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Fav Things Friday The 3rd

Woop! Woop! It’s Friday! Happy Weekend!

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” – Jack Handey

I found this quote on one of my favorite things which I will explain below in the favorite things section. Years ago there was a sketch on Saturday Night Live called “Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey.” I always found them to be so funny. Anytime I find a quote or a thought or a musing that makes me think or makes me laugh I find somewhere to put it. A lot of them are in a notebook I have, which is now almost full, but I also tape them on things like bathroom mirrors and refrigerators and inside the cover of my Barnes and Noble Hardcover Daily Desk Diary, which brings me to my favorite things.

Barnes and Noble Hardcover Daily Desk Diary – By now, you all have figured out that I’m kind of the old fashioned type who loves to write things down. This is the calendar my family lives by and I have been buying the same style since 2008. Why is it so great? First of all, the monthly calendar blocks are nice and big and the weekly section is huge. There are little blurbs about books and authors throughout the pages, which is interesting, but it doesn’t take a lot of space. The maps in the back of the calendar are gorgeous. The best part is that the calendars are black leather bound book style calendars that look terrific on our book shelves. So I will keep them forever, and my kids can look back at them and say, “Oh, that’s when we went to Seattle or oh, that’s when I studied in Europe,” or “Wow, our lives were crazy busy and look how messy mom’s handwriting looks.” Like I said, I tape things on the inside cover that tickle me, like cute pictures or funny sayings throughout the year so that makes for an interesting look as to where my headspace was that particular year, too.

Meditations for People Who Worry by Anne Wilson Schaef – This is my latest favorite meditation book. I worry that I worry too much and this helps with that situation. I found this book in the bargain section of my bookstore. Some of the best books I have ever read, I have gotten in the clearance section or at garage sales. I always feel like this is on purpose. The right book comes at the right time. Someone once told me that coincidence is God being anonymous and I definitely think that’s how it works with books. This is a great, comforting daily read and I highly recommend it!

iRobot Roomba vacuum cleaner- We first saw the Roomba rolling around by itself vacuuming the floors of Jesse’s house after a big party on an episode of Breaking Bad. My husband and I felt right then and there, that it had our family’s name written all over it. Six people, two shedding dogs and a lot of foot traffic makes for some nasty floors in our house. Our Roomba has been going strong for years on a daily basis. I still marvel at how well it works! The only thing that it ever disappointed us with, is it’s lack of smelling capability. When our ancient dog, Bojangles, started having “getting outside fast enough” issues, Roomba, unfortunately felt the need to spread the love. Overall, though, A+++++ product!!

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****Hi readers! Please feel free to add your favorites to Favorite Things Friday in the comments section. I’m always looking for new Favorites! 🙂

Musings on Parenting

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

The above poem by Kahlil Gibran has always resonated with me when it comes to parenting. Receiving compliments on my children has always rung false to me and it’s not because I don’t think they are amazing people. I, like most mothers, think that my four children are the most incredible people on the face of this earth. When I do receive compliments, I have a pat answer. “Thank you. God figured we couldn’t handle much.” My children have been easy to raise, kind and understanding, and full of life. If my husband and I gave them a stable and peaceful environment in which to bloom, which I hope we have, then maybe we deserve a compliment for that, but overall they are blooming into the interesting, talented and lively people that they are because that is the seeds that were implanted into them by forces much greater than I. They are part of this unfolding Universe, part of God’s plan and my only job is to get out of the way and let Divinity take its course. This is especially true now that they are embarking into their own adulthoods.

Years ago I read an article about Paloma Picasso. I cut out the part she wrote about being a parent. She said, “I don’t think the parent and child should be so intimate that it becomes a jail for the child. I’ve tried to help my children become themselves.” So the other day, when talking on the phone to my son who has moved out into his independent adult life, he kindly asked me what I had been up to since he’d been gone. I proudly mentioned that I had started blogging. I wanted him to feel comfort that I was branching out, listening to my own deep longings and taking brave new steps into new avenues of my own life. I wanted him to feel as secure about me being okay and energized and positive, as I feel about him and his experiencing of his new journey.

