Month: April 2023

Cheapest Loss

***Happy Birthday to the love of my life. What we have together is my greatest treasure, and where all of the most amazing experiences of my life originate. Lucky, lucky, lucky – just like I said.***

I read a good quote yesterday that I had to ruminate on a little bit. It’s a common proverb, often used among the financial broker/trader community:

“Your first loss is your cheapest loss.”

No one gets a “loss-free life.” There are losses all along the way – loss of innocence, loss of youth, loss of relationships, loss of jobs, loss of money, loss of health, loss of loved ones . . . .if we can come to an acceptance that loss is just one of those least favorite experiences in life, we can have an easier time “cutting our losses” and taking the hard, but valuable lessons which they often bring with them.

The problem is, we don’t like to accept that loss is part of life. We have turned loss into meaning that we are “losers”, and that gets us in the gut. And so we become maniacal about holding on to whatever it is that we believe we are losing, and we make worse mistakes and create even bigger losses, to the detriment of ourselves. (Ask any reformed gambler.) Sometimes we get so caught up in “not losing” that we start hanging on to things that we don’t even want.

We’ve often heard the proverb, “Don’t throw good money after bad.” It’s hard to do. I’ve done it. (Ask me about a once beloved house in Carolina that evolved to become a detested noose around my neck.) Haven’t you? We are a hopeful lot, and that is good . . . .until it isn’t.

If there is something in your life that needs a rational, reality check, be honest with yourself about it. Stop. Think. Don’t dig a deeper hole for yourself. None of us are perfect. None of us have all of the answers. None of us have never made a mistake. You can’t go on to make a big catch, if you don’t cut bait with what isn’t working and isn’t workable. Take the lessons from the last unsuccessful cast, and move on to broader horizons.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: @PoemHeaven Twitter

The point is, one point at a time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The other day, I was getting a replacement crown on my tooth, and so I was a captive audience for my dentist’s assistant. She is actually quite charming and entertaining, so it was like listening to a delightful podcast. Before going to school to work in dentistry, the dental assistant spent her teens and twenties in Miami, during the 1990s, working at an exclusive resort on South Beach that catered to the rich and famous. This was an era that my dental assistant claimed that South Beach was one of the most beautiful, glamorous places on Earth. She named dozens and dozens of celebrities she had met throughout the years. She said that she was petting one guest’s cute little dog, only to look up to see that the owner of the dog was Elton John. The dental assistant said that Elton John was absolutely delightful. She said that most of the celebrities she had met were kind, warm, polite and had well-behaved children. Out of her many experiences (Janet Jackson’s personal chef made delicious pies for each of the eight pregnant employees at the resort), she only had two negative experiences with arrogant, overreaching celebrity customers. I won’t relay the gossip.

When the gauze was removed from my mouth, I asked my dental assistant a question. She had dropped out of college, to support herself and her mother, during that time when she was working many long hours at the luxury resort in Miami. Her family was a working class family who had moved from the Bronx.

“B, did you find the ridiculous displays of wealth annoying? Was it hard to cater to these types of people?”

She scrunched up her face when I asked her this. I think that I disappointed her with my question.

“No! I’m not like that. Baby, we all do the best with what we were given in life. I was a cute, bilingual Latina girl and I know that is why I got the job there. It was a wonderful time of my life and I made good money. You can’t blame people for their talent or their parents’ money. You only judge people on their character.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I hope that you have a nice warm cup of coffee (or whatever your favorite morning beverage is) right near you, as you read this post. Sundays are for poetry on the blog. I also hope that you have a neat little notebook and a pen that you particularly love to write with, right next to your neat little notebook. I hope that you plan to write yourself a poem this quiet, beautiful morning. Poems are love notes to yourself.

Years ago I wrote a blog post that people seemed to really like and relate to, as it pops up as being read again and again, throughout the years. Here it is, if you are interested: https://kellyfoota.com/?s=thank+yourself or you can just search “Thank Yourself” on my blog search function.

I found this poem yesterday by a writer on Twitter, that has that same tone of my blog post. I love it, and as April begins, it’s a good poem to start the month out with, for sure (credit: @ronwritings, Twitter):

Another post I noticed on Twitter yesterday, was a post by Dr. Nicole LaPera. She asked her followers: “When was your first memory of feeling loved?” It hurt my heart, to read so many posts by readers that stated that it took well into their early adulthoods to feel loved. Some people posted that they have never felt loved. After reading a few of these tweets, I went right to our family chat, sent my family a picture of that tweet, and I wrote to my four children: “I don’t know how you guys would answer this, but I hope that you know how much your Dad and I love you, from the very start. Where you’d you get your start?” and then I added six heart emojis. And that last question is an inside family joke. Of course, this text message then turned into a family lovefest, but it honestly wasn’t a fishing expedition of mine. I wanted to be sure that my children feel loved. People need to know they are loved.

People need love. People need to feel love, and to feel loved. Why would we ever be stingy about sharing the most abundant and renewable force of energy that exists in our world? Today, love yourself. Show love to people. Be love. Feel love. It’s everywhere and it’s everything.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Mr. April

“Have your feelings instead of your feelings having you.” – Ashwini Narayanan

I think that the statement above might be something which I will have to work on, for my entire life. I understand it, logically and rationally, but feelings have their own power like no other, right? When your feelings overcome you, you’ve been had, and it’s hard to tuck those swirling, whirling feelings back into their rightful place. Feelings “correct” place is that of being a helpful, useful navigation system.

I read a good piece by Cassandra Tyndall this week that talks about the difference between demolition and renovation, both in our individual lives, and in society as a whole. Today in society, it seems as though we have a lot of built-up, pent-up anger, and frustration, and pain that often explodes into a system (or even into our own lives) like a wrecking ball. (These are the moments when our feelings have us.) But very few things, need to be completely demolished to start anew. With a little tweaking, and updating, and making a few changes here and there, a whole new system, entity, (or person) can emerge. When we have our feelings, and we explore what they are telling us, most things (industries, ruling bodies, relationships, structures, etc.) can be adjusted and renovated, versus burnt to the ground and annihilated, precipitating a long, hard all new start-over.

I remember when I was teenager, and first learning to drive, I would move the steering wheel quickly and wildly, trying to shift lanes instantly, which made my father turn ghost-white more than once. My father would often remind me to just made small corrections all of the time. Big movements are not necessary when driving except in dire emergencies. When we are driving to our destinations, all it takes is small corrections to keep us safely on our path.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.