I was reminded of Maya Angelou’s great wisdom the other day, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” We sometimes think that these wisdoms only apply to our intimate relationships – romantic, familial, friendships, or our working relationships, but they also have to do with whom you hire to do things for you.
My husband is the executor of his mother’s will, and he called a few different recommended estate attorneys to get a feel for what was required for the process in her state. He felt good about the conversation which he had with the one attorney, and he decided to proceed with utilizing this attorney’s services. But soon after, the attorney and his associates started dropping the ball. Phone calls and email messages were not being answered in a timely manner. An appointment was missed. Despite a late evening phone call full of (probably legitimate) excuses, my husband decided that this was not a business relationship that he felt good about. The attorney showed my husband that he was “stretched too thin”, and my husband believed him.
I told my husband that he was fortunate that the lawyer showed him “who he was” this early on. This happened to us previously with a rental manager who was to be in charge of our home in North Carolina when we first moved to Florida. When the rental manager disappeared for a 5-day birthday party without any warning (the man was in his fifties), we knew that it was time to cut bait and we again, thanked the Universe for the favor of quickly showing us that this was someone who we could not rely on.
Neither of these men are “bad” people and perhaps more laid back people than my husband and I, would work well with these gentlemen. I don’t know. The bottom line is that when you immediately face the reality of a situation, and you face the reality of your own needs and boundaries in situations, you save yourself and others a lot of trouble and heartache by facing, and then living in your truth. Trust your gut, even when it is telling you something that you don’t want to hear, or to know. Be thankful when someone shows you their red flags early on. Forewarned is forearmed. When people show you who they are, believe them.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Oh, amen, sister!
If I had a dollar for every time I ignored the signs when someone showed me who they were….
I believe I’ve learned this one the hard way, but the good news is that I LEARNED IT. I no longer waste time “cutting bait” as you put it. When I can see that the relationship or situation won’t work out, I move on. I’m not ruthless; in fact, I frequently ask myself, “Is it me?” For example, I started with a new hair stylist, and after 3 cuts I just wasn’t happy with the results, so the next time (which was going to be the final time, in my mind) I brought example photos, and we sat and discussed the modifications that would work for my hair type, and voila, I walked out of there with the exact look that I had been wanting for (literally) months. By asking, “Is it me?” I realized that I wasn’t communicating my needs appropriately. A “pixie” cut is not the same to me as it is to a professional stylist. I had to move outside the box I was living in to understand that. I had to cut bait on my own preconceived notions. I didn’t have that gut response to the stylist that said, “She’s bad news” and it turns out that it wasn’t her at all.
However, recently I accepted a writing job, and from the moment I said yes I was dreading it. I had no concrete reason for that feeling; the client hadn’t given me any problems. After waffling for a few days, I declined the job before I even began working on it. Not too long after, I got a notification that the client had been banned from the platform for refusing to pay for services rendered by another writer. So, sometimes people show you who they are before you really even interact with them. I picked up on his bad energy immediately, and fortunately this time I paid attention!
I am so happy that you listened to your gut, Kelly. And it really is a two-person situation, isn’t it? Someone who works as a wonderful stylist or client for you, might not work for me and vice versa. It all comes down to knowing and trusting yourself which thankfully, seems to get more enhanced as we age through our experiences. 🙂