Month: August 2023

Not the Bride Friday

My friends and I were having a text conversation this morning, talking about the stories that we tell ourselves about what other people are thinking about us, and what is going to happen in the future, and we let these stories grow and grow, especially if we are creative, imaginative, emotional, anxious people. We can easily be our own worst enemies. We have the meanest of “mean girls” inside of our own heads who are experts at torturing and manipulating us. My friend said that when her daughter finds herself getting carried away with worries like this, her daughter says to herself, “I am not the bride.” This is a reminder that we aren’t the focus of other people’s thoughts and attention, nearly as much as we think that we are, and when we put our worries into the wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee, don’t-be-a-narcissist, “I am not the bride” context, this is the thought that follows: “Ewww. No thank you. I don’t care to be a bridezilla. Sit down and shut up, stupid mean girl in my head.” So today, on Favorite Things Friday, my new favorite mantra is “I am not the bride.” I think that this will make for a nice, in-the-moment, easy-going weekend.

My bonus favorite for this Favorite Things Friday is a jewelry company called The Pink Reef (HELLOPINKREEF.COM). Their jewelry is colorful, and feminine, and mostly statement pieces, featuring large hand-painted flowers and butterflies. I believe that Barbie would buy jewelry from The Pink Reef. And clearly, based on the blockbuster movie sales, we all love Barbie.

Friends, you are not the bride (hopefully you’ll only ever be a bride (or groom) once or twice in your whole lives – even Elizabeth Taylor was only the bride eight times in her entire lifetime). Let that peaceful thought carry you throughout this weekend, freely doing whatever you please to live an enjoyable, in-the-moment, full of awe experience, all weekend long, without ever needing the approval of others. Free yourself to enjoy the festivities without any concerns about being in the spotlight. Delight in shutting your “inner meanie” down.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

This Is A Good One

I remember many years ago my uncle relaying a story of sitting next to “The Boss” (Bruce Springsteen) on an airplane heading to New Jersey, and my uncle said that Bruce was an incredibly nice, gracious, down-to-earth man. Since the theme of the blog this week seems to be trending towards “good, kind-hearted people”, I thought that I would share this video. Good people are everywhere. Make it a point to look for them. They usually don’t make a show of it, but they are everywhere. If you make a point of looking out for something, you will be surprised about how often you find it. Sometimes you will feel inundated. Try it. Pick anything – a red rose, a butterfly, a dolphin, an orange car, etc. and marvel at how many times in a small amount of time you see this particular thing or an image or representation of this item, as you are going about doing your daily life. ( “The Baader–Meinhof phenomenon is an example of such biased attention. What is it called when you learn something and then see it everywhere? This phenomenon is called the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon or the frequency illusion.” – Scribbr) Why not add kind, wonderful, thoughtful people to your list of things that you want to see on a daily basis? Wouldn’t that be a great uplift to your every day?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good Guys

Based on the views, yesterday’s post about being with people who are “good for your soul” must have struck a chord. I feel like the Universe is sending me this message loud and clear this week, based on what I experienced yesterday.

Yesterday, you subscribers may have noticed that you got your email with my blog post a lot earlier than usual. This is because I had jury duty. This is only the second time in my life that I have ever been called for jury duty. The first time that I was called for jury duty was in 2016, during a time period that our youngest son’s epileptic seizures were not in control, and he was still a teenager at home. The clerk of courts kindly accepted my excuse, and I didn’t even have to drive down to the courthouse at that time.

Honestly, there was a time in my life that I would have been excited for the “new adventure” of possibly being on a jury, but yesterday, I was not excited, nor engaged about the possibility. I, of course, believe in our legal system and I understand and I support the fact that jury duty is a civic responsibility and a duty, but like all of us, I was not particularly excited about having my life, and my daily schedule interrupted. Also, I have gotten to be even more emotional, and more nuanced (sometimes muddled) in my thinking about things, as I have aged, and sadly, though not as jaded as many people seem to be, I definitely have become more cynical about “the state of things” than I ever have been in my life. In short, I didn’t have confidence that I would make the best of jurors.

Luckily, the jury supervisor told us right from the beginning that for the 14 trials that we had been called for, 11 of them had already been settled. Looking at the room of about 150 people, with seemingly every category of human beings represented: age, color, fashion style, etc., I figured that my odds were really good to be dismissed. And I was right. An hour later, the jury supervisor dismissed all of us, saying that the final three cases had been settled and we were free to go home (with the warning to please not tell everyone that this is the “norm”. In fact, she said, this was highly unusual. We were lucky.) I was home by 10:30 in the morning.

