Sacred Friday

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As you age, you come to realize that there are certain traumatic moments, and surreal time periods in life, that you will never, ever be able to completely forget. These sensations and memories are particularly amplified when everyone you know has been affected to at least some degree, and is hurting along with you. We are living through one of these types of time periods right now. We were devastatingly scorched by one of those time periods back in September of 2001.

9/11 was a horrible, horrible, horrible day and experience, but we survived it. We will always remember it, but we overcame it. We got temporarily knocked down, but we rose back up. Beside all of the disbelief and horror and pain and shock and loss and soul scorching anger, there was a pure beauty that came out of that day. I never felt more unified with my neighbors and my fellow American citizens, than in the rest of that year, and into the new year of 2002. I never felt prouder of being an American than on those surreal days after 9/11, when we healed our trauma, together. We held our heads up high, in sharp defiance of evil. I remember for days that turned into weeks and then into months, the feeling of unification was everywhere. People were kind to each other. People focused on how akin they felt to each other. People did whatever they could, in order to heal and to memorialize this awfulness, in a most graceful, dignified, sacred, all encompassing way. People from other countries spoke only of our country’s greatness, of our unmatched generosity, of our beacon of hope which we give to everyone all over the world. We put aside our differences, during that painful time, because we knew that to become whole again, for the raw vulnerability to be cleansed and to be healed, that we needed the support of the whole body of our great country.

Today, we will get set back into our grief a little bit again, but let us also remember the utterly amazing, awe-striking unified Phoenix that rose from those lowly ashes. Let that defiant Phoenix of destiny, which rose and soared above all that which was meant to destroy us, be an example and a reminder to all of us, of what we are capable of doing with our current fires and traumas and fears. We owe this to the people who gave up their lives on 9/11, and to the families who still grieve their appalling sudden losses. We owe this to future generations, to give them an example of core strength and hope and the proof that love and respect for each other, is really what conquers all. Our future generations will need a positive example to fall back on, a wisdom to thrive from, when dark days happen again in their lives, and in the history of America. We need each other. Today, as Americans, we all embrace each other in comfort and compassion. Let’s find more strength and power and energy and onus, in today’s embrace. Let’s all look outwards, together, from this embrace into a unified vision of the beautiful country that everyone who has fought for, and who has lost their lives for, believes in. We aren’t where we need to be yet as a country, but we can get there. It won’t be from fighting each other, though. We need each other.

We healed over the acute pain of 9/11. There will always be a sharp ragged scar, which will always hurt to the touch, but we survived it, and then we thrived. We know that we are a country that is capable of great, great things. We’ve proven that to ourselves, and to everybody else, again and again. We rise from the ashes, and we continue to do so, every time that we are called to do it. Let’s try now to give our collective healing from our current pains, some wings of unity, dignity, love, respect, kindness, empathy and hope, and let the rest of it all – the divisiveness, the inequalities, the failure to work together, the closed minds, the focusing on all of the negative without putting major energy towards the solutions – let’s let all of this negativity that is no longer useful to our country’s greater good, just smolder away in the ashes of what does not serve us. We are the people of a great democracy. We decide what matters. We need each other.

(I apologize for not sticking with my traditional Friday format, but honestly, not really. Thank you for understanding.)

Pleasure and Peace

Hi friends, thank you so much for spending some time here today at Adulting – Second Half. Your time is precious and I appreciate you giving some of it here. It means a lot to me, in ways that I don’t really have the words to explain. My heart goes out to my west coast readers. Please stay safe and well, amidst these roaring fires. Prayers and love to you.

I keep a lot of paper journals and such, full of words and pictures that have held inspirational meaning and interest to me. I picked up one journal which I kept about a decade ago, which as you recall, was during the Great Recession, another stressful, precarious time for a lot of us. The physical journal itself is kind of gaudy. It is made of a dark red brocade that actually has stuffing inside of it. The cover has large plastic, brightly colored gemstones (some that have fallen off), sewn on to it. It is one of those things that you look at it, and you ask yourself, “Did I actually think this was pretty at one time? What was my mental state at the time of purchasing this?” It is one of those physical reminders to ourselves, that we are constantly in a state of change, always opening up from a new cocoon of ideas and perspectives, sometimes even on a daily basis.

