The writer Joe Lansdale says the key to his success is, “I write like everyone I know is dead.” Most writers are told to write about what we know. The famed writer Anne Lamott says this: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
It’s a tough line that we writers walk. Most of the world lives behind screens and masks and passive aggression and fragile egos. It’s hard to be direct and honest and “say it like it is”, full well knowing that someone else’s “say it like it is” about the exact same situation, may look like an entirely different “is” than yours. Many times, my truth is not the same as your truth (and yet confusingly, these opposite truths can be mutually accurate, all at the same time) And then we’ve got the whole “cancel culture” thing going on. And on top of all of this, we have our natural human beings’ need to be liked and to be loved and to be understood. We don’t consciously want to hurt anyone – even those who have hurt us. And we don’t want to be hurt in the process, either.
This is why journals and diaries are wonderful. This is also why it is also important to get your own personal take on things, out there in the world, in one form or another, even if it is just opening up to a trusted friend. Honestly, the world doesn’t need ten more of the same “Awhoooos” wolf songs in a row. That gets rote and boring and tedious. It feels fake, easy and sometimes conniving and controlling. What I have found, many times in my own life, is that when I am more open and honest and vulnerable in my communication, it seems to give others permission to do the same. And it makes me feel closer to people and it also makes me realize that a lot of all of our “Awhoooos” in all of our different lives, are more similar and relatable than we would have ever expected. And in intimate moments, the next song is called “Awhooo” and instead of rolling our eyes, we all smile at each other and we often nod in appreciation of what we share in common.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
1325. Do you have any phobias?
Anne Lamott (a brilliant writer) is a beautiful truth teller. Isn’t the main point of writing to reveal and reflect the human condition, be it grisly or glorious, so that others can connect within the pages? Every individual views life through their own lens; very rarely do we agree on the exact details of a shared experience. That’s where the magic in life exists. If we all agreed about everything this world would be a boring place. Of course, war would be non-existent since there would be no differences of opinion, and that would be lovely. But it’s highly likely that we will never evolve that far, so we just have to do the best we can and be who we are, right?
The first novel that I wrote, which has been languishing on the shelf for a dozen years, was crafted after my mother-in-law’s death. It began as a way for me to rid my brain of the angst and trauma that surrounded her. She was a very complicated and difficult personality. I wrote what I had lived (with a few embellishments.) I gave it to my sister-in-law to read, and her response was, “You have to change the names and the locations because everyone will know it’s us.”
That’s when I realized that not everyone is willing to bare it all to the same extent that I am. Not everyone wants to be seen and understood. My life is an open book – I have very few secrets. It’s difficult for me to relate to people who were raised in a culture of shame for being themselves and who hide their reality from the world. That is a small and fearful existence.
One day I’ll blow the dust off that book, polish it up, and share it with the world. Maybe that will give others the permission they need to share their own truths. And that, in my opinion, is the greatest good that a writer can bring to this world.
I love your bravery, Kelly. I imagine the novel is a beautiful, poignant read.