Right now, I would say that 2020 is asking us a lot of questions. What are our priorities? Is how we go about our way of life really working? Do we have the right systems in place? What/who do we really miss during quarantine? What do we need to feel safe and secure? Are we really tolerant? Do we really have any control? What needs to be changed? What needs to be valued? Can we work together on a global basis? Are we good at taking care of ourselves and others? Do we have faith? What sustains us? Are we stronger than we once thought? Have our stances on political issues changed or gotten stronger? . . . . . . . the list goes on and on.
When you start thinking about the questions, it gets overwhelming doesn’t it? In my almost 50 years of life, the previous years that brought me to my knees with questions, were good. They forced me to reevaluate a lot of things. The questioning years compelled me to stop my frenetic energy enough, to make sure that I was headed in the right direction for me. The questioning years forced me to do some serious contemplation. What I found in previous questioning years, (and so, I suspect that it will the same for 2020) is that the answers are more likely to come, when one gets comfortable with just sitting with the questions. When I was most relaxed about just letting the questions “float” out there, the answers tended to come organically, in the most interesting and surprising of ways. Sometimes, I would realize that I was now living “the answer” to my questions, without even being able to pinpoint when the answer actually came. Retrospectively, when I relaxed into living the unknown, the answers kind of just “free floated” in.
There will always be questions in life and the answers can change over time and even more so, a lot of mystery will always remain, but some years do seem to bring about a bigger storm of questions than usual. To make peace with the questioning years, I like Einstein’s take on questioning:
And I think that Tennessee Williams helps us to make peace with mystery, by reminding us of the virtue of the mystery of Life:
When I fire up the computer every morning, I like to check out Twitter to see what is trending. This morning, there was yet another clip, trending hard, related to the Kardashian clan. I’m ashamed to say that I instantly put on my cynical, snarky hat right away, as I pressed play on yet another LOOK AT ME “Hollywood brat” video. This video was depicting, the young mother, Kylie Jenner teaching her little toddler, Stormi, about patience. She left a giant bowl of candy (they kind of look like designer M&Ms), right in front of the little girl, and then Kylie, the gorgeous, young billionaire mom, said that she had to go to the bathroom. (For those of you who don’t know, Stormi’s parents are Kylie Jenner, a 20-something make-up mogul billionaire (yes-billionaire), and her father is Travis Scott, a rap music megastar.) When Kylie got back from going to the bathroom, she told Stormi that she could have three pieces, out of the giant bowl of candy, sitting right in front of her. But, she had to wait for her mother to return. Stormi nodded, showing that she understood the directions from her mother. Kylie then leaves little Stormi, in her adorable outfit, on a beautiful designer couch the size of California, seated right in front of a giant bowl, of designer, color-coordinated M&Ms. The audience watches the little girl hemming and hawing and keeping a good, constant eye on the bowl of candy. At one moment, Stormi wraps her arms around the bowl, as if to hug it, or perhaps to just dive into it, like our dog Ralphie does, with his food bowl, every night when he is fed, but the teeny, tiny, adorable toddler stops herself from her own impulse. Instead, she sits back on the couch, and starts singing to herself, a sweet little song about patience. When her mother returns, she claps excitedly about finally getting to eat three little pieces. The two-year-old little girl did better than I would have done, even now, and she is only two! I personally would have done the Ralphie dive right into the candy bowl, probably from the get-go and I certainly wouldn’t have stopped at three pieces.
Some things stick with you your whole life. This video on patience reminded me of one of those things. When I was just a young kid, a friend of mine taught me a little song which she had learned at Vacation Bible School and it stuck with me. I never forgot it. I sang the song to my children (despite the eyerolls) when they were little ones. It goes like this:
“Be patient! Be patient, for God is patient, too! And think of all the times that God has had to wait for you!”
It struck me that little children and little songs have a lot to teach all of us. We are all going through an enormous lesson in patience with this coronavirus nightmare. We can do it. We can weather through this storm. As a darling little two-year-old shows us, patience, as hard as it is, has already been programmed into us. We have the ability to be patient, even if we have to remind ourselves, with simple, little, catchy tunes. Sometimes we just have to be reminded of the fact, that we are able to remain patient, in the simplest and in the most heartwarming of ways.