On that note, my husband buys me one of those Awkward Family Photo Calendars, every year, for my stocking at Christmas. I love it. It guarantees me at least one daily laugh, but what I like best about it, is the reminder of people’s humility. The people who send their pictures into the calendar company have the ability to laugh at themselves, and that is a lovely trait in a person. Yesterday’s picture was a professional portrait of a young woman, obviously a product of the 1980s, with an enormous heavily sprayed nest of bangs, that could have managed to be its own head of hair, itself. I thought to myself, this woman is laughing at her 1980s self, along with the rest of us, but on that day, she put a lot of time and effort and money into her “look.” She felt good enough that day, about how she looked, to pay a professional photographer to take her picture. Her real beauty shines through all of that sprayed, elevated, shock of hair, because she has self reflection enough, to not take herself too seriously. She loves herself at every step of the game, and that is so refreshing. She’s beautiful.

Back to my point, despite its over-the-top physicality, the garish journal is filled on the inside with words and pictures and inspirations that have shaped my life. I even have some fortunes from fortune cookies taped in there, and cuttings from newspapers, magazines, and elementary school newsletters. When I was filling up this particular journal, I did not have writing a public blog in mind, so unfortunately I don’t have the sources of most of these wisdoms. Still, I believe all wisdom, comes from a higher source, and those of us who write stuff down, are usually just quirky little scribes and messengers. Anyway, this has just been a long way of me saying that in this flashy, showy journal, that at one time caught my eye and I must have found to be physically pleasing enough to claim it as mine, I found a quote yesterday that was cut out of magazine that explained what I have been trying to say in all of these paragraphs above, maybe even in all of these blog posts, for the last couple of years. At the very least, it describes my precious and precocious inspirational scrapbook/journal perfectly:

I miss my mother, and I find myself walking through her house in my memory, remembering her ways and seeing beauty. Beauty, for her, was a mix of the deep and the superficial: that which gives us pleasure and that which gives us peace.” (source unknown)

Picking out and purchasing my ostentatious journal, and filling it up with words and images that have helped to mold me into the current version of me, gave me great pleasure. And the words inside of it, still give me great peace. Maybe life is meant to be just that simple, a happy mix of pleasure and peace. It’s quite possible. It’s certainly not a bad way to live.

Flavorful

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“The world needs this right now, we have received thousands of comments from people who say this has come at such a perfect time,” said Klein about the treasure hunt.

Did you read about the founder of Jelly Belly brand jelly beans, giving away one of his Candyman Kitchens, with a golden ticket/Willy Wonka style? How fun! How intriguing and inspiring and heartwarming and charmingly evocative!

Most of us would agree with David Klein, the inventor of Jelly Belly candies, in his statement, “The world needs this right now.” But what is “this” that he is referring to? What is the golden ticket that the world needs right now?

Is it fun? Is it a focus on the light-hearted, happy stuff? Is it excitement? Is it smiling, bright-eyed anticipation? Is it curiosity? Is it wonderment? Is it sweetness? Is it frivolity? Is it sugar-coated happiness? Is it innocence? Is it faith, hope and love?

Whatever “this” is which we all seem to agree that the world needs more of right now, we can try to be a little bit of “this“, today, right now, in our own spaces and our own places. If the world needs more of “this” and we have the ability to give the world more of “this“, why not try? Why not be a golden ticket in our own corners of the world? At the very least, we can be our own little flavorful jelly bellies. (I’ve been working on my jelly belly since quarantine started. It’s coming along nicely.) What flavor are you today? I think that I will be “this” flavor, just for today.

Mt. 2020

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Happy Labor Day. This is the right way to do a Monday, isn’t it? My family just woke up, fully rested and restored. The morning is bright and still and quiet and calm. I saw this meme the other day and I thought to myself, that is exactly what we are doing here in 2020. We have been assigned a whole range of seemingly insurmountable mountain tops. We have reached peaks of anger and frustration, and pinnacles of rage, in so many facets of our society. But on this day that reminds us about just how much we can achieve when we labor together, we realize that we are the chosen people, to move these mountains of fear, and pain, and shame, and anger, and inequalities, and sickness, to the side, in order to clear a path for all of us, to walk into a brighter tomorrow. We are the chosen people of 2020. We know this, because we are here. We are being trusted to move the mountains. Someone knows that we are strong enough, yet have malleable hearts and open, bright minds, in order to see beyond the terrifying heights, to the beautiful valleys that stretch beyond the rocky mountain ranges. As long as we all remember to see it as our sacred task and duty, for all of us to labor against the problems, instead of “us against each other”, we will make it. We will move mountains in 2020. We are the chosen people. It is time we start acting like it.

