I’ve been noticing a phenomenon in myself and others a lot lately. We make a decision or we place a boundary, but then we explain our decision ad nauseum, to anyone who is listening range. We extol on why our decision was “right” or necessary, but by doing that, it seems to take away from the confidence of our decision/boundary. Sometimes we harangue so much about our situation, that it makes me wonder if we would be better off never making the decision or boundary to begin with, because the situation is obviously still eating us up, and taking up a lot of our time, peace, and mindspace.
When I was younger I was better about making a decision and putting the rest of it in the rearview mirror. I had confidence in myself that no matter what I decided, I would be able to handle the outcome, and be better for it. When I was younger, I better understood that there are no “perfect” solutions and most problems can be solved in many different ways. I didn’t need the 100 percent approval rate, that I sometimes think that I am vying for now.
I think that it’s odd that the confidence in my decision making has abated a bit in me. I suppose that youthful optimism, energy, and carefreeness wanes with time and experience. But that’s a shame, because I’m older now and there’s a lot less time to waste. My whole life has been a series of daily decisions that have worked out quite nicely for me. And even when I have gotten off track, I’ve used my decision making skills to get back on the best leg of my journey going forward. It’s best to make a decision and roll with it. If it ends up being a poor decision, more decisions can be made to move forward in a different direction. Lamenting a decision just keeps one stuck in neutral.
“Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right.”
– Phil McGraw
“
You cannot make progress without making decisions.”
– Jim Rohn
“Life is filled with difficult decisions, and winners are those who make them.”
– Dan Brown
“A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”
– Anthony Robbins
“Don’t mourn over your bad decisions. Just start overcoming them with good ones.”
– Joyce Meyer
“When possible make the decisions now, even if action is in the future. A revised decision usually is better than one reached at the last moment.”
– William B. Given
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Kelly,
Love your post today!!!
I think as we get older, we just have more time to think things through and hence, the explanations. When we are younger, we just shoot from the hip because we have so much going on… fortunately we gained a lot of confidence during that time because we made lots of good decisions!
…just my thought.
Have a wonderfully splendid day! ❤️
I love that thought!! Thank you, Joan! 🙂
Ugh. I spent the long weekend with my longest-enduring friend, whom I’ve known since 7th grade. She is kind, gentle, intelligent, and an all-around amazing woman. But she over-explains everything. She’s had some difficult traumas to overcome, and it has undermined her confidence. She explains every decision that she makes, and then 5 minutes later explains it again. By the end of Day 2 I started saying, “I accept your decision. Let’s do it.” (We were putting her kitchen back together after a remodel.) That helped, but it’s become such an ingrained habit that she continued to explain even after I said let’s do it. Finally, I began saying, “No need to overexplain. I understand.” Then I moved to, “Why are you telling me this? We’ve already discussed it and come to a decision.” I was borderline hostile because that’s what it took for her to be able to identify the behavior. Once she got it, I started affirming her decisions. “You got this!” “That’s a brilliant move to put the paper plates next to the microwave”, etc. Her husband was sitting in the office adjacent to the kitchen, and I could see him nodding his head in agreement when I was “picking” on her. Apparently, I’m not the only one seeing the behaviors! I don’t know if I helped or harmed, but I hope that by naming the behavior it brings awareness. At least that gives her the opportunity to make a change if she desires.
Sometimes it’s the people who care about us the most who tell us like it is, Kelly. Not making a decision and feeling good about it, is exhausting for everyone. Hugs!