admin, Author at Adulting: Second- Half

Tenderness, Courage, Hope

Merry, merry Christmas, my dear family, friends and faithful readers. You mean so much to me! Last night we attended a candlelight church service. At the end of the service, the pastor remarked on the fact that he is always in awe of how much light can come from just one small light. The large, packed church was illuminated so brightly and beautifully by all of our candles, yet every single candle in the church had been lit from the small, ordinary original candle that the pastor was holding.

I took from that message, just how important it is to spread your own light. Spread your own love. More comes from that, than you could ever know. Your light has touched my life in such a beautiful way. By writing this blog, something has awakened in me that was lying dormant for years. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your kindness, validation and steadfastness. It is so appreciated. You are one of my greatest gifts of 2018, as I find myself reflecting on this past year.

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor

Thank you for agreeing to reflect on this Second Half of Adulting with me. Thank you for taking this journey with me with the light of curiosity, hope, connectivity and humor. Merry Christmas to all of you – you are beautiful lights in my life. We are in this, together. We are strong, capable and have a lot more to give, do and be, before our light fades.

“What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future.” – Agnes M. Pahro

A Good Day for a Good Day

Merry Christmas Eve, my friends! I recently saw a sign that said, “Today is a good day for a good day!” Sometimes we think we don’t have control of what kind of day that we will have, but honestly, we do have a lot of control of our daily experience. It really does always come down to perspective.

The first year that we moved to Florida from up north, I was in a store, talking to a clerk (story of my life) and I was complaining how weird it was to have a warm Christmas. I was telling the clerk that I was finding it difficult to believe that it was Christmas-time and that I was having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit. Christmases should be cold with a chance of snow is what I was thinking and conveying. I guess that I finally got on her nerves enough, so that she finally retorted, “Hmmm, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that Jesus was born in a climate a lot more like this, with palm trees, to boot.”

I like it when people wallop me back into the reality of how I’m coming across. I honestly do, especially when I agree with them. I read another really good piece of knowledge on Twitter (FofF) the other day. It went like this: Some people create their own storms and then get upset when it rains.

I think I want to be my own best friend on this lovely Christmas Eve. I don’t want to create unnecessary storms for myself or for others. I want to try to focus on all of the good stuff. My husband and I are so lucky to have all four of our kids home for the holidays this year. I’m having so much fun getting to know our new fluffy puppy. Today really is a good day for a good day! I hope that today’s among the best days that you’ve had, all year long, my friends! Merry Christmas Eve!

And Along Came Josie

So, we all knew that this was coming. After days of me and our dog Ralphie, lying around in morose corpse poses, after the loss of our elderly collie, Lacey, we started looking at websites for other dogs. Our family has never had just one dog at a time. We like things in multiples – kids (4), pets (plenty). I’ve always had a soft spot of compassion, for anyone who lives right next to us. Anyway, I told my husband that I want our next dog to be large, full of soft fur, gentle, yet a good guard dog, good with kids and other pets, easy to train, elegant, yet sporty enough to keep up with our crazy, energy-filled 18 month old labrador, Ralphie. However, due to my rawness over the loss of our legendary collie, Lacey, we couldn’t get another collie. He looked at my list of requirements, and placated me for a while as I poured through dog books and websites, and finally, he softly asked, “Are you sure we shouldn’t get another collie?”

Our new puppy is a 7 month-old collie named Josie. She does have different coloring than Lacey, but otherwise she has already proven to be a perfect example of why we adore collies. She reminds me so much of Lacey, it sometimes brings tears to my eyes, but she is definitely less timid than Lace, deciding that our socks make for wonderful toys, swimming with Ralphie might be fun, all of the Christmas presents under the tree must be hers, and that counter surfing can make for a fun sport, especially when you have a long nose. As our beloved veterinarian Dr. Pablo said to Josie (and I kind of think that he might have been talking to me, as well), “Oh, Josie, you have BIG shoes to fill. But every puppy is his or her OWN puppy. Every puppy is special.”

Sadly Happy and Happily Sad

I’m going to be very un-PC and use this inopportune time of the year to be a little bah-humbug. You see, not everyone loves the holidays. Not everyone is Buddy the Elf. In fact, some people dread the holidays, like no other time of the year. Most of the people I know, who I am intimate enough to be honest with, have a lot of mixed-bag emotions around this time of the year. And that’s okay. I’m one of those mixed-bag people. Some of the holiday events make me feel excited, happy, joyful and peaceful. Some holiday events make me feel sad, nostalgic, aggravated, resentful and bring up old grief.

