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Ancestors

It’s a little chaotic here this morning. I haven’t had time to collect my own thoughts, so in lines with my intention of using this blog as a “thought museum”, I will share this thought that struck me as a useful, comforting, unique perspective. This is from The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday:

“Don’t forget, though, that you come from a long, unbroken line of ancestors who survived unimaginable adversity, difficulty, and struggle. It’s their genes and their blood that run through your body right now. Without them, you wouldn’t be here.”

You’re tough. You’re strong. You’re resilient. You’re resourceful. You’ve got this!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ Today’s beautiful Google Search Doodle is the 2023 winner of the annual Google Doodle contest. When my daughter was younger, she always submitted her artwork to Google every year (and when she didn’t win, our whole family always agreed with her – Google got it terribly wrong 😉 ). This is the wonderful thing about these types of contests. They encourage and they spur on and they award children’s creativity. This year’s prompt was “I’m grateful for . . .” The winner, Rebecca, drew a picture of she and her two sisters, and she said that her Google Doodle represents all of their happiest memories together. What are your happiest memories? What if you drew a depiction (even just a doodle) of your happiest memories? I wonder what that would like . . . . don’t you? Let’s try it.

+ I read that there is a sign at a local nursery that says this: “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is now.” What have you been putting off/meaning to get to/regretting not doing? The next best time is now.

+ If you can keep an open mind, and suspend all your own personal spiritual and religious beliefs (or non-beliefs) for just a moment (and if you can’t do that, then just skip this tidbit), I think that you will get a lot out of a series of tweets I recently read, by Valencia (@SayItValencia). I know that I did:

“My love, Your peace doesn’t have to be protected and no one can drain your energy, we’ve been rehearsing those thoughts for too long. Once you find bliss, you understand it’s a gift and perspective that you give to you at every moment. You end up gifting it to others by default. Does it mean you can’t think your energy can be drained? No. The mind is vast, you can perceive anything you want and then experience it. When ready, if you find that thinking your energy can be drained no longer serves, you can let go of that perspective and find infinite bliss. . . . You awaken multiple times, not just once. Every time, you will have a clearer understanding of what is the ego, what are false fears and what you truly are. . . .The ego is the self we go to, every time we forget we’re part of Source. It’s the self we know in the visible realm. It’s the self that makes us believe we are separated from each other. Love that self! Love what you created so far! But don’t make mistake it as all that you are. . . . Spiritually, the ego is no longer an enemy when you realize that it’s the self you created. There’s nothing to dislike about it, it’s a byproduct of being human and your environment. Which means that you can change the ego, ad infinitum. You are the awareness behind the change.For a long time, I’d think the ego as something separated to myself, until it clicked that “No! The ego IS Valencia! It’s the personality I created based on my experiences, it’s when I believe I’m “me” instead of awareness.” I no longer try to fix the ego, there’s nothing to fix. . . .Instead, I stay in awareness, in Spirit’s presence as much as I can. I guide my ego from there. Without harsh judgment on me. Just discernment, love and patience. . . . Seek your intuition, seek your inner-guidance, seek Spirit with all you got. There’s a kingdom pre installed in your mind, find it. It’s underneath all the false thoughts this world taught us. Underneath the conditioning. It’s your job to seek it, everything else follows.. . . .Intuition never wants anything to be difficult for you. It wants to guide you in the best and easiest way possible. It doesn’t test you nor try to teach you anything that way. Why would it, when it knows the way? The ego on the other hand…I said it yesterday, your ego only knows this world and the rules of the visible realm. It has been taught to measure its understanding of things through tests. It can’t help but believe the universe does the same to you. . . . Ego tests intuition all the time! Intuition or Spirit doesn’t need to test anything, it just wants to guide you effortlessly and fulfill its function. Ego stops testing things when it accepts that inner-guidance leads to longevity and peace, and it wants that for itself as well.“

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

I read an interesting article by Alan Cohen the other day. The article was talking about how there are easier ways to say “no.” The article suggested that instead of mustering up the courage to say “no” to things that we don’t want to do, we often subconsciously self-sabotage ourselves with accidents, or with other undermining behaviors towards our own selves. Sometimes pains and illnesses occur in our bodies, seemingly out of nowhere, that stop us doing from what we don’t want to do.

