February 2023 - Page 2 of 3 - Adulting: Second- Half

Timelines

A good friend of mine has been an experiencing an ongoing problem in her life for years now. She texted another episode to our friend group this morning. I recommended that she go through her texts, and to make a timeline of this issue and how many times she has experienced the pain and the hurt from this same situation again and again. It really helps to have this kind of thing put on to paper. When you visually see facts, and dates, and times, all laid out on a timeline, it helps to make sense of what is happening in your life, without emotions, or exaggerating, or romanticizing what has gone on. I have done this many times in my life with different situations. It is a big part of my keeping a daily journal. It keeps me honest and it gives me clarity. It shows me patterns, and the parts that I play in the patterns of my life. If you are having an ongoing issue with a person, or a job, or even yourself and your own behaviors, create a factual timeline of what, who, when, where and how, and see if you can make some sense of it all. See if you want to continue the pattern of your timeline, or if there are changes that you can make to put an endpoint to this one particular timeline/saga of your life. When we study history, we look at timelines all day long. Why do we study history? So we can learn to not repeat past mistakes, and to create better pathways for our future. Assignment for the day: Pick a problem that’s been eating at you, and create a timeline of that situation. Go through your calendars, your journals, your texts, your memory banks, your pictures, your social media . . . whatever tools that you have to help you to create your timeline. Get interested in yourself. Your life itself, is its own timeline. Visually see what this timeline of yours looks like, and make sure that you want to continue in the direction that you see this timeline going in.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fire-Breathing Friday

My post yesterday hit quite the nerve. It appears more of you need to turn into dragons and guard the finite, yet infinitely valuable treasure of your time. Only give your time away to those activities and people that/who are inspiring and rewarding to you. Take this weekend to carefully consider if you have been carelessly, thoughtlessly, and perhaps even “self-harmingly” giving away too much of the greatest treasure of your own precious time. No one will be your dragon, but you. Be that dragon and respect other dragons. In the Asian Zodiac, people with the dragon element are “charismatic, intelligent, confident, powerful and they are naturally lucky and gifted.” (credit: depts.washington.edu) Own and cultivate your inner dragon. Deep down, your dragon is within you. Go to your depths to discover your beautiful, ferocious, protective inner dragon.

Happy Friday, my fellow dragons!! Thank you for spending your valuable time here at the blog. I hope that you find it to be time well spent. Writing this blog every morning is one of my all-time favorite ways to spend my time. Every Friday (which is my favorite day of the week), I focus on favorites – usually tactile, material favorites, such as real gold coins. I love gold. I consider gold to be a favorite. However, today’s favorite is liquid gold. It is the best stain remover that I have come across yet. The other day I was wearing a new cream colored shirt that depicts all four of my children’s shared university. I love this shirt, and it was only the second or third time that I had ever worn it. It appears that I splashed spaghetti sauce on it, but I was negligently unaware of that fact, and so I washed the cream colored shirt and I dried it, only to discover the ugly orange sauce spots after pulling the shirt out of the dryer. (I’m taking a pause to breathe some fire here.) However, I soon breathed a sigh of relief, because I knew that I had a bottle of Incredible! stain remover (you can get this on Amazon, of course) in my cabinet. Incredible! lives up to its name and it can be used on so much more than clothing. Buy yourself a bottle of Incredible! in order to house a little bit of peace of mind, in a bottle, in your cabinet.

Have a wonderful weekend spending the most valuable treasure of your own time wisely! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Musings

We have had a fair amount of death and dying and serious illnesses in our extended family in the last year or so. There is nothing that makes you reflect on your own life and how you live it, like someone else’s death. Yesterday, I wrote about going through my old daily journals from this past decade. I also went through my prayer box. (When I tell you that I love to write, I’m not lying. I am always looking for excuses to write more stuff down.) Yesterday, I opened up all of the little papers in my prayer box, and I can honestly tell you that already 90 percent of my prayers in my prayer box have been answered, and these answered desires exist in my life today. (Time for me to get crackin’ on some more desires, wishes and prayers.) Gratitude is living the life that you prayed for, and being in awe of the miraculous process of how it all comes into being. Gratitude is taking the pause to say thanks and to feel that thankfulness from your deepest depths.

