Month: August 2025

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ Years ago, I mentioned on the blog that I have kept a daily journal for over a decade. That particular journal (and its easy to do, short answer format) is unfortunately out-of-print. You can sometimes find them used: Building the Best You by Caroline Harper. However, dare I say, I came across an ever better one! The Five Minute Journal by Intelligent Change is a really easy-to-keep-up with thought-provoking daily journal. If you have been meaning to keep a daily journal, this one is an excellent place to start.

+ Last week, we lost another dear elder in our family. I’m in my mid-fifties. I am starting to lose my elders at a more rapid pace. I am finding myself more often empathizing with friends who are losing their own dear elders, in their families. One year, one of my friends lost both of her parents in rapid succession. I remember her saying that she kept running around, looking for “the adults” to come and to tell her what to do. It’s a swallow hard moment when you realize that you are “the adult”. It’s sometimes shockingly agonizing to realize that the “changing of the guard” is happening. It is sometimes overwhelming to realize that you and your generation are more and more quickly becoming “the elders.” And so the questions arise: Are we up to the task? Are we wise enough? Are we strong enough? Are we serene enough? Are we comfortable enough in our own skin, to be a much-needed comfort and support for those generations coming up behind us?

+ On a happier note, I just came back from another adventure. My daughter, a tennis enthusiast, got the opportunity to work for The US Open and so we joined her in New York City last week. We also got to visit with our eldest son and his fiancée and other family members and friends and we got to see a lot of really good tennis. Overall, it was a great trip and a nice way to end, what has turned out to be one of my favorite summers in a long while. While I’ll never be a “city girl”, you cannot beat the food choices, the eye-candy, and the endless energy that New York City has to offer. And contrary to belief, most New Yorkers are really nice people. They’re direct. They’re “to the point”, but New Yorkers always want to help in their own unique, practical, no-nonsense style. New Yorkers have a unified pride singular to their location. I’ve been fortunate enough to have travelled to many cities in my life, in the United States and abroad, and as I sat on the subway one day and I looked around at all of the variations and nationalities of people sitting in just one little subway car, it struck me that I have never seen this beautiful, truly diverse melting pot of variation anywhere else which I have been. I suppose if you are truly a melding of everything, you can better empathize with everybody and everything. And that is the real magic of New York City.

“Your Journal is like your best friend, You don’t have to pretend with it, you can be honest and write exactly how you feel” – Bukola Ogunwale 

“There are constant cycles in history. There is loss, but it is always followed by regeneration. The tales of our elders who remember such cycles are very important to us now.” – Carmen Agra Deedy

“New York is not a city; it’s a world.” – Iman

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The “Aud” Words

I was listening to a podcast the other day and the woman who was being interviewed was in her fifties, like I am. She said, “I’m done auditioning.” And that really resonated with me. For so much of our lives we feel like we are auditioning for jobs, relationships, outside approval, memberships etc. and the beautiful thing about aging out of auditioning, is that we are at the “Take me as I am” stage and we mean it. We Mean It. Auditioning is exhausting. It often requires us to “pretend” and to be pleasers and to be guessers of what others want so that we can fulfill their expectations. And then all of a sudden a lightbulb goes off. We realize we are in the second half of our precious lives, we are on the other side of the bell curve, and auditioning has lost its appeal. It is kicked to the curb. And we feel sorry for people who are still “auditioning”, especially when they are trying to get a “part” in our lives. Auditioning was never necessary. Authenticity is the part that you and I were always meant to play.

Along these same lines, I have also lost patience for being an “audience” in my older age. When you no longer need the claps of approval of others to live your own authentic life, you realize audiences aren’t necessary either – for anyone. And while you are happy to validate and encourage your loved ones in their endeavors, you no longer care to be anyone’s “captive audience.” Audiences are not necessary when you are authentically living out your moments in peace and contentment. Being an audience is not being in an equally reciprocal, healthy relationship. In many ways, audiences are in a codependent relationship with “the star.” The star gets their temporary fulfillment from the outside adulation and attention and approval, and the audience gets their temporary fulfillment by being the provider of the drug of attention to the star. And this is okay for occasional entertaining “showtimes”, but when it no longer feels like a choice to be in the audience or not, or when the relationship feels like nothing more than a forever “show”, the entertainment value of it sinks fast. Age requires deeper meaning and connection. Shallow no longer fits the bill, when you are on the flip side of your lifetime.

“Eventually you just have to realize that you’re living for an audience of one. I’m not here for anyone else’s approval.” – Pamela Anderson

“I find I often do my best work when I’m not attached to the outcome of the audition.” – Lorraine Toussaint

Cleaning Out

This is probably the longest hiatus I have taken from ASH (Adulting – Second Half) since I started writing her. And so I have also forced that hiatus on to you, my loyal readers. I’m sorry. This summer I have pressed my reset button and I’ve sat on it, like I’ve never really done before. I’ve done a lot of physical, mental and spiritual self-care in a lot of little simple ways involving rest, relaxation, gratitude, massages, reconnections with our friends, enjoying our newly restored pool and deeply reflecting on what we really want in this next stage of our lives. Our grown children are busy in happy ways. They are fulfilling their dreams and so that fills me up. And it inspires me to also dream again.

Starting next week, our kitchen and living area are getting blown up, in order to create something better and new. This summer was supposed to be one of me focused on cleaning out the clutter. “Kelly Kondo.” Hmmmmm. I have cleaned out a lot clutter in my mind, and in my heart, and in my routines. But material clutter, let’s just say that I work better under pressure. I told my husband and myself that finally today was a day without appointments and distractions and so today was the “headway day” of cleaning out the kitchen. And here I am. Writing. Writing a blog post when I haven’t written in at least a month. Sigh. We often are, our own worst enemies.

Someone recently told me something that I have to get written into the archives of this thought museum I call “ASH”. She said this: “I have never seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul.” Facts. I love my things, but I don’t necessarily think that I’m attached to them. The things which I am mostly grateful for in my life, besides my family and my friends, are my experiences, and the memories that come from those experiences, but for me, most of my material things are all tied up into my experiences. I have mementos littered all over my house that remind me of amazing adventures that I have had throughout my life. I delight in the experience of feeling excitement about discovering a knick-knack or a doo-dad or a trinket that stir up feelings in me. Many of my things make me feel happy for reminding me of the experience that evokes those feelings. I love the feeling of anticipation that comes with a load of Amazon boxes in front of my door. I freely admit that, but it is clear to me that my love is for the feeling – not for the actual thing. I love the feelings of security and abundance and nostalgia and joy. I love that many of my things that adorn me and my house, help me to creatively express more of my inner self to the outside world. That being said, I realize that all of the things could be washed away in one of our yearly hurricanes tomorrow, and nothing would be lost, but “the things.” I am the owner/gatekeeper of the feelings, and the memories of the experiences. I am the owner/gatekeeper of the joys and the memories that the things only helped to create. The things are only symbols and tools. And the things are only gone (even after they are long gone physically), when they no longer carry any meaning for me.

On that note, I have a kitchen I need to go clean out . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.