Tag: Anne Wilson Schaef

Sea Legs

“As political opinions are swirling around us like dust devils, we need to stop to distinguish between opinions, beliefs, and our deep knowings.” – Anne Wilson Schaef

We went boating as a family yesterday. We are having a “stay-cation.” It was a wonderful, relaxing day. I even swam within about 8-10 feet of some rather curious, wild dolphins, which is truly an exhilarating experience.

I grew up boating on the three rivers of Pittsburgh. I spent a lot of time on those rivers with our family, driving the boat, water-skiing and relaxing, as we anchored in still waters and fished or just floated, watching other boats pass on by. In Pittsburgh, there we quite a few barges that go up and down the rivers and if you think that a barge looks enormous from the shore, I can’t even begin to describe how intimidating it is to witness a filled-to-the-brim, lumbering barge coming up on you, while you are trying to get a water skier out of the water and then trying to get the flooded engine turning, on a small motorboat. Do you remember that picture of Jaws coming up on the hapless water-skier? It’s just like that picture exactly, except that it is real. And really dangerous.

Boating isn’t all fun and games. Like many activities, there’s a whole lot more to it than there looks, and anyone who has boated for any length of time, has their share of mishap stories, ranging from mild happenings to near-death experiences. While these stories are retrospectively amusing to tell to other people, the events are actually quite terrifying and frustrating and harrowing, when happening in real-time. Sometimes you just sit back and thank your lucky stars, when you look back at your more intense boating excursions.

Yesterday, was actually a smooth sailing day on the water. There was no dangerous weather to race from, no chopped up props, no engine failures, no lost anchors and no drunken crazies to dodge. It was the kind of beautiful, relaxing boating day that keeps those of us who love boating, hooked on it. Other boating excursion days often prove to be a test to your marriage, your wallet, your faith in humanity and in your own sanity, but yesterday, was a boating day made in heaven.

I haven’t boated regularly since I was in my early twenties, until this summer, when we joined the boating club. I am happy to report, that just like bike riding, everything that you learned about boating comes back to you. Though rusty, I am actually pretty proud of my driving prowess, my knowledge of safety concerns, and my overall, sea legs. I also fully respect, how much more that I have to learn, the kind of learning that can only come from experience.

So, all of this backstory finally brings me about to my opening quote. My aunt and I were recently discussing how we both feel that we are at a loss with who to trust, what information to believe, and where we think all of the current problems in the world, are headed. All of the information coming to us, is so convoluted, politicized, emotionally laden, and multi-layered. The above quote was a great reminder for me, to stop and take the time to reflect. Just like boating, I can listen to others’ opinions on navigation and weather, with an eye to how much I actually trust that person’s opinions based on their own experience and their actions. I can also examine my own beliefs which have come about and evolved from my own experiences and influences, and then most importantly, I can listen to my gut inclinations and my inner knowledge. My intuition and my deep knowing is a culmination of everything I have learned and experienced (my outside wisdom that comes from my life experiences) and my faith in myself and my God. That inner voice is quiet and serene, but it never steers me wrong.

The next time that I go boating I will rely on the mix of other people’s opinions (from boat captains whose experience and knowledge and intentions, I trust), my own beliefs about what I need to do, which comes from my own experience on the water, and I will have faith in my gut reactions and unthinking responses to any travails that may come my way. If I stop to really ponder this formula of three, I should have another delightful boating experience under my belt. If I give myself this pause to ponder opinions, beliefs, and deep knowings, in any situation in life, my journey will undoubtedly get me safely, to my destinations, and at the same time, I will enjoy the voyage, all along the way.

Side Window

Despite my proclamations in my blog post yesterday, yes, I did check the news and yes, I did touch my face. A lot.

