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Friday Presents

Merry Christmas, my dear friends and readers! It is funny to me, that this Christmas has fallen on my favorite day of the week, Friday. Typically I write about three favorite products or stores or songs or websites, etc. that make my material life magical. There is a nice pile of gifts, under the tree from Santa, so hopefully I’ll pick some favorites from that pile, to write about next Friday. Today though, I want to focus on you, because you, my readers, are a major part of one of my most favorite things in this world, my blog. Besides my family and my friends, this blog is probably the most dear thing, to my sweet little loving heart. Through this blog, I have rediscovered my passion for writing, I have found purpose, I have found my voice, and most importantly, I have been validated and “heard” by YOU. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yesterday, I read the best little story about Weird Al Yankovic’s (the song parody guy) favorite 2020 experience. He said, for as bad as 2020 was for the world, there were real moments of “joy sprinkled in”. Al talked about being a strange, shy, nerdy young boy in the 9th grade, and having a crush on a girl named Patrice, who sat in front of him in math class. He decided to draw a portrait of her, but to keep her off of the scent of his crush, he drew a picture of every single person in that class, and gave it to them (although he said he spent the most of his time and his effort, on hers). No romance ever came of the portrait, but this year, Al saw on his Twitter feed that a woman was claiming to have sat in front of him, in math class, in the 9th grade. He messaged her, asking if her name was Patrice. She said yes. Al then asked if she remembered when he drew everyone’s portrait in the class. Two minutes later, she messaged him the picture of herself that he had drawn many, many years ago. She had kept that lovely, heart-drawn picture, all of these years!!!

People never forget acts of love, acts of courage, acts of kindness, especially when these acts are needed the most. I think a lot about people who have touched my life, especially around this time of year. For some reason, a music teacher I had in elementary school, keeps popping up in my mind. I am sure that she is long gone. A Google search didn’t provide any answers. Anyway, Mrs. Nancy K was probably in her sixties when she taught me in elementary school. Mrs. Nancy K took her job very seriously. Our school’s musical Christmas productions were renowned. She had exacting standards and expected Broadway quality performances from us commonplace kids. Mrs. Nancy K insisted that we stand up straight and proper in our seats at all times (she had an iron rod posture herself). For some reason, I remember how important it was to her, that we pronounce “angels” correctly. “It is NOT anjewels . . .it is An-GELS, enunciate, children, enunciate.” One year I was cast as “a little doll” in one of her Christmas productions. I felt so special. I LOVED being that little doll.

I think that the point of my post is that we give and we receive gifts, to and from each other, all year long, many, many times, and often, these gifts are given quite unconsciously. There are so many people, many of them strangers, who have made a big difference in my days, in my weeks, and often even in my life. You, my readers, are people who have made a tremendous difference in my life. You are a blessing to me. Remember, always, that you are a gift. Your life is a gift to you, and it is a gift to others, not just on Christmas, but all year long. Your very presence is the present you give to the world. There is no better gift that you can give, and you can be, than your most authentic, beautiful self.

The Sweetness

Merry Christmas Eve, my dear friends and readers. I am late in writing the blog this morning, because I slept so soundly and late into the morning. A mama always gets her best rest when all of her babies are nestled gently in her own feathered, welcoming nest. Oh what sacred and delicious sleep I experienced last night!

