September 2022 - Adulting: Second- Half

What a Week Friday

I hope that by reading my daily blog, you get a little taste of what it’s like to live through a hurricane. There are several days before the hurricane of anticipation, concerns, worries, preparation, tough decisions, and battening down the hatches. Then you experience the lockdown of about 2-3 days of weathering out the actual storm. Finally, the storm passes, and luckily, most of us don’t have to assess too many damages. We can now breathe out, before we take up the task of driving home in heavy traffic (for those who evacuated), and putting everything back and away that we put up and brought in, to prepare for the storm. Hurricane Ian has literally been the focus of my life for more than a week. It’s been sort of a “lost week.” And I am one of the lucky ones, who didn’t even end up losing power. My heart breaks for the many whose lives are forever changed by this horrific storm.

My main point is, I am so happy that the storm has passed and I am so grateful that it is my favorite day of the week – Friday. Friday is devoted to my favorite frivolous things, TV shows, books, products, beauty items, foodstuff etc. on the blog. Each Friday, I discuss a favorite that has made my life better. It might makes yours a little more fun, too.

My favorite for today is a little snack I discovered when purchasing a coffee at Starbucks one recent afternoon, Starbucks Bacon & Gruyère Egg Bites. These delicious little treats are only 300 calories and are full of flavor. I think I even prefer them to the coffee, dare I say it? When you need a little pick me up in the afternoon, it is worth waiting in line, at your local Starbucks, for these delicious, hot delicacies.

I think the biggest lesson for the week, is don’t take your favorites for granted. When you see how easily one act of nature can wash everything away, your favorites are all that more sweet and satisfying. Have a restful weekend. That’s my plan.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A Letter

Dear Friends and Readers,

We are fine. We are so lucky. We really dodged a bullet in my town. We never even lost power at our home. I still am pinching myself in disbelief. Our only casualty was our neighbor’s small tree, which fell on our pool cage but it was even kind enough to not break through the screen. My husband just pointed out that the tiny pump in a small pond on our porch even stayed on throughout the winds and the rain. Our immediate family and our local friends and neighbors, are thankfully, unscathed from Hurricane Ian.

That being said, we do have family and friends to the south of us, who really suffered the brunt of this hurricane. There is no such thing as a hurricane tiptoeing through anything. Yes, it is true that things can always be replaced, but it is still devastating to have to rise up, and to have to restore and to rebuild the home and the life and the community which you have lovingly and carefully created and curated for yourself. It is traumatic to experience the worst case scenarios of any natural disaster. Please set all judgment aside. The people who were hit the hardest by Hurricane Ian weren’t even in “the cone of uncertainty” as late as this past Sunday. For all of our technology, and “brilliance”, we are not even close to a being a match to the natural forces and higher intelligence of our world. As the mayor of our town likes to preach, “Mother Nature always wins.”

Please continue to pray for the people who are still in the path of Ian, the lesser. The storm isn’t over yet. And thank you for all of the love and the prayers and the concern and the good ju-ju which you sent my way. I felt it. One of my biggest worries before this all even started to bear down on us, was that I wouldn’t be able to connect with you on the blog, for days on end. That would break my heart.

Love to all,

Kelly

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What’s Missing?

Hi friends. We’re still standing here. There are no power outages yet, just steady rain. It’s probably too early to tell, but we may have dodged a bullet in our area. Still, we continue to pray for our friends and family all over Florida, who may not be faring so well. Hurricanes are scary, unpredictable monsters.

I really love this meme that I reposted above. When you go through scary, dangerous times, you are not always at your best. Sometimes some of the whole of you is “missing”. Fear and uncertainty do not always bring out the best in people. Too many of us are conditioned to believe that we are only loveable when we are perfect, and even, and helpful, and steady. But that’s not true. Yes, it is true that sometimes, when someone we love is really off-kilter, we have to put some space between ourselves and them, for the health of all involved, but the love never goes away. Things can go “missing” in a person and in a relationship, but love remains. Love is indestructible. Love is. Know that you are always loved, whether you are whole, or whether parts of you go “missing” from time to time. The part of any and each of us that never, ever goes missing, is love. Love is the material of our souls.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Oh Ian!

