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Old Is The New Young

Okay, readers, this sweater is going to be part of my look today. Anyone who knows me well, knows that this is not really my style and my daughter has made it very clear that she does not at all approve of it, but sometimes you need to break out of your shell – especially on Friday!!

“Old is the New Young” – Cloud Nine Redback Cards

Yesterday was Betty White’s 97th birthday. Apparently, she scared a gazillion of her fans by the fact that her birthday was making her “trend” on the internet. People feared the worst, as we often do. The memes that were made, showing sighs of relief, were copious and adorable! Betty White has amazing, positive, fun energy! Her loss certainly would be a heart breaker for so many. I got to thinking that if I am fortunate enough to live as long as Betty White has lived, I will get a whole other lifetime, in the amount that I have already lived, and some change. This Second Half of Adulting, truly is, a whole second half, but with the benefits of the wisdom that comes from a whole lot of experience and resilience. Live on and prosper, Readers!!!

New readers, on Fridays, I keep it light and discuss three favorite things, songs, Twitter feeds, movies, etc. that make life just a little more special. Please check out previous Friday postings for other favorite things and please, please feel free to post your favorites in my Comments section.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – This TV series made by Amazon video is quickly becoming a new favorite of mine and I just got the recommendation to watch it, from my friends, this week! It is hilarious, interesting, “real” and fun to watch! This show might make staying in on Friday night, sound very tempting!! I highly recommend it.

Meditations for Living in Balance – This is another wonderful meditation book by Anne Wilson Schaef. I have already recommended her Meditations for People Who Worry book because it is fabulous. I now read both of these meditation books aloud to my husband and myself every single morning. Ms. Schaef is a wonderful, wise, woman and a crafty wordsmith. The daily meditations are short and yet profound. She makes me think and yet relax, every day.

Slow Feeder Dog Bowls by Outward Hound – In December, we adopted a 7-month-old collie puppy (our wonderful Josie) into our family. Josie grew up on a farm with a lot of other dogs and apparently, feeding time got competitive. Josie eats faster than any other being I have ever met in my lifetime (even beating out one of my best friends, a teeny redhead, who always won the Vienna sausage eating contest for our sorority, who even beat out all of the fraternities, at our college’s annual Greek Games). She would eat so fast that she would end up throwing up and also, she was as risk for getting bloat. (I’m back to talking about our puppy, Josie.) These dog feeders are amazing. They look like elevated relief maps or puzzles and the food falls into their grooves, forcing dogs to slow their eating pace. Josie still is a dynamo when it comes to scarfing up every morsel of her food in record times, but these bowls have definitely slowed her pace down and she no longer throws up after eating.

Have a great weekend, readers!! See you tomorrow!

“It’s always difficult to keep Fridays confined within themselves . . . they tend to spill over.” – Kai Sinclair

The Joy of Friendship

“The ability to sit down with another person and talk for hours, about anything and everything, is more attractive to me than anything else.” – Koi Fresco

Last night I had a lovely dinner with three of my most intimate girlfriends and a friend of a friend, who fit right in, with our crazy crew! We had such a good time. It was one of those dinners that you wish didn’t have to end and we lingered and laughed until our server finally prodded us along to go home and get some sleep, so she could, too.

Today I am having lunch with one of my dearest friends who I have known since my first days in college, when we were both eighteen years old. I am sure that this will be a several hours long lunch and I can’t wait! We will catch each other up on the events going on with our families, our mutual friends, and we will bask in our familiarity and fondness for each other and the treasure of our shared history.

The older I get, the more I treasure my friendships. I don’t take them for granted. I’m a person who likes a lot of alone time. Sometimes I may even have the tendency to isolate myself a little too much. My friends make sure that I don’t keep my flower bud too tight. They force me to open up, loosen up and bloom a little more. I’m so grateful for them and for that gift that they give to me. It feels so good to relax and to unwind, in the warm, accepting sunshine-y glow of people who know all about you and love you anyway.

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.” – Khalil Gibran

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Warning: Faulty Filter

“I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out of my mouth.” – Rebel Circus

Apparently, as we age, a lot of us lose our filters. That doesn’t bode well for me, as I have never had a great filter to begin with. Judging by the amount of times I get the wide-eyed, aghast, exclamation “MOM!”, coming from my teenage kids, my filter could use some fine-tuning.

