I am not going to write a lot today and maybe not a lot in the days following. We finally have all four adult kids in one spot for the holidays. We are having Christmas morning Part Deux and I’m loving every minute of it. The Wise Connector on X posted the meme above. December is a beautiful door that opens to 2024 and closes on 2023. Open doors can be welcoming and exciting, and yet when closed, doors also keep us safe and protected. I love December. I hope that it has been a good one for all of you. See you tomorrow.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I’ve had a numb thumb on my left hand since March of this year. The numb thumb is the last symptom to stubbornly remain after a miserable, agonizingly painful experience which was diagnosed as “cervical radiopathy” or commonly known as a pinched nerve in my neck (to this day, I honestly can’t think of any one particular event that caused the original painful experience. I just woke up with it one day, and it was truly awful for about a week). I’ve doctored for my thumb – with my general practioner, a neurologist, two different chiropractors, two different acupuncturists and I’ve had an MRI. (It turns out that I have bulging discs in my neck, but apparently so do a vast majority of us who are in our fifties and beyond. These bulging discs often do not cause symptoms and discomfort.) I’ve bought all sorts of contraptions and pillows and I’ve taken muscle relaxers and I’ve faithfully done a gazillion physical therapy exercises on a daily basis. I’m not ready to consider surgery. My thumb is not painful. It’s annoying, at most.
Interestingly, I get a massage with a wonderful massage therapist about once a month. One of my best friends recommended her to me, and so I knew right then that this massage therapist would be extra special. And she is. My massage therapist is perfectly fit for her occupation. She is kind, intuitive and absolutely dedicated to her clients. She is even a little bit “geeky” about her profession, and she loves when I ask questions. She is dogged to find answers. Rarely do I leave her office, without us pouring over her phone about something concerning muscles or nerves or the best balance of modalities to use in order to heal. I love my massage therapist. I love her earnestness and curiosity and passion. These traits are so contagious and enlivening and inspiring to me.
The last time I got a massage was a few weeks ago, and I told my massage therapist that my latest chiropractor said not to touch my neck and I reminded my massage therapist about the bulging discs in my neck as seen in my MRI. She looked at me and she firmly stated: “Kelly, I’ve been thinking about this situation and I don’t really think your neck is where the nerve is being blocked.” She then brought her anatomy chart over for me to look at and she told me that she believes that my nerve is trapped by my scapula in my shoulder. (I did notice that she always seems to spend a lot more time on my left shoulder than anywhere else when I have a massage.) “You know, a lot of people have bulging discs and have no symptoms. It’s just a hunch, but I really think that your focus needs to be on your shoulder.”
And so I left her office that day and I did some research. I found this on the internet:
“Dorsal scapular nerve (DSN) entrapment syndrome is an under-recognized cause of neck and shoulder pain. DSN injuries can be the origin of a well-defined chronic pain syndrome, often referred to as DSN syndrome. DSN syndrome is often characterized by a dull ache along the medial border of the scapula.”
And since then I have been faithfully doing unique exercises designed to address this issue and I have gotten more sensation in my thumb then with any of the other treatments I have tried all year long. I actually have real hope related to healing this numbness in my thumb, for the first time in a long time.
I don’t want to become one of those older folks who bores everyone to death about her various ailments. I write this as a reminder that when it comes to our health, we really are all unique. We have to be our own advocates, and not blind sheep when it comes to taking advice for the health of our bodies. We have to be open-minded, hopeful, dedicated and true to ourselves. If you look at the “medical food chain” of the practitioners listed above, the person who has helped to guide me, and to heal my thumb the most is the massage therapist, perhaps thought by some to be the “low man” on that particular totem pole. Interestingly, my massage therapist is the one who has shown the most dedication, time and interest in helping me with my situation. And I don’t say this to disparage the others. I think that they all wanted to help me, but medical practitioners face a lot of constraints and limits these days, that are out of their own hands. In the end, I am dedicated to helping myself, and to healing myself, and I am grateful for anyone who has helped me along the way.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
It’s Christmastime and it is dejavu in our household. I now remember what it is like to stress about six people living in the same house, yet going in all different directions, with all different time schedules, instead of what I am now comfortably used to – just two middle-aged people essentially on the same, relatively worry-free, easygoing schedule. One of our sons is buying his first car this week. One of our sons is taking the most important national exam of his medical school experience this week. One of our sons is currently driving down the East Coast of the United States, during holiday traffic. And I couldn’t let myself fall asleep last night until I knew that my daughter was safely home from her holiday job at the ice cream shop. And all of our kids’ significant others and close friends have been around visiting, too, and so I am vicariously letting my mommy concerns seep into all their orbits, as well.