It’s a super strange feeling, anticipating a hurricane. You get plenty of warning – almost too much warning. The anticipation is killer. I’m a “let’s just rip the band-aid off, already!” kind of a girl. And Mother Nature says, “No dear, we’re going to make you sit with your fearful what-ifs for a while. It’s good for you.” Ugh.

The last time a big hurricane directly affected our area was five years ago. And we evacuated, with four kids and two dogs in tow. We went to Atlanta and the people there could not have been kinder and more welcoming. Instead of price gouging, they gave us discounts, and extras, delicious heartwarming food and long, caring hugs. I will always have a warm spot in my heart, dedicated to the good, hospitable people of Atlanta, Georgia. But evacuating didn’t come without its challenges. The roads were filled with wall-to-wall, crawling, slowly inching along traffic. We ended up having to sleep one night at a rest stop (six stressed people, including sweaty, ornery male teenagers + two big dogs, in a cramped car = not good sleep), which was littered with cars of people, doing the same exact thing. There were cars everywhere, even on the grass and on the sides of the highway. Most gas stations along the way, were out of gas. And watching the news, wondering what kind of mess we were going to go back home to, was excruciatingly stressful. Media sensationalism is a terribly painful experience, when it affects the people and the places that you most love and care about. On the way home, after the hurricane, we were surrounded on the highway, by brigades of utility trucks from seemingly every state in the nation, heading down to help with our plight. I remember this bringing tears of patriotism and gratitude, to my weary eyes.

We had a pow-wow with our near-by neighbors last night, and most of us have decided to stay and weather this one out in our homes. (Including a doctor and his wife, who is a physician’s assistant, who live across the street. This helped seal the deal for me. We’ll look out for each other. That’s what neighbors do.) This experience will be a contrast to what we did the last time, and I am curious to compare, first-hand, which is the better way to handle these things. Our adult children are all in safe spots away from here, so that is what gives me my greatest peace of mind. Honestly, right now my husband and I find ourselves stressing mostly about inconsequential things, like how are we going to brew our coffee when the electricity is out?!

People often question why you would want to live in Florida, and other tropical spots when hurricanes are a seasonal concern. These perilous storms are the price we pay to live in paradise. Florida rarely has gray days. Sunshine is a given. I can go to the beach for lunch if I want to, and bury my feet in the sand, feeling the soothing gulf breezes, lulling my heartbeat to match the rhythms of the tides. We have gorgeous sunsets, and dolphins are as common as the deer, and the wild turkeys, and the herons and the hawks that we see almost daily. Florida is an inclusive, melting pot. No one feels like an “outsider” because everyone here is from somewhere else. There is something for everyone in Florida, even the kooky “Florida Man.” Our state makes loads of money from tourism. There are many good reasons for this fact. Florida is soothing to the soul.

This may be my last blog post this week before we lose power. I don’t know. Regardless, I’ll see you on the other side of the storm. One thing is for certain – you fully know and understand the people and the things that you truly treasure and mean the most in your life, when you are facing down a life-threatening storm. My dearest readers, I can’t wait to be with you again, after the storm.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

Dear friends, please do not be concerned if you don’t get my usual daily blog post every day this week. The price which you pay for living in a land near the beach, with 90 percent sunshine, is an occasional, “I am going to scare the living daylights out of you” storm warning. (It’s not as bad as it seems. The last time we had to take a hurricane this seriously, in our part of Florida, was five years ago.) The truth is, I have been a Floridian long enough now, to be more annoyed than anything, about this hurricane. Don’t worry. We are safe. We have a plan. We would never leave our fur friends behind. I went to the grocery store on Saturday, and I was still miraculously able to snag some water, and some toilet paper, despite the emptying shelves. This too shall pass. (but thank you for the prayers and good juju coming our way – we’ll take ’em!)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I played with my words today. I took the time to write my own poem today. (For my new readers (and welcome!), Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog.) My poem isn’t great, but it isn’t awful, and I feel excited to have woken up, and to have created something out of thin air. Create something this morning. Make an omelet. Write a poem. Draw a doodle. Plant a seed. Sundays are about doing the things that soothe our souls, and the things that awaken our most inspired energy. The world is a better place when we gift it, a small piece of our own inspired creativity and light.