By late afternoon, I was exhausted. I had not slept well the night before, and I had walked around in the high heat, a little too much. One of my friends and my youngest son both recommended for me to watch the show, Jury Duty (Amazon prime), so at dinner, I implored my husband to sit on the couch and “veg” with me. Last night, we binge-watched all eight episodes of Jury Duty in the matter of around three hours, and now I believe that I would make for a better juror. My belief and faith in humanity has been restored a bit.

Jury Duty is a show where a young man named Ronald Gladden believes that he is taking part of being in a documentary, about being a member of a jury, in a civil case. The truth of the matter is Ronald is a real-life “Truman” (like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show). Everyone else in the whole show – judge, other jury members, lawyers, bailiff, etc. are all actors. The show is meant to be a comedy (it was created by the makers of “The Office”, and things get really zany, and even sometimes a little bit gross and over-the-top), but what stays constant is Ronald Gladden’s wonderful, steady character and kindness. Being made jury foreman, Ronald stays even, and calm under pressure. He works to be inclusive of all members of the jury, including “the weird ones”, and the older ones, and the ones whose accents make them hard to understand. He is uplifting to those who need it, and discrete about those who have made mistakes. Ronald is helpful and understanding and patient, consistently, with every single one of the jurors. He is thoughtful and inquisitive when taking notes about the case. Ronald steps up to being a leader, as the foreman, when he helps the jurors come to a consensus that they all felt comfortable with, without shaming or deriding anyone into their decisions. In short, he takes his job seriously and he does it well. It’s no wonder that #RonaldForPresident is trending viral on social media. It seems that we are all a little thirsty to witness more of the better side of humanity these days. Ronald Gladden is one of “the good guys” and we love him for it.

There were 2500 people who answered an ad on Craigslist to be in this documentary. The creators of the show were very selective. The executive producer, Nicholas Hatton said they were looking for someone specific: “It was vital to find someone we sensed the audience could root for and would also provide the heart and moral compass of the show.” They got it “spot on” with Ronald. And he is not an actor. He was not acting. Ronald was just being himself – a wonderful human being.

Last night, after crawling into bed after binging the entire show, I told my husband that now, I kind of wished that I had been picked for jury duty after all. It made me question if I would have behaved as decently and patiently and kindly, as Ronald did, throughout the three weeks of daily dealings with an unusual, eclectic, sometimes annoying group of characters. I feel inspired by a young man who showed me that this is indeed possible, and it is beautiful.

“Each human being shall have all of these in him, and they will constitute his nature. In some, there will be high and fine characteristics which will submerge the evil ones, and those will be called good men; in others the evil characteristics will have dominion, and those will be called bad men.” – Mark Twain

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good Food for the Soul

Our daughter experienced the last day of her summer job, this past Sunday. She worked at a popular, local ice cream shop near to one of our more beloved beaches. At dinner last night, my daughter told my husband and I that what she loved most about this particular job, is that it “brought her back to herself” again. Needless to say, this perked my ears.

“I lost myself a little bit, at the end of spring semester,” she said honestly and earnestly. “And these kind, fun, full of camaraderie people whom I worked with, along with the regular, supportive customers, and the excited, happy-go-lucky vacationing out-of-towners, brought me back to my natural self.”

Our daughter is a rising sophomore at a large, competitive university. None of her closest friends from high school ended up attending this same university with her, so she had to navigate a lot on her own, this past freshman year, in an environment that sometimes felt like swimming with the sharks, to her. I told my daughter how proud I was of her, for her considerate self-awareness. I reminded her what a good lesson she has learned, and I hope that she will be able to remember it, and to apply it, for the rest of her life.

“It is healthy and important to limit interactions with people who make you feel ‘less than’, or who you are afraid to be your true self with – these are not your people,” I said to her. “How you feel around a person speaks volumes. You must be true to yourself. You will never be happy if you feel that you can’t be the authentic version of the one-and-only-you. We all get cheated when people aren’t able to be fullest and deepest and truest expression of their own unique selves. People who accept you, and love you for your own distinctive qualities are the best kind of people there are in this world. Remember to be that kind of person for other people, too.”

The ice cream shop coworkers were a hodgepodge of older, full-time managers and workers, college students from all different universities and colleges, working for the summer, and a few high school students sprinkled in for good measure. Based on the funny stories, the social events they had with each other outside of work, and the support and cooperation and consideration shown to each other during busy, bustling work nights (all things which our daughter had relayed to us throughout the summer), it became extremely evident, that this eclectic group of people made for an amazing, good-for-the-soul, mix of coworkers and friends.

