Month: July 2023

Monday – Funday

A wise person once said to me, “You don’t go to the gym, see a totally fit, “stacked” person and say to yourself, Hmmm, I wonder why they are here? They are already totally fit.”

When you see the totally fit person at the gym, you inherently realize that they are there at the gym to maintain their body’s strength and flexibility. They got fit at the gym, and they stay fit by regularly going there to work out. Their body’s strength and flexibility and health are a priority to them, and this is shown by their actions.

My hairstylist is 60 and I have been going to get my hair done by her for almost a decade. Since I’ve known her she has always been thin and svelte. Even during the pandemic, she kept her weight steady. My hairstylist also has to stay on a gluten-free diet for her digestive health, and she told me once that it really bothers her that people assume that she is thin only because she is on the gluten-free diet. She works hard at maintaining her weight, and her health, and it “irks” her that people think that she just lucked into her long-lasting body type.

Whatever you admire about a person – their relationships, their career, their style, their health, their knowledge, etc., most likely did not come easy. Even if the natural, raw talents and abilities were there, it is difficult to grow, and to maintain these gifts. It’s an uncomfortable truth, but the facts are, people live their priorities. It’s insulting to someone to treat their best attributes, assets, and gifts as only lucky breaks, which just happened to easily and randomly fall upon them, out of the clouds, and then magically stay there, without any effort on the lucky person’s part. When you see the admirable “finished product” of success, health, happiness, you don’t see all of the “behind the scenes” of blood, sweat, and tears, research, desire, tough decisions, and prioritizing that it took to get there, and then also, to keep it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

This is how Joseph Fasano, poet who wrote the poem below, describes poetry:

Joseph Fasano gets to the heart of it here. The reason why so many of us avoid reading or writing poetry is because it is vulnerable. It is emotional. It is truthful. It lays things bare. When I come to the blog on Sundays (a day that I have devoted to poetry), I often think to myself, do I have it in me to write about what I am really feeling? Can my mind translate my heart today? Many times I just don’t want to “go there.” So I put an oven mitt over my heart, and I look for someone else’s poem to publish.

“Why speak of the use
of poetry? Poetry
is what uses us.” – Hayden Carruth

Is it possible that poetry is just the soul translated? Poetry is the noble attempt to put into words that which can never fully be explained. Poetry is our soul trying to speak to us about what really “speaks to us.” Write a poem today, using this prompt: “I am the translator. Soul, what are you trying to tell me?” Perhaps use your non-dominant hand to write your poem. I imagine that your inner poet has more to say to you, than you think.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

UGH

I’m sorry. The last 24 hours have been a little nuts around here. We had a big storm that broke off most of our beautiful, bounteous bougainvillea around an archway by our front door. Our fun Friday was spent cutting up branches for the garbage truck to take away this week. I am sad, but I know how feisty and resilient this particular plant is, as it came back from a hurricane one time.

Today, I only have a joke that made me giggle to offer up to you. I’ll do better tomorrow. Joke:

A snake walks into a bar and the bartender says, “How?”

I appreciate you, friends.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Smart Car Friday

So yesterday, I took my car to the dealership to have its fluids changed. My car had made the appointment for itself, all by itself. (I’m not kidding. I had noticed that its brake fluid light had come on, and I “was going to” make an appointment, but then I got a text that the appointment had already been made, and there was a link to change it, if I needed to change it, much like my doctors’ appointments.) My car is a 2019 model. It’s nothing new, and it’s not particularly “teched out”. I’m not sure how I feel about this. Is this a convenience, or arrogance and a “control” move on my car’s part? I mean, if my husband had made the appointment for the car, I would have probably been slightly miffed and may have felt that he had overstepped some boundaries. I may have felt slightly judged and controlled. But at the same time, I would have been relieved to have the car maintenance on the schedule, without having to think about it. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with today’s technology. It intrigues me and it terrifies me, all at once. But it’s Friday, so I’m just riding the waves . . . .