I consider myself an optimistic, upbeat person. I don’t like being around Debbie Downers, nor do I want to be perceived as one. That being said, it’s okay to move your thoughts to the positive aspects of the holiday season, without denying that the sad, painful, thoughts arise sometimes, too. I just try to notice those darker thoughts, accept them and then refocus on things that I am looking forward to, in the new year.

In the end, I want you to know that I will be a constant throughout the holidays. I have posted every single day since the middle of July and I will continue to post every single day until I run out of things to say and I guarantee you, that unless my mind, hands, or wifi stops working, I will continue to post on a daily basis throughout the holidays to the new year, for certain. So, if you need a break from it all, grab a gingerbread cookie and come sit with my post. I’ll feel your presence and you can feel mine. Whatever you’re feeling is okay. If you are merry or lonely, over-excited or depressed, it’s all okay. If you are filled with hilarity or filled with pent-up frustration, feel your feels and set them free. I’m here for you. I understand. Don’t try to change your feelings. Just let them be. Believe it or not, your feelings are a precious gift from above. They are proof of just how vividly alive you are and how you are so attuned to the experience of Life.

“Christmas brings me a sense of nostalgia that makes me feel sadly happy and at the same time, happily sad!” – Jean-Paul Malfatti

Friday’s My Favorite

Buddy the Elf’s Manager: Why are you smiling like that?

Buddy the Elf: I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite!

Buddy the Elf’s Manager: Make Work your favorite. That’s your favorite, okay? Work is your new favorite.

Ha! It’s Favorite Things Friday and there is no way, ever that work is going to make the list. Smiling can make the list on Favorite Things Friday, but not work. Nuh-uh, no way, no how. New readers, on Fridays, I keep things light and happy and smiley. There are no deep thoughts on Fridays. I typically list about three things, songs, apps, websites, twitter feeds, etc. that make the experience of my life just a little bit grander. I would love for my readers to get involved in the comments section and add to the favorites list so we all can have an even grander experience is this game called Life.

Today, I am going to expand my list a little bit because I’m only going to discuss nail polish colors. Now, I have hideous fingernails and I’m too lazy, impatient, cheap and rough with my hands, to get acrylics. However, I have always had pride in my feet. I think that I have decently pretty feet. I also love a good pedicure, even more than a massage. Even though “work is not my favorite”, if I had a dream job, I think it would be naming nail polish colors. I think those people are among the most creative people in the world, and I’d love to be part of that colorful crowd! Here goes:

In the brown family: Essie Partner in Crime (a dark, chocolate brown) and Essie Mink Muffs (a light, chocolate milk brown). Also, OPI Krona-logical Order (a greyish, earthy brown).

In the orange family: This is my only go-to in the orange family and I go-to it a lot! Essie Playing Koi (an dark, autumn-like, rusty orange)

In the green family: My skin tone looks terrible with light greens, but this rich, foresty, dark green is fabulous!! Essie Stylenomics

In the blue family: Blue is another tricky color with my skin tone, which bums me out, because I love the blues on other people. That said, I can get away with this light, sky blue version. OPI No Room For The Blues

In the red family: I know Russia is a touchy subject these days, but this is the only red that works for me. Dark, mysterious, maroon-ish and metallic. OPI Midnight in Moscow

My two long-term favorites of all time: Essie Smokin’ Hot (a fabulous milky, dark lavender) and OPI Nein! Nein! Nein! Ok, Fine! (a gorgeous, sophisticated grey)

To give you a frame of reference, I am a natural brunette with brown eyes and medium skin tone. I often have been asked if I am Italian (one very southern woman once asked me if I was in the EYE-talian Mafia, true story), Spanish (a lot of people just start talking to me in Spanish), Middle Eastern, and Native American (this one is more related to my maiden name). Truth be told, according to DNA tests, I’m not at all exotic, much to my dismay. I am mostly English and Irish and a little bit of German. Anyway, readers please share your favorite polish colors!!

Buddy the Elf answering his father’s office phone: Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?

Come on readers, what’s your favorite color??? Happy Friday!!!

Wash All My Cares Away

“Rain is grace; rain is the sky descending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life.” – John Updike

It’s been incredibly rainy here the last couple of days and nights. I expect fish to be flopping in my backyard soon and I am only half-kidding. We have a lake in the back of our house and there have been “fish flopping on the grass” moments in the past. I don’t mind the rain, as long as it comes in small doses.

