Blog

Being It

The son of one of my best friends from college is getting married tomorrow. He is the first of our group of friends’ babies to get married. It feels surreal. As you age, you get little markers along the way, reminding you that you are aging. (a lot of these markers have landed on my face in the form of wrinkles and bags) But every once in awhile, as you are moving along your life, you get big flashing lights that are determined to get your attention. They seem to scream: “You, my friend, are definitely in a different era of your life!”

I remember clearly going to this young man’s parents’ wedding. We all went to college together. There were a slew of weddings back then. And then, after a while, there weren’t many weddings to attend at all. Everything evolved to baby showers. And then there was a long period of supporting each other as we raised our families, sharing our joys and our griefs along the way. And not too many years ago, the graduation notices of the children of my friends starting coming into the mailbox more and more frequently. The Christmas cards we receive every year seem to have more wedding pictures on them, and now the darling babies featured on the front on the cards are often the adored grandbabies of our friends.

It is not lost on me that the major milestones that mark the turning of the seasons of our lives, are the milestones that show where all of our loving energy has been invested. The milestones in our lives show the growth of our relationships and of our endeavors, and the branches of where our lives have grown and spread. I’m not sad that I am crossing into this new era of my life. I am perhaps a little (naively) surprised, but I am not sad. I delight in everything that I have experienced and grown wiser about in my life. I am grateful for my life. I am grateful to share this journey with others who help me to reflect on, and help me to realize all that life really is, which is to say, can mostly be whittled down to one pure thing – experiencing, living, and being Love.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2101. Can you do any fake accents? If so, which one? (This reminds me of a “No Horse Pucky” story. Let me start by saying that my husband and I have power of attorney for each other, and I handle all of our monthly bills. One month, there was a problem on one of my husband’s credit card statements that I was trying to get rectified. The customer service people told me that my husband would have to call about it, but my husband was out of the country on business. So, I thought to myself, “I’ll just lower my voice and pretend to be my husband.” Simple. Problem solved. I practiced a few times and I called back. I did my spiel in my “man voice.” The patient customer service person listened and then said to me, “Ma’am, we really are going to need to speak to your husband.” So fake man accent, is clearly not one of my talents.)

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

I’ve been stalled in writing because I am waiting for my mind to thaw, and my fingers feel like stiff little icicles that do not want to be separated from each other. I feel guilty living in Florida and complaining about the cold, but it is currently 46 degrees outside which is typically unheard of in our neck of the woods. And my husband and I are incredibly stubborn. We won’t turn on the heat pump unless things become dire. We don’t like the smell of burnt dust. I read something on the internet that said that those of us complaining about the cold, just can’t wait for the days that we can complain about the heat. Yes, that’s about right.

When I was in my twenties I had a boss who liked to ask quirky questions. She once asked whether I would prefer to freeze to death, or to be overheated to death. While I pondered the question (and also why she was asking it), she mentioned that freezing to death is actually a very calm, gentle, easy-going death. I never asked her how she knew this, but I never forgot this particular moment either. When I think about this now, I honestly pick “neither” forms of death. I pick neither.

I always feel bad for people from up north who come to Florida in December and January and end up coming in to visit us during a cold spell. The stubborn disappointment is palpable. Everyone seems to think that Florida is always sweltering because they once went to Disney World in July. These defiant winter tourists still wear their shorts and t-shirts and flip-flops and they pretend not to notice that their toes are turning blue. And of course, we overly dramatic Floridians are bundled up like we are about to ascend Mt. Everest, as we layer on every old coat which we have ever owned (“it’s a good thing that I kept my high school ski jacket for days like these”).

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1987. How do you feel about photography?

