I saw a more explicit version of this on Twitter today and I decided to replace it with the tamer version above (although the other one was funnier as it replaced evil with a-hole. I do try to keep it funny on Mondays. We have to get our smiles on Monday from somewhere, right?)
It’s such a hard lesson to fully grasp, but not everyone will like us. Why is that hard to comprehend? We, ourselves, don’t like everybody we meet, and often the reasons why we don’t like someone aren’t even fully understandable to us, ourselves. Sometimes we don’t like people for truly irrational reasons. We don’t like someone because they remind us of someone else whom we had a negative experience with previously in our lives, or perhaps, we have already made up our minds that the person doesn’t like us, so we don’t like them back. So there!
We often make up our minds about people before we get to know them, and so we like or dislike a person based on our personal perceptions without ever having the full experience of getting to know the person on a more intimate level. Our human nature isn’t always the best about giving people “fair chances.” And so, that works the other way, too. If someone doesn’t like you without ever really getting to know you, whom they actually don’t like is someone based on their own perceptions and prejudices. Therefore “that someone” whom the person doesn’t like, isn’t even really you.
I read once that most of the most evil characters in soap operas and long running series are actually some of the nicest people whom you would ever want to meet. They get all of their negativity, anger, disappointment and resentment out by playing truly nasty characters. If we accept the fact that we are playing the evil character in someone’s story, we can maybe get an evil laugh out of it all. Mwahahaha. And we know that actually, in real life, we are much sweeter than the evil character whom we play in someone’s imagination.
I have always told my kids that when it comes to friends, four quarters is always better than 100 pennies. Instead of collecting adoring fans, and hundreds of “likes”, be thrilled if you have four people in your life, who truly “get you”, flaws and all, and love you deeply. The rest is all just about “live and let live”, and hope that everyone in life has their own four quarters, jingling in their back pockets to be there for them, when some random pennies have misunderstood them as evil chumps.
I have read that true wealth is freedom and the older I get, the more evident it is to me that this is absolutely true. A wonderful way to give yourself freedom, is to fully accept that not everyone likes you. In fact, some people really can’t stand you. And that doesn’t make you a bad person. Their perceptions really have nothing to do with you. You also have at least four quarters who think that you are absolutely wonderful. Whose right? It doesn’t matter. You be you. If you love and trust and respect yourself, everyone else is just a plus, and not a must. Be your own best friend and carry on with your story. The only story that really matters in your own life is your own story.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I am so feeling this today!
I’ve had a minor feud with my neighbor for about 6 weeks, and I’ve been giving him a lot of free rent in my brain space. I was talking to our landlord about the issue, and I observed that the feud escalated when I insisted that the neighbor take care of a specific problem that is impacting my living space. His response was so out of proportion that it left me reeling. I said to the landlord, “I think I pushed a hot button with him by asking him to step up. He reacted to my request like he would to his ex-wife.” The landlord said, “You nailed it. That’s exactly what is happening. You are now in the ex-wife category!” That corresponds with what you said above – he has formulated a story about me that has nothing to do with who I really am. (Well, I am an ex-wife, but not HIS ex-wife!) I don’t really know how to change his perception, but at least I understand what’s going on now. Maybe it will offer me some valuable insight at some point in the future!
PS – I’m going to be in Miami Dec. 9-12! I’ll be at a book launch for MIAMI WOMEN, a beautiful, inspirational coffee table book by lifestyle photographer Femke Tewari. She photographed and interviewed 35 women from all walks of life, and I wrote the biographies for the book. I don’t know where you are in Florida, but if you’re anywhere near Coral Gables, I’d love for you to come to the launch on Sunday afternoon! You can email me if you’re interested, and I’ll give you all the details!
Kelly, congratulations!!! You are a rockstar. Don’t give mindspace to those who do not deserve it. I will check my calendar. I am so impressed by you and all that you have accomplished with everything you have going on in your life! Thank you for your shares to my blog!!
I love sharing to your blog because we seem to have many of the same thoughts and concerns. Now that it doesn’t come to my in-box anymore (I’ve tried re-subscribing but it didn’t do anything) sometimes I forget. So now I have your blog pinned to my Favorites bar as a reminder!
The book launch is at a bookstore in Coral Gables called Books & Books. It starts at 4:00 on Sunday, December 11. I can’t believe that I am flying across the country for a 2-hour event! Sure, I wrote most of the content, but my name isn’t even on the cover! Still, I am really proud of what Femke and I have created, and it’s exciting just to be part of the festivities.
You will love Miami and the important thing is that you know it is YOUR creation! Proud of you! I am not sure that I will be able to make it (Florida is a big state) but regardless I will be in there in pride and spirit. <3