Power

“Learning about it reminded me of my regular talking point — a sad irony of our world — that the people who fight the most are always the most similar. The Israelis and Palestinians, the Ukrainians and Russians, the Catholics and Protestants, the Indians and Pakistanis, etc.” – Isaac Saul, about experiencing the bitter divide between two ethnic groups: the Collas and Cambas in Bolivia, when he was on a trip/motorcycle adventure there recently.

It’s a strange irony, isn’t it? Even in the most dangerous neighborhoods in our country and around the world, the murders are typically done to neighbors, right inside of those same neighborhoods. Why is this? Some say that we disown our own worst qualities and project these qualities onto others. Perhaps the people closest to us are the easiest targets for our projections and mistrust. Also, power struggles are part of the human condition. We falsely believe that if we have power and control, then that equates to security. The need to dominate often stems from deep-seated fears of change, abandonment, and of perceived lack. But unfortunately, power struggles will not cease to exist, in situations where one person or group feels mostly powerless and dominated. So again, the irony is, until the need for peace is greater than the need to control, power struggles continue on into perpetuity. To end power struggles, empathy must be employed by both sides. Both sides need to be vulnerable enough to express their own fears and their emotions and their insecurities, and also to have a willingness to compromise, and to respect boundaries. Both sides have to trust that the other side is capable of this empathy, understanding, and the belief that the desired outcome is the same outcome for all: Peace. Power struggles stop when both sides drop the rope and become a team against “the problems” that continually hurt both sides. We see this phenomenon occur in science fiction movies, or even in real-life wars, when once fighting factions are able to unite against common enemies, such as invading aliens. Power struggles are part of our relationships and our humanity and our societies, but they are also able to be overcome with authenticity, empathy, tenacity, vision, and faith.

Do you have any power struggles going on in your life? With family? Friends? Co-workers? Why do you feel the need for power in these situations? What is similar in yourself, that you dislike in others? What is similar to yourself that you do like in others? Does your opposition have valid points? What do you fear about others? Why? What are your greatest fears? What empowers you?

“All struggles are essentially power struggles. Who will rule? Who will lead? Who will define, refine, confine, design? Who will dominate? All struggles are essentially power struggles,and most are no more intellectual than two rams knocking their heads together.” – Octavia Butler

“At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.“ -Marshall B. Rosenberg

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1336. What is your favorite part of the day? (besides reading my blog, of course. 😉 )

Tuesday Tidbits in Still January

+ “When you wake up tomorrow, it’ll still be January.” @ProfAlang, X

“genuine question, how is it still january?” @eosinlove, X

“We are 6 months into 2024 and it’s still January.” @hashjenni, X

“why is it still January. i’ve lived several lives this month” @milkygoddess, X

“Why is it still January? Let’s pack it up babe” @witti_indi, X

I’ve been noticing the remarks about this seemingly long January, particularly in the last few days. Honestly, January has been a good, satisfying month for me, but even still, it does feel sort of never-ending. Don’t the holidays seem like forever and a day ago??

+ “If the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that that is probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long.” – Mark Twain

This has been shortened into the statement: “Eat a frog.” The point is, get the tasks which you have been dreading, done and over with, and then you can enjoy the rest of your day and even your week, with ease. Hopefully, reading my blog is not your “eat a frog” moment. My blog is conceivably more of a delicious little Dove heart – just a tiny, harmless, happy break in your day. A spoonful of sugar, makes the frog go down.

+ “You are, in a general, low-key, ambient way, concerned about the whereabouts of your people at all times. You rather enjoy having a corner of your mind occupied in this way because it reminds you that you love and are loved.” – Holiday Mathis

This was one of my horoscopes this morning. It brought a smile to my face. It was one of those “I never thought of it that way” moments for me. I would say this is a true statement for me every day of my life. Maybe we worry about our people for the pure little prickling reminder to ourselves, that we love, and we are loved. We like to keep tabs on our love. I’m happy to dedicate at least a corner of my mind to my great loves. I just have to remember to show my love in the form of confidence, and not in worry.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

