I started writing this blog in the summer of 2018. It marked the beginning of my “letting go.” I call our eldest son “the alpha”, and our daughter, “the omega.” They are the eldest and the youngest, of our four children. In 2018, our alpha started his first career job, after graduating from college. And just the other day, our omega accepted a wonderful job offer, after experiencing a successful, engaging internship over the summer. This coming summer, after she graduates from her university in May, our daughter has a job all lined up to officially start her fully independent adult life. The ending of my “letting go” is now fully upon me, as I now more clearly see the growing glimmers of my own fully independent life (a life without any dependents) gathering quickly, right around the corner.
Today, as I slowly awoke out of the kind of deep sleep that only a three-day weekend seems to truly afford, I sauntered out on to our back porch and there, quietly resting on one of our stools was a beautiful Luna moth. Luna moths aren’t actually rare. There are many of them, but they don’t live long. They only stay alive to procreate (only about 7-10 days – they don’t even have mouths to eat) and they usually prefer being out and about at night. I took this Luna moth sighting as a sign. The internet suggests that Luna moths represent rebirth, transformations and new beginnings.
As I have aged, I have learned that change is the only constant but I have also learned that very few changes are sudden. Most change is gradual, subtle, and sometimes not even recognized until it has already happened. I have spent the last seven years of my life, changing and evolving and growing and stumbling and soaring. I have spent the last seven years of my life metamorphosizing away from my major adult role as a career mother, to this new, less encumbered form of myself, who is still working her way out of the fragile cocoon of change and discovery and acceptance.
The Luna moth is still on her perch as I write this. She is taking her time, to let her wings dry before she flies on to her next anointed role, into the winds of her beautiful, transforming, fleeting life. Like nature does best, the Luna moth surrenders in total trust, to the higher forces of Life. She understands that there really isn’t a true beginning and a true end to anything, because each ending always signals a new beginning. The truth is, the alpha and the omega are actually on the exact same spot, on the one big, beautiful, magnificent, comforting circle of Life.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Oh, Kelly, I feel the big changes coming for you. Although, I did laugh at the part where you said you wouldn’t have any more dependents. We become boomerang parents. “Toss” them away and they come back with smart questions, hoping for smart answers. Those smart answers become less and less needed…and maybe even less and less smart. New phase. This would be about day 7 for that Lunar Moth. And it could be, I have no idea what I’m talking about. Haha. Embrace the moth.
Gail, I did notice that the moth’s wings were a little bit tattered. haha I think one of my biggest revelations in life was the realization that we never stop mothering. We never stop worrying. We never stop looking for the smartest answers to their toughest questions. Thank you, always, for your lovely support of my blog. <3
A reaction to “We never stop looking for the smartest answers to their toughest questions”: It’s beyond weird when you think you’re giving them a thoughtful answer and they laugh because it’s so simple-minded! My kids, and probably yours, are so much further along in their “think about life” process than I was at their age. I sometimes feel like the class clown, rather than the one kids look to for the right answers.