empty nest Archives - Page 142 of 170 - Adulting: Second- Half

Anti-Monday, It’s FRIDAY!

Hello friends!! Isn’t Friday energy wonderful!! Today I woke up in an easy-going, peaceful, calm, in the flow, everything-is-going-to-be-alright kind of a mood for no particular reason. Isn’t that wonderful when that happens? I find that this kind of personal synchronicity with Life, happens most often on Fridays, don’t you? New readers, Fridays are for favorites! I don’t delve into any life analysis/questioning/probing on Fridays. On Fridays, I list three favorite things, movies, websites, songs, products, foods, etc. and I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section. Share the happy!! For even more favorites, please see previous Friday posts. Here are my favs for today:

Corwin the COVID Antibody – The picture above is Corwin the COVID Antibody from an Etsy store called Amy’s Organbank. I read about Amy in a news story, as she is a Broadway seamstress, who is relying more heavily than ever, on her side hustles, due to the loss of the Broadway season. She is not alone, in having to find other sources of income, particularly for those in the creative arena. Amy also makes coronavirus stuffies, which she recommends buying and then running them over with your car. I love the idea of really supporting our creatives, during all of this loss and frustration, in any way that we can. Aren’t we all clinging to the things (besides our families and our friends) that bring us joy, during this tough time? And isn’t it, so very often, the dramatic shows, and the books, and the artwork, and the songs that truly bring us joy, in our daily lives?

AP News app – Like most everyone else, I hate looking at the news these days and frankly, I don’t often know which news source to truly trust, if any of them. Back when I was a teenager taking a journalism class, from a tough talking former NYC newspaper reporter, it was all about “just the facts, ma’am”. Only the Letter to the Editor was allowed to venture into any kind of a personal opinion. Nowadays, that has changed. Dramatically. I don’t think anything I read or see in the news, is without some kind of a slant. I don’t think that the AP News is much better in this “facts only” arena, but I do think that they get the important breaking news out first, and they do have good, well-written, heartwarming pieces. I found Amy and her Corwin stuffies from an AP News story. In short, this app is worth the space on your phone, even if you are just skimming the headlines.

Resiliency Journal by Maria Gamb – My daughter and I decided to restore ourselves this week, by visiting one of our all-time happy places, Barnes and Noble. I’m a big believer in the idea that the right book will come into your hands just when you need it to, if you are open to the book “finding you.” I found this little gem (or should I say that it found me), as I was wandering around Barnes and Noble, breathing in all the wonder, calm, peace, serenity, wisdom and happiness that is just so singular to book stores and libraries. As many of you know, I keep a daily short, five minute journal that asks the same questions every day (a former Friday favorite) and this book augments that practice by just five more minutes each day, with really thought provoking, self exploration. This journal was just published in 2020, so it is inspired by weathering through all of the upheaval that we are experiencing right now, in this crazy world.

Have a great weekend, friends!!! Stay safe. Stay well. Enjoy your every living moment. Revel in the simplicity, yet also the complexity of it all, all at once.

Is it Worth It?

calculated risk. A chance taken after careful estimation of the probable outcome, as in Taking their dispute to arbitration was definitely a calculated risk. This term uses calculated in the sense of “planned with forethought,” a usage from the mid-1800s. (Dictionary.com)

Risk is simply the potential of loss. Higher the loss higher is the risk in any deal or personal life. Limiting your chances of losses is called a calculated risk. It means taking up a deal with a certain level of loss already known which you are ready to bear. (quora)

Why are we exhausted and fatigued and worn out and full of mind fog these days? Could it be something to do with the fact that almost EVERYTHING that we choose to do these days, from the moment we open our eyes and roll out of bed, is a calculated risk? Today, my daughter and I are going to go to our hair salon for only the second time since our state opened back up in the beginning of May. And yet I have butterflies. The deadline for school options for my daughter’s high school was Monday (we chose the online version for the first nine weeks). Our college boys are deciding when to head back to their university, despite the fact that all classes will be online. Our eldest son is supposed to come visit us next week. He will be flying. None of these decisions would have made me lose nary a wink of sleep, at this same time last year. And I wonder why my shoulders are permanently attached to my ears this summer?!?

Below is an excerpt from a Psychology Today article, by Dr. Marcia Reynolds, giving more explanation about how to make decisions about risks. Just remember that it is only your job to make your own decisions. You can get help, and you can offer help, to brainstorm various pros and cons of your decisions and the decisions of your loved ones, but in the end, each of us has to make our own decisions that are best for each of us, with the full realization that we bear the consequences of our decisions. Decision making can be complicated and emotional, and this is exponentially so, these days. Let’s be kind to one another, and hold on to the idea that each of us is doing the best we can with the myriad of weighty decisions (because these days, all of our decisions carry some weight) which we are making on a daily basis.