910. What is your favorite outfit?

Monday – Funday

To those of you who are about to embark on the empty nest, do not worry. They come back. They come back more than you would ever expect, even. Our daughter brought home a houseful this past weekend, and after they left, our youngest son arrived here right afterwards, almost like clockwork, to help us eat leftovers and watch football. And while he and his dad were watching the game, I handed them the big, warm pile of towels and sheets out of the dryer, for them to fold. Déjà vu.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1716. What wild animal scares you? (One of the young women visiting here this weekend is from Connecticut. She insisted that they have no dangerous wildlife in Connecticut. They only have robins and squirrels and chipmunks, apparently. It took a long time for this lady’s mother to get comfortable with alligators being on campus. It was also shocking for her mother to find out we also have deer in Florida. Well, I suppose that the alligators have to eat . . . . 😉 )

Soul Sunday

“Experience becoming . . . make your soul grow . . . . do it for the rest of your lives.” Did you read the assignment that Kurt Vonnegut, the author of Slaughterhouse-Five and other esteemed works, gave to these high school students in 2006? (Kurt Vonnegut died about six months after this letter was written) Today, on poetry day on the blog, let’s do his assignment. I’ll do it, if you do it: “Write a six line poem, about anything, but rhymed. No fair tennis without a net. Make it as good as you possibly can. But don’t tell anybody what you’re doing. Don’t show it or recite it to anybody . . . . Tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated recepticals.”

Why should we do this assignment? Well, Kurt Vonnegut said this will be the outcome: “You will find that you have been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what’s inside you, and you have made your soul grow.”

But I suspect that you, my dear beloved readers, already know this. Bless you. I imagine that your poem is amazing. The poetry of you, already is amazing. Your soul is growing beautifully. It becomes you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1891. Have you ever stood up for anyone?

Late Start

I’ve been distracted this morning. My daughter brought home some friends from college for a local annual festival we have here in town. My husband was going to town on making eggs and bacon before they headed out.

“Dads love to make breakfast!” all of the young women agreed. We also learned that most of us moms use a lot of emojis in our texts to them. Dads apparently don’t use emojis, nor respond to the texts all that frequently. Back when I was in college, our parents had to use a lot of written correspondence, as we didn’t even have email, and long distance telephone calls were expensive. I used to joke that I would get “Memo from Dad” as he was still in business mode when he corresponded with me. Apparently, the texts from many modern day dads still read like formal, “Memos from Dad.”

Earlier this week, I mentioned I am reading a book called I Never Thought of it That Way by Mónica Guzmán. I’m about a third of the way into the book, and it is a really interesting read, backed with scientific data. Guzmán talks of a time when she had just moved to Seattle, and she sat and complained about all of the constant rain in Seattle to a new friend. Her friend challenged her to sit and to listen to Seattle’s rain. Supposedly Seattle’s rain is a light and steady rain that has a beautiful sound all of its own. Since then, Guzmán considers the Seattle rain to be her favorite sound. She sometimes sits in her car for a few minutes and listens to the rain, as a meditation before she starts her day. She even misses it, when she travels. This situation is where Guzmán got her title for her book, I Never Thought of it That Way. She asked her friends to give examples about how their thoughts were changed about something, when a new perspective was introduced. She was shocked with how many answers she got back. Do you have examples of this? I do – many, many examples. List some of your perspective changing moments (sometimes called “a-ha moments”). Next, pick something you feel strongly about and make yourself consider the question, “Can this be looked at in a different way?” Guzmán suggests using the question, “What am I missing?” when you find yourself perplexed by ideas that do not match with your own ideas.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1298. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor?

All Around Friday

Good morning!! Happy Friday!!! Happy Best Day of the Week!!! I saw this posted on X and I decided that our dogs, Ralph, Josie and Trip will definitely want to send a snail mail Valentine card to these adorable children. I know that I have some fellow “snail mail” lovers who read the blog. Will you join me? Don’t our precious children need to know that “Love Makes the World Go Round“?

I got pretty deep on the blog this week, but on Fridays, I don’t go deep. On Fridays, I go fun. Maybe life is really just one big giant amusement park, right? There is so much good stuff out there to experience, enjoy, utilize . . . .So today’s “favorite thing” on Favorite Things Friday are these hilarious, over-the-top, “I really shouldn’t be laughing at this, but these are so damn funny, I’m almost peeing my pants” cocktail napkins. I stood in front of the DRINKS ON ME display in a local gift boutique, making a fool of myself cry-laughing at their snarky, colorful napkins, coasters and cards. If you want to start your weekend off with some belly laughs, go to their website, stat!

https://drinksonme.com/

Here is one of their tamer coasters:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1523. Describe your “poker face.”