I typically consider myself a person who feels anxiety more than the average Joe. So when average Joe starts showing signs of his easy-going facade cracking and crumbling, I really start to wig. I hate collective anxiety. I usually consider anxiety, an annoying quirk of my own creation (I sometimes see myself as a prettier, younger, non-pervy, but totally neurotic female version of Woody Allen), so when I see anxiety in every one whom I come in contact with these days (despite my best efforts to be a hermit, and to remain in my own little hole), it really is a bit disconcerting. I saw this quote on the internet a while back:

“Drama does not just walk into your life. Either you create it, invite it, or associate with it.”

I did not create the coronavirus. I am not that diabolical. So far, I have not come down with the coronavirus, nor has anyone in my family and friends circle. We are all washing our hands a lot. We have not invited the coronavirus into our inner circle. However, I am associating with the coronavirus, a hell of a lot more than I should. Checking the news continuously, being on hyper alert for every sneeze and cough, watching the hourly fluctuations of our stocks, rationing our toilet paper, are all activities that are not at all helpful to my mental health and thus the mental health of those around me. Drama is not good for me. I must own the part that I am playing in associating with the drama of the coronavirus. I cannot control where this coronavirus situation leads to, in the future. But I can control taking care of the health of my body, taking necessary precautions, and then doing my best to let the rest go. My mental health is a big part of my overall health. I need to walk the talk of my faith. I can let this coronavirus situation be a dramatic over-the-top, punctuated, highlighted lesson of how I sometimes allow other situations (political/interpersonal/social, etc.) grow and bloom and take a life of its own, in my own mind, until my mind is stuck on a 24/7 channel of a ridiculous, overly dramatic soap opera or news feed. And then I’m stuck in that situation where, although I can’t stand the show that I am fixated on, I can’t seem to find the fortitude to turn it off.

“Fear and control is a Lincoln Log. We cannot give up our need to control (illusion of control) unless we are willing to relinquish our fear; we cannot give up our fear unless we stop trying to control. The two are inextricably linked. Where we are fearful, we try to control. When we try to control and invariably fail, we become more fearful.” – Anne Wilson Schaef

“Trusting the process of life isn’t about taking your hands off the wheel. It’s more a matter of holding on to the wheel and just the wheel – controlling what you can and letting the rest soften and blur in the side window as you pass.” – Holiday Mathis

I am going to create the “Fortune for the Day” from things I cut out and taped to the cover page of my 2020 calendar:

Conundrum

Image result for we're all crazy good quote"

This has been one of those weeks that what I envisioned the week to look like, has NOT even come close to being true. The calm, cool week of me getting back to my up-to-date, normal pace, organized flow before the holidays are upon us – that perfect, even-keel, “just breathe” week that I have envisioned, is instead turning into a week that is culminating in me having to race out of the house this morning for my first ever acupuncture appointment for a never-ending eye twitch (story for another blog post, some day), while laundry accumulates to the mountain high levels it was when all six of us still lived under one roof (ditto that for dishes in the sink), and our dogs reverting back to puppyhood, having accidents in the house, as a subconscious retaliation (my guess – I’d have to check with Cesar Milan to verify the truth to this theory) to the fact that we are WAY off our typical schedule and they are not happy. It doesn’t feel good to be out of sorts. I agree and I sympathize with my dogs, but I won’t stoop to their level. I’m not THAT crazy.

This excerpt was from my morning meditation by Anne Wilson Schaef:

“We are not machines. We will NEVER be machines. Regardless of how sophisticated science becomes, it will never be able to emulate the complexity of a simple human being. . . . . Today is a good day to celebrate our complexity and our unreasonableness! There are times when we are not understandable to ourselves or anybody else. So be it. Isn’t it great? We are not understandable! We are too complex to be completely understood. We are a conundrum. We are a paradox. We are a mystery. We are unfathomable. We are great!”