Do I miss not having to unload the dishwasher more than twice a week? Yes. Do I miss going to bed not expecting to be woken up by dogs barking at people coming into the house at all hours of the night? Yes. Do I miss having rooms in our house where there are not random piles of other people’s stuff laying all around? Yes. Do I miss just cooking for two instead of trying to guess the actual number of people who could be sitting at the dinner table at night, and then trying to estimate how much to cook to satiate young twenty-something men’s appetites? Yes. But most importantly, am I utterly grateful and savoring every single minute of having our whole family home and together for the holidays? Yes. Yes! YES!!!! (written with a big smile on my face)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
The picture above kind of sums it all up, doesn’t it? My husband, two of our sons and our daughter all had plans to go to the gym this morning. (I didn’t. The gym is not my thing.) Needless to say, those plans never came into fruition. The day after any big event/holiday/vacation is such a hodgepodge of emotion and sensation, isn’t it? Satisfaction. Relief. Exhaustion. Disbelief. It takes a while to process everything that goes into “the biggies” once they are completed, right? We are made up of our minds and bodies and spirits, but sometimes these three aspects need to get synched up, in order to move forward. Our minds are already going to: “Time to clean up and let’s move on to the next thing. Get your calendars out.” Our spirits are going: “Wow. A lot just happened over these last few weeks. How am I feeling about everything that went on? I didn’t realize that I could feel this many things all at once. I need a good laugh/cry/bath/sigh/hug from my better half/last piece of pie, before I can move on.” Our bodies are going: “Ugh. Help me. System overload. Can we please get back to normal before I explode?!”
Try not to jump right back into the saddle until all three of your aspects of yourself are ready to move ahead into the new year. If we all made “overall health” a desire for 2024 what would that look like? What does your mind need to stimulate itself more healthfully in the new year? Our minds are like German Shepherds. They need to work constantly and if they are not given a task, they will make a mission for themselves. Have you let your mind run amok like an untrained German Shepherd? Get a leash and be the leader of your mind this year. What about your body? What could be tweaked (or even overhauled) for a healthier new year for the daily vehicle which allows you to experience life? And spirit . . . Sweet spirit. Has your spirit been neglected? Is it a tangled ball mess of emotion that could stand some dedicated quiet and safe detangling time, perhaps at the end of each day with some meditation or prayer or with a good listener?
Sometimes when we are utterly depleted, these are the times that make us most open and receptive to what needs to be tweaked and even changed in our lives. These times of overload, force us to stop and to reboot. Are the programs that we are running “in all three facets of the game” the same ones that we want to utilize in 2024? What’s ready to be shut down? What’s ready to grow? It’s not lost on me that we end every year with the bang of “The Holidays.” It’s overwhelm by design. It forces us to collapse and to refocus, just in time for a precious, fresh new year in our lives.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I just wanted to take a break from our family’s Christmas morning festivities, to wish you all a very merry Christmas!! I hope that you are enjoying the best that today has to offer. Thank you for coming by the blog this year. It means the world. This blog is one of the best presents which I have ever given to myself. Thank you for being a true gift in my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
“Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.” – Dale Evans
“I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning.” – Dan Aykroyd
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Merry Christmas Eve! Anticipation is a word that comes to mind on Christmas Eve, doesn’t it? Anticipation is a word full of hope, with a little impatience and exhaustion of waiting. Anticipating goes a little beyond hope. When you anticipate something happening, you firmly believe that this something will definitely happen, and also that it will happen in the near future.
The commercial above was legendary when I was a kid, especially being a kid from Pittsburgh, the home of Heinz ketchup. The idea from the commercial is that anything that takes a while to come to fruition, is worth the wait.
