Month: August 2024

Turning Point

Between the last day of August and September there is a blank page:

a note in the margin

a daisy

and the ticket

for a turning point. ~ Silvia T

Gregorio Catarino posted this on his X account this morning. How thought provoking! We are about to enter the final third of the year. Where’s your ticket to your turning point going to take you?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2811. What gives you an eerie feeling?

Friday Frolics

Happy Friday!!! Happy Holiday Weekend!! I love Fridays. Friday is my favorite day of the week. Fridays are for my favorites on the blog and today’s favorite is one of my absolute favorite rabbit holes that I followed down this week. (The internet was definitely created by and for, really insatiably curious, distractible people such as myself) So this week on social media, I saw the hilarious post above, of quite the unusual obituary. It made me giggle. I like original, unusual people who can make fun of themselves, and who can laugh in the face of death (and who are animal lovers).

Of course, I wanted to see if this was a real obituary (and so did many others, it seems). It is a real obituary. Holly McCray Blair was a real person. She is still getting all sorts of messages posted on her memorial wall, to this day, 4 years after her death, by people who didn’t even personally know her, because her obituary has gone viral on social media. Interestingly, a lot of people wrote “GNU Holly Blair” on the page. Hmmmm. What does GNU stand for? Is it relating to the animal? Is it an acronym? “Good night, Universe” “Good kNowing U” Those were my guesses and they were wrong. My rabbit hole continued on to this carrot of information:

“Sir Terry Pratchett, an English author and humorist, invented in his Discworld comic fantasy book series (a fictional computer code):

  • G: send the message on
  • N: do not log the message
  • U: turn the message around at the end of the line and send it back again

so that the book character’s son’s name John Dearheart is memorialized forever as long as the “clacks towers” (a telegraphic device) is still in use. Chapter 4 prologue of Going Postal (a book in the series) says:

“A man is not dead while his name is still spoken.”

Terry Pratchett (the guy who Holly Blair wanted to drink beer with, after she died) died, himself, in 2015.

What better way to remember the beloved inventor of this fictional system, then, than “GNU Terry Pratchett”?”

(the above information about Terry Pratchett was taken mostly verbatim from a Reddit article)

Do you have anyone who needs to be GNU-ed? Speak their names this weekend. Keep them alive.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2841. Is there anything you are really stingy with?

The Follies of Freedom

It’s a really awkward transition in life, when you all of the sudden realize that you can, and you should, put the focus back on yourselves, after raising a family. It’s all new territory. We raised kids for 26 years. (Our four kids are all adults now, ages 20-28) Our primary focus, decision making, and financial commitments were all centered around our family life. And now, just as our adult children are embarking on their young adult lives, we are also embarking on the same kind of freedom of choice, similar to what they are experiencing. And so are our friends and our contemporaries.

It’s fun and inspiring to watch our friends and family and contemporaries in their surprised giddiness, enjoying their new found freedom. It’s enlivening to watch “our people” move to new states, move to different houses, take vacations by themselves, put less focus on their jobs, enjoy rekindled or new-found romances, and focus more on their own re-discovered hobbies and interests. It’s delightful to get to experience our adult children as interesting adult contemporaries with their own lives. It’s a relief to no longer have the everyday family responsibilities, and to no longer have to make choices about other people’s lives, besides your own lives.

In my experience, it takes a while to realize that you are “there.” You’ve crossed the finish line, only to enter into your second lap of life. You feel a little guilty and giddy and amazed and grateful and confused and daunted and relieved. It’s a heady mix.

We parents are so used to taking care of other people other than ourselves, it feels strange to no longer have to do this. (I write this realizing that many of us empty nesters are having to caretake older parents, and sometimes grandchildren and so this freedom of responsibility is not quite over for many. I don’t mean to come across cavalier.) Still, when you realize that you do have more freedom than you’ve had for a long, long time, you almost feel incredulous. You almost feel like you need permission. I have the same feelings now that I had when they handed us our first child, and they wheeled me out of the hospital door to our waiting car. “Really? We can just take this baby home? You’re entrusting us with this whole other human life? Really?” I have the same feelings that my twenty-something kids seem to have, when it dawns on them that my husband and I have no “real say” (nor a desire for a “real say”) in how they choose to live their adult lives. They’re adults. The keys to their lives have been handed back to them. They seem puzzled, pleased and scared. This freedom of choice is exhilarating and a little fearsome and daunting at the same time. If I were a mind reader (and we mothers really are kind of mind readers of our kids, right?), I could see their thoughts as being this: “Oh wow, what if I make a wrong decision? This is all on me now. Where do I even begin?”

