“Boundaries aren’t only for what people do to you, what about what you do to yourself? What about behaviors you have that keep harming you, what about habits that destroy your mental health and well-being? Sometimes it’s you that you gotta stop. Remember to place self-boundaries. That includes stopping yourself from going back to who keeps hurting you. Place limits with yourself.” – @SayItValencia, Twitter
This quote is a good one. The topic of boundaries is an important one to explore, and to revisit during the holiday season. Boundaries aren’t about controlling what other people do. Boundaries are putting limits on what is acceptable to you, and what you are exposed to, at any given time. As it is said, “Boundaries say ‘no.’ Standards say ‘yes.’ ”
The holidays tend to be a time of excess: excess of emotion, excess of stuff, excess of nostalgia, excess of invitations, excess of eating and drinking, excess of expectations, excess noise and commotion, excess of spending, excess of lights, excess of sensations. Sometimes you need to be William, that guy from my favorite commercial of the season. It’s L.L. Bean’s “Be An Outsider” advertisement, where William takes a break from all of the holiday hubbub and walks outside, into the cool crisp air, walking on the snow with his dog, and he gazes at the natural, beautiful, cleansing light of the moon. William ends the commercial with “And this is everything.” William obviously has a love and a fondness for the people and the camaraderie and the tradition and the excitement going on in the house, but he is wise enough to know when he needs a break, and perspective. William knows his boundaries, and he puts them in place.
Recently, I was going through one of my old journals and I found a daily mantra that I was utilizing at the time. I think that it is a good one to bring back: “I will go through this one day harmlessly. I will hurt no one in my thoughts or actions, including myself.” Be an outsider. Be true to yourself this holiday season.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.