We don’t need to punish ourselves for our “nos”. There are easier ways to say “no” than hurting ourselves. Where do you need to be an advocate for yourself? Can you find some clues to this question in your body, or in your dreams, or in repeated negative patterns that keep occurring in your life? Be a detective about yourself. You may be surprised with the answers that you may find.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Yesterday we launched another baby into the big, bad world. Our youngest son moved out of the house, and he starts his first “real” job on Monday, since graduating from college. Our youngest son has epilepsy, and he has experienced a lot of ups and downs throughout his young life, until we figured out a combination of medications that work to keep him seizure free. Readers, please let’s agree to keep all of our beautiful children in our shared nightly good thoughts and prayers. That thought gives me a great deal of comfort. Our children and grandchildren are the future. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Here is my poem for today:

Moon’s in Sagittarius

Last night was our shared full moon,

my blue-eyed baby with your angel kiss.

It filled the dark skies with thrill for June,

And hopefully many more months of bliss.

You are ready. Launch your arrows into the sky.

I can’t wait to see where they may land.

Don’t be afraid to fail. Just try. Just fly.

And when you feel unsure, know my heart’s in your hand.

You are raised. You are a man. You’re up to the task.

You’ve overcome so much in your young life already.

So, in the light of these triumphs, remember to bask.

Stay focused, stay true, stay strong, and stay steady.

When you look at the night sky and peer at the moon,

Remember that we both gaze at the same one,

Take it day by day, while humming to your own tune,

I love you and I’m proud of you, my dear blue-eyed son.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Paradox

I’ve noticed a strange phenomenon lately when people ask me how I am enjoying my empty nest and I say, “I’m loving it!” Some people almost recoil. I had one woman say, “Well, don’t tell your kids that!” What?! Why?! Would it better for me to plague my kids with unfounded guilt over my own neediness? How can I expect my kids to confidently take up the reins of their own adult lives, if I don’t emulate how it is done?! Wasn’t it my primary job to give my four children the proverbial roots and wings? I have completed the main purpose of my job, as a mother. I know that I will always be a support player in all of their lives, but I have proudly handed them the keys to driving their own lives, into the futures of their own choices. I am excited to witness where their adventures take my darlings, and I am excited to dust off my own neglected keys, and to start driving into this next phase of my life, with a little more focus on myself, and the new destinies of my own choosing, this go around.

My family is a traditional family. Other than me having a few part-time jobs here and there, my husband was/is our family’s primary breadwinner. My main job was to run our household and to be the main caretaker of our three sons and our daughter. Out of the almost 29 years of our marriage, I have had the role of family caretaker for 27 years (the age of my eldest son). It has been quite a lot – a lot of fun, a lot of energy, a lot of money, a lot of adventures, a lot of tears, a lot of food, a lot of decisions, a lot of worry, a lot of excitement, a lot of scheduling. . . . Anyone who has ever been in the swirl of a big family, even for just one meal, thinks to themselves, “Wow, this is a lot.”

And guess what? I loved raising my family a lot. I gave it my everything. My family was always my highest priority, and it always will be that, in my heart. However, I am tired. I am spent. I am ready to keep things simpler, quieter and a little bit more focused on my own interests now. And that doesn’t make me a terrible mother. Nor does it negate all of the wonderfulness I have experienced raising my kids for 27 years. I have an excellent relationship with all four of my adult children. I am thrilled to start getting to know them now, more as interesting contemporaries, on a more level playing field.