Here’s my poem for today:

“Acceptance”

There’s a storm brewing.

It’s been stirring and tossing all of the ingredients,

Of a torrent, gloppy mess, for quite some time.

I’ve denied its existence, shading my eyes from its obvious glare.

I’ve railed against it. To come at us, like this, is terribly unfair.

I’ve tried to make a deal with the storm in my mind,

If you leave us alone, I promise to be kind.

I’ve cried about it, again and again.

Tears ruining the words, as I take this to pen.

Until finally, it all becomes incredibly clear.

Yes, there’s a storm brewing. The time is near,

And a quiet, still voice is softly whispering into my ear,

You shall survive all that this storm brings to you, my dear.

There is no peace felt, like the calm after a torrential, raging storm.

Perhaps these are the wise, parting gifts of storms that transform.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Intelligent Fun

“Creativity is intelligence having fun.” – Albert Einstein

“An expert is someone who is humble and disciplined enough to explore deeply for a long time. An expert is someone who cares more.” -@ValaAfshar, Twitter

Saturdays are perfect days to hone in on our creativity. Many of us are experts at our jobs, by the time we reach middle age, but what else are you an expert in? Do you allow yourself to create some expertise in your favorite hobbies? Some of my friends and acquaintances are experts at quilting, and butterfly releasing, and gardening, and biking, and working out, and meditation, and running, and dancing, and fantasy football, and water colors, and photography. What is something that feeds your soul enough that you have inadvertently become somewhat of an “expert” in it? Being an expert at something, doesn’t even mean that you have to be particularly great at your favored hobby or vocation or interest. Being an expert just means that you happen to know a great deal about your activity, and how to do it, because the process of exploring the said project/pursuit, and the actual doing of it, feeds your soul, and stops time for you, like so few other activities in your life are capable of doing. Being an expert at something, means that you have taken the time to fuel your passions. That’s called living life! Add to your creative expertise today. You won’t regret it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Mad Respect Friday

John Cena has set a new record for most wishes granted through the Make A Wish Foundation. He has now granted 650 wishes to critically ill children — more than anyone else in history. (Tweet sent this morning by @Goodable)

Happy (Favorite Things) Friday!! Happy Best Day of the Week. Today, my favorite is John Cena. He is my favorite wrestler of all time and I have never even watched a full wrestling match in my lifetime. When my youngest two children were little, they were big fans of wrestling. They bonded over it. Earlier this summer, my youngest son showed me a news story where John Cena surprised one of his biggest fans, a Ukrainian boy who has Down Syndrome and is currently a refugee, by surprising him and spending a whole afternoon with him. When they had to leave Ukraine, due to the war, the young man’s mother told him that they were going to look for John Cena, as it was the only way to get him to leave their home. When John Cena saw this story on the news, he decided to make the young man’s mother’s words, the honest truth. What a wonderful, big-hearted man!! John Cena’s catch phrase is: “Respect: Earn It!” John Cena, you have earned our respect.

Have a fabulous weekend! Respect yourself. Respect others. Show respect and appreciation to those who have earned your respect. The way to make the world a better place is just to work on being a little bit better, ourselves, each and every day. Those little bits add up, sometimes even to Guinness World Records.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fleeting

Good morning! Happy First Day of Fall! I had a little gut punch earlier this week. I walked into the Fresh Market and they had their cinnamon brooms up front. Every year since my daughter was probably in middle school, I would buy her one of those brooms for her room because she loves the smell of them. She would hang it on her ceiling fan and I would whack my head on it, more times than I can count, but I loved that the aromatic broom made her happy. I am not sure that her college roommate would love the strong scent of cinnamon as much as she does, but I’ll have to check in, to see if we should keep the tradition alive.