Pages from a Thought-alog

I have many notebooks full of thoughts that I have jotted down from signs I’ve seen, things that I have read, or insights that have come to me. In these notebooks I have pasted poems and artwork that inspire me, special cards that I have received, and feathers that I have found. I decided to flip through my current “Thought-alog” and share some of the goodies that I have in there, here on the blog today:

+ “Cycles end when you refuse to participate in them.” – SayItValencia, X When you raise a family, and then grow into becoming the elders of a large and growing brood, i.e. the matriarch and/or the patriarch of any family, and you are truly intentional about these roles that you have taken on, you inevitably become a cycle breaker. There are many things that you experience with your family of origin that you like and that you appreciate, and so you choose to deliberately continue these ways and traditions with your own family, but there are also things that you wish to stop. You want certain patterns of behavior and toxicity to end with you. You see how long certain cycles have continued on and on within your family line, and you decide that you will be where this negativity stops. You become a cycle breaker. This is not easy. People are resistant to change. You have to be continually aware and intentional to stop cycles from perpetuating. Generational cycles are highly ingrained. Sometimes as a cycle breaker, you even go a little too far in the opposite direction, and so your descendants may work to swing the pendulum a little bit closer to center. Regardless, I read somewhere that if you are an effective cycle breaker in a family or in an organization, you have likely changed the direction and the toxic patterns in this entity for at least seven generations to come. Being a cycle breaker is a worthy purpose and endeavor, in my book.

+ Major personal decisions should not be made by asking, “Will this make me happy?” but, “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?” – James Hollis

Eating cookies for breakfast will make me happy in the short term, and this practice will certainly enlarge my physical presence, but overall, this choice only diminishes me. Of course, I am not sure that choosing to eat a cookie is a major personal decision, but unfortunately, these little decisions add up, too. Sigh.

+ “If you ignore it and it doesn’t go away, it’s reality.” – I’m sorry but I don’t know who to credit for this one, but I do think that it is an excellent litmus test. We tend to grow stories in our head that veer far from reality. That little bump on your skin becomes malignant cancer as fast as you can say, “Web MD.” Still, there are things that we know deep down that we have to address. They are the things that don’t go away and they keep pinging you and pinging you harder and harder to address them. I always tell my kids to always take heed of the first lesson that the Universe hands to you because if you ignore that lesson, you will most definitely get bigger, and more dramatic lessons headed your way. Face reality when it is manageable to do something about it.

+ “Our true nature is peace and joy if only we don’t disturb it.” – Swami Satchidananda Remember, the true and real and timeless essence of you, and of me, and of your dog, and of every other living being in this world, is that peaceful, calm, tranquil, unbiased observer and experiencer, in all of us. The observer of your thoughts and your feelings is the real you. The creator of your thoughts is just your ego and your ego has quite the imagination. Your ego likes to stir things up. Whenever you need peace, just take three deep breaths and sit back in the rocking chair of your true self – the unbiased, unfearful experiencer and observer of what’s going on around you and within you. When you are in that space, you can laugh at the drama queen that your ego tends to be.

+ Fun, new words and terms from the Urban Dictionary and other sites like it:

delulu – delusional

solulu – solution

popular loner (also known as background friend) – someone who has a lot of friends, makes a lot of friends easily, but tends to stay on the peripheral

JOMO – Joy of Missing Out. It is a term to remind us to stay in the present moment, instead of constantly checking our phones and/or social media feeds.

+ My favorite quote from a recent, excellent WSJ interview with the actress Natalie Portman:

WSJ: What’s your most prized possession?

Natalie Portman: “I don’t have a prized possession. I have prized humans and prized dogs I love. I am into living beings.”

+ Tape these to your bathroom mirror (good reminders):

“Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.” – Gary Snyder

“You cannot have a happy ending to an unhappy journey.” – Esther Hicks

“All stories have the same finale.” – Daily Stoic

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2105. What do you compartmentalize in your life? (Hint: Compartmentalization is a form of psychological defense mechanism in which thoughts and feelings that seem to conflict are kept separated or isolated from each other in the mind. -Wiki)

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Welcome to poetry day on the blog. What I love about poetry is the mystery in it. Sometimes I write a poem, and it is still an enigma, even to me, as to what the poem really means. Writing a poem is like going into the deep tombs of yourself, and discovering unusual, foreign writing on the wall, and quickly and excitedly transcribing this strange writing, without fully understanding the meaning behind it. Reading a poem offers this same mercurial experience. Undoubtedly, there is a different meaning and truth that comes from any poem, from every reader of it. Everyone’s own experiences and emotions are what brings the context to the meaning in any collection of words. Here is my poem for the day:

The Universe has a way of getting really bored of my stubborn streak,

While I hem and haw and analyze, and strategize, and collect my allies,

The Universe says, Enough already!