Bless This Mess

This is the state of my writing nook right now:

You can see Ralphie, the Labrador, trying to peek his head up over the rubble, in the right hand corner, like hope of life, peeking out of a war scene. I would like to take the time and space to thank the following creatives for making me feel good about my messy mess. First, a quote from the famed author, Anne Lamott:

“I absolutely don’t buy into the current mania for tidiness and decluttering. For a writer, piles of paper and notes are a fertile field.” – Anne Lamott

And a picture taken of the late, great fashion director, Karl Lagerfeld:

Thank you both, for allowing me the state of rationalizing my messiness, for today.

Rocking It Friday

Happy Friday

Good morning, friends and readers!! I was reading another blog the other day and I noticed that the blogger called her readers, “my wonderfuls”! I like that. I think that I am going to borrow that. Happy Friday, my wonderfuls!!! I had another good thought, earlier in the week, as I was gazing at my sagging jowls in the mirror. I thought to myself what is a inexpensive, non-intrusive way to cover up my middle-aged droopy jowls? I figured it out. On good days, smile, and on bad days, stay masked up. See, masks aren’t all bad. New readers, on Fridays, I don’t try to figure out any deep thoughts. I stay on the surface on Fridays to give me and you a break from my overthinking/overwriting about, just about everything. On Fridays, I list three favorite things, songs, apps, websites, food stuff, etc. and I strongly encourage you to list your favorites in my Comments section. Fridays are called Favorite Things Friday, here at Adulting – Second Half. Please check out my previous Friday posts for more favorites to enjoy. Here are my favorites for today:

Putta Tea – I discovered this tea on the Clearance shelf at my local grocery store. Now I know that a lot of people think, “There’s a reason why things are on clearance. Nobody wants them.” But, I disagree. It is more like “Nobody wants them AT THAT PRICE.” Further, sometimes things just need to be highlighted, and that is how I found this most delicious tea. I always check out the clearance rack and that is where I have found some of my most favorite things, Putta Tea being one of them. I have never tasted a more fragrant, delicious, unusual tea from tea bags, in my lifetime. Another plus, is that the boxes in which the tea comes in, are absolutely artistic and gorgeous. So far, I have tried Putta’s “Relax” and Putta’s “Tulsi Clarity” and both were fabulous. I saw that Amazon sells a variety pack of many other Putta Tea flavors. Enjoy! My British friends and family say that a cup of tea fixes everything.

Convertible Mask Chains – Fortunately, I am not one who needs to do much in public, so I have limited mask wearing time, but for those of you who have to wear masks frequently, I saw that they are now selling mask chains (similar to chains that hold your glasses around your neck). This seems like a much more sanitary way to carry around a mask, versus digging through your purse, praying that you still have a clean mask somewhere in there. I saw some pretty mask chains on Stephanie Wolf’s website. (https://stefaniewolf.com/collections/facemasks-and-headbands) And this website has a nice gold one: https://www.camillejewelry.com/products/convertible-oval-chain-necklace-for-masks

What makes the chains convertible is that they turn into necklaces when you don’t need a mask any longer, which hopefully, will be sooner than later. (On that note, I got my Barnes and Noble Desk Diary 2021 calendar delivered yesterday, this calendar being a longtime favorite of mine forever and ever, due to its sturdy, hard cover, big calendar squares and weekly pages. I have kept all of mine on a shelf, dating back to 2008, and you’d be surprised how handy it is to look information up, like when you had health care, or house work done, with phone numbers to boot, when I can read my own handwriting. Anyway, getting the calendar yesterday was exhilarating, like “Hope in a Box!”)

Nancy Meyers Kitchen playlist – I don’t have Spotify, but I have read about how great that this music play list is, more than once, so I just started playing some of the songs from the list, and it is wonderful!! This playlist has songs like La Vien Rose by Louis Armstrong., I’ve Got a Crush on You by Steve Tyrell and I Only Have Eyes for You by The Flamingos. Seriously, this is perfect, soothing background music, for almost any activity. If you have Spotify, start playing this now, you won’t be disappointed!

I’ve mentioned before that I cut out things out of magazines that are inspirational to me, and I tape them to the inside of my calendar covers to look at, here and again, to get rejuvenated and inspired. I saved this cutting from REAL SIMPLE magazine and it is going to get taped into my new 2021 calendar right after I publish my blog post. Have a wonderful weekend, my wonderfuls!!!!

I can’t wait to say, “Bye-bye 2020, don’t let the door hitcha on your way out!!