“Here are some guidelines to help you determine if your risk is worth taking:

Use a sounding board. Your brain wants to keep you within your personal safety zone, which differs for each situation depending on past experiences and your taste for challenge. It is better to talk through options with someone who will not be affected by your choice. Also, don’t choose someone who likes to tell others what they should do (especially family). As you explain the pros and cons of risking, notice how you feel. How badly do you want what the risk will give you? Do your reasons make you feel proud or satisfied? Your emotions may indicate how important taking the risk is to you.
Note – Try the Coin Trick. Assign your options to heads or tails. Flip the coin. The moment you see the result, are you disappointed or relieved? The trick might help you uncover what you really want to do.
Catch your “shoulds.” It’s hard to make a decision when you are attached to other people’s opinions. What do you think they will say if you take the risk? Write these statements down to identify your fears of their judgements and your guilt about disappointing others. Recognition of your should-based actions can also free you from black-and-white, stay or go, decisions. You might find other options available to you when you clearly understand what you want for yourself in the future.
Know your why. Be mindful of being driven by needs for recognition or acceptance. When you assess the value of your risk, what type of satisfaction do you gain? What outcome will you be most proud of over time? What would you do if you had no people to take care of or please? Twenty years from now, what would you love to tell people about the risk you took? What story do you want to be living?

For life-changing risks, consider the strengths you love to exercise. Can you envision using these strengths in a deeply satisfying way? Activist Audre Lorde said, “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strengths in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
Ask your heart and gut. Although the science of intuition is debatable, you may get insights from this exercise. After you list out the pros and cons, open your heart by looking at pictures that make you smile. You probably have shots on your phone of your family, pets, or sunrises. Once you feel joy or gratitude, ask your heart if the risk feels right. Review your pros and cons from this perspective. Then open your gut by recalling a time in your life when you spoke up or acted in spite of your fear. Feel your courage pulse in your gut. Then ask your gut what to do. Use this perspective to determine new ways to deal with possible consequences.
Be honest about what could go wrong. Don’t ignore hazards. When you look at possible problems, how would you handle them? When I left my last job to start my business, I knew if I failed, I would find another job. Fear can blind you to your options once you take a risk. Consider bad outcomes, determine the likelihood they will happen, and what you would do next.

If you decide the risk is worth taking, commit to taking a few steps, even if the steps are small. You might read a book, have a conversation with someone about the direction you want to take, or sign up for a class on starting a business. Do something to keep moving. Then, if things don’t go as you hoped for, allow for self-correction. Learn along the way.

No matter what you decide, you will encounter difficulties. You will question your choices. You may even find your choice was just a step to the next as you create many chapters in your life.

Which risks will you regret NOT making a year from now? Decide what risks are worth taking and take the first step today.”

I Offer You This Blessing

I love perfume. I own bottles and bottles of it. The sense of smell easily is one of my favorite senses. Recently, I purchased a bottle of Wen perfume. The scent is okay – nice and light and minty and fresh, but the best part of the purchase, is the blessing that came with it, printed on the perfume box. It’s such a good blessing that I cut it out of the box and I placed it on my desk, front and center. It’s such a good blessing that I would like to pass it on to you, my friends:

“May you be blessed with light, love, hope, strength, faith, joy, truth, honesty, understanding, wisdom, harmony, prosperity, success, health and happiness in all of the years to come. “

I highly recommend that you take this blessing, offered to you in love, and in gratitude and in earnest appreciation, soak it in, and print it out. Place it somewhere that you will see it every single day. (My husband’s grandparents used to tape blessings and Bible verses on their bathroom mirrors – a warm, wise practice which I have copied, over the years) Read it while you have a nice scented candle lit, or when you are petting your beloved pet, or while you are gazing at your favorite family photo – doing this, so that you associate your blessing with a wonderful, sensory experience.

Have an amazing day, my dear, dear friends! May your day be filled with light, love, hope, strength, faith, joy, truth, honesty, understanding, wisdom, harmony, prosperity, success, health and happiness!

25 Blessed Quotes - Inspirational Quotes About Being Blessed in Life

Soul Sunday

Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. I either write a poem or I share a poem that has touched me. Today is a sharing day. Please share your poems in the Comments section, in the spirit of sharing. There is no judging here – just sharing our hearts.