These days we start anticipating the holiday season right after Halloween. Christmas decorations are all over our towns and our stores for the last sixth of the year. We buy presents, we decorate our homes, we order cards and then we write them out and send them (for those of you on my Christmas card list, we are anticipating New Years Day cards this year – oops!), we wrap the presents, we prepare religious services and celebrations, and we get gobs of food in our freezers, well in advance to these last days of any year that culminate into “The Holidays.” And now they are here. The anticipation is over and the time to savor has come.
Here are the lyrics of Carly Simon’s song “Anticipation” that was featured in the Heinz ketchup commercial:
We can never know about the days to come But we think about them anyway And I wonder if I’m really with you now Or just chasin’ after some finer day
Anticipation, anticipation Is makin’ me late Is keepin’ me waitin’
And I tell you how easy it feels to be with you And how right your arms feel around me But I, I rehearsed those words just late last night When I was thinkin’ about how right tonight might be
Anticipation, anticipation Is makin’ me late Is keepin’ me waitin’
And tomorrow we might not be together I’m no prophet and I don’t know nature’s ways So I’ll try and see into your eyes right now And stay right here ’cause these are the good old days
And stay right here ’cause these are the good old days (These are the good old days) (These are the good old days) (These are the good old days) (These are the good old days)
“And stay right here ’cause these are the good old days.” We are here now. No more Christmas to-do lists. No more Christmas bustle. No more travelling a desert, following a large star. The time is here to be still. The time is here to just notice and to be aware of our feelings, to notice the deep love we feel for those surrounding us, and also for those who aren’t with us, but who are always nestled inside of our hearts. The time is here to appreciate all of the miracles that are part living any one life. Be here now. These are the good old days.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
One time I told a friend that I didn’t really care much for musicals. This clearly upset her. She reminded me of all of the talent and creativity that it takes from the cast, and the director, and the musicians, and the dancers, and the songwriters and the costume people and stage designers to put on an excellent musical. And I absolutely agreed with her. Musicals are an intense creative feat. It is wonderful that people love to put on musicals and other people love to partake in watching them. I have enjoyed watching tidbits of musicals in my life. I have gone to musicals and found them to be interesting, but they really aren’t my preference in entertainment, and this is okay. Just as some people are rabid sports fans and other people just don’t get the thrill, or see the point in watching people playing games, this is all okay. I’m okay. You’re okay.
Some people adore celebrating the holidays. Some people really, really don’t care for this time of year, and a lot of us fall somewhere in between these two extremes. And there can be a year-by-year variance in this, too, for all sorts of reasons. You are not being a negative person by having preferences. It is possible for you to not like something and still be a positive person. A negative person tries to ruin things for others. They try to recruit people to like and dislike the same people, places, and things that they like, and negative people often take personal offence, if others don’t share their same inclinations. If you act like a sulky, surly Grinch at Christmas dinner, then sorry, you are being negative. If you try to goad other people into ruining Christmas dinner with you, then you are being a negative, toxic person. If you don’t like Christmas dinner, put a time limit for how long you will be there, or even choose not to attend and do something different. If you do choose to attend Christmas dinner and/or other holiday festivities, be polite, be nice, be cordial and don’t ruin it for others. This allows you to be a positive person, who accepts your own preferences and dislikes. This is the same if you go to a musical and you yawn loudly, and roll your eyes, make fun of the actors, and disturb other people’s experiences. When you are doing this, you are being a jerk. You don’t have to like musicals. You don’t have to go to musicals. You don’t have to understand why other people really get into musicals. You don’t have to convince others to agree or disagree with your own likes and dislikes. You don’t need validation for your own preferences and aversions, and other people don’t need your approval either.