When someone retires from a decades long career such as teaching or being a police officer or some business position, everyone is so excited for these people. They get comments like, “You must be so excited! I am so happy for you!” No one assumes that these people who devoted a huge portion of their lives to their vocations are devastated to be retiring, and pining away to still do it. Nor does anyone assume that because the retirees are happily anticipating retirement, that must mean that they detested what they did for a living. So why should it be any different for us parents who decided to make parenting and household management our primary vocation?! I have no regrets about how I chose to spend almost all of my adult life, raising my family. I am proud of the family which I helped to create and to lead and to mold. There is nothing in my life that means more to me. But yes, also, “I am so excited about my retirement!” Yes, I am eager to put more of my primary focus on to “me” now. And yes, it’s also a little disappointing to feel like I have to once again defend my choices as a woman, and as a mother, all of the way into the empty nest, especially when I feel like I am defending myself to other women.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Humm, It’s Friday

Credit: Petite Alma

Happy Friday!! Happy Summer!! Happy Weekend!! On Fridays, I try to keep things on the surface, like a water bug. On Fridays, I just lightly float on the top, and I let the things churning around beneath me, be to themselves. Fridays are for Favorite Things Friday. Today’s favorite is something that I picked up at Costco recently. We hadn’t been to Costco in a while, but this past month, our two youngest kids have been back home, so a Costco trip was in order.

Today’s favorite of mine: Humm Probiotic Kombucha I’ve tried many kombuchas over the years, and usually they are just “too much” – too tart, too acidic, too full of the mother, etc. This kombucha is tasty, and it supposedly has less sugar than most kombuchas do, and yet it does have a nice, light, sweet taste. The flavor available at Costco is Mango Passionfruit. I highly recommend giving this refreshing drink a try. Things that make you go Humm, can be really good things, too!

(And as a bonus: one of my past favorites from a previous Friday – Starbucks Bacon & Gruyère Egg Bites are now available in a box, in the freezer section of Costco, so that you can heat them up, right at home. A Humm Kombucha and a delicious Starbucks Egg Bite made for my yummy breakfast, on this wonderful Friday morning.)

Give yourself today to be like a waterbug. Float on the surface and ride the waves. See you tomorrow!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Your Majesty

I am in more of a questioning, watching, introspective state of mind today. I not in a “spit it all out” state – those times in which I can’t type fast enough, those words that want to escape from me. Therefore, for today, I will share someone else’s words.

I recently read something interesting from the author Donna Henes. She claims that women don’t jump from the Maiden to the Mother, and then immediately on to the Crone (the traditional Triple Goddess paradigm). Henes says that with the long lives we are living these days, we have a crucial stage in between Mother and Crone called the “Queen stage” This is how Donna Henes describes us Queens:

“The Queen is firm in the Defense of Her time, Her space, Her boundaries, Her priorities, Her preferences, Her ethics, Her needs, Her desires, Her safety and Her sense of well-being. She acts not from the feeble uncertainty of a victim, but from the steady and stable center of Her acceptance and ownership of Her own thoughts and feelings, beliefs and actions. She is sure of Her Self. The Queen allows Herself to feel worthy, entitled, and esteemed based on the success of Her own efforts, accomplishments and growth. Her Intention is to learn and master all of the ways that She can feed, feel, help, heal, hear, change, mend, befriend, embrace, and love Her Self. She takes care of Herself on every level. And She vehemently defends Her right to do so.”

Have a great day, Your Majesties! In fact have a fabulous month of June, and let’s just go all in and make it an incredible summer! Let’s make it a decree.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

You’ve Got This

Credit: Wise Connector, Twitter

For all of the bravado of our younger years, being young is actually a time of a lot of insecurity. A beautiful part of aging, is having all of the experiences under our belts that we’ve lived through, and enjoyed, or at the very least, conquered. When an incident arises which needs our attention, it is so good to fall back on the self-assurance, “I’ve gotten through worse than this, and I’ve come out better and stronger on the other side. I will figure this out. I always have.”

Sometimes when I see quotes like this, I think to myself, “Yes. I know. I trust myself, and my strength, and my faith to see me through, but do you know what? I’m a little tired of figuring sh*t out.” It turns out that life is often a big, long series of figuring stuff out – even the good stuff, like where to eat and what movie to watch. But as you age and you’ve proven to yourself that you are pretty good at figuring stuff out, this self assurance sure helps lighten the load.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Summer Intentions

Are you spending some time this week thinking about (and feeling around) your intentions for this summer? I am. I am thinking about my summer intentions probably more than I ever have done in my life. And it feels so good.