And tends to make the changes that I couldn’t make for myself,

in one fell swoop. And then we Both sigh in utter relief.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2361. Complete this thought: All roads lead to . . . ?

Lingua Cordis

I saw this the other day and I realized that I need to pray this prayer more often. Sometimes it is so easy and clear to understand what we are want to ask God to support us in. We come to prayer or meditation with a list similar to what a kid brings to Santa Claus, even if the list includes lofty, selfless things like for someone else’s healing, or for peace in wartorn countries. But other times, our heart is panging us. Situations in our lives keep playing over and over in our heads, like a broken record, but we can’t even define what the real problem is in these situations. We want the itching to stop, but we don’t know where to scratch. I often pray for clarity in my life. And when I do this, I want real clear clarity. I want the window to my soul to be so extremely clear that I could accidentally walk through it and not even realize there’s a window there. I want the kind of clarity that knocks you so hard on your head, that when you wake up, you feel absolutely stupid for not realizing “the truth of it all” from the get-go. I want God to hear my heart and then translate its message in perfectly simple straightforward English with the exact next steps to take. And God usually laughs at these demands and tells me that I need to stop relying on translators. “Quiet down and learn the language of your own heart. All of the answers you have ever needed I gave to you there, but only you can understand your own heart’s language.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

878. What is one thing you won’t admit to yourself?

Dragon It, It’s Friday!

credit: Dragon Eternity

I have a thing for dragons. (But after Game of Thrones, don’t we all?) Happy Friday! Happy Best Day of the Week! Friday is such an easy day to feel carefree and excited and fun, isn’t it? My favorite for today for Favorite Things Friday, on the blog, involves dragons. I honestly have become even more entranced with dragons when Ancestry.com recently sent me my enhanced DNA results and it turns out that I have a large percentage of Welsh in my heritage. The Welsh Dragon is the symbol of Wales and it is a beautiful, ferocious red (my favorite color). This is also the Chinese Zodiac’s Year of the Dragon. And so of course, there are a myriad of dragon products available to buy, from everywhere, already. My favorite dragon purchase so far this year, is this wonderful salad bowl from Sur La Table. At $30, I think that it is a steal (and a treasure)! Here is the link:

https://www.surlatable.com/pro-8053696-bwl-srv-dragon-peony-11/PRO-8053696.html

They also sell some fabulous red dragon kitchen towels that I snapped up, as well. Here is my bowl and my favorite coffee cup:

Have a fun weekend, friends! Let your inner dragon fly!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1659. What does your “happy dance” look like?

Your Masterpiece

I got back to art class yesterday, after a few weeks off for Christmas break. It was great to be back. I painted the little guy above as sort of a “warm up”. I thought that I would share him with you. He makes me smile.

The best part of getting older is coming to the proven realization that the end product of anything truly doesn’t matter. The real joy always comes in the doing, in the process, in the flow. Yes, a successfully grown family, business, career, marriage, homestead, project, craft etc. can give you a sense of satisfaction and pride and maybe even some accolades, but those feelings are such a small blip of feelings versus the myriad of feelings and experiences that go into the process of forming and building and creating and experiencing all of the works of your life. There’s peace in this realization. Your life is your main product. And it doesn’t end, until you end. And none of us really know what “when you end” means, if we are honest with ourselves. We all have beliefs and hopes, but none of us truly know the mysteries of what happens to us after we die. So, in the meantime, we are living our ongoing creative product – our lives. And this product is a collaboration with the entire world around us. Our main creative product, our individual life, has the support of the whole entire world which only benefits when our creative product brings more individuality and beauty and imagination and our own uniqueness that is unrepeatable, to the whole of it.

I’m a middle-age, empty nester who is attending art class for the fun of it. I’m not graded. My output doesn’t matter. It’s even okay if I don’t particularly enjoy my art class on any given day. If I spill some paint, so what? If I never frame my art, who cares? The joy is in the doing. The joy is in the exploring. The joy is in the accepting. The joy is in the gratefulness for the experience – every bit of it.

