Tag: confidence

Cocksure

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I took a ride in a helicopter, over a large mountain range. I had never taken a long ride in a helicopter, so I was admittedly a little bit apprehensive. We got to talking to the pilot before the ride, and I was instantly reassured. I felt very little fear from the beginning of the ride until the end, despite it being a big thrill. In turns out that our pilot had served in the marines, flew planes for firefighters in the west, and he had an entirely “cocksure” attitude. Typically, I don’t care for this kind of arrogant cadence in people, but there are certain professions where it is absolutely what you want to encounter, such as from your doctor/surgeon, your lawyer, your financial accountant, and absolutely any kind of driver or pilot who is in charge of getting you safely to and from your destination. And reflecting back, this pilot was extremely likable. He was definitely more confident than truly arrogant.

Confidence is not something that is easy to fake. And some people are so stupidly, unwarrantly confident/arrogant, and that attitude stands out like a sore thumb, and makes anyone around these people feel less confident in them than ever.

Arrogant people need to feel “better than”, in order to feel good about themselves. Other people are desperately needed for arrogant people to feel good about themselves, as either adoring audiences or as people to compare themselves to, whom they consider to be “lower standard” than themselves. The feeling of superiority is an aching need for arrogant people. Ironically, most arrogant people are extremely insecure. Confident people get all of their self-assurance from their own inner knowing, their faith in life and/or in their Higher Power, and in their own individual purposes and gifts. Other people really don’t figure into the equation of how confident people feel about themselves. Confident people assume that everyone has the ability to be confident in their own lives and in their own purposes and talents, and they wish the best for us all. Confident people feel assured that any of us have the ability to live life to the absolute fullest. And thus confident people inspire us, and they lead the way without even realizing that they are doing it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

488. Fill in the blank: Working _______ hours a week is too much for me.

You’ve Got This

Credit: Wise Connector, Twitter

For all of the bravado of our younger years, being young is actually a time of a lot of insecurity. A beautiful part of aging, is having all of the experiences under our belts that we’ve lived through, and enjoyed, or at the very least, conquered. When an incident arises which needs our attention, it is so good to fall back on the self-assurance, “I’ve gotten through worse than this, and I’ve come out better and stronger on the other side. I will figure this out. I always have.”

Sometimes when I see quotes like this, I think to myself, “Yes. I know. I trust myself, and my strength, and my faith to see me through, but do you know what? I’m a little tired of figuring sh*t out.” It turns out that life is often a big, long series of figuring stuff out – even the good stuff, like where to eat and what movie to watch. But as you age and you’ve proven to yourself that you are pretty good at figuring stuff out, this self assurance sure helps lighten the load.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Louise

“To see someone move through the world as a woman feeling very comfortable saying what she thinks – perfectly beloved and polite and wonderful in every way, but say what she thinks – it was just mind-blowing to me. And all I could think was, ‘I want to be like her.’ “ – Geena Davis, on “the direct and dynamic” Susan Sarandon, while working on 1991’s film, Thelma and Louise

So, in short, Susan Sarandon was a self-assured “badass”, before the word became common vernacular.

Geena Davis also said this about Susan: “I have never spent time with a woman like her. She never puts a qualifier before what she says. If she has an idea about something, I never heard her say, ‘I don’t know what you think about this. It’s probably a good idea. It may be dumb. What do I know?’ She just says, ‘Let’s cut my line here.’ I mean that happened on the first day that I met her, and I was like, ‘Wait a minute.’ ”

Just for today, no matter what your gender is, channel your inner Susan/Louise, and just say it like you see it. You can be beloved, and polite, and wonderful, and know that your viewpoint is every bit as valid as anyone else’s on this Earth. Be confident and comfortable in your own skin – even if you have to fake it until you feel it. Grow into your confidence. Stand by your beliefs. No qualifiers are allowed. Your example won’t just be a life-changer for you, it will greatly impact the people around you and the world as we know it. No one should ever have to apologize for having a viewpoint on anything. You have a spark of brilliance, just like everyone else. Let it shine.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Root of All Evil

“Insecurity is the root of all “evil”. Not money, not drugs, not greed or lust. These things are just symptoms of being raised with a lack of sense of self. Parents wonder how they can protect their children from the world. Not understanding that when children are raised in emotionally healthy, secure environments where they’re fully able to be themselves – they don’t need protection. They’re prepared.” – Dr. Nicole LePera

Late this week, our middle son asked if he could come home (our home) for the weekend. He wanted a break from the bustling city that he lives smack dab in the middle of, and he is anticipating a really busy fall, so he thought that it would be a good time to come visit us. We, of course, were delighted. Getting past my own insecure fears of “Is everything okay? Does he have something serious to discuss with us?”, I decided to stop with the doomsday thoughts and to just enjoy the experience of having our youngest two sons home with us, out of their own volition. (our youngest son is living with us, this summer, while he does an internship in our city) So far, the visit has been wonderful. Currently, our middle son is biking with his father, as I write this. Our son didn’t get in until late last night, because he had an exam to take and a paper to finish. So once again, I had to talk myself out of my own insecure fears of our son being exhausted and driving on the road, late at night. He arrived here happily, confidently, and all in one piece.

I absolutely believe that most of the world’s ails are caused by unhappy people and I agree with Dr. LePera, that most unhappiness comes from insecurities. We did our very best to raise secure-in-themselves children. There is no one in the world who never, ever feels insecure, but people who confidently know themselves seem to be able to get past their insecurities quicker, and with less damage to themselves (and to others). Still, I have come to realize that being a mother, has added a whole new nest of insecurities to the ones I already have brewing in my own pot. And even though my children are grown, I see that I still host some insecurities about my mothering skills and abilities. (Does our son really want to come home for “no reason” other than he loves us? Did we do a good enough job raising a child who will know and honor, when he is too tired and worn out to drive long distances at night??)

I have come to peace that none of us will never be out of “The School of Life” until we take our last dying breaths. We will never have it all figured out, but we can always improve and be a little better than we were, the day before, if we are willing to be honest with ourselves and to try.

I cut and pasted these steps to help lessen your own insecurities, from an excellent article from BetterUp. You can read the whole article by Shonna Waters, by clicking on the highlighted words below:

  1. Confront your feelings rather than avoid them.
  2. Have a growth mindset and set solid goals.
  3. Prepare yourself for setbacks but don’t let them control you.
  4. Embrace all of your characteristics and passions.
  5. Challenge your negative thoughts and think critically.
  6. Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people.
  7. Listen to other people’s stories about overcoming their insecurities.
  8. Try new things that make you happy.
  9. Let go of people and situations that fuel your insecurities.
  10. Be proud of your progress, no matter how big or small it is.

Don’t be afraid to admit to your insecurities. We all have them, and they can only be cured, by admitting to them in the first place. As Dr. LePera says, when a person is fully themselves, that is when they are best prepared and protected for dealing with life’s challenges. You can never be fully yourself, until you accept and get to know, and embrace all parts of yourself, even the parts which feel a little scared and insecure, at times.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.