Today’s favorite, for Favorite Things Friday goes back to “the good ol’ days.” (the days before inanimate objects started ruling the world) My favorite for today, is one of Sinead O’Connor’s best songs, in my mind. It’s called The Emperor’s New Clothes. Like so many, I was saddened to hear of Sinead’s passing. I know that she was a troubled, controversial figure in her lifetime, but her music and her lyrics and her voice has the ability to strum up deep, evocative emotion like few other artists have achieved. So yesterday, I decided to listen to many of her songs that I had forgotten about. (Unfortunately, Nothing Compares 2U was the only song that came to mind when I first heard of her death). Explore Sinead’s music today. You won’t regret it.

“My creative process is quite slow. I hear melodies in my head while I’m washing the dishes and I allow my subconscious to do the work.” – Sinead O’Connor

“To say what you feel is to dig your own grave.” – Sinead O’Connor

“They laugh ’cause they know they’re untouchable
Not because what I said was wrong
Whatever it may bring
I will live by my own policies
I will sleep with a clear conscience
I will sleep in peace” – Sinead O’Connor ( from lyrics in The Emperor’s New Clothes)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ten Years

I finished up one of my two-year journals yesterday. I set it on top of the other four finished journals. So for ten years now, from the summer in which I was 42 until this summer when I am 52, I have written a daily journal entry. I wish that I had journals from the age of 12, but before I was 42, keeping a journal was a spotty, sporadic, unintentional thing. There is something about middle age, that brings an urgency to realizing the brevity of your own life, and the compelling need to understanding how you are living your own life, into vivid focus.

I use the Building the Best You journals. They are currently out of print, but you can still get them from used book sellers. (just make sure that the ones you purchase are in “like new” condition – i.e. not written in) I just ordered two more of them yesterday, even though I already have a small pile of empty ones in one of my cupboards. I like doing that, as an act of confidence in myself. It shows commitment to continuing to do a journal entry every day, and the best part, of course, is that each book magically adds two more years to my life. Ha!

These journals aren’t particularly special. They ask the same six questions every day, so that you can compare your answers, year over year. The best part about them is that there is hardly any room to write. You have to answer the questions more in “phrases”. The answers which you write are more of a “gist” or a “theme” of your day. Every six weeks or so, is a page of longer questions and there is a little more space to answer those questions, but again, it doesn’t require a lot of time or energy to fill the small spaces. The format of this journal, makes it easy to commit to doing it for the long term.

What do I get from journaling? It’s a small time commitment that gives me so much in the way of self-knowledge. It’s a place to spill my messy feelings and sort them out. I have a daily record, which turns into a weekly record, then a monthly record, and finally, a yearly record of what I did, and what I am currently doing with the precious days of my life. I read this quote this morning:

“Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of.”   – Charles Richards

I think this is sort of a dark quote. I don’t necessarily agree with it. What I have found out from daily journaling is sometimes those moping days, those restless days, those sick days, those recalibration days in which you don’t do a whole lot, are often the days that you end up using to pivot, and to fuel yourself into a new direction. And honestly, daily journals are mostly truly life affirming – when you read over a few months, or a year, or even ten years, it’s amazing to see how many experiences which are packed into one human life. With daily journaling, I also get to notice my patterns, and my habits, and areas where I may be just going through the motions. I get “wake-up calls” about what aspects of my life I might want to consciously change and do better, and about other areas in my life that I can feel really proud about myself and want to continue. I have gained so much overall perspective from my journals. I can see that most things that I was so upset about at one time, mean almost nothing to me now. In fact, sometimes the things that I jotted down that were deeply upsetting me, I can now barely remember what happened. I also see that the truly awful stuff in life is really much more rare than all of the goodness, beauty, wonder, gentleness and evenness that our everyday lives are filled with on a reliable basis. When I remind myself and others that the storm clouds always, always pass, it’s not just fluffy talk. I have written proof. This is so comforting.