About a month ago, my uncle passed. He was a very accomplished and enthusiastic pilot, flying both airplanes and helicopters, and teaching many others to fly, as well. On his memorial card, my cousin chose this beautiful, poignant and apropos poem to honor her father. This is the back story of this moving poem:

“The sonnet above was sent to his parents written on the back of a letter which said, “I am enclosing a verse I wrote the other day. It started at 30,000 feet, and was finished soon after I landed.” He also wrote of his course ending soon and of his then going on operations, and added, “I think we are very lucky as we shall just be in time for the autumn blitzes(which are certain to come).” (Air Force Historical Support Division)

The poem was written by a Royal Canadian Air Force officer named John G. Magee on September 3, 1941. He was killed, about three months later, during a routine training mission, on December 11, 1941. Here is his beautiful poem:

High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
of sun-split clouds,-and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of-wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air….
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark nor ever eagle flew-
And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God

Boring

How is everyone doing out there? You have been awfully quiet lately. One of my all-time favorite things, in life, is “adventuring.” Certainly, I like vacations and far away trips, but I savor every day adventures, too. I like going to towns around me and trying out restaurants and going into quaint, unique stores, that I have never been to before. I like lingering in coffee shops and soaking in the ambiance, unique to that particular location. I like mixing my clothes and accessories into new ensembles and I get giddy when those ensembles just seem to fit together, in a whole new fresh way. I enjoy opening a new book, with eager anticipation, or starting a new, engaging TV series or a new, fun game on my phone. I like buying new perfumes or lipsticks with the idea that I will finally find my “holy grail” product and I will never, ever stray from it, for the rest of my life, or until it is discontinued and I have to treasure hunt for it on ebay. I like to adventure on hiking trails that are new to me, with the promise of the possibility of happening upon a plant or an animal that I have never witnessed in the wild, before.

I’ve been a bit mopey and lazy lately. I’ve convinced myself that my adventures have been curtailed and ruined. I’ve been telling myself how boring and mundane and routine and limited life has become with this coronavirus situation, at hand. I’ve had myself a pretty little pity party, in my own little wah-wah, dull blue corner, which I have painted myself into, these days.

I pride myself in my creativity and my thinking outside of the box, so it is time for me, to oil that ingenuity gear in my brain, and get excited again. Dust it off, girl!! It is time for some self reflection on areas of my life, that I am just going through the motions. Is it time to try some new grocery stores and give some interesting, unusual new recipes, a go? Is it time to try to read a genre of book that I typically don’t gravitate to? Does it matter that even though I don’t socialize much at all anymore, to still take the time to get a cool outfit together and like what I see in the mirror? Can I get excited about losing a few extra pounds, by setting a weight loss goal and get motivated by trying to achieve it? My life and my fulfillment is my responsibility. If I’m bored, I need to find constructive ways to fix that for myself, instead of destructive, self defeating behaviors and thought patterns, that just swallow me up in my own wallowing self pity. Being bored is an insult to oneself. (Jules Renard)

20 Motivational Quotes To Get You Out of a Funk | Tulip and Sage

Frenemy

I’m challenging myself to try new things, so I wrote a poem, using this writing prompt:

Writing Prompt
Write a 5-7-5 poem on any subject. The only rule is to follow the 5-7-5 syllable count (first line has five syllables, second line has seven, third line has five again).

Here is my 5-7-5 poem:

FRENEMY

I have a new friend.
She’s an unrelenting bitch.
Hypochondria.

Texting with my friends, it appears that Hypochondria’s friend circle has expanded quite a bit, lately. Why is she so tantalizing? Why do I spend so much time with Hypochondria? What really is the allure? She loves to create drama and fear. Hypochondria (let’s just call her Connie from here on out) loves to make something out of nothing, all of the time. She’s really in her prime right now. Connie has SO many followers, and her fan base keeps growing exponentially, every day, it seems. She’s always stirring the pot, and the media (mainstream and social) help her to do it. Every. Single. Day. The media is Connie’s flock of flying monkeys. The thing about Connie is that she tricks you into believing that worry is actually effective. Connie paralyzes a lot of other people, while in the meantime, she expends tons of her own energy, finding countless articles and websites and experts to make her worst case scenarios, seem utterly and entirely plausible, and on the brink of happening, all of the time. Connie sounds so awful and horrible and evil, when you take a step back, to see how she treats people, yet she’s really hard to let go, for so many of her intimate acquaintances. Why is that?