“There’s a fine line between having ‘no filter’ and ‘just being an asshole’.” -viralrang.com

I find the whole “filter thing” difficult to navigate. The older that I get, the less tolerance I have for “fake.” I value truth and authenticity in my relationships to the highest order. I like people who “say it like it is”, because even if I don’t agree with them, they are trustworthy. I know where they stand. There is no wishy-washy, behind the scenes fakery. Still, people’s feelings must be taken into account. I guess it all comes down to doing what we were taught as children: Think before you speak. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Be kind. And if all else fails, just rationalize:

“I’m not rude. I just speak what everyone else hasn’t the balls to say.” – She Was Born With No Filter, Pinterest

Time Stoppers

Over the weekend, my husband and I took our dogs to the beach for a long walk. The beach is the ultimate idea of Heaven for our labrador retriever, Ralphie. Everything that typically distracts Ralphie, which is usually mostly everything – kids, dogs, strollers, bikes, smells, animal waste, every pole and lamppost, any random piece of litter, etc., no longer distracts him when we are there. He is single-minded. Ralphie’s goal is for my husband to throw the ball as far out into the water as he can and for Ralphie to retrieve that said ball, endlessly. People stop their cars to watch Ralphie go out into the Gulf with only the tip of his pinkish-brown nose poking up through the water in the far distance, swimming out, purposefully and decidedly, to get the ball – an object he typically, otherwise, cares very little about.

I get such vicarious joy watching Ralphie work his passion. I suspect others do, too, when they pause to watch him swim out into the horizon. When we watch any living being, so in-step with the moment, so single-minded in his or her purpose, so full of determination and joy, time stops. When we watch someone or something, caught up in a fervency that is so innate to them that it is almost instinctual, we are all reminded of the things that make us feverish for life and for all of us, that is something different. Whether it be cooking, reading, flying, running, writing, singing, fishing, gardening, driving, sewing, painting, debating, hiking, working on puzzles, working on cars, meditating, golfing, skiing, etc. etc., we all have “that thing” – “that thing” that makes us agitated to still have to any other distractions . . . even hunger, even breathing. In a world so full of interruptions, cheap and easy diversions, responsibilities, and duties and routine, it is good to be reminded of those world-stopping moments, intimate only to our own connection with our deepest longings; our connection to the realest part of our souls. What are your passions? What activities make the world stop for you? What do you do to connect to that part of yourself on a daily basis? What moments are you “in your element”? These are all good questions to ponder at the beginning of the year to make sure that we are not cheating ourselves out of what is vital to us. These are the things that give our lives, Life.

Top Shelf

At this time of year, I am not immune to all of the insanely good clearance markdown sales. It always such a battle in my mind between, “Do I really need this, or is just going to add to the crazy clutter of my already overstuffed closet?” versus “Holy cow, when am I ever again going to get to purchase cashmere/leather/designer/multi-stoned at these unbelievably remarkable, marked-down prices?” (maybe after next Christmas, but that is beside the point. Ha!) It reminds me of when Jim Gaffigan, the comedian, talks about fast food deals: “I’m not going to lose money by not taking this deal.” Makes sense to me. 😉

At this time of year, it’s also a good idea to check our own price tags. I wrote this quote down a while ago. It’s a good one:

“If you aren’t being treated with love and respect, check your own price tag. Maybe you’ve marked yourself down. It’s you who tells people what you’re worth. Get off of the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables.” – Relationship Rules

This year, readers, let’s all be Louis Vuitton. Let’s treat ourselves with respect and reverence so that others can follow suit. Let’s not discount our worth. After all, we are “one-of-a-kinds”. The mold has already been broken. There is nothing more rare or valuable than a “one-of-a-kind.” When we understand this about ourselves, we inherently understand that about all of the other “one-of-a-kinds” walking around this top shelf of “Le Earth” with us. A year of elevated love and respect sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? There is no sale on our souls because “priceless” never goes on sale.

Stay As Long As You Can

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist. That is all.” – Oscar Wilde

I read this quote the other day and it made me feel quite sad. I hope Oscar has it wrong. I remember being in my first real professional job out of college and a female manager told me, “The role of the woman in the 1990s is to cope, just cope.”

Everything in my body recoiled at that statement. I remember thinking, “No way. I’m not going to “just cope.” There’s a hell of a lot more to life than coping. I plan to thrive.”

Now, there have been dark times in my life when I have been brought to my knees and it took every breath in my body, to just cope or exist in that moment. I imagine that there are those moments for everybody. But those are just moments. Those moments pass because there is something stronger and deeper in each of us that innately understands that existing is not enough. Life is meant to be fully explored, exploited and turned inside out until every morsel of being-ness has been not just tasted, but devoured and digested until we are satiated with the full feeling of satisfaction, gratification and joy. It is our responsibility to realize this. We have a choice. We can just exist. According to Oscar Wilde and my old boss, that’s what most of us do. But we have all of the tools inside of us to thrive and radiate and prosper and flourish, if we choose to open the floodgates of life, teeming inside of us, aching to expand.