Rainy days have the tendency to make me draw inward. They help me to stay calm, focused and relaxed. Rainy days make me appreciate the comfort of my home and the warmth of my lights. Rainy mornings make my coffee taste extra good and comforting. Rainy days remind me that outpouring can be so cleansing.

A couple of years ago, I was browsing in a boutique and a song came on over the speakers, that I hadn’t heard in years. I forgot how much I love to sing to this particular song. I love it when that happens! I downloaded it to my playlist the minute I got home and now I listen to it frequently. Do you know what song I am talking about? Drumroll, please . . . . The song is Eddie Rabbitt’s “I Love a Rainy Night.” Here are the first few stanzas:

Well I love a rainy night; I love a rainy night.
I love to hear the thunder;
watch the lightning when it lights up the sky.
You know it makes me feel good.Well, I love a rainy night; it’s such a beautiful sight.
I love to feel the rain on my face;
taste the rain on my lips,
in the moonlight shadows.Showers wash all my cares away;
I wake up to a sunny day,
’cause I love a rainy night.
Yeah, I love a rainy night.
Well, I love a rainy night.
Well, I love a rainy night, ooh, ooh.

Okay, admit it. You didn’t just read the lyrics. You sang them. You couldn’t help yourself. If you are having a rainy moment like I am, let it wash all your cares away. Now go download the song. You know you want to . . . . See you tomorrow for Favorite Things Friday! It is Friday Eve today.

Collector of Experiences

“Shlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!” – Laverne and Shirley

A few weeks ago, my husband and I started chanting this theme song in unison to our eldest son who had a business trip in Milwaukee. He seemed puzzled and probably figured that his parents had finally lost it all of the way. RIP – Penny Marshall. I’m sad that my kids didn’t enjoy the magic of “Laverne and Shirley.” So good!

Yesterday, my middle son and three of his friends got up in the wee hours of the morning to check out the Space X launch. Unfortunately, all four launches ended up being postponed. They decided not to risk it again today, but it sounds like they had a fun “road trip with the boys.” Recently, my middle son told me that he has become a “collector of experiences.” I like that. I think that experience is probably the best thing that you can collect in life. You get some pretty special by-products by collecting experiences, such as learning and wisdom, empathy and a bigger view of Life.

“Our headspace dictates our perspective . . . our perspective dictates our experience . . . our experience is nothing short of life itself.” – as seen on Twitter

Another “No Horsepucky” Tale- Holiday Edition

A few Christmases ago, I ordered a bench for our living room, that was handmade. It has a really cool flokati shag cover that reminded me of my favorite rug to lie on when I was a little girl. I had actually ordered it that October, but for some reason, it was taking a long time to be made and then to be delivered, and I finally got notice that it was to arrive on Christmas Eve, via UPS. I actually found that delivery date to be exciting and special and was eagerly awaiting its arrival.

Christmas Eve rolled around and during our festivities, I kept wondering when my bench was going to arrive. It got later and later, and the bench wasn’t being delivered, so I checked my email for the delivery status. The email showed that it had been delivered! Now, we were home all morning and it’s a pretty big, heavy bench so it would not have easily been stolen off of the porch. I was distraught. I called the company and UPS and they put “tracers” out to see what might have happened with our package and they told us that we would likely hear something within a week or two. I was so disappointed!!

Now, I’m not sure if it was intuition or just my demanding, impatient side that doesn’t do well with disappointment, but I remembered that sometimes our mail delivery person sometimes transposed our address numbers with another neighbor with a similar but different number-ordered address, (who we did not know) several houses down the street. I had to put that neighbors’ mail in their box more than a couple of times, due to the dyslexic confusion. My husband and son, eager to get away from my welling dismay, agreed to walk down the street and to see if perhaps, that is where the bench had accidentally been delivered.

My husband and son were gone for a good 45 minutes and I was starting to get concerned. The holiday spirit was zapping down to nothing in our house. They weren’t answering texts and calls and I was getting ready to walk down the street to see who or what was keeping them, when all of the sudden, they opened the front door, carrying in the lovely bench! My hunch was correct! But here is the best part of the story . . .

The neighbor was a new neighbor of Eastern European descent. She was older, had just recently moved here, and she did not know too many people. She had been thrilled when my husband and son arrived at her door, because she believed that they had been sent “specially” to her. You see, her family heritage has a strong tradition and belief, that on Christmas Eve you cannot leave your house, until you have first, entertained a visitor and given them a gift. She had a party to get to and was patiently waiting for a “visitor” who might appear. So, not only did my son and husband come back with the beautiful bench, but my lucky son also received a bag of candy and a crisp $20 dollar bill, after a nice little visit with our sweet neighbor and some coffee and cookies. She said that she hadn’t even looked at the box that UPS had placed by her garage earlier that day because she just assumed it was things that she had ordered for Christmas.

