Tag: change

Highly Functional

Years ago, a friend of mine told me that the difference between functional families and dysfunctional families, is that functional families had mostly good times, with a few bad times sprinkled in, whereas dysfunctional families had mostly bad times with a few good times sprinkled in. I thought that was a reasonable definition.

I have thought about her definition many times throughout the years. (This is one of those times in life, where someone told me something that has stayed with me my entire life, and my friend probably doesn’t even remember saying it. Don’t you love the idea of how often you may have touched someone’s life, ever so casually yet profoundly, and never even realized that you did it? This is one my favorite ways in which the Universe works its magic.) I think that functional/dysfunctional definition can be expanded to so many situations in our own lives . . . jobs, health habits, friendships, romantic relationships, money habits, personal moods, etc. In general, this definition can be applied to your own personal life. Is your life mostly functional or is your life pretty dysfunctional? Nobody’s perfect, and nothing is ever “all good” or “all bad”, but a lot of times we cling to people, and situations, and habits in our lives, out of inertia or by forgetting that we have more power to change things for the good, than we think we do. Sometimes we stay stuck due to the hope that those few good times sprinkled in, will magically turn the whole circumstance around.

I read that designers and inventors usually don’t try to reinvent and change the wheel. They just break the wheel down to its smallest parts, and work on how each of those parts could be better. In the end, after working on each of the individual parts, and then putting the wheel back together, you end up with a more functional, better designed wheel. Here’s a good example of an individual’s life wheel (credit: Maestro Performance):

Life Coaching

If you consider each pie piece in this wheel, which of these is the most functional areas in your own life? Which pie piece could use some new energy and design? Which pie piece might be so dysfunctional that it is impinging on the overall health and well-being and operation of the entire wheel of your own life? Summer, with its typically slowed-down pace, is a wonderful time to sit in reflection of how well your wheel is turning in the directions that you want it to go. Usually, it’s only one or two pie pieces that could use a little work and focus, and once those pie piece are cleaned up, it is truly amazing how much better your whole life seems to flow.

Your business is designed to function quotes This quote of mine is being shared around the world what an | Dogtrainingobedienceschool.com

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

New Normal

My friend was texting our friend group last night. She had just dropped her eldest daughter at college for the first time and was going through the inevitable turbulent feelings that come with that scenario.  We, of course, were all comforting her, letting her know that she will soon come to accept and maybe even end up liking her “new normal.”  Ironically at the same time, my husband and I were driving home from dropping our second son at his college for his sophomore year.  Unlike last year’s teary, dramatic good-bye with our son, this year’s good-bye was short and sweet.   I feel nothing but excitement for him.  I’ve been through this drill a few times.  It’s not new to me or to him.  I know that everything is going to be just fine.  Having kids go to college and even having a child leaving the nest completely has become my “new normal.”

I wonder how many “new normals” you have had to come to accept by the time you are middle aged.  If change is the only constant, I would imagine the “new normal” number runs in the thousands.  Marriages, divorces, births of children, all the different stages of a child growing up, job changes, new pets, diagnoses of chronic illnesses and conditions, moves to different homes, new schools, new places of worship, the illnesses and losses of loved ones, the list goes on and on.  I think the beauty of getting older, is that you’ve gotten that “new normal” experience under your belt so many times.  Having this experience to lean on when you are dealing with the inevitable rough feelings that comes with change, helps you to know that you are going to be okay, even more than okay.  You have proven it to yourself, again and again.  Buddhists have a saying that “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”  When our “new normals” are first thrust upon us, the scary, lonely, fearful, angry, painful feelings are real and must be processed.  However, we can lean on the fact that our current lives are a culmination of a giant stack of “new normals” that we have accepted before.  We can limit our suffering with that calm, peaceful acceptance that we can handle this change like we have handled the many changes that came before and the many other changes that our coming our way in the future, all in this roller coaster ride we call Life.

The Grind

I’m going to the dentist today.  Obviously, I’m not excited about that fact.  I didn’t put an exclamation point on that sentence.  Yay!  I’m going to the dentist today!  I have to get a crown because my back molar chipped.  My dentist insists that this is because I refuse to buy an expensive, bulky mouth guard to sleep with every night to protect my pearlies as I grind away at my teeth at night.  I insist that those high priced hunks of rubber are only going to add to my dust collector collection, as I won’t be able to sleep with wax lips in my mouth.

For years, my dentist and I have had a love/hate relationship.  He thinks I’m stubborn and foolish but he loves me because I’m the one who has made sure that all six members of the family have seen him regularly for seven years.  I say, “Here I am, your favorite, know-it-all patient!” and he says, “Great to see you, my retirement savings have just gone up.”  He has taken the impacted wisdom teeth out of the jaws of our two older boys, and created the beautiful smiles, with years of pricey orthodontics, for our two younger children.  He has filled fillings, created crowns and lectured all of us to do a better job with flossing.  (As much as I have tried to “walk the talk” and be a good example to our children, this is an area where I may have fallen a wee bit short.)  My dentist knows my family and due to the fact that dentists mostly can only “talk at” you, I feel like I know his family and their adventures, too.

Which brings me to the sad part because today I am going to see a dentist I have never seen before. Our dentist has retired from this practice.  While I understand that change is the only constant in life, it’s hard when the foundation people of your community start leaving and moving on. We have had to move our family for better job opportunities a couple of times over the years and I always enjoyed the excitement and novelty of exploring a new town.  However, to make sure that the family feels secure and safe, there are some staple professional people you pick out when you first move and you make them “your own.”  I remember being truly surprised when my eldest son got his “college shots” at the pediatrician and we were told that he would need to find an “adult doctor” now.  What?!? Why?!?  There is nothing disturbing about seeing a 6’2″ man with a beard waiting in the waiting room, watching Dora the Explorer with the other kids.   Where are his Teddy Grahams for being a good boy?!?  There have been a couple of occasions where three or maybe even four of our kids have even had the same teacher.  My daughter recently told me that one of these teachers said that she was his favorite out of all of our family’s kids.  I am pretty sure that he said that to all of our kids, but I kept that to myself.

Why is it that we accept that changes in our own lives are inevitable but feel angry and confused and bewildered when others go on with their changes in their lives?  Why does it feel insulting when one of our long time neighbors move?  Why do we understand that our kids are growing up but feel utterly bewildered when we get Christmas cards portraying previous members of our kids’ play groups in graduation robes and wedding gowns??  It’s like we want to explore and grow and learn, but we need everything else around us to remain the same, to be our “rocks of stability.”  I think it’s like when my kids first started to crawl and to then walk and then to run.  They always crawled, walked and ran back to me to make sure that I was still there, holding their security blankets to melt back into when they got tired.

I’m sure that the new dentist will be a nice, competent person and I sure that I will continue to be lectured on mouth guards and gum disease.  I’m sure that we will all be okay and adjust accordingly.  We’ll keep smiling.  Life goes on, even though one of our “rocks of stability” has become a rolling stone.