Another Word For It

“People may call what happens at midlife “a crisis”, but it’s not. It’s an unravelling- a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you’re “supposed” to live. The unravelling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.” – Brené Brown

I believe that I truly started “unravelling” when I turned 40 and the Great Recession started the ball rolling for me, in a big way. Unravelling can be painful, but it can also be so liberating. And it’s funny, we sometimes smugly think that we get to a point of being completely “unravelled”, but then we realize that we still get all tangled and tied up in knots, reminding us that we still have a long ways to go.

Our middle son is in medical school, and we were Facetiming with him last night. He is currently working and learning in the Crisis Trauma Unit in a major hospital in a major city in our country. He has seen and witnessed more in a few weeks than I hope to ever experience in my lifetime. (Those of you who are in the medical arts, thank you for heeding your calling. Thank you for putting your incredible talents towards the healing of others. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.) I asked our son last night if anything really unnerved him the most about his experience. Was there anything that really gave him pause, more than anything else that he had experienced? He told me that it was surreal to see a patient die who had been all “done up” for the day. Their makeup was in place, and their nails were freshly done. It struck him deeply that they had no idea that this would be their last day alive on Earth.

Maybe we are all just balls of yarn, unravelling. We will unravel until we come to the end of our own line of string. Our string gets intertwined and tangled up with others, throughout the days of our own unravelling, making patterns and connections, and then sometimes it rolls on, in a line, all by itself. We have no idea when or where our own ball of string ends, so we may as well enjoy our own unravelling. We may as well get all made up, get a manicure, and roll on with our days with purpose and curiosity and gusto, until one day, much to our own surprise, we reach the end of our string. We are completely unravelled. We are no longer twisted in knots. Our own unique line has been added to the blanket of Life. And we are free.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2319. Do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes?

Palm Frond

“We don’t believe what we see. We see what we believe.” – Kelly Corrigan, a takeaway from her discussion with Mónica Guzmán

Mónica Guzmán is a journalist who wrote I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times. Guzmán describes herself as a lifelong liberal from Seattle who has parents who were once Mexican immigrants, who now happen to be fierce Trump supporters. Guzmán wrote this book in 2022. I just downloaded it to my Kindle. I imagine that an election year is as good a year as any, to read a book like this.

The only time that real, lasting changes occur anywhere, is when people change their minds. Real changes only occur when people examine their beliefs and find loopholes and pitfalls and questions where there used to be ironclad answers. Sometimes it takes extreme events in our lives to allow ourselves to fully and openly examine our own beliefs.

The other day, I was driving on the road and up in the distance was a blondish hump lying in the middle of the road. I instantly felt sick to my stomach. “It’s a dead animal,” I thought. “It’s roadkill.” Then my imagination really got to the best of me. “It’s probably a dead dog.” And due to the size and the color of the mass on the road, it was most likely a golden retriever. Someone’s beloved family dog, their gorgeous golden retriever, had been left in the middle of the road to die by some horrible jerk! I was sick to my stomach. I had tears in my eyes. And then as I got closer, I saw that it was a large palm frond that had probably been blown down in one of the storms we have been having. Yes, what I saw up ahead on the road was a palm frond all along. “We see what we believe.”

Sometimes just knowing why someone believes what they believe, helps us to gain empathy and understanding, even if we don’t share their beliefs. Sometimes exploring why we, ourselves, believe what we believe, helps us to gain empathy and understanding about ourselves. How many times do we watch a movie and a character has an extreme reaction to a situation, and just as we are scratching our heads, wondering about their over-the-top reaction, we get a flashback to the backstory of what most likely caused that character’s extreme reaction in the present time? Sometimes our beliefs come from irrational, exaggerated places in the dark corners of our minds that stem from extreme experiences, or frightening people who did not allow us to disagree.