It’s never too late to start journaling. I wish that I had started the daily practice of journaling sooner than I did, but I certainly don’t regret starting it (and now I already have ten years in). So if you don’t keep a daily journal, start now. At the very least, on each calendar page, jot a couple of happenings and draw an emoji for how you feel. A journal helps you to create intimacy with yourself. It helps you to feel understood by yourself. There is no relationship in this world, more important than the one which you have with yourself. Give yourself this gift of journaling. You won’t regret it. You will get to know an interesting, brave, genuine, vulnerable, honest, hopeful, resilient human being living an ordinary life (that will sometimes show some real extraordinary glimpses of life), like you never have before.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+“Fire rests by changing,” wrote ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus. In accordance with astrological omens, I ask you to meditate on that riddle. Here are some preliminary thoughts: The flames rising from a burning substance are always moving, always active, never the same shape. Yet they comprise the same fire. As long as they keep shifting and dancing, they are alive and vital. If they stop changing, they die out and disappear. The fire needs to keep changing to thrive!” – Rob Brezsny

I think that the older I get, the harder it is to embrace change. I think to myself, “I’ve worked so hard to get where I am. Why risk it?” But then, that restless, unsettled, fidgety feeling sets in and the only thing that remedies that feeling is adding a little variation to the mix. Yesterday, I signed up for a combination meditation/painting class at a local Arts center for a few weeks, later this fall. My fire flickered in a new direction and it feels good.

+ Most of the plants that we have around the house, we have had for years. But every year they look a little different. Plants that were lush and beautiful one year, are sometimes a little scrawny and leggy in other years. But sometimes, just like us, one of our plants has “their year”. This is “the year” for this particular plant. It is full and happy and showy and proud. And I am beaming for it. I can’t help but notice it every time I step outside and I’m not even mad about it covering up the unique features (particularly two cool magenta dragons) of my antique jardiniere. If you, just like this lovely plant, are having “your moment” right now, let yourself shine! We are all better for it. It’s inspiring. It’s beautiful. It’s hopeful. And if this is one of your barely hanging on moments, don’t be a hater to the lush. Use its “busting-out-of-its-seams-beamingness” as a reminder and an inspiration, that your superabundant season is right around the corner. There is always room for everyone to bloom, in each of our own wild, wonderful and unique ways. The most fabulous garden is one that is full of unique, and individually interesting plants, all teeming with life and vitality.

+ The other day, I was in a grumpy, grouchy mood. And because I was in that kind of dismal mood, I felt like I had to justify it. Things that were really no big deal, I let grow exponentially in my mind, in order to account for my “no good, rotten, very bad” mood. My ridiculous, “privileged” rant looked like this: “We didn’t get mail. Work on our house would have to be extended into the next morning. A bill was incorrect. It’s hotter than hell . . . .” Now on another day that I was feeling better, none of that triviality would have registered a bleep on my mood meter. I honestly don’t know why I was really feeling so grumpy. It could have been bad sleep. It could have been “stuff” my subconscious is working out. The point is, sometimes you just have to feel your feels, and then let them go. There doesn’t always have to be a true reason, or an explanation, or something/someone to blame for the ways that we feel. And our feelings do not need to be fed and bolstered and blown out of proportion by our minds. Feelings are meant to be as transient as the winds. (And if you want to hang on to your good feelings, they are best fertilized with gratefulness.)

+ Yesterday, I saw a trailer for a movie based on The Hunger Games‘ prequel. I never knew that the prequel book existed. Before I even got home, while I was in the movie theater, I downloaded The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes to my Kindle and I can’t wait to start reading it. The Hunger Games books are some of the best books which I have ever read! The prequel novel by Suzanne Collins apparently came out in 2020. How did I miss this fact?! I had some time on my hands to read books in 2020. Didn’t we all??? If you didn’t know this and you are as excited about it as I am about it, you’re welcome.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Equilibrium

Mountains can be climbed with as little effort as possible and without desire. The reality of your own nature should determine the speed. If you become restless, speed up. If you become winded, slow down. You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion. Then when you’re no longer thinking ahead, each footstep isn’t just a means to an end but a unique event in itself.
– Robert M. Pirsig 

(On an aside, before I get to the quote, the Wise Connector on Twitter today, asked his readers to describe their favorite people to hang out with in three words. He has 531 responses so far, but these same words are seen most often in the answers: funny, loyal, positive, real, authentic, kind, honest, curious, smart, creative and adventurous. Would you answer the same way? I thought to myself, the person who I hang out the most with in my life, is myself. Do I make myself a good person to hang around with? Food for thought . . . . )