What a wonderful way to spin “our crazy”, both individually and collectively! I love it. Here’s some more good reassurance about our craziness (from a “doctor”, no less) before I go prepare myself to get needles poked into my face. Ending note:

Image result for we're all crazy good quote"

Hanging or Holding

I am sure that I have written about this before, but it is so striking to me that the first half of adulting seems to be so much about building things up, attaining, creating and while there is still some of that momentum going on in the second half of adulting, a new, greater emphasis seems to be on the “letting go.”

One of my meditations this morning talked about the difference between perseverance (hanging in there) and just holding on. When we are just desperately “holding on”, sometimes we are not letting go of a situation or a person or a lifestyle or a job title, etc., that has long passed its expiration date. That’s not perseverance. This type of holding on can turn to desperation, and an inability to move on with our lives.

Anne Wilson Schaef writes this:

“Perseverance is continuing to work at something for as long as there is value in working at it. Perseverance is being appropriately related to ourselves, the situation, and others involved. It is the commitment to seeing something through to completion and the ability to recognize when the completion has been reached.”

I think a lot of us are really good at the stubborn, “dog-on-a-bone”, toughly hanging on, aspect of perseverance, but the understanding when the time has come to let go, is actually the much harder part for many of us. We have been taught not to be quitters, and to always have hope. But I think sometimes we are confused between the real conclusion to something, versus the happy ending that we are deeply attached to, in our minds. Or, sometimes, coming to an ending of something is difficult for us because it is just our individual time of conclusion, in a particular happening – kind of like the passing of a baton, in a long race. It is hard to comprehend that when we are a part of something, that we won’t necessarily always be the ones to see it through to the end, if there really even is a true ending. We have a hard time seeing ourselves as just one part of a long story or journey or adventure. We fear missing out.

It’s interesting to me that when we are blessed enough to reach the second half of our adulting, a time when we have hopefully gained a lot of experience, and the wisdom that comes from all that experience, life shows us that sometimes the hardest lessons often aren’t about the determination to attain something. The dedication to achieve a worthy experience of living, and the moxie, and the stamina, and the steadfastness it takes to even make it to our second halves, while all very important, has all been building to what is sometimes the biggest challenge of all. The hardest lesson, that which we have prepared for, with all of this spunk and all of this persistence, is really the ability to know when a particular lesson, experience, and/or adventure in life, has been exhausted of all that it was meant to teach us. It has been wrung out and we have to take the exit sign, on to our next, new journey. The upside of this, is that we can transfer our hard-earned perseverance to our new focuses in life. When we allow ourselves to surrender to the conclusion of an old adventure, we realize that the immense relief that we feel, frees up new, vital energy that we can put towards new, exciting adventures, making us feel more alive than ever. And, at this second half stage of the game, we now have the wisdom and confidence of knowing that we have the perseverance to see the new experience through to its end, and we also have the knowing that we have the strength to let “it” go, once that ending has arrived for us.

Is This Normal?

“Part of our difficulty in dealing with traffic jams et al is that we have come to view them as unusual. Somewhere along the line we failed to notice that life is.

In our illusionary approach to our lives we have been able to fool ourselves into thinking that things should go right and . . . we have a very specific idea of what “right” is. We have come to believe that the easy, the problemless, the fun are “normal” and everything else is abnormal or bad. We have predetermined what life is or should be and we expect it to run smoothly along those lines.” – Anne Wilson Schaef

The above selection is from a morning meditation book that I read every day. I really had to think about this one. I agree that we shouldn’t let the small gripes and aggravations (traffic jams, spills, headaches, etc.) get us down or view these happenings, as really out of the ordinary. At the same time, the big highs and the big lows are rarities. The big highs and the big lows stand out to us, because they don’t happen all of the time. If we let it be, life is usually relatively calm, mild and uneventful.

What I have been reading and meditating on lately, all comes down to acceptance. I think acceptance means to let life play itself out without resistance, particularly a resistance to circumstances that we don’t have any power to change. Acceptance means letting go. Acceptance means to stop adding to our own suffering by commiserating constantly over unchangeable happenings that make us angry, sad, miserable, etc.