Another thing that I have been deeply pondering lately is the worth of my time. Recently I got back in touch with a good friend from my past, whom I have always felt an instant kinship to, any time that we meet. The last time that we reconnected with each other was in this past December and I hadn’t seen nor spoken to her in over ten years before then, and yet it was like I had just seen her yesterday. Don’t you just love relationships like these? We both raised our kids in the old-fashioned traditional way, where our husbands were the main breadwinners and we were the family managers, mostly staying at home, with just odd part-time jobs here or there. (She has three kids. I have four.) Earlier this week, I texted her to see if we could connect today on a call, and I asked if she would be available around 11 a.m. She wryly replied that she would pencil me in. I got a kick out of her reaction. (We’ve always laughed together a lot.) Still, it made me realize how much more protective of my own time I’ve become, especially lately as my kids have grown, and they have left the nest.

My morning process of reading and writing and meditating and being alone with my thoughts is extremely valuable to me. I don’t get paid to do it, but it is my vocation. It feels like it is a big part of my purpose in life, and it is a deeply meaningful part of my everyday life. How my morning goes, often has a lot to do with how the rest of my day goes afterwards. So honestly, unless it is urgent or dire, I don’t allow anything to creep into my mornings. I do my best to not have any morning appointments with anybody. I treat MY TIME every bit as importantly as if I were a CEO with a tight schedule. Why should someone’s time only be considered important and uninterruptible if they are getting paid to do whatever fits into that time slot? I am the CEO of my own life, after all.

For years in raising my family, everybody else’s schedule was the priority. If something needed to be dropped, it was usually some activity of mine. And that’s okay. I signed up for the job of family manager and I did what I needed to do to make things run smoothly and effectively, as well as I could. But my family is grown now, and I am prioritizing myself more. Interestingly, I’ve noticed surprised reactions from my friends and my family when I keep my boundaries around scheduling phone calls and visits. I believe that planning ahead for calls shows respect for my time, and also for theirs. Time is everyone’s greatest treasure. If anything death has shown me in this last year, is that our time on Earth is not replenishable. I value my time, and I value your time. Every minute that we give to actions, and to others, is a little chunk of treasure from our own unreplenishable treasure chests, filled with little chunks of our time to live. Shouldn’t we be clear and conscious of who and what we are giving our treasure to, every single day of our lives? When I volunteered for different things throughout the years, I noticed that people were thankful and respectful of my time that I was volunteering to give. I didn’t get paid for that time either, but people didn’t take that time of mine for granted. Maybe that is why so many of us get fulfillment from volunteering. There are little expectations and great appreciation when you are willing to give your time away to a cause.

If we look at every minute of our days as little chunks of gold from the one treasure chest that we get in this lifetime (and mysteriously, none of us know until the very end, how many of these little chunks are actually in our individual treasure chests of time), we get a whole lot more careful about where we give it away. Our time is more valuable than our money, than our possessions, than even our relationships, because without our time, we don’t exist. Spend your time consciously, wisely and gratefully. Treasure your time. It is your most valuable possession.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Let Myself Be Happy

I’ve spent some time the last couple of days going through my daily journals. I wanted to get a sense of the sequence of some events that have happened in my life, mostly in my forties. My forties were tumultuous times for me. I think they are a time of tumult for a lot of people. In your twenties, you are still figuring things out, and that fact is expected, and accepted by you, and by the grace of everyone else. In your thirties, you are in go-go-go/do-do-do mode with very little time for real and honest introspection. It is typically in your forties when the cracks start to show, and the internal questions start banging in your head, such as are you happy with the directions your life is going in? Are you living a genuinely authentic life, true to your own intrinsic values?