I remember watching a movie, decades ago (sorry, I don’t even remember the movie’s name, I really just remember this one particular scene) where an old-timer, who had been in jail for decades, was finally released, having finished up his time spent in punishment for his crime. The former prisoner even had a job as a bagger in a grocery store, and a small, but clean apartment, all set up for him, upon his release into society. The problem was, however, that the man had become so institutionalized, that being in the outside world, overwhelmed him. It scared him to death, to be free. So, the prisoner ended up committing another serious crime, soon after he was released from jail, so that the police would have no other choice than to lock him back up. The prisoner, it turns out, preferred to be in jail.
The memory of this movie came back to me recently, as the world is slowly starting to open back up again, after our several weeks long, quarantine. As hard as being quarantined was, it was very simple. Unless you were an essential worker, you had to stay in your house. Going to the grocery story was your only outing, and you were to do that, for as limited amount of times as you could. And if you were lucky, like we were here in Florida, as long as you used six feet of social distance, you could exercise outside as much as you liked. These were the rules, and most of the people in the entire world were voluntarily united, in following these exact same rules. It was not easy, but it was quite simple. There were very few decisions to be weighed and to be made.
Now life is about to get complicated again. The coronavirus is not gone, but our freedoms are starting to open up again, and in some places, quite widely, with more and more openings, every single day. I’m not here to debate whether this is a good thing or not. I don’t have that answer. I can easily empathize with both sides of this argument. What I am noticing and what I am choosing to write about (and what brought up my memory of the prisoner in the movie) is a growing anxiety in myself, about all of the freedoms and choices that are becoming more and more available, every single day. Where I live, beauty salons and barber shops are opening back up today. And that thrills me and it terrifies me, all at the same time. Everything that every member of our family, (meaning the five of us who live here together, at our house), decides to do, has to be a calculated decision, considering all of the risks involved. And as the heads of household, my husband and I get to dictate what risks are worth the rewards, for any of us. And we have to be fair about it. If one kid gets to go to a graduation get-together, than the other two should be able to go to their friends’ celebrations, as well. We all desperately need to be personally groomed (including the collie), but is this really the time to do it, yet? Is possibly getting the coronavirus and spreading it to the rest of the family, worth the price of vanity? Should I reschedule my daughter’s dental cleaning that I had canceled less than two months ago, for now? If not now, than when? And don’t we need to support the livelihoods of the professionals who have been mainstays in our lives, for years and years, especially if we want to be able to partake in their services in the future? None of us want to contract the coronavirus personally, for certain, but also, we don’t want to inadvertently infect the elderly and more vulnerable members of our community, of which there are many. Every choice that we make, about just about anything, that any one of us in the family chooses to do, outside of our home, equals exponential exposure to the virus, a disease that still has a lot of mystery and unknowns attached to it. We’ve reached a point in the cycle of trying to contain the coronavirus, that we have to consider the struggling economy as well, and we, as a large, consuming family, play a big part in that very real scenario, as well. Venues are opening back up, almost as quickly as they first shut down, and every choice which we make, carries a lot of weight. Choices that used to be almost robotic, now can have very serious consequences. Nothing can be taken for granted, anymore. This is all more than a little bit overwhelming. The coronavirus quarantine was never easy, but it was simple. Now we are back to “not so simple” and “not so uniform”. Things feel a little murky out there. It’s still very emotionally raw. And it’s more than a tad scary. I guess that I just have to be brave and sensible, to the best of my own abilities, on a daily basis, as we all trudge forward, towards the faint light at the end of this dark, fearsome tunnel. And during this journey, I have to be kind to myself and kind to others, as we all deal with these difficult dilemmas, and make our own best decisions, as we all make our way out, to the light, together.
Thank you, Mom, for bringing me into this world and raising me. Thank you to my mother-in-law for raising the man whom I adore. Thank you to all of the women and female forces in my life, who have helped to mother me, and to nourish me, and to protect me, and to help me to evolve to become even more of me. Thank you, my beautiful children, for allowing me to be your mother. It is my greatest privilege and purpose. I am filled with love and gratitude and awe for all of you.
