Tag: empty nest

Monday-Funday

Yesterday, Holiday Mathis wrote about the fact that when you enter into relationships with people, these people don’t come “a la carte”. People are “package deals” with the people they have relationships with, as well. It’s like the old saying, “You don’t just marry the person. You marry the family, too.” I’ve never bought completely into that adage. I think you less marry “the family” but more so, you marry into your person’s relationship to their family and friends, and also your person’s chosen boundaries with said family and friends. So, for instance, you could like someone’s family and friends very much, but not want to spend every weekend with these people. And if your person wants to spend every weekend with these family members and friends, that’s where the conflict lies.

Along this same note, there’s a good expression that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are the same person. If someone has really toxic traits that are mean or abusive or destructive, all the flowers and charm and sweet traits and talents, do not cancel out their abusive behaviors. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are a package deal. Don’t delude yourself with an abusive person, by saying that the “Mr. Hyde parts of him or her, aren’t really them. Dr. Jekyll is the ‘real’ person.” Unfortunately, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde is a package deal – one and the same.

“All human beings, as we meet them, are commingled out of good and evil: and Edward Hyde, alone, in the ranks of mankind, was pure evil.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2410. What is your favorite sandwich?

Soul Sunday

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. I was inspired to write the poem below when I briefly skimmed some posts on X that said that a scathing article was written about Dolly Parton by The Federalist. I didn’t read the article, but I know that Dolly Parton has given millions to charities all over the country. She is beloved by her fans, all over the world. She has put so much good and happiness and beauty and creativity and acceptance and LOVE into the world that we all experience today. Roger Ebert, the movie critic said this about her, “In Dallas for the premier of ‘9 to 5’, I had an uncanny experience, and on the plane home to Chicago I confessed it to Siskel: I had been granted a private half hour with Dolly Parton, and as we spoke I was filled with a strange ethereal grace. This was not spiritual, nor was it sexual. It was healing and comforting. Gene listened and said, “Roger, I felt the exact same thing during my interview with her.” We looked at each other. What did this mean? Neither one of us ever felt that feeling again. From time to time we would refer to it in wonder.”

Do people float in your presence or do they sink?

Do you make people feel special? Do you make them think?

Do people feel loved by you or are you only courting love?

When people are with you, do they feel touched from above?

Do you focus on the good stuff or do you nitpick for the flaw?

After a time being with you, do people get a sense of awe?

And when I say “awe”, I don’t mean for you, I mean for themselves,

Like you’ve helped them lift their best selves, off from dusty shelves.

Some people are so well-loved because that’s all that they give away,

Love in every which direction, each and every day.

credit: @alioop326, X

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2530. What is your favorite soup?

Happy Pride Month

Happy Pride Month to all of my LGBTQAI+ readers!! You are loved and you have come a long way, baby. My kids are shocked when we tell them what it was like in the 80s/90s, where many of our gay friends, family, and colleagues felt the need to stay closeted for a myriad of reasons. (They also laugh at me when I say that my friends and I completely believed that George Michael was straight. We never even questioned it. My friend’s mom crushed on him hard.)

We all know the pain it feels when we are in a situation where we feel we can’t be our true, authentic selves. We all know that horrible, hollow feeling of betraying our own selves, at times. Our LGBTQAI+ friends have felt that situation in almost every single aspect of their lives. How painful! How wrong! And on top of that, the price of being true to themselves has included acts and threats of violence, family estrangement, being ostracized from their faith, and having to fight for every single right that we straights just take for granted. . . . . If you really believe that “gay is a choice”, why would anyone choose this road????

I support you all, my dear gay friends, family and readers and all who love you. I hope that you have a wonderful month of celebrating! Lately, I have been listening to the PRIDE radio station when I drive in my car and it’s made my errands a pure blast. It’s like having a dance club in my car. I don’t want to leave the car. The music played is so upbeat and fun. That’s something that I think the Pride movement has in spades – optimism, excitement, buoyancy, love, acceptance – despite all odds. Dancing through torrential storms will get you far, and it will take you closer to your destination, which is really the only destination any of us want to reach – pure and total Love.

“It’s always wrong to hate, but it’s never wrong to love.” — Lady Gaga

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2095. What is your go-to comfort food?

Vintage Friday

Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! On Fridays, I discuss the tactile stuff that is fun to eat or to drink or to smell, or to hear, or to read, or to wear, or to touch, or to play with! Lately I have been feeling really sentimental for the toys I played with when I was a little girl. I’ve even purchased a few things on eBay. I tell myself, “Won’t it be fun for my future grandchildren to play with the toys I used to play with?”, but I think it’s more than that – I think my inner child is reaching out. There is something comforting about remembering being a child, and being in the moment, not a care in the world, just using our imagination. Below are some of my favorite toys from childhood. What were your favorites?