One of my favorite books of all time, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching talks about the Empty Nest this way:

The “empty nest syndrome”

should never bother

parents of the Tao.

Of course we’ll miss our children

But all of their lives we have helped them

embrace life and welcome change.

We have learned to do the same.

New moments await us.

Our nest

and theirs,

is never empty.

I couldn’t say it better.

The Best Half

I think I need an attitude adjustment. I think I have been “resigning” to aging. I think I have fallen a little into to that “it’s all downhill from here” trap. I got to thinking yesterday that the second half of anything is always the better half! The Second Half of Adulting is going to be amazing!

I live with a lot of men and a very athletic daughter. So despite the fact I didn’t own a good pair of tennis shoes until my thirties, I have come to be a sports fan. I have watched a lot (A LOT) of sports games over the years and to save time, I’ve come to believe that you only need to watch the second half of any game. The second half is better and way more exciting. By the second half, the players “get each other”. They are in their groove with their teammates and they know what they are up against with their competition. At halftime, they’ve reviewed their mistakes and they have experienced trick plays. The players know that there are more trick plays to come, but they are better prepared and not surprised when these plays happen. They get that “time is of the essence”. The players appreciate that they don’t have all the time in the world to meet their objectives, so they play with urgency. They play ALIVE! It’s exciting, the second half of any game!

Think about movies and books and plays. Once again, the second half is always better. How many times when reading a book have you snuck ahead to the second half? The second half of any good story is where the rubber hits the road. The second half has all of the action, the climax, the moral of the story and the happily ever after. The first half is just about character development so that you can get to the excitement of the more meaningful second half.

What about a really good meal? The second half has the dessert cart. Need I say more? Pregnancy? The second half comes with the baby!!!

So, here’s to all of my fellow Second Halfers! We’ve made it! The best is yet to come! Go over your game plan, make sure your character has developed the way you want it to and enjoy your just desserts!!

Summertime Blues

I have a little of that “end of summer” melancholy going on right now. My high schoolers are headed back to school on Monday and my college student son heads back to the university in about a week and a half. His girlfriend came over to the house to say good-bye to us last night as she is heading back to college early for her sorority rush season. We released our eldest son into his own adult world earlier this summer. I wonder when we are complete “empty nesters” if the seasons will seem as acutely distinct as they do right now.

It’s not that I’m entirely sad that summer is over. The heat has slowed everything to a molten glob of inertia. I’m eager for a faster pace. The summer jobs that the kids have had at the beach and eateries have lost their novelty and newness and the “wind down” is obvious. I remember how shockingly disrupted I felt the first summer after all four of my kids had started going to school for full days. I’m a person who likes my “alone time” and I am eager to feel the uninterrupted quiet of my thoughts and my own personal rhythms again.

Still, it’s the little things that make each summer special and a little unique to previous summers. This year when I drove my daughter to tennis every morning, we enjoyed a routine of listening to the same crazy radio show and laughing along with the antics of the DJs who we have both grown to really like. We saw on a country road, the same elderly man, dressed formally, always smiling, walking with his cane and this mop of a dog that my daughter and I have nicknamed “Smoothie.” “Smoothie” gives us the most hilarious “stare down” every morning, annoyed that we have disturbed the peace of she and her beloved. The few times that we haven’t seen them on their daily walk, we have been concerned. We missed them. I will miss them this fall.

Summer is the time of big, new adventures and the anticipation of big, new adventures. It is the time of slowing down and baking, prepping for the feast of the banquet of new learning and growing in the fall. It is a pause in the schedules of life. I have to hit “play” again here soon and I think I’m ready, but I’ll keep the bright memories stored on my life drive forever.

Did You Write That?

I miss handwriting. I never wanted to be one of those old people who laments about the “good ol’ days”, but there are certain things that I wish could have a revival. Handwriting is one of those lost arts that we don’t see too much of anymore. It needs to be brought back.