I’ve written before that my friend has told me that coincidence is God being anonymous. I think that it applies here to this very true, heartwarming story that I think about, with a smile, any time that I glance at my bench. No horse pucky here!! (please check out my other previous “no horse pucky stories”- all crazy, but true)

The Most Important Lesson

“One of the Best and Most difficult lessons you can learn in life is that no one owes you anything and you owe yourself everything.” – FofF twitter

We have started to get close to the crescendo of the holiday season. I see it in my family and I see it in our stores. I see it in the local restaurants and I see it in my neighbors’ faces. There are parties after parties, food overloads/comas, last minute stresses, shopping and shipping fiascos, final exams, and on a personal level, our family spent most of yesterday on a wild trek/scavenger hunt for the last, decent, real Christmas tree in our part of Florida. (we found it, thank goodness!)

Over Thanksgiving, our 18-month-old Labrador dog, Ralphie, was a frenzied mess. We had 16 people in our home and a lot of those people were teenagers who liked to swim with him, in our pool. He was ecstatic and on total sensory overload. At one point, someone made the comment that he was like a toddler who was beyond exhausted and just didn’t know what to do with himself. With his long tongue sticking out, he aimlessly started pawing at everyone and everything with a wild, blank expression on his face. I think that this is the state that a lot of us get to at some point in the holiday season, and I think that it is starting right now.

It is at this point in the season, that it is so important to stop, pause and just breathe. Nothing is as important as we have built up in our heads or that our stressed bodies are making it feel like. Everything that is truly important will get done. Everything that is meant to happen, will happen and all will be fine. All is well.

I love the opening quote because sometimes during the holidays, often us females particularly, try to do so much to make the holidays “perfect” with the hidden expectation that if we do everything just right, Santa or someone else is going to make the holidays “perfect” for us. Deep down though, we know that this is not how it works. As we are finishing up the season, we must bring the focus back to ourselves. We must remember that no one can fill up our mind, body, spirit needs except us, and that “trifecta of filling up” is our biggest responsibility, to ourselves so that we can be there for others. Today, we need to be honest with ourselves about what we need. Those needs should be on the top of today’s holiday “to-do” list.

“Slow down. You’re too important. Life teaches you how to live it, if you live long enough.” – Tony Bennett, on what advise he would have given to Amy Winehouse

Happy Birthday Beethoven!

Happy Birthday to Beethoven and to me! Beethoven is 248 and I am 48. I’ve actually reached the age that when someone asks me how old I am I have to roll my eyes up into my head, think, do some math and finally come out with the right answer. When I was a kid, I used to think that was a lot of bunk when adults did that, but I now realize that forgetting your age, really does happen. You reach middle age and you know that you are in a certain age range, but the actual number never sticks with you. I’m not sure it that is a sign of early dementia or subconscious rebellion/denial, but I now know that whatever causes it, it’s a real thing. However, for today, I know that I am 48.

I guess being 48 means that I really am approaching age 50, in a very serious way. Honestly, I really don’t mind. My body is definitely slowing down, and that gets frustrating. I wore some pretty high heels to the Christmas party last night and I feel like I ran a marathon in record speed this morning, my body aches so much. Still, from a mental, emotional, and life stage point of view, I am very optimistic about my fifties. I feel like I know myself better than I have ever known myself. I think I approach life with more curiosity, appreciation and acceptance than I ever have before. I no longer try to conquer and control Life. I’m better at letting Life flow.

When I was on the brink of my forties, my whole life changed in many, major ways. Let’s just say that my husband and I were the Poster Kids for the Recession. Our life as we knew it, completely and irrevocably disappeared and we ended up having to move our large family to a whole new city and state, to begin again. And, guess what? It’s a cliche to say it, but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to our family, on so many fronts. I strongly believe that God/the Universe knows what it’s doing. My faith lies in that.

Years ago, I read a very fun, upbeat book in which the author insisted that everything that happens to you, is meant to guide you to joy. Now, I get that statement can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when you are going through one of those really rough “Why me?” times in life, but if you really look for it, there is a glimmer of goodness and transformation in every single experience. I believe that with every fiber of my body.

I once again want to thank you for reading my blog, commenting on my blog, bolstering me and rooting for me. You, my readers, have been a wonderful gift in my life this year. Happy Birthday to me! It’s going to be a great year and a great upcoming decade for all of us!!