Barbies, Dawn Dolls, Liddle Kiddles, Rosebud dolls, Sea Wees, Inchworm Riding Toy, paper dolls, Holly Hobbie dolls, Sunshine Family Dolls, Honeybunch Hill Kid dolls, Bionic Man and Woman dolls, Wonder Woman dolls, I Dream of Jeannie Playset, Wizard of Oz Dolls, Big Wheels, Baby Chrissy doll, Mrs. Beasley doll, Chinese jump rope.

As I started growing out of toys, my sister (who is five years younger than me) really got into Strawberry Shortcake dolls (she particularly loved Blueberry Muffin) and Cabbage Patch dolls and never one to sit quietly, she LOVED her Sit-N-Spin.

Anyway, take a trip down memory lane today, and look up some of your own favorite toys on the internet. This will make you feel that happy/sad syrupy feeling of nostalgia. It will bring all sorts of feelings up to the surface, but in a good way. It will make you feel like a kid again.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

823. What vegetable do you hate? (Don’t say “all of them” – just because I advised letting yourself be a kid again, doesn’t mean you get out of eating your vegetables!)

What Serves

One of my loyal, longtime readers, Kelly (thank you, Kelly!!!) added a comment on yesterday’s post that really spoke to me. In case that you missed it, she said that she was once advised to “Serve the soul, not the ego.” I love this. It could be a mantra. It could be turned into a question when making a decision. What serves my soul? What serves my ego? The things that serve our soul are what make us feel alive, purposeful, connected, authentic, attuned to our own intrinsic values and interests, timeless etc. The things that serve our ego are more about image, looks, awards, reputation, popularity, winning, comparison, etc. The things which serve our souls tend to be lasting. They are the “get down on my knees in gratitude” people, places, animals, vocations, healthy habits and boundaries, time in nature, experiences, etc. which we treasure in our lives and in our living experience. The things which serve our egos tend to be short-lived, often times hollow and disappointing when obtained or achieved, and many times cause us to go right on chasing the next greatest thing. Things which serve our souls, fill our holes. Things which serve our ego tend to be empty calories.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

640. What crime would you like to investigate?

Common Denominator

Months ago, I tripped on the sidewalk and my cell phone went flying through the air, and landed hard, real hard, on the pavement. When I picked it up, I was relieved to see that the screen was fine. I have a good case on my phone. Sadly though, when I turned the phone around, I noticed that the back of it had the “crackle” look. The back of the phone had been shattered.

Still, I was delighted to notice that my phone still worked, despite its new shattered look, and I figured that as long as it stayed in the case, my cell phone would be fine. No harm, no foul. Now, the truth is, we carry insurance on our cell phones, and for a nominal fee, I could have my cell phone replaced. But, honestly, I dreaded the experience of having a new phone sent out, having to figure out how to transfer everything, and I lived in fear of losing everything on my phone, despite backing it up regularly. So, I deluded myself that I was just taking a long time to consider whether I should just upgrade to a newer version of my phone or to get the insurance replacement, and then, I essentially just put it out of my mind.

Lately however, when I have been talking on the phone, I noticed that people were going in and out, and I was missing every 10th word or so. Usually, I blamed this on the other party. “You’re in a bad spot. You’re mumbling. Your bluetooth isn’t working,” I would grumble to others when I was talking to them. Sometimes, I would blame myself . . . .for being in a dead spot or having clogged ears. Finally (this took a long while, as I’m a stubborn old coot), I came to terms that I was the common denominator in this situation. It was my phone that was not working correctly. So, even with that realization, I still waited for several weeks more, telling myself that the old “turn off/on” trick would probably work. It didn’t. Many times that trick did not work.

So yesterday, I finally filed an easy, quick claim, and my insurance company sent someone out, on the very same day to bring me a new phone and to set it up, free of charge. Voila! It was that simple. And I still have all of my data, pictures, contacts, texts, etc. on my new phone.

This made me reflect on a good little lesson about life. If we have an ongoing problem in our lives with other people, institutions, etc., it is often helpful to open ourselves up to some real truthful self-awareness. If we feel that we are the poor victims in every single situation in our lives, guess what? That all gets whittled down to one common denominator – us, the poor, lowly victims. Can you imagine?!? In every single situation in our lives, we innocents feel totally wronged and victimized. In my cell phone situation, it was my belief that everyone else’s phone wasn’t working correctly, until I faced that I was the common denominator in this situation. It was my phone that wasn’t working. When I finally accepted that this situation was actually my problem, I had the insight and the power and the ability and the mojo, to finally do something about it.

Look for patterns of the gripes and problems in your own life. There are areas in our lives where we all have valid gripes. There are areas in our lives where our hands our totally tied. But they aren’t as many as we think. If you find yourself, having the same gripes and the same problems with many different sources, be honest with yourself – you are the common denominator. And once you do this, you have empowered yourself. You are no longer a victim. You can work on changes needed, in order to change the detrimental situations that you find yourself in regularly.

This is not a lesson is shame. Shame is what keeps us from telling the truth to ourselves. Shame is painful. To get beyond pain, we need to be compassionate with ourselves, as we open up to the truth about things. When we forgive ourselves for the parts which we play in our own problems, we then move on to the healthy path of direction, improvement and empowerment. We all make mistakes. We all get caught up in negative patterns. (some of these patterns have started as early as childhood) But we all, also, have the gift of reason and insight, to help us to get on to better paths.