Facts are, the best part of this second go-around of freedom in our adult lives, is that we better understand, that there really are very few “wrong” decisions in life. When one of my friends recently purchased a second house, I asked her if she was worried about making the wrong decision. “No,” she said. “If it isn’t right, we’ll just sell it.” Those of us in these middle years, have usually bought and sold at least one home in our lifetimes. We get that there will always be places to live in and different environments to experience. We middle-agers get that even our worst decisions, have provided us with guidance and wisdom to put towards moving forward on our paths. We understand that nothing is truly insurmountable because we have a lot of experiences under our belts, that once seemed insurmountable, until they weren’t. Perhaps the only wrong decisions, are not making any decisions at all.

If you are feeling like me, and you feel like you almost need permission to be a little “self-focused” in this new phase of life, here it is: Permission granted. Great job on raising your family! It is not an easy task. You did well. It is time to celebrate “you”. It is time to love on “you.” It’s time to wind the circle of focus back on to your own life, and to rekindle the parts of you that may have gotten lost or neglected along the way. Go for it! As the favorite Dr. Seuss book goes, that so many of us read to our children, so many times, “Oh baby! The places you’ll go!”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2677. Do you think you can learn something from everyone you meet?

What He Said

Another busy day ahead, so I’ll just share this quote, in this online thought museum, which I call my blog:

“The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.” – George Bernard Shaw

The only constant is change. You are changing every single day, just as everything on this earth is in a constant state of metamorphosis. Don’t you want to be a conscious part of your own change and growth?? Don’t expect things to stay the same. They don’t, and nor do you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2648. Do you have much of an ego?

Shiny New Things

I’ve been researching a new project in the last couple of weeks. Who knows if anything will come from it, but it has been so energizing to explore something new. I wake up excited and early and raring to go. And feeling this new passionate aliveness and inquisitiveness makes me realize how long it has been since I have felt this way. And feeling this new energy coursing through my body, makes me understand how important it is to always be exploring new things for ourselves. It is this yearning and this desire that makes life move forward. It is curiosity and taking action on our curiosities, which keeps us young and energized and engaged with living our lives.

When we were raising our big family, it was important for me to put my focus on my family. Raising our family was not just my passion, but essentially, it was my true career. I was a stay-at-home mom to our four children (and our constant menagerie of animals). But they’re all grown now and it is not healthy for our relationships going forward, for me to keep an intense focus on their lives. I have dropped the reigns. It’s time for me to take a hold of that intense energy of mine, and put it to use for me, and for my husband, and for these exciting next chapters, in this new phase of life.

If we aren’t intentional about where we put our time and our focus, that’s when we can get into trouble. We are going along in our ruts, plowing along with our many obligations, staying in our comfort zones, and then something new and shiny, comes into the mix, and that precious feeling of excitement and freshness can sometimes lead us down dark alley ways. But if we are intentional, and we are honest with ourselves, we can consider where life is feeling a little stale or rote or even unhealthy, and then we can choose to infuse new energy and healthy new explorations into these particular areas of our lives. We can enjoy the magical feeling of new goals and the excitement of working towards and achieving these new goals. We can stop numbly going along our long-tread usual routines, unintentionally using only quick fixes/distractions to make us feel better along the way. (i.e. sugar, shopping, doom-scrolling, alcohol/drugs, getting overly involved in drama with friends and family/politics, etc.) Typically, intentional choices serve us so much better than our unconscious, unintentional diversions.

When I am starting to feel restless and bored and frustrated, I look at my life like it is a pie chart. These are the types of categories that are typically suggested to use for your own life’s pie chart:

Career/Work/Vocation

Home life

Health and fitness

Recreation and hobbies

Friends

Family

Relationship/Romance

Personal growth/Spirituality

Self care

Vacation/Travel

If you were honest with yourself right now, and you made a pie chart of your life, where would that largest percentage of your pie chart land? Is there an area in your life, where your inner self has been quietly screaming for you to change things up, and to give it more time and focus? Does your pie chart look balanced? Can you take some time/focus from one area of your pie chart and add that precious time to another area that feels lacking? Which part of your pie chart do you yearn for something new? Which part of your pie chart would you like to infuse new energy and excitement and fresh new plans and goals?