Others who have let go of Connie’s toxic hold over them, suggest these steps to get away from her:

Learning stress management and relaxation techniques
Avoiding online searches for the possible meanings behind your symptoms
Focusing on outside activities such as a hobby you enjoy or volunteer work you feel passionate about
Avoiding alcohol and recreational drugs, which can increase anxiety

Working to recognize that the physical signs you experience are not a symptom of something ominous, but are actually normal bodily sensations
Setting up a schedule for regular appointments with your primary care doctor to discuss your health concerns. Work with them to set a realistic limit on medical tests and specialist referrals. (The Center for Treatment for Anxiety and Mood Disorders)

In short, in order to get out of Connie’s evil clutches: breathe, take a walk, don’t go to her doctor – the infamous “Dr. Google”, find an all-encompassing interest or hobby, don’t go to a bar or brewery or break open a bottle of wine with Connie, remember that you know your own body better than anybody – certainly better than Connie knows it, and finally, go to a doctor who you can trust, a doctor who will help you to limit your exposure to Connie.

Connie is an emotional vampire. She zaps you of your strength and your practical reasoning skills. Connie does NOT deserve any of your time nor your energy. You need to protect yourself from Connie, during this difficult period in history. Do NOT succumb to her seduction. Connie will steal your time, and your peace and your sanity. She is the real enemy of your health (physical and mental) and of your immune system. It is time to say good-bye to Connie. Connie is toxic. She does not deserve any of our mind space nor attention. Connie’s a mean girl, and mean girls are not good friend material.

funny quotes about hypochondriac | hypochondriac. #medicalhumor ...

Screen Door

Trip, our new Boykin spaniel puppy, has created his own “doggy door” on our screened-in porch. He found a weakness in the screen, at the bottom portion of the screen door, so that when he was really teeny, he would just weasel through a little, loose corner of the screen, hoisting himself and then crawling out to the back yard, as quick as he could muster. I didn’t dissuade this because frankly, I thought that it was cute, watching his wiggly little puppy butt crawl out the door, and also, I assumed that he had to get out to do his business, in a real big hurry. Now that Trip is a bigger puppy, and he has that “spring action” going on, which spaniels are noted for, his handmade doggy door has actually become more of a flap, and his agility skills are highly noted by me, as he leaps outside, through his own creation, as if he were a one-puppy football team, bursting through a banner, headed out to play for the state championship win, in order to “go potty.” And it should be noted that I am his one-person-loud-yet-not-so-agile-middle-aged-lady-cheerleading squad. (In truthfulness, potty training is not yet perfected with Trip, and yesterday there was a Roomba disaster, but that’s for another blog. The Roomba is a perfectly wonderful machine, in my mind, except that it’s one flaw is that it absolutely needs a sniff sensor. Our family is so chaotic with kids and animals, that we actually have two Roombas going, at any one time. Thank goodness for tile floors, Fabuloso, and Eckart Tolle’s podcasts on mindfulness.) Yesterday, was definitely a classic Monday, with this messy fiasco occurring, and my husband getting a flat tire on his brand new car, despite the fact that we barely ever drive anywhere these days. Mondays. At least it’s over for another week.

So, now I will go back to the point that I was trying to make about Trip’s homemade doggy door. It struck me that when we are young and exuberant, we don’t see limits. We burst through the screens that are supposed to stop us, with nary a thought about it. We head out to our chosen destinations with excitement, exhilaration and a belief in all of the fun and adventures, that await us, in the big, outside world. I know that as Trip grows older and wiser and bigger, and we finally get around to fixing the screen so that it is more impenetrable, he will start accepting his limits. Trip will become a little more cautious about what awaits him outside, due to conditioning and his life’s experiences. Still, I hope that he always keeps a little bit of that puppy-like innocence and overreaching curiosity that gave him the impulse to create his own door out, in the first place. And I hope that when this temporary screen of fear and doom and unrest gets lifted for us, in this world, we can all burst through the doors, into the big, beautiful, outside world, with dreams and excitement and anticipation, that have been with all of us, all along, since the days that we were just little, innocent pups, ourselves.

Paradox Puppy

“I have a pouch below my belly, whereas I had a thin waist before. Now there’s this situation down there, low and grabbable. If it had a zipper, you could store stuff in it, as in a fanny pack.” ~@ANNELAMOTT

It’s called Pandemic Pouch and it’s all the rage! – Cindy Nye (Twitter)

The above listed is my favorite quote for today – a hot, messy Monday in July. And Cindy Nye’s response gives a classic name to a phenomenon/”fashion trend” that many of us are sharing these days. I’m just relieved to not be alone in carrying around a Pandemic Pouch, day and night, day in and day out. My Pandemic Pouch seems to have an expansion feature and I am getting really good at vacillating between decorating it with belts, and then trying to camouflage it, underneath colorful, flow-y, blouse-y bohemian tops. It seems that my Pandemic Pouch holds more than I ever knew possible.