The serenity prayer, in my mind, is one of the most helpful, wise tomes of wisdom, ever written and one of the most useful tools ever made, if we make it a practice.

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Water Spiritual

Having seen many incredibly majestic waterfalls this past week, I have decided to post this beautiful poem by Anne Wilson Schaef. I hope that it moves you, the way that it touched me.

Water Spiritual

A waterfall’s

A lovely place

To sit awhile

And know God’s grace

Plunging home

To the sea

Oblivious to you

Unseeing of me

The water knows which way to go

Returning to the sea

It must be so

It’s not too complex

This water song

It just keeps moving

Right along

No care for this

For that, no thought

Life is so simple

We’d almost forgot

I sometimes wonder

What point did we

Forget to notice

Life could be free

To move like water

T’ward our home

Is an easy task

Not done alone

The Creator’s grace

Accompanies us

We’re not forgotten

This, we can trust

To worry is only

As we all know

A lack of faith

In what is so

To move like water

Powerful yet weak

Will bring us to

The peace we seek

Old Is The New Young

Okay, readers, this sweater is going to be part of my look today. Anyone who knows me well, knows that this is not really my style and my daughter has made it very clear that she does not at all approve of it, but sometimes you need to break out of your shell – especially on Friday!!

“Old is the New Young” – Cloud Nine Redback Cards

Yesterday was Betty White’s 97th birthday. Apparently, she scared a gazillion of her fans by the fact that her birthday was making her “trend” on the internet. People feared the worst, as we often do. The memes that were made, showing sighs of relief, were copious and adorable! Betty White has amazing, positive, fun energy! Her loss certainly would be a heart breaker for so many. I got to thinking that if I am fortunate enough to live as long as Betty White has lived, I will get a whole other lifetime, in the amount that I have already lived, and some change. This Second Half of Adulting, truly is, a whole second half, but with the benefits of the wisdom that comes from a whole lot of experience and resilience. Live on and prosper, Readers!!!

New readers, on Fridays, I keep it light and discuss three favorite things, songs, Twitter feeds, movies, etc. that make life just a little more special. Please check out previous Friday postings for other favorite things and please, please feel free to post your favorites in my Comments section.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – This TV series made by Amazon video is quickly becoming a new favorite of mine and I just got the recommendation to watch it, from my friends, this week! It is hilarious, interesting, “real” and fun to watch! This show might make staying in on Friday night, sound very tempting!! I highly recommend it.

Meditations for Living in Balance – This is another wonderful meditation book by Anne Wilson Schaef. I have already recommended her Meditations for People Who Worry book because it is fabulous. I now read both of these meditation books aloud to my husband and myself every single morning. Ms. Schaef is a wonderful, wise, woman and a crafty wordsmith. The daily meditations are short and yet profound. She makes me think and yet relax, every day.

Slow Feeder Dog Bowls by Outward Hound – In December, we adopted a 7-month-old collie puppy (our wonderful Josie) into our family. Josie grew up on a farm with a lot of other dogs and apparently, feeding time got competitive. Josie eats faster than any other being I have ever met in my lifetime (even beating out one of my best friends, a teeny redhead, who always won the Vienna sausage eating contest for our sorority, who even beat out all of the fraternities, at our college’s annual Greek Games). She would eat so fast that she would end up throwing up and also, she was as risk for getting bloat. (I’m back to talking about our puppy, Josie.) These dog feeders are amazing. They look like elevated relief maps or puzzles and the food falls into their grooves, forcing dogs to slow their eating pace. Josie still is a dynamo when it comes to scarfing up every morsel of her food in record times, but these bowls have definitely slowed her pace down and she no longer throws up after eating.

Have a great weekend, readers!! See you tomorrow!

“It’s always difficult to keep Fridays confined within themselves . . . they tend to spill over.” – Kai Sinclair