Last summer was an emotional doozy for me. Last summer my mother-in-law became quite ill, so ill, that her illness ultimately ended with her death this past December, after months of suffering. Also last summer, our youngest child and our only daughter decided to start college by going to campus and taking summer classes. And so my husband and I entered the rocky road of the beginning of our empty nest, already feeling rattled, unsettled and stressed. Reading over my journal from last summer, one word seems to come to mind that encapsulates it all: “turbulent.”

Lately, when I am with my family or my friends, I notice that we have already started to kind of “reminisce” about the beginning of the pandemic. The worst part of the pandemic seems far enough in the past that we can actually start to process the experience, and what it did to evolve us individually, and as a whole. We talk about how scary and isolating and disappointing the beginning of the pandemic was in so many ways, but we also surprisingly, have some fond memories, too. Last night at dinner, my daughter and I were both saying how much we loved our weekly family movie nights, especially when my daughter took it up a notch, with themed food and decorations. It seems, for many of us, enough time has passed that we can really start to examine our emotions, and our changes that have come from experiencing such a devastating event in our collective lives. This summer may be a start to some serious healing around this pandemic experience, for many of us.

My intention for this summer is to relax. Relax. Relax. I plan to do everything that I can to keep “my waters” still. I think still, quiet time is needed for me to absorb and to process everything that we have been through (good and bad), over the last few years. Luckily for me, I am a person who loves solitude. I actually crave it. Our youngest son moves to his own apartment and starts his first “real” job out of college this coming weekend. Our daughter is living at home this summer with us, but her schedule is filled with work, a couple of online classes, and catching up with local friends, so I actually see some actual, nice-sized blocks of peaceful solitude forming on my calendar. I am grateful for this fact. I’m fully aware of the old Yiddish platitude, “Man plans, God laughs.” But it is always in my solitude where I find God, so I like to think that God is as excited about my plans for big chunks of peaceful, calm, solitude, as I am.

Spend some time with your own summer intentions this week. If you don’t, your time will become unintentionally filled, and you’ll find yourself in a state in which you have no time to yourself, and for yourself. Intentionally block off some completely unscheduled time that is available for you to spontaneously do whatever you feel like doing in that particular moment. (no have-tos, just “want-tos”) Make an easily accessible, summer bucket list of local haunts where you like to go to: a cozy bookstore, an artsy jewelry store, the best ice cream place in town, a beautiful local park, and when you find yourself wondering what to do with some of your unscheduled time, you’ll have a list to jog your memory. Make these dates with yourself, every bit as important, if not more so, than other plans and commitments you have made, involving other people. Make yourself feel as obligated to yourself, and as embarrassed to cancel on yourself, as you would be for anybody else who you’ve made plans with this summer.

There is no better way to get back to your most steady, centered self than to luxuriate and savor being just with yourself. Summer often feels like the most heady, hazy, luxurious time of the year. It is the perfect time of the year to soak-in yourself, “take yourself in”, in order to revitalize and to restore yourself to your most vital state of being. Spend at least a few minutes meditating on your own summer intentions this week. You will be so grateful that you did this for yourself. Look forward to getting to know your deepest, most peaceful, undistracted self again.

“We need solitude, because when we’re alone, we’re free from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts.” – Tamim Ansary

“Spending time alone in your own company reinforces your self-worth and is often the number-one way to replenish your resilience reserves.” – Sam Owen

“It is hard to love yourself if you never spend time with yourself. ‘Alone Time’ is Necessary.” – Izey Victoria Odiase

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

On a day that so many celebrate with picnics, I decided to look up the most popular picnic foods here in America. Besides the obvious hotdogs and hamburgers, I noticed that there were foods listed from every ethnicity. Empanadas, muffaletta sandwiches, chick pea hummus, caprese salad . . . . . This kind of “filled me up” a little. Our country is so great because so many cultures have created it. Interestingly, the most popular picnic food in our country is supposedly potato salad, and the reasoning for this is that you can make so many different varieties of it, that appeal to all different people. (French, Korean, German, Southern Style, Greek etc.) Our country is quite literally a melting pot.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.