I was reading this charming collection over the weekend, from southern writers, and of course, William Faulkner is always mentioned as one of the most unequaled authors of this genre. Here are two of my favorite quotes attributed to Faulkner:

Speaking of the south, my regular readers know that I temporarily lost my mind and control of my impulses, by insisting that we get a third dog. I somehow thought that raising a pandemic puppy, would help to ease the stress of this bewildering, sad, confusing and unusual situation. How paradoxical of me! Nonetheless, I am totally and completely, captivated, smitten and fully in love with our little guy, aptly named Trip. I came up with the name “Trip” because Trip is our third dog and he is a southern breed of dog. Trip is a Boykin spaniel, which by the breed being originated there, is actually “the official dog of South Carolina.” South Carolinians take their Boykin dogs so seriously that they literally have a day devoted to Boykin spaniels, every year. Boykin Spaniel Day is right around the corner on September 1st. “Trip” is a nickname often given to the third of anything in the south. Having gone to college in Virginia, I became friends with more than one “Trip”, in my tenure there. I also like to joke that we named the puppy “Trip”, because he is our summer adventure, instead of taking an actual trip, during this coronavirus madness. As it turns out, like most names and words, there is another additional meaning to his name that fits him aptly. Trip has become my Velcro dog. As I write this, he is warming my feet. Trip follows me everywhere, including the bathroom, the garage, my closet, under the covers – basically, he follows me wherever I am trying to disappear to, for some rare and fleeting moments to myself, while we are all mostly at home, trying to avoid catching the virus. I trip on Trip almost every single day and more than once. I hope that this tripping over Trip does not land me in the hospital. That would defeat the purpose of this puppy adventure completely. Again, I marvel at the paradox.

Soul Sunday

Hello, dear hearts. I was reading an essay about a writer who would go to her grandparents’ Kentucky home every summer and her favorite memory of that precious time in her childhood, is that everyone would call each other “dear heart.” It’s so interesting, when we look back at our lives, to see what memories really mean something to us and seem to stick out, as defining moments. Often, it’s the most seemingly inconsequential happenings that really make the biggest mark on our lives. When this coronavirus situation has finally passed, we will all just hold tidbits of memories and emotions that will forever mark this time in our lives. And even though we are all collectively experiencing much of the same event, we will all memorialize it differently, with a few random aspects of it all, that will be forever seared into our minds and into our hearts.

My regular readers know that Sundays are devoted to poetry. It is poetry workshop day at Adulting – Second Half. Here’s my poem for the day. Please gift us with your melodious, soul flowing words, in my Comments section. Thank you and bless you, dear hearts.

Home

The charming abode with the white picket fence,

Filled with apple pies and common decency,

Once became so unremarkable that it bored people to tears.

But in times of raging storms and bewildering uncertainty,

We seek the lovely, well-kept, placid cottage,

Brimming with integrity and the solidity of a foundation

Made from the salt of the earth.

And yet its location is not so easy to find anymore.

It turns out that the common places, weren’t so common.

They were precious. They got overshadowed by Darkness’ need,

for ravenous attention and the insatiable hunger to overtake.

Still, the navigation system lies within, to bring us back,

To the windy path, protected by the wise elders of trees,

And at the end of the path, is the place of our heartland,

That has always been there, with doors wide open,

Beckoning us in with a welcoming, warm embrace.

Reminding us that we can always return to the comfort

Of the indefatigable sunlit energy that sustains the lovely retreat,

This wholesome, beautiful, light-filled, sustainable cottage of our hearts.

Dire Needs

I read this on the internet the other day. I think that this quote was from Think Smarter (Twitter), but I can’t say for sure:

“There are two types of “tired”, I suppose. One is in dire need of sleep, the other is in dire need of peace.”

What are your dire needs this weekend? Attend to those needs first. Your body will lead you to where it needs attention, with a crumb trail of little aches and pains and stiff knots and cravings. Your mind might just need some relief from the difficult life challenges of today, with a little more focus on fun. Your mind might enjoy having inconsequential things to figure out, like crafts and puzzles and games, and the victorious feeling of completing something hard, yet relatively insignificant and manageable. Your spirit probably just needs to be noticed and recognized. Your spirit just wants to remind you, that you can always rest inside your heart. Try resting in your heart and in your spirit, a little bit this weekend. Stay still in prayer or meditation or just purposeful awareness, in a space or place that you consider to be very peaceful, and notice that your spirit is a plentiful, gurgling, clean fountain of renewable energy and joy. All that your spirit ever wants for you, is to remember that it will always sustain you, if you allow it to flow.