Get detached from your ego, and look at patterns in your own life that you wish to change. Get real with yourself about the part that you play in these patterns, and try something new. This is how positive change happens in our lives. This exercise is what opens our lives to new possibilities and ways of feeling. And empowerment feels a hell of a lot better than embitterment and hopelessness.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2004. What makes you stand out in a crowd?

80th

I’m sorry for the late post today. I got caught up reading all about the approximately 68 American heroes, World War II veterans, who travelled to Normandy, France this week ahead of the 80th anniversary of D-Day on June 6th. Their ages range from 96-107. Over 141,000 Americans gave up their lives to free Europe during World War II. When these heroic individuals have been interviewed by the media this week, they are mostly more concerned to pay homage to their friends and fellow soldiers who died in battle. They aren’t called “The Greatest Generation” for no reason. I sure hope that there is such thing as reincarnation. We need more of their kind back.

“Americans have a profound longing for heroes – now perhaps more than ever.” – Hampton Sides

“there on the beaches of Normandy I began to reflect on the wonders of these ordinary people whose lives were laced with the markings of greatness.” – Tom Brokaw

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2252. Who is the one person you’d love to have as a mentor?

Monday – Funday

So, this is Helga Von Tippler, on X. Supposedly, she is made of AI images and I can’t decide which is more fun, checking out her various brightly colored, jewelry adorned “get-ups”, observing her crazy platinum blonde, poofy hairdos, or giggling at her zingy, irreverent one-liners. Here are just a few of her latest comments:

“Hello Police ? Someone stole my weekend! I saw it last on Friday and then “poof” ! It was freakin gone!“

“On HGTV people can flip a whole house in a month . Meanwhile, I’ve been getting ready to vacuum for a week now.“

“Make someone’s day more exciting by texting “on my way” at 7:30 am on a day when you don’t have plans.“

“Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea about how quickly a plumber will come to your house.“

“Dance like no one is watching. Because they’re not. They’re checking their phones.“

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2030. From elementary through high school, what grade was the hardest for you?

Soul Sunday

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Sometimes I write a poem and sometimes I share a poem that has deeply moved me, written by another writer. Today, write a poem. And if you can’t do that, at least read someone else’s poetry. It will stir something in you. Today is a poem written by the poet Angi Sullins. Isn’t it inspiring?

the next time

by Angi Sullins

the next time
you refuse to sing
because you’ll never
fill a stadium
or decline the joy of dance
for fear of looking
ridiculous
or you resist risking
the new adventure
because you’re
not entirely ready or
you dim your shine
because you’re not
completely healed and whole

the next time
you hold yourself suspect
because you’re not
entirely qualified

just remember

a bird doesn’t sing
because it’s talented
a bird sings because
it has a song

the moon doesn’t only shine
when it’s whole
it can show up with
a single sliver of itself
and still light an entire
night sky

show up. sing. shine.
the world needs you
as you are.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

920. Have you ever gotten majorly lost trying to get somewhere?

Too Much

Nothing is more lush than the beginning of summer. The start of summer is full of sun, and colors in their most full and vibrant varieties, and long, lingering, “hesitant to go to sleep” daytimes. No one rushes in summer. There is a feeling in the air, that there is time enough to get everything done, even if “everything” includes a whole lot of nothing. No one makes any excuses in summer. You don’t have to make excuses when languid is the expected pace of anyone and anything. Summer is the excuse. I read an article today that suggested that depending on the person or the situation, the beginning of summer is either a time of hope, or a time of dread. I reflected on this idea. When I was a child, the beginning of summer was bursting with hope and excitement. School was off, pools were open, trips were planned, new adventures were as ready as one’s imagination, on a daily basis. When I was a mother of young children, I felt pretty much the same way. It was a relief to get off the hamster wheel of the school and sports schedules that pulled us in exponential directions. It was okay to sleep in, because the daylight would last seemingly forever. Now I am an empty nester. And I live in Florida. Florida is notorious for hot and humid summers. And we are only at the starting gate of “Hot and Humid.” I don’t dread summer. I enjoy the buttoned down casualness that seems to overtake even the most “buttoned up” of any of us (myself included). But any beginning “hope” of the summer season, quickly turns to “I really, really hope summer’s over soon” as the sun turns itself to the Broil setting, and the hopeful blooms of lush quickly turn into dry, shriveled patches of parched surrender, and hurricane season swoops in with its dramatic, unpredictable flourish. I get it now. The beginning of summer can be a time of hope and yet also, a time of dread. And Summer, with her optimistic, light-filled, bright disposition, boldly bouncing in, donning her hard-to-miss ANYTHING GOES colorful t-shirt, laughs at the idea that anyone could dread her coming into town. “Is there really such thing as too much of a good thing?” she boldly asks, as she heralds in the only season which we collectively dare to answer that question.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1682. What do you consider unforgivable?