What is more personal than handwriting? It’s funny, but back when I was in school, we spent as much time learning handwriting as we did learning geometry. It was always taught by the most anal-retentive, meticulous teacher in the school. We all had the same practice books with the connect the dots configurations and yet, in the end, despite the hours and hours of “practice makes perfect”, none of our handwriting looks the same. Handwriting is one of our own personal markers, almost like fingerprints. When you get that rare card (never a letter anymore) in the snail mail, you usually know who it is from before you even open the card. Even if the handwriting is awful and messy and hard to read, it is lovely, because it is a true personal stamp of a person you care about.

Today’s conversations are mostly done in digital form. It makes sense. Email and texts are efficient, easy and convenient. They are easy to read. But none of that is nearly as personal as our own handwriting. The emoticons and GIFs and many fonts are all somebody else’s creation, borrowed and apropos, but missing the element of “uniquely you.”

My handwriting has definitely gotten worse and less legible over the years. I imagine that this is due to a combination of age and lack of use. My husband always teases me about my vast collection of pens that I store like they are hurricane supplies. I have an entire shelf devoted to beautiful stationery. I delight in those chalkboard signs that cute eateries have where the employee with the prettiest handwriting has displayed the day’s menu highlights in a rainbow of chalk colors. I think it is possible that handwriting is a lost art that will someday be featured in art galleries around the world. I’ll buy a ticket to see that exhibition. It will be wonderful!

Downsizing

Yesterday we got a moving announcement in the mail. We are starting to get more of those lately. They are different than the ones we got when we were just starting our family, when we were just starting to be entrenched in the First Half of Adulting. The ones we got back then were clearly because our friends were moving to different cities and states to climb in their careers or moving to bigger homes with bigger yards to accommodate their growing families. The new variety, the Second Half of Adulting moving announcements appear to be more of the downsizing variety. Recently my husband’s friend suggested he and his wife were starting to look at townhomes and condos now that their youngest had headed to college. We even have friends looking at 55+ communities. It’s the subtle little things like this that start to show you that you are shifting into your Second Half. They kind of take you by surprise, but also make you think and reflect. In the First Half of Adulting, you start hearing about people getting engaged, you go to wedding after wedding and then the baby announcements start appearing in the mail. These little announcements, perk your attention, make you wonder about what you are doing in your own life and to reflect on your own choices. So now, in this Second Half of Adulting, the pricks of attention are coming in different forms of announcements. What would it feel like to be less encumbered? It’s almost like getting another blank page to start creating all over again, but with a whole different set of parameters.

Life is kind of like a bell curve. In the First Half of Adulting, you build, build, build, climb, climb, climb, and now it appears that this Second Half of Adulting is going to be more about releasing and letting go of all of that “build and climb.” My family has always enjoyed hiking and of course, going down the mountain is always the easier part of the hike. I’m hoping that holds true in life. No matter what though, I’m curious and I’m up for the adventure.

Broken Toes Hurt!

The wonderful thing about having years of experience under your belt, is all of the influences and people who have made strong impressions on your life. One piece of advice that I got back in my twenties has stuck with me my entire life and I have passed it on to many people myself since then. At the time I got the advice, I belonged to a Mommies group of very wise women who, though we have scattered in many directions throughout the years, I will never forget their influence and kindness in the beginning years of my parenting adventures and mishaps.

The day I got the sacred advice, I was sitting in my friend’s kitchen as our children were all interacting with each other and toy cars and legos and cartoons. I was lamenting dramatically about a problem that must have been relatively minor, since to this day, I honestly can’t even remember what that problem was about. Mid-sentence into my dramatics, it occurred to me that my problem was almost irrelevant compared to what my friend had been going through. After having her first child, trying for a second child had ended in endless miscarriages and several failed, expensive IVF treatments. The situation was taking a huge toll on her body, her marriage and her very outlook on life. She and her husband had recently decided to stop trying again for another baby. “I’m so sorry!” I said to my friend, full of guilt and shame. “What I’m going through is nothing compared to what you are experiencing.” She grabbed my hand and said, “Just because someone is having a heart attack next to you, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.”

