” even mean?” When you think about it, you could take just about any subject in the entire world and you could find people who whole-heartedly, with every ounce of their beings, believe that they are undoubtedly RIGHT, at the complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

When I was still a kid, my mother had a long, drawn out jury duty. Of course, she was not allowed to discuss the case with anybody, including her fellow jurors. She really clicked with one juror and they had lunch together throughout the trial. She said that they only thing that they ever discussed during the trial was just how completely obvious that they each thought the verdict was (without discussing the actual verdict), in this particular case. Imagine to my mother’s total surprise, that when it came to casting their votes, that they both voted for the completely opposite verdict.

When we get stuck on our need to be right or we have a strong need for others’ approval for what we are doing, we give away our peace and we give away our power. I think that my husband has figured out that when my scary, fiery temper comes out, he can extinguish it immediately with, “You are right. I am sorry.” (I am willing to bet that half the time, he really doesn’t even think I am right, but let’s keep that to ourselves, dear husband) What else can I say to that response? And why don’t I do some introspection as to why it is so important for me to be right? What does that really get me?

I only have the power and the responsibility to decide what is right for me, and then to create the boundaries around myself, to protect my way of life. That’s a big enough onus, in itself, for me to handle. Sometimes “just my life” is a lot to handle. At the same time, I am the only one who gets to decide what is right for me. No one gets a vote in that, unless I specifically ask for someone’s input. And even then, other people’s advice is just up for my consideration. Otherwise, as the saying goes, “What other people think about me, is none of my business.” In the end, I decide what is right for me. I believe that this is the Divine Design. We were each given one body, one life, one set of circumstances to deal with in this lifetime, and that is very complicated, in itself. It is all that one adult person can handle.

I read something recently that when people are acting in ways that are driving you crazy, or you seeing them heading for a train wreck decision, and you so sure that you can school them on the “right” way, take a pause. Take a pause, take a breath, and then just say to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if this driver used his turn signal, or the PTA members weren’t so petty, or this clerk was polite . . . . . . ?” Then, do what you can do, to extricate yourself from the situation, conversation, expectation, etc. and then go on calmly, with your own precious day, which is a rare, priceless unit, making up the totality of your own single precious life. As as hard as it can be, choosing peace over being “right“, is the healthiest, most serene way to live.

Fortune for the day – “The journey is the reward.” – Chinese proverb

You Are The Sky

Fortune for the day – “All things grow with time except grief.” – Jewish Proverb

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Today, I woke up feeling really good. After a few nights of really good sleep, my energy is starting to come back. My daughter and I sang along to songs today, on the way to school, and we laughed at each other’s goofy renditions of the songs. It feels good to feel good. Yet, honestly, it’s hard to feel good on a consistent basis in this very fast-paced world, a world that offers up a constant onslaught of information (real or fake or misinterpreted or emotionally charged or all of the above, or who really knows?) coming at us, at every level. We learn about the hardships and tragedies of everyone we care about, at the flick of the open button on Facebook or our text chats or emails. We feel the anger and divisiveness and righteousness, rolling out at us like a raging fire, from our TV screens or our computer screens, when we watch the news channels’ reactions and Twitter feeds, about last night’s state of the union speech. It’s hard for anyone to stay above the crazy storm of emotionality that fills our world these days, and that storm is hard on all of us – physically, mentally and spiritually. The growing, ferocious storm sucks us in, and it drains us of our vitality and of our strength.

For today, I think that I am going to very deliberately handle anything that pulls up an emotional charge for me, in a very conscious, considered manner. I will let myself briefly feel that feeling that got churned up inside of me, and then I will put the situation into my prayer box with a knowingness that it’s all going to be okay. It always is. It’s all going to be okay. I believe, with my whole heart, that Forces bigger than me have this whole Life thing all figured out, and I must walk the talk of my faith. I will let that faith tinge every reaction which I have, to any bit of the storm onslaught that comes my way. My compassion for myself and for others will be filled with a confident faith. My awe for the beauty of the natural world will be filled with a confident faith. My desire for those whom I love and care about to have peace and healing, will be filled with a confident faith. My guilt-free laughter will roar with a confident faith. My gratitude for another day of miraculous life will be filled with a confident faith. I will go to sleep easily and soundly tonight, because I will have let myself feel good all day long. These good feelings will allow me to fall asleep soundly, because like a squirrel collecting his nuts, I will have created a pile of well-being for myself, all coming from the Source inside of me and surrounding me – my over-spilling, confident faith.

I’m A Sloth

There’s a dead sloth lying in my pool area. (Either that or he is sunbathing) My dogs are brutal to their toys. I’m kind of feeling like their sloth toy right now. As you can see, I’m a little late with my blog post today. The taskmaster in me said, “Lady, you are not allowed to open up your blog page until you do those damn planks and sit-ups! And I mean it! Don’t you test me!” So the rebellious child in me, smiled sweetly and then meandered around and did everything else she could think of instead of exercises – tried on a new lipstick, looked for a replacement door latch on Amazon, sent funny, snarky texts to friends and relatives, and then, she even started doing not such fun things, such as bringing in the garbage cans, doing dishes, picking up soggy, germ-y dog toys (hence the picture) and even picking up dog do, to boot.

Why do I find it so hard to get back to my groove, after a trip?? It’s not like I was gone for a three week safari, six time zones away. It was just a long weekend away, in the same time zone. It was a long weekend of eating and drinking whatever I wanted (on a pretty much constant basis) without one mere glimmer of a thought about doing planks and sit-ups. It was just a four day hiatus from healthy living, and yet, trying to get back to my healthy norm has been nothing short of torturous.

My youngest son texted this morning that he has started doing a “prison workout.” I texted him back, asking him “WHY?!?” and meaning the question, at so many different levels. My son explained that one, he is not actually in prison (phew), or even preparing for prison (sigh of relief). He explained that the prison workout just works with your own body weight. Hmmmm. No wonder why I didn’t want to get back to my planks (at so many different levels). I had definitely added a few more pounds of weight to the workout, after the weekend that I just enjoyed and I just don’t feel ready for more weight to work with, in my current exercise regime. It’s the ultimate Catch-22.

Here’s the fortune for the day – “When an ordinary man attains knowledge, he is a sage. When a sage attains understanding, he is an ordinary man. – Zen saying