There is always a huge build-up to these last few days of the year. I had to pick up a few things at the grocery store yesterday, and it was the proverbial zoo. I had to ride around the parking lot a few times in order to find a spot, to park my car. The frenzied energy of the holiday build-up was intense. People were seemingly excited, agitated, distracted and gleeful, all at the same time. I think that is what makes Christmas Eve so special. It is difficult to keep up an ardent and vigorous whirlwind of action and emotion for a long period of time. The buildup of this intensity, in all of us, seems to hit a pinnacle, particularly at the end of the year. We are busy in preparation for this moment of celebration. We prepare food, we prepare our homes, we prepare ourselves for nostalgic emotion, we prepare our children that the anticipation is almost over, and in all of this preparation, we often get exhausted and completely overwhelmed. And that is why Christmas Eve feels so particularly restful and peaceful and beautiful. All that is asked for us on Christmas Eve, is to savor in the tranquility, and awe of it all. It is interesting to me that there is such tremendous buildup, escalation and ballyhoo, to bring us to the most peaceful, placid, hopeful, still and quiet, moments of the year. Perhaps it is the extreme contrast of feelings and energy, that is truly needed to fully experience the miracle of the moment. Perhaps to really be able to fully sit still with our hearts, and with our souls, we need to release all of the excess, pent-up “other stuff”, to clear it out of the way. Would the birth of Jesus have been as profound if He had been born in a decked out luxury resort, with flashing lights and announcers, and banquets and showy background singers?? I think that the miracle of Christmas Eve, is that it is the subtle reminder for us, to lose all the “other stuff”, in order to gain ourselves. It is the quietest, most observant, deepest part of ourselves, who waits patiently, and knows that at one point, in this loveliest time of the year, we will be completely spent and overwrought and overstimulated, and we will crash deep down, and we will find the calm. We will find the peace. We will find the hope. We will find the faith. We will find the Love. And we will bask in the glow of it all. We will bask in these best gifts of this lovely, lovely season. How sweet it is!

An Octopus and a Penguin

I fell in love with an octopus last night. I had a kind of tough day and my husband knows just what to do to get me out of a funk. He suggested that we watch a strange, gorgeous, indie film, which he knows, is a surefire way to spark my imagination, and to light a fire in my heart. If you need to renew your faith in the utter beauty and complexity of the world, and yet at the same time, the beautiful simplicity of the creatures in it, watch My Octopus Teacher, which was filmed in the ethereal kelp forest, off the shores of South Africa.

This is a movie that encases the gorgeous cinematography of any Natural Geographic film, yet with feeling and deep attachment for its star creature. Never have I felt more attached to a movie animal since Bambi. My Octopus Teacher is essentially a sea-based Charlotte’s Web. When I took my dogs out this morning, and I gazed at the small lake behind our home, I smiled to myself, realizing all the life which is teeming under the still surface of the lake, filled with individual lives, and sparkling stories of individual creatures. Each life of any one creature, is more interesting and more intricate and more filled with the joy of just being alive, than we could ever imagine. My Octopus Teacher reminds you of this truthful wonder of life.

Another gift of the season, came to me yesterday from a different sea creature. Wellington, the rockhopper penguin (the type of penguin who looks like he has pony tails) was named “Chicagoan of the Year.” Wellington is a 32-year-old penguin who is filled with curiosity. He lives at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. Due to COVID, the Shedd Aquarium has been closed to visitors for most of the year, so the animal keepers have allowed Wellington to go on “field trips”, throughout the aquarium, to observe all different types of aquatic creatures. They filmed Wellington’s reactions. (the cute little, curious guy seemed particularly enthralled with the Amazon exhibit) When they shared a couple of these films of Wellington on his field trips, on their website, the videos went viral, and people asked for more and more. I have been one of those people who enjoyed these videos of Wellington from the get-go. I am thrilled with his “award.”

We need wonder right now, don’t we? We need to get lost in the unimaginable beauty of our world, and the creatures in it. We need to forget about the future for a little while, and we need to get totally entranced with the present moment. Most of nature does this quite naturally. Most of the natural world lives better in the flow of nature, and in the peaceful, honest cycles of Life, than we do. Let us never forget that we are but a small part of the unfathomably complex, and yet totally in-sync, natural world. We are part of nature. Let’s be our natural selves, and let’s release ourselves to the wonder of the world, and the natural rhythms and cycles of life. Let’s just flow with it all. I think that we will do so much better in 2021, versus how we handled 2020, if we drop our arrogance and the fallacy that we have any kind of real control. If we take the time to really notice and to consider and to observe just our own one life, and then take the time to really pay attention to all of the incredible varieties of life, bursting all around us, we will be too caught up in wonder and in awe, to be consumed by our petty problems. (And many of these problems are of our own making, if we are going to choose to be painfully honest with ourselves.) An octopus and a penguin brought me peace and wonder and hope yesterday evening. What wonderful natural gifts of the season! May I hold on to these precious gifts, which have always been freely available to me, well into the new year and beyond. If an octopus and a penguin can live joyfully in the moment, accepting Life on Life’s terms, so can I.