Now my third son recently broke his actual toe to the the point that he needed to have it operated on, so I can attest that yes, broken toes are indeed very painful. While it is often necessary to look at horribly sad situations that people are going through, to keep your own problems in perspective, it is not good to diminish or dismiss your own very real feelings about your own very real experiences. It is not possible to have compassion and true empathy for others’ blights, if you haven’t allowed yourself to feel and experience the kinds of sadness, loneliness and fears that people go through when they are having a tough time of it. When people go through the tragedies in life, who besides God, do they often turn to for hope and direction? Usually, the most helpful people are people who can relate. Support groups of people who have experienced the same similar adversity and have shown that it is possible to come through to the other side of the pain, are usually the greatest inspiration to people trying to put the pieces of their own lives back together.

We’re not meant to go through this thing called Life alone. If we were, this blog wouldn’t even exist. When I read others’ blogs and books and listen to others’ stories, it fills me with the sense of, “Oh yes, I can relate to that.” or “Oh good, someone else sees this the same way I do.” or “Oh wow, I never looked at it that way. That’s helpful.” At the very least it’s, “Hmmmm, interesting.” I’m grateful that the downsides of my life experience have mostly been more of the “broken toe” variety, but I’m also grateful that I can share my “broken toe” experiences with people who are travelling with me. I honestly and fully feel it all, and thus, I deeply understand.

Favorite Things Friday the 2nd

Happy Friday!!!! Why are Fridays so great? I think it’s all about the anticipation. Even if you don’t have weekend plans, it’s the deliciousness of not having plans, to be free to your whims is what makes weekends so much fun. For years and years and years our weekends were taken up by travel soccer, softball, basketball tournaments, robotics events, etc. etc. etc. My husband and I were often two ships passing each other on our ways to opposite ends of our city or our state, depending on the events. When we first started having free weekends, we were a little shell-shocked. It was hard to be without a schedule. Now, we embrace our freedom to explore and to adventure together. Life is magic!

On to favorite things:

Aityvert Solar Torch Lights – Oh my! This is my latest set of favorite things in the world. They make me excited for darkness! Last weekend my husband and I took a walk around a neighborhood we don’t typically walk around. (On an aside, I have read that walking in areas that are new to you is not just great for you physically, but is also wonderful for your mental health. It helps you see things/issues/problems in new perspectives. Try it!) Anyway, we saw these wonderful sidewalk lights decorating this beautiful, old Victorian home. I thought they must be gas powered because they look exactly like real fire. But they are not! They are solar powered. They don’t even require batteries! My son didn’t know that we bought them and he almost ran out to our backyard with a hose because he thought someone had kept a summer campfire going. These are just awesome. 🙂

Grey Free by Guiliano – These “mascara wand style” grey hairs coverage are my go-to helpers in between my salon appointments. Gone are the days for me, when my beauty routine was “quick and easy”. Everything is a chore and a drawn out process. My salon appointments take at least half a day, so I spread them out as long as I possibly can. I’ve tried crayons and shampoo-in type grey coverage, but I always come back to these babies. My greys tend to be in clumps in different sections of my hair, so this mascara wand style really works for me and the color stays put until it is washed out. They are inexpensive and come in many different shades. The only downside is that they don’t seem to have a long shelf life. They get an “off smell” if they are kept too long.

No. 7 Airbrush Away Pore Minimizing Primer – I found out about this wonderful product through one of those magazine articles that takes reader polls about “the best of the best” in beauty products. I find beauty product selections so overwhelming these days that I prefer to go with recommendations from friends and trusted sources. This primer is absolutely perfect when you need to “save face” – meaning that you don’t want to look like the Joker by the end of a hot and humid summer day. If you want your make-up to have staying power, than start with this product and you’ll be good to go for the whole day! The best part is that you can buy it in places like Target and Walgreens.

Three’s the magic number. Thank you for reading my blog! Have a fantastic weekend!

You’re Fired!