I saw a post this morning on X, where a woman posted a picture of her friend finishing up one of his crocheted rugs. It was a beautiful rug and her friend, a middle-aged man was clearly engrossed in creating it. She posted the picture because she said that her friend was embarrassed by his new hobby, and she was afraid that he would stop doing it. She sees how much he loves his new hobby and the creations that come out of it, and she doesn’t want him to lose his passion. She asked people to like the picture, in order to encourage him. The post (not even a day old) has 36,000 likes and over 5,000 comments stating things like the football player, Rosey Grier, apparently loved to crochet and to do embroidery, and many people calling this woman’s friend nothing short of a “badass artist.” (one person asked to purchase his pattern) Another commenter spoke of a huge, muscled-up security guard in her hometown who loved to design and to sew frilly, fancy dresses for his granddaughters. Many commenters stated that they felt inspired to try a new hobby, by seeing this post.

Life is energy. Energy moves things forward. What area of your own life needs an infusion of energy and enthusiasm? How can you make that happen? Where would you like to feel excited and engaged again? What baby steps can you take towards that excitement and engagement?

Bye, bye now. Wouldn’t this be a good time to go make a pie (or a pie-chart)?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2200. What is a recent compliment you’ve received?

Monday – Funday

When we were first married, we lived by a Pepperidge Farm Outlet store. I LOVED that place. When it closed, I think I may have cried. Hard.

When I was little we also wore Wonder Bread bags on our feet to put our boots on and off more easily, during wintertime. It’s a “wonder” that things that we randomly remember seem so quaint and distant from our lives now.

Have a great week, friends. See you tomorrow. I’m in “Monday mode” and too distracted to write much this morning.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1143. What is harmonious in your life?

Soul Sunday

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. Jorge Borges was a famous Argentinian writer and poet. This is what he said about why poetry is important in an interview:

Tell me, does this poem below move you? It was written by the American poet, Laura Gilpin (who only wrote one prize winning book of poetry, until she became a nurse, and a hospital reform advocate and she worked in medicine for the rest of her life). If this poem (or any other) moves you, “it is not an insignificant event.” A poem is a tiny little gathering of words, which has the ability to evoke deep emotion and poignant energy which reminds us about just how alive we are in our own bodies, not just by the way of our senses and our mind’s perceptions of our senses, but from the sentimental longings of our own hearts.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

662. Have you ever been in a submarine?

Greedy Mouth

We have a scheduled up day today. So I will just share this that I read the other day:

“To do all of the talking and not be willing to listen is a form of greed.” – Democritus

Ouch. I’ve never looked at “greed” in this form. It’s a good area that many of us could stand to be less greedy.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2301. What is your favorite movie genre?

Not Manic Monday, but Bangles . . .

Okay, don’t worry. It’s Friday. (happy Fri-yay!!!!!) It’s the day on which I lighten up on the blog. It’s the day I focus on all of my material stuff, because I like my stuff. A lot. Fridays on the blog are called Favorite Things Friday and it’s a day when I discuss my favorite products. Before I get to today’s favorite, do you remember Jello Pudding Pops? They were so good. They should bring those back. (although not their unfortunate choice of a spokesperson) I know. I know. I can make jello pudding popsicles by hand, but I’m a little lazy when it comes to cooking and kitchen stuff. Facts.

Today’s favorite is seen above. I was at my bank earlier this week and the woman who waited on me looked super sharp. She had a cute haircut, a simple, but elegant black summer dress on, and her one arm was adorned with what I thought to be many artsy bangle bracelets. (see above) I told her that I loved her bracelets. (I adore bangle bracelets, but having a small wrist, I’ve always had a hard time wearing them comfortably.)

“Oh honey,” she said, with a smile on her face. “These aren’t bangles. This is just one cheapie wrap bracelet from Amazon. But I do get compliments on it, all of the time.” Well, guess who sent me the link and guess who ordered one of those bracelets from Amazon within minutes, and guess the amazing price? $9.59 This is one fun, light, easy to wear, interesting looking cheapie bracelet that brought this woman’s plain black summer dress, up a notch. If you need a fun, pick-me-up, here is the link:

(If you can’t see the link, here is the description: Fesciory Leather Wrap Bracelets for Women, Boho Leopard Multi-Layer Crystal Beads Cuff Bracelet Jewelry)

Readers, I love and appreciate you, more than you will ever know. Have a fabulous weekend! See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2368. What’s one thing you’d never let a child do?