If you are accepting of yourself, you tend to be a lot more accepting of others. You don’t have to feel guilty if you don’t love the holidays . . . or musicals . . . or sports . . . . Try to get vicarious happiness by watching others totally enjoying experiencing activities which they really love, even if you don’t love the same activities which they do. Acceptance isn’t the same as giving up or giving in. It’s just a stop of resistance. Acceptance is allowing. Acceptance is allowing yourself to feel what you feel, like what you like, dislike what you dislike, and giving others room to do the same, and be who they are, in this massively multi-faceted world. Acceptance is taking yourself and everything else, just as it is, right in this moment, and allowing it to just be. Acceptance lets curiosity and peace and wonder take over and soften the harder, energy-sucking emotions such as denial and rigidity and guilt and resentment and shame. Acceptance drops your side of the rope, lets go of the “shoulds” and all of the lofty expectations and it allows the tranquil awareness which is deeply implanted in all of us, to just notice all that is, and to be in nothing but pure awe of it all.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning. Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday! It’s Christmas Eve/Eve/Eve! I am (like all of you I’m sure) a little pressed for time, so I’ll cut right to the chase and get to my favorite for today. My daughter was reunited with some of her best friends from high school the other night, and her friend got them each a personalized acrylic picture “plaque”, with their group picture on it. It has a scannable Spotify connection to a song that they all jammed to, all senior year long. At around $10 a pop, it’s a lovely, thoughtful gift that won’t break the bank. There are a lot of different versions of these available on Amazon. Do this search: custom picture/photo acrylic glass art music frame I noticed that the reviews on these aren’t amazing, but having seen one in person, I am impressed and my daughter loves it.
Wishing you all of the best on these countdown days! See you tomorrow!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I recently read an article by an author who has written several books. She says that when a person asks her, “How do you write a book?”, she says that the best way to do it, is to tell people that you are writing a book. It keeps you accountable, especially if you tell your intentions to people whom you deeply respect, and you feel that they are supportive of your biggest dreams and aspirations. You certainly don’t have to tell everybody and their grandmother about things. You don’t have to announce your goals on social media (unfortunately there are people who might secretly want to sabotage your dreams and goals), but from the people “in your corner”, find accountability partners for all of your visions, ambitions, goals and intentions.
Today is the winter solstice. It is almost the end of 2023. There is no better time to really start honing in on what you want for 2024. What is it that you would really like to see and experience in your life, in the upcoming future? What do you have in your life right now (relationships, experiences, routines, places, things, etc.) that are truly meaningful for you? How do you continue to nurture these aspects of your life, so that they continue to stay healthy, and help you to stay on track for peace and happiness in 2024? What has reached its expiration date in your life? (relationships, experiences, habits, places, traditions, etc.) How do you remove these things from your life in order to clear your path towards “better”? Once you get really clear on what you really want in your life going forward, and you have considered some practical steps that you need to take, in order to get there, find accountability partners to keep you on track. Find someone whom you trust, who will earnestly and regularly ask you about your progress on your goals. Find someone who is rooting for you, and who will keep you honest. And if you believe that your greatest motivation is found from proving your “haters” wrong, make sure that those bums are the first people to see your list of goals for the new year.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
How’s everyone doing this holiday season? Are you taking breaks and taking your own “temperature” every once in a while? I always find it a little surprising that when every year that we bring them out of the attic, our traditional Christmas decorations often look a little worse for wear. Despite the fact that the decorations are only placed out, in “safe spots”, for a few weeks out of the year, and then get carefully wrapped and put away safely in boxes for most of the year, they still get aged and frayed and faded and sometimes even broken. It turns out that the holidays can be wonderful and exhilarating, but they can also be a little hard on things. If the holidays deteriorate objects whose only job is to sit and to look pretty for three weeks out of the year, what might the holidays be doing to us?? Here’s a holiday hug from me to you! It’s okay if you are getting a little frayed, if your energy is blinking off and on, like Christmas lights with a short, and if at times, you are questioning if you might even be a little broken. Be gentle with yourself. You are more precious than your most favorite heirloom decoration. Treat yourself as such.
Kelly Corrigan recently quoted George Saunders who says that when you do good work, no one is going to ask you to stop. He says, “The mountain keeps growing asyou climb it.” Be a good Sherpa guide to yourself this holiday season. Sherpas know that in order to keep climbing mountains, you have to take breaks. Sherpas know that in order to survive the mountain climb, you must have good boundaries as to how much you can do in any one day. Sherpas know that even if you are climbing the mountain as a group, the climb is really an individual pursuit for each climber, and every climb is unique, even if the same climb is achieved, year after year. The Sherpas most important duty is the safety and the rescue of any of their climbers in trouble. Be a good Sherpa to yourself this season of climbing Mt. Holidays. If we are honest with ourselves, there is only really one true summit in the end, and we all are going to reach it. The journey is far more important than any summit.
“The higher you climb, the more you realize how small you are in this vast universe.” – Tenzing Norgay, renowned Sherpa mountaineer
“The real hero of the Himalayas are not the mountaineers but the Sherpas!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