Your life is your only creative product. Everything else that you do is part of that product. Be joyful in “doing” your life. Explore. Accept the messiness and the so-called flaws of it all. Mostly, be grateful for having the experience of being able to create your one and only masterpiece, and also be utterly grateful for all of the wonderful beings who are co-creating with you. If our world isn’t a creative masterpiece of miracles, than what is?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

583. Do you prefer blue or black inked pens?

Storms Pass

Yesterday we had a line of extreme storms roll through our area. We got continual warnings and alerts, via news sources, social media, texts, calls and emails. There were school and business closings, and my wind chimes got chimier and chimier as the day went on. Living in Florida, storm alerts are nothing new. I used the day to stay inside, in order to get caught up on laundry, bills and to put away the last of our Christmas decorations. For about 15 minutes in the late afternoon, the sky was black, the wind was howling, and the rain was torrential. And then as quickly as it came, the storm was past us. We even took the dogs for their nightly walk about an hour or so later, and it was lovely outside. The air was still, and everything around us glistened with cleansing rain. It smelled so nice and clean and fresh. This morning the sun is shining. It is a beautiful day.

That’s how it goes with life, right? I often tell my kids and my friends and myself, “Remember, the clouds always, always pass. Your life is the steadiness of the blue sky that is always there behind it all. The clouds ALWAYS pass.” And honestly, we typically spend a lot more time preparing for storms, and worrying about storms, and anticipating storms, than the length of time, any storm ever lasts. And usually once a storm in life is over, things look brighter and clearer than ever. Most storms are extremely cleansing. This bright clarity after the storm, is the gift that storms leave behind, almost as an apology for the fear, and the destruction, and the chaos that they brought into our lives for a short period of time. There are good reasons for storms if you look for them. There are blessings for storms if you look for them. And if nothing else, remember, storms and clouds ALWAYS pass.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1811. What aroma or smell makes you feel alive?

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+

(although I actually do have the best dogs – wink, wink)

+ We were watching the college football championship last night and one of the quarterbacks says that in order to create new neural pathways in his brain, he brushes his teeth with his left hand, even though he is right-handed. I tried this last night and this morning. It is surprisingly easy to brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand. I figure that even if I don’t get new neural pathways out of this deal, it is probably helping all of my teeth get a fair and even cleaning.

+ “Let’s start this year with a game I like to call fast-forward.
Go with me to December 31, 2024.
358 days from now.
What ONE thing could you accomplish by that day that would have the most profound impact on your life?” – Jill Donovan

This is how a blog post starts that I read yesterday, by Jill Donovan. She then goes on to talk about how when Michelangelo carved the David, he said that when he looked at the stone, he just chiseled away everything that wasn’t “the David.” She says that we should do the same thing this year with how we answered the question above. Carve time wasters out of our lives that aren’t part of our major goals and focuses. She believes that we should keep our keen focus on our own individual “Davids.” I think that having one major goal that is truly life-changing is interesting and invigorating and ideally, should be our priority, but life is multi-faceted. When deciding what I wanted for 2024, I broke out my desires into eight categories suggested by a New Years Resolution article that I had read:

  1. health
  2. finances
  3. personal development
  4. career
  5. relationships
  6. self-care
  7. home life
  8. free time

Wouldn’t it be interesting to pick a “David” to complete for each of these categories in 2024 by answering Jill Donovan’s question above? After doing this exercise, put a giant star by the one David that really and truly is the major focus and desire and plan to accomplish by the end of this year. Usually I tuck my desires for the new year into an envelope and I put it in a cabinet only to look at it on New Year’s Eve to see how I did. But this year, I plan to keep my “David list” handy, so that when I find myself a little bit bored, or distracted, or off-track, I can come back to my simple David list, in order to remember not to spend too much time in the rubble, but to put my focus back on working on the major masterpiece(s) of my year.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2948. Do you eat leftovers? (I picked an easy question today because we have a lot of “sculpting the David” homework to work on. We do eat leftovers in this house. My husband is still kindly and appreciatively working through the pork and sauerkraut that I made for New Year’s Day.)