Happy Halloween!! May we all get more adorable, giddy trick-or-treaters than any of us are expecting to get at our doors, so that we have lots of vicarious joy to feed on, and not too much leftover candy to devour!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning. It feels so good to be sitting in my own little writing corner, in my comfortable home with the beautiful, still sunlight filtering in. It feels so good to be unscheduled after a lovely, restorative night’s sleep. My husband is headed out on his bicycle. Riding his bike is one of my husband’s favorite things to do. I am writing and reading and sipping coffee, so I am utterly exhilarated, in the process of doing my favorite things. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog, and in my own little corner of contentment (both inside and outside), this is the poem that popped out of me (see below). What poems are trying to pop out of you? Put pen to paper, or hands to keyboard and give it a whirl. What a wonderful way to get to know yourself better!
CONTENTMENT
“What is contentment?” In meditation, she asked.
And from something inside of her, the answer was grasped.
Contentment is feeding your passions,
With time and energy and focus and love.
Yes, just feed your passions with all of the above.
Well-fed passions equal contentment, it’s true.
When you do this, you’ll find your purpose anew.
Ah, so now I clearly can see,
Contentment is living purposefully.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Happy 28th wedding anniversary to my best friend, my lover, my favorite person in the world. I treasure everything which we have created together – most specifically our family and the memories of incredible adventures, throughout our years together.
I know that happy, long marriages are rare and I am grateful to be in one of those long, happy marriages. I met my husband when I was 18 years old, the first weekend of my freshman year in college. For the most part, we have been together ever since. (We had a few youthful dramatic break-ups, during the college years – we are both hot-headed fire signs.)
If a young person would ask me what it takes to create a long, happy marriage, I would say that it takes two people who are fully committed to making that creation of “long and happy” happen. I would tell the young person that it takes two people who are willing to put long, happy, solid marriage, above every other individual goal in their lives. I would tell a young person who is thinking about getting married that you must come to an acceptance of who your partner is, and love them wholly. Do not try to change your partner. Focus on the parts that you love and admire about your partner, and notice how you complement each other. In my marriage, my husband’s strengths cover for my weaknesses, and vice versa. I would tell the young person thinking about marriage, to be with someone who can weather through the tough times because long marriages go through their fair share of storms. That’s just the way of life. When picking a life partner, always go with solid, not glittery. Solid withstands storms, whereas glitter flies away in the wind. Most importantly, I have always been eternally grateful for my husband’s steadfast, lifelong commitment to me and to our family. He gave me his life to share with me. This is the greatest gift anyone has ever given to me. I will never, ever take this gift for granted. My husband is “my person.” And I am “his person.” If our children end up in marriages like ours, I will sleep peacefully forevermore.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning! You woke up to the best day of the week. Fridays are fabulous. On Fridays, I don’t discuss anything serious. I keep it light and fun. On Fridays, I discuss favorite things. Today’s favorite of mine might have you questioning my sanity (if you haven’t already). We were in a Japanese area of New Jersey earlier this week, and that is where I discovered the adorable Sonny Angels. (The Japanese people seem to have the market on all things “cute.” Remember Hello Kitty?) Sonny Angels are so popular that the one store was entirely sold out of them. Sonny Angels are little naked kewpie doll figurines that have funny little helmets made out of fruit, or animals, or sea creatures, etc. They also have a pair of adorable angel wings on the back of each Sonny Angel. The true fun of Sonny Angels is that you buy a box in one theme, such as “Sonny Angels Vegetable Series” and then you open the box up, to see which figurine you got. I ended up with the adorable “Bok Choy Sonny Angel.” I bought myself a few boxes for the glorious fun of opening them up and being surprised, and I offered to buy a couple for my 26-year-old son. He looked at me like I had three heads. He said, “Mom, if I had Sonny Angels lying around my apartment, people might call the police, thinking I am some kind of weird pedophile.” Luckily for me, I’m just some quirky middle-aged lady, so I can get away with the fun of purchasing silly little dolls. I know that you are curious to check these cutie kewpies out. Their official website is here:
https://sonnyangelusa.com/
We are back home from our travels. It was a wonderful trip and a lovely visit with our son. I feel refreshed (but also exhausted). I think that the quote above is spot on. I read once that we all are just an accumulation of our experiences: the people you meet, the books you read, the things you see. I love how travel wakes you up to new perspectives, ideas, questions, and joys. Travel always opens you up to new elements of yourself. Have a great weekend. See you tomorrow!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Yesterday, my son and I met a famous man in a little, off the beaten path, Indian restaurant in New York City. I recognized the star right away as he was already seated with some adult family members. And so the awkwardness began. We were only a few feet away from one another and I started whispering to my son who this famous person is, while my son was whispering back, asking me to leave the poor man alone. This man knew that we knew who he is, so he smiled our way and I said, “I’m a fan of your work.” He said, “Thank you so much,” and then we all turned back to our own conversations. But it was uncomfortable. My son and I were distracted (I hardly ate), and we could easily hear each other’s conversations. I know where this star is going for Christmas this year. Before the star and his family members left, the famous man used the restroom, and I asked the man who appeared to be his brother, about how the star felt about having his picture taken with fans, and his brother immediately said (and seemed to be sincere) that the actor is happy to take pictures with fans. And it was true. The star was so gracious.