Peace in the Middle East

Our male dogs have a tenuous relationship. For most of the time, they get along very well. I recently took a picture of them sleeping together and sent it to the family chat. “Oh look, it’s like peace in the Middle East,” my eldest son quipped.

We have involved a trainer, and things were going swimmingly, for a few weeks. The last big scuffle (which usually involves Ralphie, the big, 83 pound Labrador losing his patience with the puppy antics of Trip, the little brown dog, and then Ralphie completely blowing an over-the-top gasket and Trip, screaming in terror) was on Thanksgiving Day. However, recently, since the boys have been home from college for the holidays, we have already experienced three more kerfuffles with the fluffles. There has been no blood shed, thankfully.

We have come to the conclusion that perhaps extra testosterone from the college boys, excitement for the holidays and more movement and energy in the house, may have something to do with the uptick of skirmishes during holiday times. It’s funny. It often seems that there is no one more excited to have the whole family together, in the house, than our dogs. Having their pack all together, is what our dogs seems to live for and they show their pure joy better than any of us, dancing and jumping with glee when anyone arrives back home. They really put their whole bodies into exposing their joy and happiness. Nothing makes them feel better than being with their family pack.

Still, when there is a change up in the household, the dogs’ regular routine is broken up a little bit. Their sleeping patterns get disrupted. Their walk times change. The dogs end up with a few more “treats” than they typically get, to go along with their regular food. So, as happy as the dogs are to have the family all together to celebrate, their anxiety levels and agitation, seems to lead to snappishness and to spats, more often than usual.

With this understanding about our dogs, we have to come to the expectation that these incidences are more likely to occur, particularly during times when there is more energy and excitement in our household. We have learned to be more cognizant of anticipating when these brouhahas are likely to happen, so that we have behaviors in place, to mitigate the build-up, in order to prevent things from coming to blows. We have found that time-outs for the pups, in their own private spaces (crates), are more frequently needed, when everyone is home for the holidays.

Having lived with dogs almost my entire life, I am always amazed at how much we learn from them. They aren’t so different from us, as we think. They mirror us more often than we realize. Yet, usually their reflection shines a little brighter than ours.

Bradshaw dog quote

Monday Fun-day

28 Winter Solstice Memes To Distract You From The Bitter Cold | Winter solstice quotes, Happy winter solstice, Solstice quotes

This Monday might actually be one for the books – in a good way. In case you, missed it, on this beautiful Winter Solstice Day, we are experiencing The Great Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn. What this means:

Scientifically:

On Monday night, a truly rare astronomical event will occur: Jupiter and Saturn will align in what NASA’s calling the “great conjunction.”

Jupiter and Saturn align in the sky once every two decades, according to NASA. Why are they calling this a great conjunction, then? For one, it’s been nearly 400 years since the two planets will appear this close to each other in the sky. To us, it’ll look like they’re a tenth of a degree apart; NASA said that at arm’s length, a pinky finger could cover both planets. 

A “great conjunction” occurred in July 1623 but it was impossible for humans to see because it was so close to the sun, according to the Associated Press. (Mashable, Anna Iovine)

Christianity:

And this is not an event you will want to miss as the conjunction will not be matched again until 2080.

Because of how close the planets will come to each other, chances are they will appear as a single star-like object in the night sky.

The phenomenon has, consequently, been likened to the Biblical Christmas Star as described in the Gospel of Matthew.

Some astronomers also speculate the fabled Star of Bethlehem that led the Three Wise Men to the newly-born Jesus Christ may have been a Great Conjunction of the two gas giants. (Express, Sebastian Kettley)

Astrologically:

Jupiter is said to be the planet of optimism, expansion, healing, growth, and miracles; Saturn, conversely, is associated with restriction, responsibility, and long-term lessons. When these energies combine, we can expect a major ideological reset — as Charles Harvey puts it in Mundane Astrology, this conjunction can usher in a new way of conceptualizing the interaction between “the perception of ideas, potentialities, possibilities (Jupiter) and their manifestation in the concrete material world (Saturn).”