Readers, Sundays are dedicated to poetry here a Adulting – Second Half. On Sundays, we share poetry. I share a poem that I, or someone else has written and I love it when you share your poems in the Comments section. Poetry gives us freedom in words. The rules are loose, the emotion is at the surface, and yet mystery flows. There are no critiques here. We are just sharing our intimate selves through word song. Try your hand at poetry. It’s asking to be released from your heart. Here’s my offering for today:
The Bouquet
The bouquet has been delivered.
It’s in your hands. It’s in your care.
The blooms are so easy to love, yet there are some thorns to contend with.
Underneath the facade of it all.
In the right light, the bouquet looks so lovely, so perfectly, harmonically put together.
A song in a vase.
Yet sometimes it’s a tangled mess.
And it fades and withers and drops leaves.
It was never meant to last forever,
but if you hold on to the cherished moment . . .
the time when the flowers came into your arms, and you couldn’t stop
lovingly gazing at their beautiful sight.
You remember that their blooms came from seeds,
And the seeds hold all of the mysteries of Life.
And the blooming never ever ends, even when the vase is empty.
The blooms carry on in infinite fields of color and growth,
I’m sorry to be delayed again, with the post. All week, my husband and I have been binge watching Season 3 of The Sinner. (GREAT show!) Anyway, we both fell asleep last night, towards the end of the final episode and we had to re-watch it, this morning. We tend to turn into pumpkins after midnight, my husband and I.
During the show, my husband noted that it was nice to see “normal” settings depicted. The peoples’ homes in the show, aren’t artfully staged or in-congruent to what befits the character. (How many movies do you watch, do you find yourself questioning, how does a maid afford to live in a Brownstone with designer furnishings?!? This line of questioning, gets one distracted from the meaning of the movie and the depth of the characters.)
Anyway, that got me to thinking about how this whole quarantine thing, has brought us all down to a level of “realness” that is really refreshing. While having a closer peek into peoples’ private lives, with Zoom meetings and broadcasts from peoples’ homes, we see that even our exalted celebrities have sloppy shelves and clothes hanging on doors and gray roots and straggly ends on their hair. Even our experts have naughty dogs and get exasperated with their kids sometimes. It’s real “reality TV” and it has made me feel closer to humanity, in a sense. It’s one of those hidden gems that has been uncovered below the blanket of this coronavirus nightmare.
Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! I tried to kill two birds with one stone, by sharing a meme that tickled me and showing you the beautiful sunflowers which we picked at a local sunflower farm yesterday, at the same time. If you ever want to feel your soul cleansed, take a “bath” in a field of sunflowers. The sun loves these huge, gorgeous flowers, and so do the bees, and so do I. My dear friend told me about this farm that typically attracts large, eager crowds to their sunflower fields in May. This year, due to corona, the farm owners are being very stringent, requiring advanced and limited ticket purchases, strongly encouraging masks, and strictly enforcing 6 feet social distances between family groups. It was a unique experience, yet the magic was not lost. Sunflowers are my number one favorite, today. New readers, Fridays are dedicated to the frivolous and fun in life. On Fridays, at Adulting-Second Half, I typically list three favorite items, books, songs, stores, that have made my life just a little more full of life, and I ask you to share your favorites in the Comments section. Please check out previous Friday posts for more favorites.
Sunflowers are my number one favorite today. A picture says a thousand words. Sunflowers scream of huge, happy hopefulness. They aren’t necessarily sophisticated flowers, but there is probably not a more cheerful flower on the face of the planet. Nature has been my sanctuary more than ever, throughout this pandemic. The healing properties of the soft grass beneath your feet, the harmonic songs of birds, the new, bright blooms on a recently dormant plant, the meditative sound of slow, trickling water, the sun glowing through the trees, are all of the many buoyant assurances and signs that life goes on, and that life goes on optimistically and confidently and assuredly and abundantly. Nature’s constant promises are a much needed element for our robust health. Nature heals holistically. Nature quiets our minds, soothes our souls, and reminds our bodies that we all have connected roots to the whole system of Life. Let nature’s good medicine fill you up, this weekend, friends. It is strong, good medicine.
No Mo-Stache – I bought this little tin of wax strips on a whim a few months ago in Target. I guess that I have good intuition. Typically, I go to a salon for my waxing needs, but we all know the rest of that story. I’m a wimp about doing my own facial hair waxing, but this little kit is surprisingly effective, yet not incredibly painful. It also has a little packet of aloe cream, included. No Mo-Stache has been one of those unexpected, surprising gifts, through this whole virus mess.