“Life is amazing; live it to the fullest. Stay as long as you can.” – Valerie Harper

Not So Hot

I hate the “bait and switch” game. The other day I went to a food market that I don’t usually go to and I purchased a container of Hot Curry Peanuts. “Hot” was written in a fiery red font with flames surrounding the word, serving as both a warning and an enticement to those like me, who love spicy food. I excitedly put the first couple peanuts in my mouth with the delicious anticipation of wondering just how “hot” these peanuts were going to be. I was hoping that they were right at the level to clear out my sinuses, but not too hot to burn my tongue. I was almost giddy in my excitement of possibly landing on a new favorite snack. So, when I took my first bite, unfortunately all that I could taste at first was a little bit of sugar and curry and of course, the familiar taste of peanuts. I thought, maybe it’s like those gobstoppers my kids used to get that started out sweet but then on a dime, turned to such bitter taste of sour that their cheeks would suck in and saliva would start flowing out of their mouths mixed with the color of the candy. But nothing changed. I thought, “Wow, maybe I just didn’t get peanuts with enough coating on them.” So, I put a handful more of the peanuts in my mouth and waited. Nothing. Nada. More of the same. False advertising.

Another time that this happens frequently to me is when I get sucked in by movie trailers. The trailer is so funny, I anticipate a night of trying to contain myself in my theater seat from laughing so hard, only to leave the theater, bawling, with my eyeliner streaking down my cheeks, because I just witnessed the saddest, most heart-wrenching movie of my life. It could even be a good, sad movie, but that is not what I paid for when I witnessed the trailer! I wanted lightness! I wanted to laugh until my sides hurt! Unfortunately, in those circumstances, the only funny scenes in the whole movie were shown in the two minute trailer. No warning was included to bring a box of tissues.

Don’t get me started on advertised sales. You see the giant, glowing orange “75% off!!” sign in the store window. It is not until you have parked the car and ran to the front of the store to go inside that you notice the other part of the sign. The tiny, barely legible letters “up to” dancing on top of the “75”.

If we really want to get dark about the misleading things in life, consider this quote by John Maynard Keynes, the famous British economist:

“Long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run we are all dead.”

Yikes! I never knew that I could get this sour over a silly little box of peanuts. I guess I’ve mislead myself that I am a more “happy-go-lucky” person than I really am. It’s just that I am a big proponent of the “under-promise/over-deliver” philosophy of business and life.

“Emotions can certainly be misleading: they can fool you into believing stuff that is definitely, demonstrably untrue.” – Francis Spufford

BEE Good This Weekend

“It’s Friday. Any plan of being a productive member of society is officially thrown out the window.” – Unknown

Happy Favorite Things Friday, my dear friends and readers!! New readers, I keep my Friday posts in the mindset of Levity and Frivolity, my two favorite Friday friends. I discuss three favorite items, websites, twitter feeds, books, etc. that just tickle me! I sincerely urge my readers to let Levity and Frivolity guide them to my comments section and to add their favorites so that we have even more offerings to choose from. (ahem, ahem)

Over the holidays, when my husband and I would be talking to our family, friends and business associates, the subject of our eldest son now being self-sufficient and “on his own”, would inevitably come up. My husband and I have noticed a common theme of questioning from everyone, when this topic comes up. It is such a reliable inquiry people have about this subject, that we have made a game out of seeing if anyone won’t ask it. That hasn’t happened so far. The question we consistently get when we mention that our son is now out of the house and self-supporting is, “Wow, so he is completely off of the payroll now, huh? Even his cell phone bill??”

It seems that telephone bills are a nemesis of all parents everywhere since the invention of the telephone happened. I remember getting heart palpitations as a teenager when our family’s long distance telephone bill arrived in the mail. It was the the opposite of what you wanted in communication from a college acceptance committee. You did NOT want that telephone bill envelope to be thick and heavy. Don’t worry readers, nothing regarding telephone bills will EVER make a Favorite Things Friday list. (oh and yes, my son pays for his own cell phone bill) Speaking of the Favorite Things list . . . .

