Tag: boys

Boys to Men

In the interest of time this morning, I am going to re-publish another one of my answers to a question on Quora, that seems to have resonated with people:

The question: Women who have had a son, has having a son changed the way you view men and boys? If so, in what ways?

“I am a mother of four children, three of them are young men. I was not raised with brothers. I have one younger sister. In short, in my younger years, men were more of a mystery to me. Then, my three sons came along.

I have found, by raising sons, that I am much more empathetic and sympathetic towards men than I have ever been before. I KNOW that men are much more vulnerable, and caring, than they ever want to pretend to be. I have stopped seeing men as so “simple.” I used to think that we women were so complicated and men were more basic in their needs and wants, but now I see how much more alike all of us really are, in just our genuine humanity.

I’ve always liked men. I have experienced mostly good men in my lifetime. My sons have deepened my affection and my understanding of men. Through me and their sister, I want my sons to experience the best side of women. I know that their experiences with me, will have a big influence on how they “see” women as a whole. I want my sons to respect women, care about women and see us as equals, so I am conscious of that when I interact with them. I also want them to have enough self-respect, to choose kind, considerate, loving women as their partners and friends.

In the end, I have tried to raise all of my children, my sons and my daughter, with self-assurance, self-respect and kindness and consideration for all other living beings. My sons are a little bigger, a little “smellier”, a little louder, and they eat a little bit more than their sister does, but underneath it all, they are four beautiful souls, trying to make their way in an expansive, wondrous, sometimes confusing and scary, but always interesting world. And they are forging their way through this, all in their own unique ways, no matter what their sexual make-up. Of course, it goes without saying each one of them is carrying an equal quarter of my heart with them, on their journeys.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Boys are People Too

I was required to open a Twitter account when my daughter was on a softball team many years ago.  That is how the coach reached out to us parents. She was way ahead of Donald Trump.  I didn’t even look at Twitter for many years after that, but recently I started following a few people and groups on Twitter because I find them to be so insightful and interesting.  Think Smarter on Twitter is something that I try to check out almost daily.  Here is one of their recent tweets:

I have four children.  My first three children are boys.  Honestly, since my youngest son is almost 18, I should say that they are men.  I’ll never forget when my children were little, one of my sons asked why is it that in Disney movies, the boys tend to be big dopes and the girls are champions?  The other boys chimed in, too, wondering why that was the way of Disney movies.

In the media lately, we have been exposed to the worst men’s behavior.  And this is good.  Men need to be held accountable for their actions.  So, do women.  People need to pay their consequences when they do wrong.  Unfortunately though, it sometimes seems like men as a whole are being lumped into a group of jerks that the vast majority of men have nothing in common with. Men are being dehumanized and I think that they have a right to question this.  I would not want to be judged by the behavior of a few evil women.

I like men.  Most of the men that I have encountered in my life have been wonderful influences.  Most of the men whom I know are nice, kind, loving, respectful people.  They love their families, they provide for and protect their families and they serve their places of employment, their communities and their country.   They are good people, just like most of the women I have encountered in my life.  Men are not the enemy.

When I was in college, I attended a feminist speaker forum.  One of the speakers showed some film footage of women’s rights rallies that had occurred in the 1960s.  In these rallies, scores of angry women were yelling, “Take the power!  Take the power!”  Now, I realize that the women who came before me have made it so that my daughter and I do not have to feel nearly as discriminated against than the women of earlier generations.  I am so grateful that these strong women stood up for what is right.  Sometimes change requires extreme emotion.  I understand that. I also know that further change is needed.  However, I am hoping that we have come to a point in our history where that chant can be more of, “Share the power!  Share the power!”  An inclusive energy going in the same direction, can go so much faster and take us so much further than a constant battle.  I believe that most reasonable people, men and women, would like for this direction to be the way of the future.  It is what I hope for, for my daughter and for my sons.

******

I debated about whether to write about 9/11 or not. Why after 17 years does it feel so fresh? There are no words. Just a heartfelt thank you to the heroes and heartfelt prayers sent to the families who will never be the same due to this senseless tragedy.