And I imagine that the actor was probably also completely and utterly annoyed with the situation, although I have read that the fame thing can be a two-edged sword for actors who are used to being recognized and then all of the sudden, aren’t recognized. I read a story once about Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O’Neal sitting on a beach, seeing the paparazzi coming their way. They started rolling their eyes and complaining to one another, only to have the paparazzi rush right past them towards another younger, bigger star at the time, further down the beach. Their moods shifted from annoyance to disappointment and outrage.
This dinner experience prompted a conversation with my son and I about whether either of us would ever want to be famous and the answer for both of us was “no.” We both value whatever privacy we have left in today’s modern world. It would be exhausting constantly having to be on your toes, worrying about your every move and people’s perceptions of said moves. Of course, it’s lovely to be appreciated for your work, but most famous people can’t separate the work, from themselves. They are their own product. They, themselves are their work. We all need breaks from our work. How do you take a break from yourself?
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I grew up in the northeast/midwest, but I have spent most of my adult life living in the south. Northeasterners often have the unfortunate reputation for being rude/abrupt/curt, etc., but this is not how I am experiencing the gracious people of New York City and New Jersey during my stay here. I am an observer and contemplator of life and what I have keenly noticed is a different kind of service style than we are used to in the friendly, hospitable south. Up here, it is clear that the servers and the clerks and the people who work in hospitality are not here to “make friends.” They are not about chit-chatting and God forbid, you appear to make anything close to a “demand.” That won’t fly. What I have noticed is that, in general, the Northern service workers are efficient, dedicated to excellence, and to getting the job done fast and well. And I can appreciate this experience. Like all things, “hospitality” can come in many forms, but no matter where you are experiencing any kind of service, the underlying theme is usually there – “I want you to have a good experience, and I am doing my best to give you that good experience.” And that sentence that I just wrote translates down to one word – love. As Kahlil Gibran famously wrote, “Work is love made visible.” Different styles of work is still love, and love is just one thing – love is love.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I was twenty-five when I had my first child. He went everywhere with his two young parents – weddings galore, hiking adventures when he was just a couple months old in a colorful baby carrier, and a trip to Puerta Vallarta, Mexico where his favorite part was the bumpy ride on the public bus. Yesterday, when we were reminiscing with him about these times, before his three younger siblings were born, it occurred to me how somewhat reckless and fearless (and maybe even clueless) we were, and yet thankfully, it all turned out just great. Our eldest son is as independent and adventurous and “alive” as they come, and we still have a blast adventuring with him. Sometimes I wish that fearlessness and that bravado of my youth would come back to me. I long for that inner assurance to trust life, and to go at it with pure gusto. I desire to easily let go of so much caution, and to allow that caution to be thrown to the wind. Interestingly, I do feel my courage circling back again, now that I am into the first few months of my empty nest. However, it’s not blind anymore. This courage is not a cocky courage. This courage is full of knowledge, experience, and wisdom about the frailty and the preciousness of life, and all things in this life. And thus, it is a clearer courage. My middle-aged courage is clear and conscience about risks, and also clear and conscience about what you miss out on, when you don’t take risks.