It was in my forties, that my husband and I started to take things in a different direction for ourselves and for our family which was truer to what we really wanted in life. In truth, we were sort of forced into it. The dramatic moment of becoming “the poster kids for the Great Recession” (against our strong, and stubborn wills at the time) helped facilitate that movement. And what once seemed like the worst thing that ever happened to us, became the best catalyst to project us towards being more real and conscious about our choices for our family and for ourselves. (The Universe knows what it is doing.) When I read over the journals (I only started consciously journaling on a daily basis in 2013, when I was 42), I am grateful to my younger self. I admire her. She had to make some really hard decisions about where to live, and how to live, and who to remove from her life for the health and the protection of herself and her family. I also feel some pangs for her, because she had a hard time letting stuff go. She did the tough stuff, but she lived in too much fear and worry and doubt and even sometimes sadness, on a daily basis. And the interesting thing is, that everything that my forties-self worried about, has long since resolved itself. In fact, some of the events that were jotted in my journal, I don’t even remember happening.

I think that I decided to look up the sequence of events in my life in the past decade because a couple of weekends ago, my husband and I were sitting in a hospital room with an extended family member who is quite ill. Despite having trouble speaking, she wanted to talk. She talked and talked. And we listened. And what she talked about, were the different experiences that had happened throughout her life. It was like a highlight reel of the truly impactful, proud, emotional, interesting events which had happened in her own life. I think this reminded me that I don’t want to wait until I am facing down my own death, to reflect on my life. I want to do spot checks. I want to end on a high note with very few regrets, and so it is important for me to do the course corrections along the way.

In my Twitter feed this morning, Moral Philosophy, asked their readers, “What are some common regrets people have when they get old?” Interestingly, although there were many people answering the question, most of the answers were repetitive. One reader suggested everyone read the book, Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware. Bronnie Ware is an Australian palliative nurse who has spent a lot of time caring for patients in their dying days. This is what Bronnie Ware says are the biggest regrets of the dying, and most of the many answers from Moral Philosophy’s question of today, fell into these categories:

The 5 Greatest Regrets of the Dying are:

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
I wish I had the courage to express my feelings
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
I wish that I had let myself be happier

“I wish I had let myself be happier.” From going through my journals of the last decade of my life, it was certainly full of happy moments. But many times, I allowed those moments to be clouded with fear, worry, guilt, rumination and righteous anger. When I am 62, I hope to look back at these next ten years of my journals, and I hope to be as proud as I am of my younger self, for her bravery, and for her honesty and for her authenticity, but I also hope that another thing that stands out to me, from these reflections of my future journals written throughout my fifties decade, is the sense of serenity, peace, faith and surrender. My deepest self inherently knows that the Universe knows what it is doing. It is time to shed all of the fearful parts of myself who want to doubt, and who want to try to control the uncontrollable. When I read my journals of the future, I hope only to read the words of my truest, deepest, eternal, peaceful, loving Self.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Only Thing

Happy Valentine’s Day. Today is the day to celebrate love. Acts made with love, and acts made with the absence of love, are what have created all of history. Thankfully, love still prevails. Most of the actions taken in our homes, and in our communities, and in our cities, and in our countries, and in our world, still have the basis of the energy of love. Love is what sustains us. Love is the only thing that will sustain us.

Today, let’s all of us plant seeds of love wherever we go. Focus on the good. Focus on what we love about our family, our friends, our neighbors, our everyday lives and ourselves. Show love to our family, to our friends, to our neighbors, and to ourselves. Appreciate the good in our everyday routines and in the lives we have created for ourselves. Be in awe of these people and creatures and things and vocations that make up the days of our lives. Feel love for our family, for our friends, for our neighbors, for our coworkers, and for ourselves. Allow our family, our friends, our neighbors and ourselves to love us. Let love in. Keep the doors of our hearts open. It’s a gift to feel and to show love for someone or something, and to also feel the joy of them receiving this love gratefully. Celebrate the love that we have for the lives which we have created for ourselves, and for the voracious, abundant life teeming all around us. Love is overflowing and robust. Love teems. Today, on this day in which we publically celebrate love, let’s all plant some more seeds of love, to keep this Garden of Life teeming and growing and blooming and blessing all creatures who are sustained by the everlasting energy of Love. Love is the only thing that will sustain us forevermore.

