When I was with my best friends from college a couple of weeks ago, we got to talking about the young girls’ body confidence these days, and the fact that most young women these days often wear, on average, about a third of the body coverings that we wore at their ages. Some of my friends are thrilled with this evolution, some of my friends are struggling with it (especially when it comes to our own daughters) and I, myself, sit somewhere in between these two opinions. I think that it is important to have pride and confidence in the precious, unique vehicles which house and transport our souls. But sometimes it seems to me, that putting so much focus and emphasis on “in your face”, look at my body, look at my body, look at my body, look at my body, puts too much emphasis on physical looks (especially for women) and not enough emphasis on the person as a whole. (which ironically is what I think the whole “body positive” movement is trying to do – bringing the emphasis back to unique qualities of the individual) As in anything, the pendulum always swings back and forth, this I know.
Anyway, I’m not here to debate the merits of any side of this story. I can see all sides which is often the case in my own life, which leaves me in an almost constant state of “muddled-ment” and puzzlement about many things. (An unmade mind is a messy, sleepless, frustrated thing. Sigh.) Today, though, I would like to share this beautiful piece below by the writer, Molly Burford. It’s easy to compliment someone on their looks or their outfits. Take some time today to compliment someone in your life for what makes their own unique spirit so special. Take some time today to compliment yourself about something distinctive that makes you stand out from the crowd (and make sure that it has nothing to do with looks.) I imagine that a lot of these compliments below, apply to you, my readers. Consider yourself complimented and as always thank you for reading the blog. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Kelly,
My comments today touch on two different aspects of your blog…comment and compliment.
Being a mother of 2 sons, (and no daughter), I have some very interesting and honest talks with my sons about ‘girls today’. And I have also had rather interesting and very revealing conversations with my dear friend and hair stylist, who has shared some conversations he’s had with the women he works with.
What I have come to understand, after boiling down a lot of conversations, is that ‘one must portray the imagine of how one wishes to be treated’. If you want to be treated with respect, dress and act and BE respectable. You want a sincere and loving man in your life, BE sincere and loving.
Again, I do not have a daughter, and I’m not speaking from authority, in anyway. I just think you get what you project.
A little story….I was in the grocery store the other day and a young girl walked in to the store in a bikini with both butt checks hanging out (I live close to the beach so seeing people in their bathing suits is not uncommon, most wear cover-ups) I saw all the men, older and younger checking her out…and I thought, if she could see what I am seeing, would be she ok with the image she was projecting?? At some age and stage of your life, if you’re not getting the relationship, love or contentment that you really wish for, could it be that what you’ve projected never revealed the real essence of who you really are? (Maybe my comment is too deep.)
I can only imagine that being a mom with a a daughter has some incredible challenges especially with these issues.
My compliment to you…
Thank you for providing your thoughts and commentary on life in such a rich and thoughtful way that you inspire and provoke thinking about things and people and ideas that are fresh and different. Your blogs causes me to often change my course of thinking if even for the 10-15 minutes each day, to catch a breath of fresh air for my soul.
PS…. Love the last piece from Molly Buford.
Joan, I had to take a grateful pause. I am so honored by your compliment and I am so grateful that you take the time to read my posts and to also add thoughtful, interesting, thought provoking, well written comments. Truly, thank you. I do love your idea of asking yourself, “Is how I project and portray myself on the outside, truly who I am at heart and essence?” (at least this is how I read it) A good measure of this, is seeing who and what you’ve attracted into your life.
Your point is well-taken that there is far too much emphasis placed on looks in our culture, but I had a new realization while reading today’s post: do you suppose that young ladies court attention for their bodies because they feel they have little else to offer? Think about it – they have very little life experience, and not (yet) much wisdom. There are a few outliers, but for the most part, in the 15 – 25 age range, the majority don’t have a good handle on who they are or where they are heading in life. Personally speaking, when I was in that age category, I had exactly zero understanding of my worth or value as a person. It took decades for me to “arrive”.
Joan makes a good point as well about projecting the image of who you want to be in the world, but what if you don’t know who that is? What if you’ve received no guidance from an older, wiser person that cautions you to be careful with what you put out there? I would hope that the parents would do this job, but sadly, that seems to be lacking in many cases.
I don’t have a full-blown theory about this, nor am I condoning or condemning any particular behavior. It just occurred to me that you offer the world what you have an awareness of, and for many young girls, they are only present in their physical bodies, so that’s where they seek approval. It’s just some food for thought.
This is so interesting, Kelly. I find myself so much less interested or concerned about my outside “looks/images” as I age. But when we are younger and with so much less experience, it’s easier to hone on the “controllable.” Thank you, as always, for your wonderful insights.