Vulnerability Hangovers

I have a slight hangover today. And no, I didn’t drink too much last night. It has more to do with what I chose to write about on the blog yesterday. Brene Brown coined the term “vulnerability hangover” to describe feelings of shame, anxiety, exposure, self-doubt after being open and intimate about our true feelings, or about life situations which we have kept previously private and mostly to ourselves. We all walk that line of what we feel comfortable exposing about ourselves and our lives, and what we don’t. And sometimes, we tiptoe off of the line, or sometimes we even take a surprising leap (even surprising to ourselves) off of that line, and then we are stuck with the muddled feelings of relief yet regret, depletion, embarrassment, and ambiguity. These feelings are sometimes called “hangxiety” and they mimic the feelings that can occur in our bodies after a night of partying too much, with concerns that we’ve humiliated ourselves in the worst possible way.

I don’t have regrets about what I revealed yesterday about being estranged with family members. Authenticity is really important to me. I don’t care to create false images. I believe that a lot of unhealthiness in our society is related to image-consciousness, putting too much focus on what others think about us. (hint- they don’t really think much about us at all) This image-consciousness keeps a lot of things that need to be addressed, instead hidden, avoided and pushed under the rug. But, when you put the “tough stuff” out there, you sometimes feel weirdly naked and vulnerable and exposed. You allow yourself to be judged. You put your “humanity” out there, and then the image-consciousness bit in all of us, feels defensive and threatened and wants us to dive back into our safe, snug holes. We dread the idea that our Pandora’s box isn’t able to be closed again.

I was so grateful for those of you who commented on the blog yesterday. I know that this takes courage. Your comments took some of my own “hangxiety” away. Thank you. Many times friends and family will text me individually about one of my blog posts. They don’t feel comfortable commenting on my public blog space. It’s okay. I respect, and I understand this.

Interestingly, yesterday’s blog was one of the most read blog posts I have written in a long time. When we have the courage to “put ourselves out there”, we give others the permission to do the same, and barriers come down. Compassion and validation and community takes the shining, natural place of the individual masks which we all like wear.

My daughter is currently in a position where she is helping girls through the experience of rushing sororities at her huge southern university. Rushing sororities can be a very grueling, intimidating, and humiliating process. In its best light, the Greek system is meant to help people quickly find a group of friends with similar values and interests, and to create an instant social life and helpful network, for those who find themselves on huge campuses with mostly strangers. In its worst light, the university Greek system is full of judgment, cattiness, and based on first surface-level impressions without having the time to get to know a person in their “wholeness.” It’s really brave for a young person to put themselves out there in this way. I imagine most of these young ladies go through vulnerability hangovers throughout the entire process. My heart aches for their needless self-recriminations and fears. I want to hug them all.

I vividly remember once being in a group therapy situation, where I was describing a situation that had happened, in more of a logical, factual, clinical, flat-toned kind of way. “How did that make you feel?” the facilitator asked me. I answered him with more logical, sensical, matter-of-fact words, as if the situation was casual and had happened to someone else. “But, aren’t you angry?” he asked me pointedly, staring me down. “Of course I’m angry!! Why shouldn’t I be angry?!? This was wrong! It hurt! I didn’t deserve it!!” I blurted out emotionally, and loudly and full of tremorous rage. My explosion seemed to bring the room to a hush. Even I was surprised by my outburst. I had such a vulnerability hangover after that situation, I remember going to McDonalds right after the meeting and binging on chicken nuggets and cheeseburgers.

I write this blog for me. I love to write. Writing is my favorite creative outlet. It is my favorite path back to me. But I also pray that this blog helps people. I pray that things that I have gone through in my own life and my experiences that have I learned from (in good ways and bad), as “a mother,a daughter,a wife,a friend,a writer,a woman,a sister,a niece,a dog-lover, and mostly just another human being” can be a source of comfort and guidance and validation for others. We when share our passions and our ideas and our talents and our vulnerable hearts with others, that’s when we realize how connected everything really is on this Earth. When we share of ourselves, that’s when we realize that we truly are not alone. We all have the ability to be someone else’s “angel on Earth”, and also the beneficiary from “angels on Earth” from time to time. The system is designed that way, if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and true and open and to surrender to our own deepest wisdom.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2036. What’s in your perfect trail mix?