(And I can’t let this Valentine’s Day pass without saying how much I love to write this daily blog, and how much it means to me, for you, my readers and witnesses, to be part of it. I love my blog. And I love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

That’s a pretty good rendition of my face right now. I’ve never understood why they decided to do the Super Bowl on Sundays. I had to get up and get dressed quickly this morning because exterminators are coming to make sure that they chased out the raccoon in our attic, before sealing everything back up. The other night, we (me, my husband and our three ‘fearsome’ dogs) were in bed in our master bedroom, when I heard what sounded like a SWAT team running on top of our roof. My husband snored, and all three of our dogs, who during the day, sound the alarm for anything that barely moves grass in our yard, were soundly snoring, as well. I woke up my husband. “Did you not hear that sound? I think that zombies are invading, for real!” I got persuaded to let it go, and to go back to sleep and for some crazy reason, I felt reassured by the fact that our dogs did not react to what I thought was alarming, thunderous sounds. Perhaps it was just a dream, despite the fact I hadn’t even fallen asleep yet . . . .

At least we got answers to our mystery the next day, when my husband noticed that something had viciously ripped out the metal gutters underneath our roof and made a hole to get into our attic right above our bedroom. We called an “animal control service” who told us it is likely a mama raccoon who needed to find a safe place to have her kits. How do you humanely evict of a protective, savage mama raccoon and her babies from your attic? It turns out that you spray male raccoon pee all over the area. Male raccoons will eat kits in order to mate again (they are not patient guys). Therefore when the mama raccoon smells the pee, she grabs her kits and she makes like a tree and gets out of there. (Back to the Future reference for those old enough and keen enough to remember) Thankfully, humans cannot smell raccoon pee because the animal control people were quite liberal in spreading that stuff around. Apparently, raccoon pee does not deter squirrels, however, as I saw a few curious little guys entering the hole to check out the newly vacated rental spot. It should make for an interesting Monday morning here.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Happy Super Bowl Sunday. There’s excitement in the air for a lot more than just football. There are the commercials (my personal favorite – I was a marketing major, what can I say?), camaraderie, food, and the halftime show. My husband played football throughout high school and even into college. There’s a thought that most men don’t feel comfortable showing any emotion other than anger. I think that a lot of men hold so much of their emotion inside, that what is finally expressed isn’t so much anger as it is more of a brewing pot of stored emotional energy that urgently explodes. Perhaps football is a game of collective explosive emotional energy? Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Today’s poem is offered up by Etsy’s PersonalWordsmith.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Something Else

“It isn’t just talent. You have to have something else. You have to have a kind of nerve.” – Georgia O’Keefe

I saw this quote the other day and I thought, isn’t that the truth? You can’t be at the top of your game at anything that you set out to do, without nerve. There isn’t any dream which you set out to do that is completely without risks. The bigger your dream, the more you have to let go of self-consciousness. You have to face your fears head on, and decide that whatever it is that you want to do, and that you feel compelled to do, is more important than your doubts and your fears. It takes nerve to be the fullest, most authentic version of yourself. Talent is just the raw material. Nerve is the ability to take that talent and run with it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sun-washed Shackets on Friday

Happy Friday!! Happy Best Day of the Week!! On most Fridays, I try to keep things light and frivolous. On Fridays, I discuss the fun, material stuff in life. On Fridays, I list a favorite product, or book, or website, or whatever, that has added some zest to my own life. Please share your favorites (if you are so inclined) in my Comments section.

On an aside, my aunt recommended the movie Genius to me, which is about the relationship between the writer Thomas Wolfe and his longtime editor, Max Perkins. (who also was the discoverer/editor of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway) I watched the movie last night and I enjoyed it greatly. The reason why I bring it up today, here on the blog, on “Frivolous Friday” is that at one point in the movie, Thomas Wolfe laments about how ridiculously unimportant and frivolous his job as a novelist is, in light of the horrors of war, and of The Great Depression. Max Perkins tells Thomas Wolfe that he believes that it was the storytellers, around the fires of ancient men and women, who kept the tribe feeling safe and focused and occupied, while dangers lurked all around them in the way of wild creatures and harsh weather. In that way, perhaps the storytellers helped to keep the tribe inspired, cohesive, and distracted, (and maybe even alive) when they needed to be. The point being, perhaps nothing really is frivolous in life, right? Everything has its meaning and purpose. Nothing is important, and everything is important, all at the same time.