Dakota Extra Strength Elderberry Gummies – I’ve mentioned before that I take about 800 supplements a day. Lately, my supplement intake has been geared towards tricking me into believing that my immune system is bullet-proof. (the placebo effect is stronger than you think, look it up!) These gummies are delicious. They are like gummy bears that are good for you. They have elderberry, Vitamin C, bee propolis, zinc and echinacea. I got mine on Amazon. As always, please check with your doctor first before taking any supplement. I am not a medical expert.
I don’t enjoy wearing the masks. They are uncomfortable, hot and they make me feel unfriendly. My son who lives in New Jersey, said that he saw a woman in the grocery store wearing a mask with slits cut out under her nose and her mouth. It kind of defeats the purpose, right? Still, I empathized with her. Once again, I’m in total awe of all of our essential workers, who wear the masks hours and hours, on end. The following post went viral in my local Nextdoor neighborhood social media. The person who posted it, said that she did not write it, nor did she know who to attribute it to, but I’m glad that she posted it anyway. It hits home.
“I wear a mask in public, NOT for me, but for YOU. I want you to know that I am educated enough to know that I could be asymptomatic and still give you the virus. No, I don’t “live in fear” of the virus, I just want to be a part of the solution, not the problem. I don’t feel like the “government is controlling me,” I feel like I’m being a contributing adult to society, and I want to teach others the same. The world doesn’t revolve around me. It’s not all about me and my comfort. If we all could live with other people’s consideration in mind, this whole world would be a much better place. Wearing a mask doesn’t make me weak, scared, stupid or even “controlled,” it makes me considerate. When you think about how you look, or how uncomfortable it is or what others think of you, just imagine someone close to you, a father, a mother, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle choking on a ventilator. Then ask yourself if you could have worn a mask to prevent their suffering would you have?”
I love the idea of being “considerate”. I love the idea of being “part of the solution.” We are like one worldwide team trying to conquer this horrible virus. It’s good to be reminded that we are all on the same team.
Our state of Florida is starting to open up a tad, and we are getting back to my least favorite part of parenting. We are putting limits on things, that other parents are okay with, and our kids are frustrated. We get to be “the bad guys” once again. We’ve agreed to have weekly family meetings to discuss what our current house stance is on summer jobs, outside interactions, masks, beach trips, shopping trips, restaurants, etc. It would help me more, if I felt more concretely solid about what is the right thing to do, too. We have been very fortunate to not know anyone personally who has been infected with the coronavirus. Our zip code has less than five cases of it. Like all places in the world, there are a fair amount of restless people here, wanting things to get back to “normal.” I don’t like the idea of living in fear, but I must balance that with being responsible to myself, to my family, and to my community. With the onslaught of so much information, it’s hard to know what and who to believe. There still seems to be a lot of mystery surrounding this virus. How are you all coping with this uncertainty? Feeling uncertain is admittedly my least favorite state of being. I trudge strongly forward when I feel resolute. Uncertainty kind of paralyzes me. I’m going to try to take this perspective seen below, on uncertainty. It screams “hopeful.”
Hi readers. I’m terribly sorry to be late posting today. Sundays are a big readership day for me and I appreciate that fact. I think people like poetry more than they pretend to like it. I’m late because I got myself involved in a “little” painting job this weekend. I decided to paint some window panes. The job seemed simple and painless, enough. Ha! I decided to complete the finishing touches this morning before the hot Florida sun baked even more dark bronze-y paint into my skin. I look like a leopard.
New readers, Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Poetry is the unedited, free-flowing sounds of our souls. I already got my creative juices out by painting this morning, so I am going to reprint a poem today, that you may have seen already. The poem has gone viral and many believed that it was written by an author during the 1919 Pandemic. Alas, this is not true. It was actually written in March of 2020 by a chaplain from Wisconsin named Kitty O’Meara. It is untitled and it is beautiful. Please add your poems (your writings or someone else’s writings) to the Comments section. Here is the lovely words of a very much alive, Kitty O’Meara:
By Kitty O’Meara And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.