Sometimes in life, when all of the individual ingredients are so wholesome and incredible on their own merit, and they come together in one spot, you end up with something like an absolutely unbeatable, unforgettable delicious hot fudge sundae. For me, the fact that my daughter learned to appreciate the goodness and the sweetness of people who make you comfortable to be fully yourself, the people who help you to bring “the you” out of you, and who celebrate you and appreciate you, is the biggest, juiciest, most delightful cherry on top, of this memorable experience, in her young adult life.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Funday

Our Labrador retriever, Ralphie, spent a lot of time with us in the pool this weekend. He’s now an interesting shade of yellow-green. Ralphie is definitely “that blonde kid on the swim team.” You can’t miss the fact that he loves to swim.

There are two quotes that stood out for me, from my weekend reading. They are by the same author, Ehime Ora:

“Today will be an easy day if you let it be. Try not to spiral in your thoughts. Not everything that you think is true.”

“You deserve peace in your life, not just low stress. There’s a difference.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

I’m delayed in writing because my husband and I got up early to do some touch up painting on our house before the blazing summer sun took over with a punishing stranglehold. It’s been one of those weekends of tackling those “instant gratification” chores – painting, weeding . . . It stinks when you are doing it, but the results are so uplifting. I keep telling my husband, as we are knocking these things off of our list, “Well, now we’re hurricane ready.” He keeps admonishing me to stop calling a hurricane in.

I’ve been lazy with my poem writing lately. I hope that you have done better with it than me. I miss it. Poetry really is the heart’s first language. Here is a good poem that I found for today:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Flourishing

This week I had a wonderful experience of sending flowers to someone who loves flowers, and who is also so deserving of receiving beautiful flowers. I have learned through trial and error, the best chance of getting really wonderful, “just right” flowers to a person, is to look up a florist with excellent ratings in that person’s zip code. You then make a real live phone call (they need to hear the emotion in your voice) to that particular florist, and you relay your personal story – “the why” you want to gift a meaningful bouquet of flowers to a person, the particulars of why this person and this occasion is so vitally important to you, and then you give the floral designer their own creative license to translate that story, which you relayed to them in words, into their own artform – flowers and foliage and beauty and form. Florists flourish when you give them your trust of artistic freedom.

In my experience, florists/floral designers love their work. They take great pride in their work. Their artform is all about translating some of the most beautiful, delicate pieces of nature into a message of cheer, hope, beauty, celebration and love. What a wonderful calling!

When I received the text from the florist that the flowers had been delivered, and then soon afterwards got the extremely excited texts and pictures from the receiver of the arrangement, I texted the florist to say how pleased and happy we all are, with how the bouquet turned out.

Soon after, the florist sent me a sweet text back, gushing with pleasure that we were so happy. He ended the text with “thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.” (his creative license with gratefulness is also adorably “extra” in the unabashed, wonderful way, seemingly only true artists can be)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Nail It, Friday

Happy Friday!!! Happy Weekend!!! On Fridays, I stay on the surface, and I discuss stuff that I like. We have bodies for a reason, right? We like to enjoy the full use of our senses, correct? Life is about the experiences. And most experiences include all of the “stuff” outside of ourselves.

I found today’s favorite at my hair salon. My hairstylist is one of the most artistic people whom I have ever met. She just has it – that essence which we call “flair.” On my last appointment, she was wearing a sheer, iridescent toenail polish that looked so subtle and yet unusually eye catching, at the same time. I commented on how much I liked it, and she said that she has gotten so many compliments on it. “Would you believe that I got it at Sprouts?!” she laughed.

“Sprouts, as in the grocery store?!” I asked her.

“Yes, five bucks,” she said with a self-assured smile on her face. (when you have “flair” you can find panache at all different price points, and wear it with confidence)

She texted me the color, and I immediately ordered it from Amazon, since Sprouts is a little bit out of my way. The color looks pink in the bottle, but I promise you that it is sheer and sheen and shiny, on your nails. The brand is Mineral Fusion, and the color is Pink Fire Opal.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Crying Game

“Embrace crying as a spa day for your eyes.” – Chani Nicholas

“Whenever I’m struggling I think of this: what’s going to make the most positive difference to MY life right now? Then, I go do that one thing and I almost always feel better.” – Karen Nimmo

My daughter was talking to me the other day, and she was obviously holding back tears. I reminded her to let her tears flow. Crying and tears were designed to be our bodies’ release valves. My daughter was holding back her tears back because she didn’t feel like she “should” be upset. (the modern day shame – to be upset about anything “trivial” implies that you are privileged. Remember my favorite mantra -“Just because someone is dying of a heart attack, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.”) Nothing terrible has happened recently. My daughter has just had one of those seasons “on the grind.” She is finishing up two difficult, time consuming online college accounting courses. She’s worked a ton. Her boyfriend is away, taking summer courses at his college. This summer just hasn’t been a typical, laidback, full of ease and fun season, like it has been in the past for her. She feels overwhelmed and stressed during a time that is often perceived to be the most easy-going time of the year.