In a divisive year, in a divisive time in our country, there is no better time to figure out how to feel better. The only way to figure out how to feel better about anything, especially troubling things, is to explore these situations with open-minded curiosity, and with the aim of finding some kind of understanding. I am hoping that Guzmán’s book has some good ideas about how to do this, because our current system of dueling parties, extreme media platforms, and people screaming at, and denigrating each other on social media, is getting us nowhere and has been getting us nowhere, for a long, long time.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2268. What is your favorite conversation topic?

Tuesday’s Tidbits

Here are some more things from my current thought-a-log:

+ “If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” —Haruki Murakami

“To find newer ideas, read older books.” – Ivan Pavlov

When I was little, I loved to read my mother’s old Nancy Drew books, from when she was a little girl. They were hardcover, had browned edges and instead of talking about “cars” in the books, they were called “roadsters.” There was something so much cooler and enchanting about 1930’s Nancy.

I am currently reading Parable of the Sower. It is a dystopian novel published in 1993 by the now deceased, Octavia Butler. Butler wrote it to take place in the “future”, which starts in 2024. I tend to read right before I go to sleep. I don’t recommend doing this, with this particular book. Unfortunately this is one of those science fiction novels, that you can too easily see becoming “non-fiction” in the not to distant future if we don’t get serious about change for the good of the whole, versus just focusing on the constant infighting of various powers in our country. Scary.

“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.” – Frederick Douglass

+ I recently read something that said that it’s a good idea to utilize this test for all of your relationships and situations in your life: Does this person/place/thing (thing could be an institution such as where you work, a club you attend, or a church, medicinal substance, etc.) “double my happiness and half my sorrows”? In other words, when I am going through a really good experience in my life, does this person/place/thing support me and share in my joy, and uplift me? And in times of sorrow, does this person/place/thing hold me, and help me through it to the other side of the burdens which I am carrying? If not, does this person/place/thing really deserve much of a placeholder in my life? You don’t deserve people who rain on your parade. And you don’t deserve people who disappear when times get tough, either. Maybe it’s time to get real and make a list . . . . A good way to know your “keepers”: Who are the people/places/things you can’t wait to go to with good news and bad news? Why? Are they the same lists? Why or why not?

+ And finally, this(!):

“Never apologize for what you feel. It’s like being sorry for being real.”

— Lil Wayne

****to J: maybe a wiser guy than you knew?! 😉

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1792. What three musicians do you feel have contributed the most to music?

Monday – Funday

Late last year, I purchased these two adorable cicada figurines at two separate times from two different antique dealers. I don’t know why I purchased them, other than I was attracted to them. I keep them by our front door. I feel like they are lucky and mystical. My husband has often commented that he thinks they are cool looking, and that was that . . . or so I thought. Today I read this article that came out in the news two days ago:

https://www.nbcnews.com/science/science-news/cicadas-2024-emergence-periodical-brood-2024-map-cicada-rcna134152

It appears that two broods of cicada are going to emerge in the United States this year, at the same time. This is so rare that the last time it happened was in 1803. Now, you are probably thinking, “Wow, what a strange coincidence!” But I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in the adage that coincidence is really just God/Universe being anonymous. I believe that we are all so intrinsically connected to everything that happens in nature, throughout all of time, but we have lost sight of this fact, because we are focused on all of the wrong things. We have lost sight of the magic of it all, despite the fact that it is all around us, doing its thing, despite the stupid, pointless games we play. Look for the signs, friends. The real signs. The signs that make you feel deeply connected and contented and comforted and wise and knowing and intuitive and assured. The signs are everywhere. Look for them and trust them.

Another great article I read this morning is this one:

https://www.axios.com/2024/01/20/single-women-homeowners-us-map?utm_source=join1440&utm_medium=email&utm_placement=newsletter

This article states that in the United States home ownership is now majority female. Why is this important? According to this article, only sixty years ago, women couldn’t get a credit card or a mortgage without a male co-signer. I’m 53. Thank you to the generations of my mother, my mother-in-law, my grandmothers, my aunts, my older friends, and all the women of those generations who stood up for change. You made this right. My daughter and all of the women of her generation can’t even begin to fathom the world that you came up in. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (and ladies, let’s remember their sacrifices, and let’s not go backwards.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2691. Do you prefer hot tubs or steam rooms?