This conjunction is taking place in Aquarius, the sign of innovation, humanitarianism, and independence, where the planets have not met since 1405 — right around the start of the Renaissance. That would be notable on its own, but on top of that, Aquarius is an air sign, which is known to be intellectual, communicative, and idealistic. For the past two centuries, the Jupiter-Saturn conjunctions have mostly taken place in earth signs, which are practical and grounded by nature. Now, going forward for the next 200 years or so, they will only meet in air signs. Miller refers to this change as a “Grand Mutation” — from stable earth energy to inventive air energy. (The Cut, Amanda Arnold)

In short, it’s kind of a big deal!! Enjoy!!

Soul Sunday

Good morning, loves. Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. I’m a little distracted this morning. My own words aren’t flowing. My husband just shared a video with our family, which was magically created by Apple. My family is outdoorsy. We have been blessed to have taken trips together, to some of the greatest natural wonders of our beautiful country. Big Brother Apple just made a lovely montage of our family, on the trails. (and thus, I forgive Apple completely for this intrusion of privacy) The video was pure poetry, in pictures and in motion. I think that poetry is honestly anything that makes you feel deeply. Poetry is not restricted to words. Poetry can be found in music and in nature, in pictures and in paintings, in expressions and in shadows. What makes you feel deeply? That is your poetry. Below are a couple of poetic quotes which I saw today on the internet, from some of my favorite writers. As always, please feel comfortable to share your poetry in my Comments section.

It’s less what the eyes see and more what the soul feels (Paulo Coelho)

Cave People

My darling,

Never decide to Dim your light Accommodating the Ones accustomed

To cages And caves (C. Joybell C.)

“Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” (Khalil Gibran)

Give Me Five

Recently I read this:

“The 5/5 Rule: If it is not going to matter in five years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes.”

That mantra has been proven to me again and again, as something to follow. I keep a brief daily journal. The spaces are so small, to answer the same 5-6 questions every single day, that I rarely even answer the questions in full sentences. One of the daily questions is: What challenged me today? When I look at my old journals and I look at my answers to that daily question, most of the time, I can’t even remember what challenge I was referring to in my answer. And certainly, I am not feeling any of the broody, moody feelings that accompanied my answer for that day.

I also keep a prayer box. When things are really worrying me, I write these worries down and I put them in my prayer box, knowing that they are being handled by forces far greater than me. It is astonishing to open that prayer box up, every so often, and to read my older worries, only to see how many of these concerns have been resolved, often in the most miraculous of ways. I highly recommend this practice. It is freeing.

Sometimes I think that I just soak in my worries, and my concerns, and my traumas and dramas, out of boredom, or as a distraction from the mundaneness that sometimes occurs in the practice of managing every day life. Obsessing on situations, often just leads to emotional chaos and then, my out-of-control emotions (caused by the freight train of my obsessive, ruminating thoughts), start to control me, if I don’t reign them back in. If I don’t control my emotions, then they control me.

And now for a holiday bonus tip:

I got a lot of interest on a recent post discussing “my purpose.” There is a brilliant, wise old soul (although judging by her picture, she is a beautiful young woman) on Twitter named Valencia. I read her Tweets every single day. She is the epitome of wise. (on an aside, most of the wisdom which I’ve garnered in my life, has come from the most unlikely of sources. A lot of the times, younger people are much wiser than many old fools.) I think that I came around to understanding my own purpose with her help. She posted this a few weeks or months ago, and I wrote it in one of my journals. It makes a lot of sense.