I’ve been feeling grumpy lately. There are a lot of little aggravations in my life that feel as “stuck” as the sickenly hot summer air in Florida has been for months. There has been virtually no movement on situations such as car repairs (my husband’s car has been in the shop since the beginning of June due to a shortage of parts) and a few other long-standing, seemingly never-ending red-tape issues going on in our lives. These things are out of my control. I know that things could be far, far worse. I also know that I shouldn’t let things that are out of my control bother me, but I can feel the frustration cooking under my surface, and scolding and shaming myself for feeling frustrated only adds to “the boil.”

I love Karen Nimmo’s (well-known author and psychologist from New Zealand) question that she says she asks herself, and she also reflects upon, any time a client comes to her with their problems: What’s going to make the most positive difference in my life right now? She says when tackling any problem, you have to take it one-step-at-a-time. You have to prioritize what needs urgent attention before getting down to the brass tacks of the overall issue. If a patient comes into the ER with an infection that is full of puss and blood on their arm, this wound must be attended to first, before you can start exploring what caused the infection in the first place.

So mostly, my daughter needed a good cry. I hugged her, and the release made her feel a little better. She also made plans to do some line-dancing with friends this weekend, which is new and intriguing to her. I got my hair done and my eyebrows waxed this week. These things are within my control, and they always give me a lift when they are completed. I’m signaling to the Universe that I am ready for the new season (a season in which hopefully some of these longstanding irritations will come to completion). What’s going to make the most positive difference in your life right now? You’re not going to solve all of your problems and issues and irritations, in one fell swoop, but you can take small steps towards positive resolution. And you will feel, at the very least, a little bit better.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ “Did you learn how to think or how to believe?” I read this question from a story on Rob Brezsny’s website. A father would often ask his daughter this question when she came home from school. It’s such an excellent question to constantly ask yourself, throughout life. Whether reading, or watching a show, or attending a speech or a service, ask yourself this question. With so much information overload these days (and now a ton of it being produced by artificial intelligence), this question has never been more important. Be discerning. Consider the source. Watch people’s actions, not their words. Think for yourself. Believe in yourself. Trust what resonates from the deepest part of yourself. You have more of the answers than you ever give yourself credit for, as most of the answers lie deep within yourself.

+ “Why can’t people be normal when they ascend into positions of power? Like what is it?” – martha, Twitter

“No one who wants to be in a position of power is normal to start off with. Like cult leaders, they’re all narcissistic to some degree. No normal person seeks power. Egomaniacs do.” – Zoraya Black, Twitter

I read this interaction on Twitter this morning. It is my belief that history’s most effective leaders have been hesitant leaders. They have stepped up to the plate when no one else was willing, or able to lead. They lead for virtue’s sake, for future generations’ sake, and how they ended up becoming leaders had nothing to do with their own personal power plays, but more so from an organic following of people who admired their ideas and their actions. Mahatma Gandhi and George Washington are known to have been extremely reluctant leaders.

“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” – William Shakespeare

Where are these rare birds these days? These true leaders tend to be the strong, silent types. It’s hard to find them in all of the clamoring for attention, and individuals’ need for their own fifteen minutes of fame. I do pray that these naturally sound and honorable people, like cream, rise to the top and become visible, and able, and available to us again. Never has our country needed them more.

+ I didn’t win a billion dollars in the Mega Millions last night. No one did. But even if I did, I believe that I would still be writing this blog. I love it that much. There are a lot of things in my life that would change if I had won, but there are certain things that I would do everything in my power to be sure that these situations stayed the same, because these people, places, things, and relationships are sacred and essential to me – you and this blog being one of those things. This is an excellent thought train to get real clear on what is most vital and meaningful to you, in your own life, right at this very moment. If you won a billion dollars, what would you definitely want to remain the same as it is, in your life right now? Feel grateful for these people, places, and things, and share your gratitude with them. You didn’t need a billion dollars to experience their preciousness in your life. Savor all that you have been blessed with in your life. Realize that you wouldn’t trade these things for a billion dollars.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.