Robert Pirsig wrote Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I read this quote yesterday and this line really stood out to me: “If you become restless, speed up. If you become winded, slow down. You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion.” This quote obviously doesn’t just apply to hiking up a mountain. It applies to our lives. How many times do we decide to “push through” something, often ending in less than satisfactory or even disastrous results? Or at other times, do we waste our restlessness on bad habits or impulsive decisions, instead of using that time to focus that energy on pushing through on to our goals? When we say that we want balance in our lives, we are talking about that “equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion”. This is a good thing to ponder. When in your life do you feel most exhausted? Are there people, experiences, places, situations etc. that continually exhaust you? What can you do to limit this exhaustion? What do you do when you feel restless and bored? What do you do with that extra energy? Is what you do with your restless energy fruitful and propelling you forward, or is it just wasted, frenetic energy? Maybe creating lists of what to do when we are exhausted and what to do when we are bored, would be helpful reminders because tired minds aren’t balanced, and wired minds aren’t balanced. They don’t make the best of guides.

My daughter has been taking two online college accounting courses over the summer, and she is following a technique that she read about, where she studies for 25 minutes and then she gives herself a five minute break. She was amazed yesterday, how productive she was, completing her assignments using this system. She had found her equilibrium. She was even and productive. And she felt really good about it.

You are climbing your own mountain, of your own life. “The reality of your own nature should determine the speed.” If you become aware enough to make adjustments when you are feeling exhausted, or when you are feeling restless, your speed will be in perfect cadence with your intermittent goals. You will reach the apex of your life, one step at a time, enjoying each footstep as a “unique event in itself.” We see the same words all of the time, when describing a state of peace and serenity: Balance. Equilibrium. Awareness. (essentially staying in NOW) Just like climbing mountains are achieved by many hikers, all of the time, every day, all over the world, we can have the same success and enjoyment climbing the mountains of our own lives: Being fully aware, one step at a time . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. Our two middle sons moved to new apartments recently and so, as we mothers do, I sent them a reminder text to change their mailing addresses on the post office’s website. I wrote, “Hi boys. Please remember to change your addresses on the post office’s website.” Two hours later, I had an aha moment. Our sons are not “boys.” Our sons are fine young men of the ages of 25 and almost 23. I sent a new text to them, correcting my error, and telling them that I should not have called them “boys”. I proudly see what amazing men they are turning out to be. But, fellow parents, let’s be real. If I am honest with myself, our sons will always be my little baby boys (and our daughter will always be my precious little baby girl) and so when I read this poem, shared below, this past week, I thought to myself, “Wow, Robert Hershon nailed it. He just nailed it.” I think that there is nothing more fulfilling in any creator’s heart than when we have written/sang/painted/photographed, etc. something and we get this proud knowing feeling that says, “Damn, I just nailed it.” Try nailing one of your passions today (maybe even nail art?), and give yourself that satisfactory feeling of savoring it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Seeds

“The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Be patient and stay the course.” – Fabienne Fredrickson

My youngest son has started a sales job this summer, and this past week he has experienced a lot of frustration, feeling like his efforts aren’t going anywhere. Having been in sales, at his same age, I remember those feelings all too well. A huge part of doing well in sales is keeping the faith and staying the course. In sales, you tend to get disappointed by targets you work your tush off for, and then end up with delicious surprise sales, that almost seem like a gift out of nowhere. The fruits of your labors, often pop out where you least expect them to be.

I remember reading once, that if we instantly got everything that we wanted right when we asked for it, we would quickly become overwhelmed. (Ever arrive home to a pile of Amazon boxes at your front door, full of impulse purchases??) We would soon find out that half the things that we thought we wanted, were things that we really didn’t want, in the long run. Ideas and creations and intentions that have spent some time, hibernating, cocooning, and then even some more time percolating and simmering, usually give us the best refined and blooming results of whatever it is that we are truly and ultimately seeking.

Plant your seeds. Do what you can for these seeds. Water them, make sure they get some light and heat, fertilize your seeds with excitement and optimism, but don’t hover over them, with wringing hands. Be patient. Believe that before you know it, you will be filling baskets full of the ripe fruits of your own labors.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.