Guerlain’s Aqua Allegoria Herba Fresca perfume– There is a “no horse pucky” story tied to this one. (see previous “no horse pucky” blog posts – they are worth a read) I’ve told you before, that I adore anything that smells fabulous. Sometimes I think that smelling is my favorite sense. Anyway, I own a gazillion perfumes and the smell of this one does not fall into my usual spicy choices, yet I LOVE it! I discovered it in the most unusual way. I was practicing yoga at this lovely studio and I would go the bathroom and they were using this perfume as the bathroom spray there. However, it was an old bottle (I came to find out that the owner of the studio had purchased the half-used bottle, at a garage sale) so you could not read what the name of this fabulously wonderfully smelling stuff was, as much as me and the studio manager with a magnifying glass, tried to make it out. So, thankfully, I am absolutely dogged when I want to know something and with some internet sleuthing, I was miraculously able to figure it out. It is a minty, fresh, unusually clean, enlightening smell. (Fragrantica, btw, is a wonderful website and resource when you are researching fragrances.) I wish I were one of those people with a “signature scent”, but I am far too mercurial and expansive to settle on one or even, six perfumes.

the CREME shop I am GLOWING dewy primer & setting spray– When I was in CVS the other day, desperately waiting for the Minute Clinic doctor to help me to fix my miserable sinus cavities, I was killing time looking at their new display of The Creme Shop make-up. Now, typically I don’t like setting sprays. They make my face break out and they make me look like I accidentally missed my hair and sprayed a bottle of Aqua Net on to my face. Still, I’m a hopeful person, so I purchased this stuff and I love it! It sprays on more like water and it does not make my face feel stiff or sticky. Yet, I do notice that my make-up seems to last longer without having to do touch-ups. Now, they also offer a matte finish, but I choose to stay clear of matte finishes. I find that matte finishes on me, scream, “Hey, hi, look at my wrinkles! Here, I’ve highlighted them for you with my spray.”

Lady Bee Lavender Hand Soap – I feel guilty putting this one on the list because I’m not sure that it is even available anymore. I got mine at T.J. Maxx and I haven’t seen it there in a while and an online search of it was fruitless. Still, if you are dogged like me, go on a hunt for it. It is worth it!! I bought this on a whim one day, because my husband has a thing for bees and honey. Therefore, I try to surround us, with all things “bee.” We have a bee coverlet, I have lots of bee jewelry, and we even go to bee-themed restaurants. Seriously, one time we went to this restaurant in Colorado called The Golden Bee. The waiters threw little sticky bee-themed patches at you that stuck to your clothes, as you were ordering your food. True story and fun! Anyway, this is another concoction that smells too good for words. I keep it in the kitchen, and I have never seen my family wash their hands more. I don’t understand how we get sick, we wash our hands so much. It is incredibly good smelling soap!

Okay, guys, that’s a wrap. Have a fantastic weekend!!!

“I’ve eaten more than enough kale this week to justify destroying my body this weekend.” – someecards

What She Said

One of my favorite authors has always been Anna Quindlen. When I was young, I would eagerly await our family’s subscription to Newsweek and flip to the last page, to her column. It never failed to delight me and to provoke me to ponder. When I was in my twenties, I read her novel Black and Blue, which is one of the first books to really show the terror of stalking and the deadly reality of domestic violence. Another of one of her books, One True Thing, which was made into a movie with Meryl Streep and Renee Zewelleger, is one of those book/movies that has stuck in my memory for years. I think Anna Quindlen is a master with the pen. So, when I was at the library the other day, I checked out another one of her books called Being Perfect. It is a small, short, tome that reads more like an essay. I believe that I may have read it before, but somehow the Universe knew that I needed to read it again.

The premise of the book is that a lot of us start out in life, trying to live and to be, a formula of perfection. She claims that we morph ourselves into various forms of that formula, depending on what stage of life we are in – our early school days, our college years, being a parent, in our marriages, our various careers, etc. She claims that by being in what she calls a “lockstep” of trying to be perfect, we are cheating ourselves, and all of those who are having experiences with us, out of a true, authentic, in-depth experience that can only be unique to us. Computers are perfect. We are so much more imperfectly, deliciously complex.

When you first start taking your writing seriously, I think all writers fall into that “it’s all, already been said” mentality. I recently read about an author who was dying of cancer and claimed that she didn’t want to be that “cliche of another writer, writing about dying.” I love Anna Quindlen’s take on that in Being Perfect. This is what she said:

“Sometimes I meet young writers, and I like to share with them the overwhelming feeling I have about our work, the feeling that every story has already been told. Once you’ve read Anna Karenina, Bleak House, The Sound and the Fury, To Kill a Mockingbird and A Wrinkle in Time, you understand that there is really no reason to ever write another novel. Except that each writer brings to the table, if she will let herself, something that no one else in the history of time ever has. That is her own personality, her own voice. If she is doing Fitzgerald imitations, she can stay home. If she is giving readers what she thinks they want instead of what she is, she should stop trying.