I am headed out on an adventure with my curly, ginger haired 26 year-old baby boy today. He towers over me. My son teaches me a lot about the things that are popular with his young generation. Yesterday, he ordered a rare Korean thistle for dinner. (and I tried it and it tastes like chicken – kidding, it tasted like spinach) When we go on our adventures for today, we will both be brave and excited. He will have that fresh, free, unscarred curious courage of youth, and my braveness will come from my wisest most weathered place in my heart, which fully understands the risks of almost everything, and knows that it is important to take some of these risks in order to experience the uncontrollable exuberance of a fully lived life. The circles of life constantly circle back, in slightly different form, but always with the same simple lessons: to live fully, to love unabashedly, and to trust the experiences you have in life, and all that these experiences have to offer you.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I’m adventuring with my eldest child this week, in his neck of the woods. It’s fun being a “mummy”! So, I’ve got to run now, and figure out what I’m going to wear. Have a great day!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
We are visiting our eldest son this week, and already, we are having so much fun. It’s so much amusement just relaxing and laughing and experiencing new things with our delightful son. He announced yesterday that we should go to a local spa filled with hot springs today. My husband and I were excited about that idea, but we also realized that neither of us had packed a bathing suit. (We live in Florida and we headed up north, in October.) Still we didn’t want to give up on the idea. So, last night, we decided to go shopping for bathing suits, up north, in October. Let’s just say there were very slim pickings. Much to the horror of all of us, I almost ended up with a mismatched teeny bikini on clearance for $8. I started getting very creative in my mind about what could constitute a bathing suit, but then I saw what seemed to be a helpful, busy sales clerk in one store. I told her my desperate situation and out of the depths of a filled rack that held everything but bathing suits (mostly it held fur-lined jackets and sweaters), she pulled out a tasteful, one piece, black bathing suit that was just my size. When I exclaimed, “Miracles exist!”, my husband and son said that this was a tad dramatic, but I could see that we were all sighing a big sigh of relief. My husband fared better. I actually like the swim trunks he found. So today, we go to a hot springs spa!
Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Since we have a lot of adventures planned today and this week, I may have to cut the blog short. Life calls. I don’t have time to write my own poem. But I will share “The Rainbow” by William Wordsworth. I enjoy “playing” with my children, even when we are all adults. It is so important to remain a child at heart. This is considered to be Wordsworth’s greatest short poem.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I was reading an article about black/white thinking and about how many times we humans have the tendency to see things as all good or all bad. We have a tendency as humans to use words like “always, never, all, none, every.” We sometimes like being drama queens, and that makes us prone to vacillate between extremes in so many things. What was great today, was awful yesterday. We have trouble with the grey areas and the nuances, despite the fact that it is in the nuances, where the majority of everything lies. It’s called “splitting”, when we stick with our “Good versus Evil” narrative, and many of us do this common process of “splitting”, at least from time to time, or in particular circumstances. In the Comments section of the article which I read, a rabbi stated that “splitting” was rarely an issue for her, because in her words, ” . . . in the Jewish tradition, there is the concept of the Benoni, the person who is neither sinner nor saint, but muddling through.” This comment perked my interest and curiosity, and so I read and researched more about Benonis. In Judaism, the thought is, that most of us, in this life, are Benonis. In the words of one rabbi, a Benoni is like an every day, medium-sized coffee – nothing particularly special, but nothing particularly noxious either.
Chabad.org describes three types of people on this Earth:
‘ “Traditionally, three terms were used to describe a person’s status:
1. Tzaddik—“the righteous person.”
2. Benoni—“the intermediate.”
3. Rasha—“the wicked person.” ‘
Most of us like to think that we are Tzaddiks, but apparently most rabbis won’t even cop to being Tzaddiks. That’s a lofty status which is reserved for the very, very few (perhaps maybe even the non-existent on this plane) who make no mistakes – ever, never. Thankfully, most of us aren’t Rashas either. That would make for a terrible, horrifying world. The thing is, the vast majority of us are Benonis – not all good, not all bad, just doing our best to muddle through. The idea is to know and to understand and to grasp that you are Benoni, and therefore, having this knowledge helps you to be motivated to do your best, and to add some good credits and deeds that put you closer to the Tzaddik side of things, versus the Rasha side of things. Tone down the bitterness of your own brew of coffee, Benoni. That’s your job.
When you understand and accept that you are a Benoni, it helps you to have empathy for all of the other Benonis around you (basically everyone). We all have our strong suits and we all have our weaknesses. A majority of us are trying to do our best, for the most part, when we can. Yes, you must protect yourself from the misbehaving Benonis who are headed towards the Rasha side of town, but you must also understand and accept your own foibles that have lead you down your own scary paths. When you accept your own mistakes, it helps you to empathize with all of us Benonis, who are just muddling through. Absolutes mostly do not exist. Wise Benonis understand this fact.
There is good and bad and different perspectives in and about almost everything in life – people, places, concepts, institutions and things. This is just the way of life. In a nutshell: just be, Benoni, just be. Do your best, and assume that others are doing their best. In the end, it will all work out just fine. Be the best damn cup of coffee you are able to be, and let the pieces fall as they may. Just be, Benoni. Just be.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