“Living with your purpose isn’t only a matter of career choice. If you have trouble finding your path, kindly stop pressuring yourself to pick ONE main direction. Instead, write down your values and the principles you wanna live by. You just found the foundation of your purpose.” (Valencia on Twitter)

The Friday Conversation

Good Morning Happy Friday Christmas Quote | Christmas quotes, Good morning happy friday, Cute snowman

Hi friends and readers! My regular readers know that Fridays are devoted to the fluff in life. (Some of you are getting covered in a quite a lot of fluff (snow). I hope that you are staying safe and warm and are enjoying the beauty and stillness of it, all!) I call Fridays, “Favorite Things Friday”, here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I discuss my favorite stuff, whether it be books or products or songs or videos. I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments and please check out previous Friday posts. (you may even find some good ideas for Christmas presents, in the archives) Last night, I stayed up late, writing out my Christmas cards. I saw this post on Twitter this morning, and it resonates (deeply):

“I can’t use my brain every day . . . it’ll get dirty.” (iris – Twitter)

My brain is a little foggy today. So, today I am only going to add one favorite. It is my favorite SNL clip of this holiday season. I think when something is incredibly funny and relatable, and yet it also tugs at your heartstrings, well that is just about perfect TV for me. This is one of those creative masterpieces that I’m talking about. Enjoy and have a wonderful Friday and weekend!!!

Eusociality

Last night, for my birthday, we had a family Zoom call, as none of my sons are home, yet, for the holidays. I know that we are all tired of Zoom. I know that Zoom is a poor substitute for experiencing the energy and closeness of each other, in person, but still, there are some good qualities to it that I enjoy. Watching the screen, is like seeing a moving portrait of my beautiful children. Further, it keeps my kids in contact with one another. A lot of times we moms tend to become the “news deliverers” to our children, about what is going on in their siblings’ lives. As kids scatter and move in all different directions, in their busy, hectic lives, the well intentioned calls to each other, often and understandably, get pushed to the wayside. So, Zoom, has a way of reminding them, that their siblings are actually a pretty fun, warm bunch. And I relish in watching them enjoy each other.

Holiday Mathis wrote today about “Eusociality” which is a scientific term for the way creatures such as ants, and bees and termites live and survive, in their social groups. Individually these organisms cannot live long without their group. They each have a special task and duty and purpose to fulfill, and the individual is not often capable of fulfilling the other tasks carried on by other members of the group. Some scientists actually see the larger organism (the group itself, living and working for the whole) as the one living entity because individually, most of these creatures could not survive for long on their own. Holiday says that some scientists argue that humans are “eusocial.” I believe that could be true. At the very least, when you have a family group or a friend group, and one member of that group is gone, the whole entity changes. When we have Zoom calls and one family member can’t make the call, the nature of the Zoom meeting is often completely different. And that’s only the micro-view. Imagine your day today, without your grocery workers, or the farmers who grew the food in the first place, or your postal workers, or the people who are keeping this internet thing afloat. (Imagine your day without reading my blog – scary! 😉 )

Even in these socially distant times, if you take the birds-eye view, we are still working as an interdependent life system, with every other living thing on this Earth. No mask can cover that fact up. And this one major life system of ours, might be a little sick right now, and it might have parts that are conflicted and weakened, but in the end, this life system of ours will heal itself. That is the beauty of Life and Creation. It was made to live and to breathe and to thrive. We are each just one little unit of that healing which goes to the healing of the whole, and I need to believe that we are well on our way. If we each do our own part to heal ourselves, we’ll be at overall wellness, before we know it.

Just Be Love

Today is my birthday. Today I turn 50 (sigh). It feels so strange and surreal to see that in writing. From about the age of 30, most women start getting reassured about their looks, on their birthdays. “Don’t sweat it! You look amazing! No one would ever guess your age!” I am as vain as the next girl. It certainly feels good to hear that you look young and vibrant and attractive. Still, that’s not what really gives me the yips on my birthdays. For me, birthdays are like my own personal job review.

The build up to my birthday, finds me in quiet contemplation. I think my friends and family sense that, and they start giving me reassurance. “Fifty is the new thirty-five!” is among one of those reassurances I have heard in the last few weeks. Last night, I watched a beach sunset with two of my friends who are already in their fifties. “Your fifties are freeing! You have more of a F#ck It attitude!” We ended the night laughing, excited for me, that I was going to enter the threshold of my “F#ck It Fifties!”