The Key

This video has gone viral because everyone thinks that it is so cute that this little boy is just trying to put his schoolbook knowledge, into his head like osmosis. And we all know that isn’t how it works. We all have to put the work into things. We all have to expend our proverbial blood, sweat and tears, in order to get what we want. So, people laugh at this sweet little boy’s innocent, yet foolish actions. However, and quite frankly, I think that this little boy is on to something. I think that we are all making a lot of assumptions here. I think we are missing the boat. What if the little boy has already read the book, and studied his homework, and the class is quickly reviewing before the start of a test? What if his motions are an act of faith in himself, and in faith in the Universe, knowing that all knowledge and wisdom and goodness resides inside of himself, and his motions are just a reminder to himself, of this hallowed fact? What if this boy’s little ritual is a sacred motion that reminds himself that “all good things come to him” and that he deserves the abundance that life has to offer? Perhaps his motions are a more emphatic, dramatic prayer in motion? I love this little boy’s energy, and his serious, focused faith. I have found myself incorporating his precious ritual into my daily actions. Children are often the most enlightened, clearest people on this earth. Not everything that young children do and say, are just for the amusement of us elders, until we “teach” them to be “wise(?)” adults. We can learn a lot from children. They haven’t been indoctrinated yet. Their purity hasn’t been clouded. They inherently understand the natural flow and magic of Life, and this is why we always say that kids are so resilient. Children have not yet forgotten that we all are a needed and natural part of Life’s flow, and children reside in that simple knowingness and faith. How beautiful children are and what lovely gifts and reminders come from them! Let’s remember to treasure our children of the world, always. They are sacred.

“He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” -Matthew 18:2-4

This is the key to life: To expect everything to be given to you from above, yet to be genuinely surprised and forever grateful, when they are. Expecting all good things to be yours, while not knowing how to take anything for granted. If there may be a key in life, this is the key.” –C. JoyBell C.

Here is an Example

I’ve mentioned it before, but I just have to do it again. Watch Street Food: Latin America (Netflix), if you need a good relaxing, heartwarming, reassuring, resonating show to watch before you go to bed at night. To be clear, I don’t really like to cook. I am not a particularly picky or discriminating eater. I don’t watch The Food Channel. I love to watch Street Food: Latin America for one major reason – the cooks in the show are absolutely passionate about what they do. They love their individual lives, each centered around cooking, and it glows out of their eyes and their whole faces beam and shine. You can’t help but feel warmed and touched by these chefs’ bursting bliss. Their happiness and contentment honestly seems to burst right out of them, like it can’t be contained in their bodies. Just like daily cooking and serving makes these cooks, in the show, buzz with delight, (and like eating their various concoctions does for their customers), I feel a complete and wholesome sensation of well-being, watching “love of life” in action. It is so utterly inspirational and uplifting.

None of the featured chefs in these shows are wealthy. In fact most of them live quite modest lives, and some of them created their shops and their street stalls out of total desperation, needing to save their families from starvation. Still, if you asked me to give you an example of a completely happy, satisfied, and totally alive person, I could quickly pick more than one of these street vendors from this delightful show, as a perfect, shining example. Honestly, it would be easier for me to show you one of these people, than most comfortable American suburbanites whom I know.

This show reminds us that real nourishment comes from living our passions. When we do this, we feed our own souls, and the by-product of being true to our own purposes and to own our selves, is that the souls of many other people are fed, as well. We are all inspired and nourished, by art, and by music, and by brilliant scientific discoveries, and by inventions, and by well-cared for, happy children, and by people who serve simple, delicious delicacies, from their well-loved stalls and carts (and hearts), every single day. We are inspired and comforted and blessed by others who are the embodiment of Love in motion. Love is an action. Our hunger and thirst for life is satiated by what we do, and what others do, all in the name of Love. Life flows so well that way, just like it was designed and intended to do.

30 Cooking Quotes to Inspire Your Inner Chef | BLINQ Blog

Under the Carpet

I think that a big thing about what is happening this year, is that so, so many things which we all have pushed away and swept under the pretty, little carpet, are springing out of the corners, left and right. Literally and figuratively. The carpet isn’t big enough anymore, to keep the ugly reality about some unpleasant things which we have all co-created, tamped down. The elephants in the room are charging at us, in a large herd, all at once, and we can’t help but to start talking about them, because they aren’t happy or satisfied about being ignored anymore. The elephants in the room are tired of being polite. We are all at “our pitchers are full” moments, in so many facets of our lives. There isn’t room for anything more to be held in, until we spill some of what we have been desperately containing inside of us, in order to get some relief. And this seems to be a universal thing, not just relegated to a particular race or religion or country or political party or sexual identity. We all have held too much in, for much too long, and Someone pressed the release valve. And it’s scary and it is overwhelming and it’s terrifying and we don’t know where it leads us. Still, it is necessary. In the end, it is this release that will open a cleared path, which will lead us to truth and to healing and to authenticity and to acceptance and ultimately, to the universal destination of Love.