But if her books reflects her character, the authentic shape of her life and her mind, then she may well be giving readers a new and wonderful gift. Giving it to herself, too. And that is true of music and art and teaching and medicine.”

She also applies this philosophy to parenting. This is what she says:

“You will convince yourself that you will be a better parent that your parents and their parents have been. But being a good parent is not generational, it is deeply personal, and it all comes down to this: If you can bring your children the self that you truly are, as opposed to some amalgam of manners and mannerisms, expectations and fears that you have acquired as a carapace along the way, you will be able to teach them by example not to be terrorized by the narrow and parsimonious expectations of the world, a world that often likes to color within the lines when a spray of paint, or a scribble of crayon, would be much more satisfying.”

My daughter, a budding artist, brought home a paper mache project the other day, in which she had decorated with words and ideas that inspired her. One quote on the project was from Salvador Dali. It said:

“Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.”

I asked her why that particular quote struck her. She said, “Well, if a great artist like Salvador Dali knew that he wouldn’t reach perfection, why should I worry about it? It makes me feel freer.”

I think that I can only end this day’s post with a smile.

The Triad

In the beginning of the year, I spend a lot of time reflecting on the balance of my life. I want to keep the triad – mind, body, spirit, all in good form, working together, no form of favoritism to one point of the triangle, that only serves to throw my whole unit off of balance. When you get to the second half of adulting, you certainly want to continue to grow, but you also want to make sure that you are maintaining everything that you have worked so hard to learn and to achieve and to treasure. Maintenance is so important. We see that obvious fact in our cars and in our homes and in our investment accounts, but sometimes we don’t apply it to ourselves.

No one looks at an elite athlete, a totally fit person at the gym and goes, “Why are they still here? They look great! They’ve got the perfect body. Time to move on.” No, it’s perfectly understood that the athlete has not only worked hard to achieve their current physique and endurance at the gym, but also, she or he must work very hard to maintain that level of physical prowess. That athlete probably spends more time at the gym than anyone, and no one blinks an eye. No one looks at a scientist, working late into the night, researching in a laboratory and says, “Why are they still in the lab? They’re already smart and knowledgeable enough. They’ve already earned their Ph.D. Time to shut the books.” No, most everyone accepts that scientists are always looking for ways to improve their thinking and problem solving, and always working on new discoveries to keep their minds and proficiency sharp. However, when it comes to “spirit” or our emotional side, why is there often the assumption that something is wrong with the person who regularly maintains their sanity and peaceful way of being, through therapy, or self-help or AA groups or a strong dedication to their religious practices, etc.? Often on the “spirit” side of things, we seem to have the idea that whatever is going on emotionally or spiritually within us, we need to “fix it and move on and quickly.” People puzzle over the regularly attending AA member who started as a teenager and hasn’t had a drink in 30 years, or are convinced someone they know is being brainwashed and controlled or trying to “fill a hole” because they attend many church or temple services throughout the week. People feel like they have to hide the fact that they take anti-depressants or ADD medication, or else be judged and discriminated against. Even a lot of health insurance companies often limit the amount of times someone can visit a therapist and have the therapy still be covered. But just as we must constantly work on the health of our bodies and the acuity of our minds, mustn’t we always be maintaining the nurturing of our spirits?

I think that is why “mental health awareness” has become such a hot topic these days. People applaud the overweight person who joins Weight Watchers and starts exercising regularly. No one denies the importance of an education and constantly learning new things. Graduation ceremonies are often “standing room only.” So I think we have to put that same kind of focus and understanding and acceptance of the importance of maintaining emotional health and sanity. Why is it wrong or “weak” to have healthy, peaceful practices that help get us and keep us “on track”? It is usually the strongest people who admit that they need help. If we don’t start socially supporting and applauding and accepting the healthy practices people do to stay on an emotional even keel, I believe that we will only continue to see the rise of addiction and suicide and school shootings and terrorism, etc. On an individual basis, we inherently understand the importance of a balanced state of being, so why can’t we reflect that on a societal basis? I’m hoping that this is our next major shift into a more enlightened state of being. I see that as a better future for my children and my future grandchildren. And in this second half of adulting, nothing is more important to me, than their future.