Earlier this year, my aunt and uncle came to visit us. We were very excited to see them as we don’t get to see them very often due to the fact that they live in England. So, I spent a lot of time preparing for their visit. On the day of their arrival, the rest of the family was at school and work, so I did the final preparations. (you know shopping, cooking, shoving things in closets) About an hour or so before their due arrival, I set the dining room table elegantly and I lit a scented candle before heading to take my shower.

About 5 minutes into my shower, I heard a voice I’ve never heard before. It was an extremely loud, urgent woman’s voice broken up intermittently by a piercing beeping sound. Her voice firmly screamed, “Fire! Fire! Fire!” Now right outside of the shower entrance was Ralphie, our labrador retriever. He is a water dog, through and through, and we’ve had to train him that he cannot shower with us, so he just waits right outside the shower door hoping to catch some mist. Ralphie went into overdrive the minute the screaming woman started screaming. Lacey, our collie, who usually walks around the house herding dust bunnies (mostly her own hair), came running to meet me at the shower, too. Now, I’m kind of “hit or miss” when it comes to emergencies, so I didn’t think to grab a robe or a towel. I just ran naked out to the dining room with my hysterical canine entourage in tow. There in the center of my dining room table, the centerpiece had fallen into the candle and the middle of the table was on fire. If I had done it on purpose, it actually looked kind of cool and dramatic, but obviously, there is nothing really cool about a wooden table being on fire.

It’s funny when you look back at these things and observe your reactions. At that moment, I was honestly just annoyed as hell. The noise of the screaming woman fire alarm and the barking dogs was driving me mad. I was running naked from the kitchen to the dining room, tripping over my hysterical dogs, with pitchers of water and the whole time, in my mind, I was going over whether we would have to eat in the kitchen now and would we all fit?!? Seriously. As I was throwing water at my table, I started wondering if I would have time to buy another tablecloth. Thankfully, my mind wasn’t going to the fact that my whole house could burn down with me and the pups with it. I guess minimizing is my emergency defense mechanism?!?

In the end, I was able to put the fire out, and luckily, since I had a thick tablecloth and even thicker table pads, our dining room table (which has a lot of sentimental value – granted, dining rooms tables usually do, due all of the family meals, holidays, games, arguments and celebrations that are often shared around them) was completely spared. In fact, we even ate in the dining room that night. Despite the campfire aroma, all went very well.

So what is the point of this story? None really. I just think it’s funny and it is good to laugh every day. Especially at yourself.

Readers are Badass

There was one thing I was really looking forward to getting as I aged. Readers. I think readers are badass. I’ve had glasses since the third grade for my nearsightedness and I graduated to contact lenses as quickly as I could get my shaky little fingers still enough to poke them on my eyes (which was about 5th grade). I only wear my prescribed glasses when I’m up really early or I have pinkeye. In fact most people who know me, probably don’t know that I have faulty eyes. However, when it comes to readers I have about 20 pairs.

When I was younger and I saw a woman in readers, I stopped and paid attention. I felt respect. She meant business. She had been around the block, seen it all and was taking no prisoners. Readers represented the confidence that comes with age, wisdom and experience. And they are sexy! Readers are alluring. When a woman looks at you with readers on, she has to bow her head and look over them, like she has two sets of eyes on you. You’re not getting away with anything, when a woman looks at you over the top of her readers. I imagine most men want to rip those readers right off because they know that behind those readers is a woman who is old enough to know what she wants and she’s not settling. How attractive is that!?!

I know a lot of people don’t agree with me when it comes to readers and I admit that I hate the idea of actually NEEDING readers. For example, my son made a lucky find of a vintage Gucci watch in a consignment store the other day. I said, “Honey, it’s an obvious fake. It says: Made In China.” He said, “Mom, get your readers, it says: Made in Italy.” He was right and the watch was real. Still, at that moment when I shuffled through my purse for my “no apologies, no gullibilities” bright yellow pair of optical awesomeness, I couldn’t wait to put them on. I felt sexy, secure in myself and ready to take on whatever else the day was going to bring.