I know that just in the little microcosm of my own family, it is painful to address our private little elephant issues. It is excruciating and fearful to lift off the dark cover of the pleasant familial rug, where a lot of feelings, and misunderstandings, and resentments, and anger, and frustration, gets swept under, and away. We often do everything that we can to avoid lifting the rug. Like my middle son says, “Oh no, we are not about to have one of those emotional family moments, are we? I hate those!” And we all agree with him. We like to stay on top of the rug, where things feel pleasant, and safe and contained and well behaved. Still when any of us in my family, either musters up the courage, or some kind of outside trigger lets the overwhelming, underlying emotions take the wheel, we are forced to pick up the rug and to really examine, and to clean, and to release, what is underneath it, if we want to remain an authentically close, and healthy family. Inevitably, even after some ferocious spewing and crying and screaming and emoting, and whimpering, and divulging, and humbling, we always feel better. Real always feels better than pretend because even though it isn’t always pretty, you can believe in “real”. Pretend is fake, and it is a poor substitute for real.

It’s only when we admit that we have a problem, that anything can ever really be done about it. We don’t always have all the right answers to solve everything that was unearthed, right in that present moment, but we aren’t dancing around and tiptoeing around, and trying to contain a growing, grumbling, sleeping giant anymore. And the relief is palpable. The anxiety and the fear that we had built up as a family, about facing and revealing the truths about our fears, and our hurts, and our broken parts, our disagreements, and our shame, and our loss for answers, is often much worse than actually dealing with the truth of our own humanity and our own vulnerability. And what we find, after the initial loud, overwhelming stampede of the ignored elephants in the room, and we all come to a quiet, whimpering, worn out, released state, is that at the core of it all, we are mostly the same, and we just love each other completely. We all just want the best for ourselves and for each other, and it hurts to hurt, and it hurts to see those who we love hurt, and we want a magic wand to fix it all. And in those curled up, raw moments when all of the elephants have been acknowledged and all of the dust-up has been exposed, is when we feel the most uncomfortable and vulnerable and unguarded. But let’s not forget, it is in these moments that the real magic can begin. The starting line has been revealed. All Life begins as a naked, fragile baby. After the greatly feared giant under the carpet, is unveiled, he is not so fearsome anymore. He is surmountable because we have looked him in the eye and we are draped in each other’s arms, staring him down, and he often disappears under the eyes of Love. Because the giant under the carpet has been exposed, and the giant is no longer unacknowledged, we quickly come to the realization that bigger than any of our problems, or our mistakes, or our individual and collective pains, is our Love for each other, and our desire for the best for all of us, as individuals and as a unit. It is in our most open, humbled moments, when we have no other choice than to love each other, and to sink into our collective embrace, admitting that we need help, that the real, cleansing miracles start to happen, in ways that we could never have imagined.

I believe this is exactly what is happening in the world right now. We are just in the ugly, scary stage of the uproarious, furious, pent-up release, which we all work so hard to avoid. We have lifted the carpet, and we have acknowledged the many elephants in the room. We have stopped pretending our perfection. And when all quiets down again, and we are all quivering, humbled, yet open to possibilities, the real miracles will be brought to light, and the world will move towards being authentically whole and healed and cleansed and shimmering in the material that makes it . . . . .Love. And if we can get honest with ourselves, in the end, that is all that any of us really want. Love.

Come Alive

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(greeting card by Ingrid Goff-Maidoff)

Every day is a new day of a new version of ourselves. The experiences we had over the weekend, our emotional responses to those happenings, and the wisdom we gleaned from both our experiences and our responses, have added a new layer to this energy, we each call “me.” This morning I have curated quotes from my many inspirational quote journals that sort of go along with this same theme. I am sorry that I am not sure who to attribute these quotes to, but I don’t claim any of them as mine. I am just thankful for their inspiration and sagacity.

“You can’t go back and write a new beginning, but you can start from here and write a new ending.”

“I may not be there yet, but I am closer than I was yesterday.”

“Today is a new day. Begin it well, and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

“When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That is what the storm was all about.”

“When you are a better character in your story, your story gets better.”

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

“Your past is meant to be a guidepost, not a hitching post.”

“Believe with all of your heart that you will do what you are made to do.”

“I am my only project. Fully embracing this idea gives me so much freedom to do the many things that I have been born to do. Others are in our lives for a reason, but they are not present as our works in progress.”

“Never think of yourself as a self-made person. Thousands of hearts, souls, hopes and hands molded the form that became you.”

“Anything I can go through, I can grow through.”

“Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”