So in getting back to today’s “frivolity”, my favorite for today are “shackets“. I’ve noticed many people wearing them around, particularly as winter is slowly morphing into spring. Shackets are shirts that are heavier than most shirts, so they double as jackets, but they are not so heavy, as to be needed to be taken off when worn indoors. Shackets are usually flannel and they make a lovely, convenient compliment to an otherwise plain outfit of a turtleneck and jeans. A shacket is a must-have for every wardrobe.

And a bonus favorite: I have moved on from my once, tried-and-true favorite Eucalyptus Spearmint Bath & Body Works wallflower plug-in refill scents, after years of trying all different aromas. My new favorite: Sun-washed Citrus. It smells amazing and it is actually long lasting! If these refills can make a room, where two sweaty young men housed their dirty clothes/shoes (and God knows what else?) for their entire teenhoods, while their huge, loyal, earthy smelling Labrador retriever slept with them every night, now smell like a beautiful, refreshing orchard that you actually want to spend a fair amount of time in, Bath & Body Works Sun-washed Citrus Wallflower Refills, are nothing short of aromatic miracles.

Have a fabulous weekend, friends! See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Notebooks and Knickknacks

I know that I have a fair amount of fellow writers who follow this blog. Thank you. I feel so honored by this fact. I was thumbing through my current “inspirational notebooks” (see above) realizing that I would have to start a new one soon. I only have a few pages left in this one. My inspirational notebooks are a huge part of my writing process. Anytime I see a thought provoking quote, or I get a meaningful greeting card from someone, or a particular picture in a magazine moves me, I tape it, or I handwrite it into my notebooks. (I probably have about 3-4 filled notebooks now) Obviously, my notebook is messy and scribbly. It’s just for me. It’s not a scrapbook. It’s not for show. (I’m not nearly that neat nor patient.) Also, I’m an old fashioned gal. I like tactile stuff. I like paper calendars and pretty folders where I keep longer printed articles. I like to touch and hold things that have meaning to me. I remember things better if I hand write them. Here are a couple of recent quotes I quickly jotted down in my current notebook seen above:

“There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.” – Chris Morley

“Fate described – No matter how hard you try to for something not to happen and it happens anyway.” – Kristin Fontana (I thought that is was a really interesting take on “fate.” Fate is usually used in a romantic context, like “It was fate that they should be together.” Usually I think that fate would be described as a happening occuring, despite all odds, because it is just meant to be. But, in these last few years of witnessing loved ones suffering from serious illnesses, I understand Kristin’s description of fate, much better, unfortunately.)

Since I just shared these quotes on the blog, I write a light squiggly line through them, so that I remember not to repeat them here, but I can still read them, and let them continue to inspire me. I refer back to my notebooks many times. As my regular readers know, I consider this blog and my notebooks to be my “museums of thought.” My notebooks are my own personal “museums of me.”

On an aside, the sea turtle peering at my notebook in the video is one of my many knickknacks. I wish that I weren’t a knickknack lady, but I am totally and completely a knickknack lady. My knickknacks inspire me like my notebooks inspire me, plus I love to support local artists, and small shops, and antique collectors. The sea turtle was being sold by a street artist at a local fair. It’s paper mache and I adore him and his sweet face. The artist was an older, bearded man who almost seemed shocked that I wanted to purchase his little paper creation. Unfortunately, he wasn’t getting many visitors to his small, inconspicuous stand. I was thrilled to make him happy and I am grateful that he was willing to sell the sea turtle to me. I love my happy, little sea turtle (and the artist loved the sea turtle). We creators know that we are bravely giving away a little bit of ourselves (and a little bit of sweet, vulnerable love) with each of our creations that we share with the world.

Now circling back to my fellow writers, what is your writing process? What inspires you? How do you keep your notes? Is everything in your head? Computer files? Do you allow yourself to be inspired in your own special way? Are there new processes which you can utilize to dig deeper into getting to know your truest self, and thus helping you to find your truest writing “voice”? Answer me in my comments, if you like, but most importantly, answer these questions for yourself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.