Here’s the honest truth. In the build up to my birthday, when I was reviewing my past year and my past decade, I noticed areas where I had grown and matured and persevered, and I felt proud and I felt reassured. I also admitted to myself, areas of my life managing, which could use some work. This year my Food/Drink Consumption gets marked “Needs Improvement.” Still, what I was really honed in on, during my personal review process is the question, “What is my purpose now?” My kids are mostly grown. Mothering is what I have made the crux of my career. In the last couple of years, I have been floundering a little bit, trying to find that goal post, in the fog of the threshold of starting to close one door of my life, before entering another one. It was around Thanksgiving time, that I was blessed with the peace, of a deep, intuitive knowing and understanding of what my purpose is, at this stage of the game, and from that moment on, turning 50 became something I was excited about, versus dreading.

In my younger years, life felt like more of a formulaic race. In my twenties and in my thirties, I was doing the starter gate stuff – finishing up college, starting my career, getting married, buying a house, raising a family. My friends and my contemporaries, who were my same age, were great for comradery and commiseration, but in all truthfulness, when you are young, you still think that there is a prize at the end. You still think that there is a secret sauce that determines an easy, perfect life. So sometimes, in the relationships with women your own age, you have a tendency to get a little catty and competitive with each other, too. But then, once you are in your forties, everything is broken wide open. The secret sauce idea gets outed, as a total farce. By this stage of the game, you and most everyone you know, has been walloped by one major life event or another which reminds you, that none of us have nearly the level of control that we think we have, over just about anything.

It occurred to me, over Thanksgiving, that throughout my entire life, whether they were my confident years or they were the years that I was just clinging to my safety raft, there was one constant which I had relied on, through all of these times (and I still do, even now). These constant forces in my life which I refer to, are the older women who made me feel the most comforted and assured, more than anybody else. Their wise, even presence affirmed to me with no unwavering terms: Everything is going to be alright. Older female family members, older female friends, church ladies, ladies who headed up clubs and organizations that I belonged to, the secretaries at the school where I volunteered, two influential female bosses who I had worked for over the years, ministers, older women in my play groups (I was a young mom), a nurse who held me after my miscarriage, women from internet support groups, a kind therapist, teachers, professors, neighbors, writers, even strangers who were probably angels in disguise, being there, right at the moment that I needed them, with that blessed, blessed assurance. Everything is going to be alright. Other people can give you that message, like your contemporaries and strong men, and it is certainly good to hear that message from anyone, but coming from an older woman, who has gone through the stages of life before you, and confidently and knowingly tells you, and shows you, that “Everything is going to be alright”, well, that is powerful. That is commanding. That is reassuring. That is the power we women hold in life, a power like no other. When we love unconditionally, and we become way-showers, that is when we really step into our true selves and our true purpose.

I think that it was around Thanksgiving that this steady, peaceful wisdom, and the knowing of my purpose came to me. I had been fretting about the fact that my children were getting older now, and I want them to want to have a relationship with me. I don’t want any relationships that are based on fear, obligation or guilt. Those aren’t true relationships. While thinking about how I would like my adult relationships with my children to go, a knowing just came over me. This divine intuition said to me, “Your job now is to be Love. Your purpose is to be Love.” I thought to myself, how freeing, how easy, how reassuring and simple and pure. My job (any of our jobs, really) is probably just to be Love, but for me, it has taken me most of my life to really settle into that fact.

As I turn 50, and I fully realize that now, there are a whole lot more younger people on this Earth, than older than me, I hope that I can offer to them, that same steady, wise, nurturing assurance, than no matter what, Everything is going to be alright. It is my turn to pay this affirmation forward – in my words, in my deeds, and in my being. It is an honor and privilege to accept this sacred duty. I am grateful for the deep peace and understanding that has overcome me, as I move further into this second half of my life. I am clear. I am purposeful. It is obvious: Be Love. Everything is going to be alright.