The Fresh Market also had their pumpkins in full display, right at the store’s entrance. Every year since middle school, my daughter had a tradition with a friend to meet at our home to carve pumpkins before Halloween. They always had elaborate and difficult designs in mind, but at the end of all, the girls usually got giggly and settled for simpler, conventional jack-o-lantern faces, along with good conversation and fancy coffees from Starbucks. This friend of my daughter’s wasn’t in her tightest circle. They never had classes together, and her friend was busy with the swim team, while my daughter was entrenched in the tennis team. Still, they always made time to get together to carve pumpkins, every single year.

Both of these young ladies now go to separate colleges far from each other. The carving tradition will no longer be possible to be kept. My daughter and her friend may see each other in passing, during future holiday outings – those occasional times when kids who went to high school together often reconnect. The friendship has changed, as all relationships do. Still, the memories will remain happy ones, for all of us.

I read an article over the weekend by Pema Chödrön, the proflic writer and Buddhist nun. She says this:

“Realizing the fleeting nature of everything and the freshness of every moment is equivalent to realizing that we’re always in a state of transition, an in-between state . . . Like a shooting star, a visual fault, a candle flame, an illusion, a dewdrop, a water bubble, a dream, lightning, a cloud . . . “

Chödrön teaches the importance of understanding that all phenomena is the same in our lives. Everything that we experience has a beginning, and then immediately starts the continuous process of changing, and at a certain point, will inevitably end. The nature of life is its “fleeting quality.” In other words, “change is the only constant.”

I don’t think that it’s in our human nature to gracefully accept life’s fleeting quality. The things which we love, we don’t want to be fleeting. And the things which we hate, we struggle against, and we resist, and then we try to force the fleeting to go faster. We have so much trouble letting go of control, and just being and experiencing. It’s the dual nature of our analytical minds. It’s the underbelly of being able to think and reason.

Right now, I am enjoying a peaceful morning, my dogs at my feet, as I write this post on my beloved blog. It is a still, calm, sun-filled morning here. I smile to myself, remembering the waft of cinnamon sticks, every past autumn day when I would wander into my daughter’s room. I smile at the memory of the crooked smiles of jolly jack-o-lanterns made by two young ladies who enjoyed each other’s company enough to make a point of inventing this tradition of “crafting” together every Halloween. This morning is well on its way of passing. It’s been a good morning. This morning is in the process of phasing into hopefully, an enjoyable, peaceful afternoon, and then at sunset, the day will draw to its inevitable close. This morning, this afternoon, this whole day will transform into a memory, as all things do. And that is the way of the fleeting nature of life and all things in it. But beautifully, the memories stay alive.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Gulp

I am having some less than flattering self-awareness moments recently. First, someone was trying to schedule something with me and I started rattling off, “Well, I have a mammogram, and then my husband has a colonoscopy, and then I am going to be having some dental work done (interspersed with the thought, “Oh yikes, did I pick up our prescriptions?) and then my husband has a dermatologist appointment . . . “

And that’s when I realized that I belong on one of those Progressive Dr. Rick commercials. “Help for people who are becoming their parents.”

Second, my poor, sweet husband asked me what I planned on doing yesterday afternoon and he opened a Pandora’s box that he didn’t see coming. I honestly knew that he meant the question innocently. As he calmly (and tentatively) explained at dinner yesterday, he didn’t want to make the lunchtime conversation all about himself, and I knew that this was a fact, even as snakes were popping out of my head, and fire was shooting out of my eyes, when he originally asked the question. There was no judgmental, accusational tone in his question. The judgment was all mine, and I was projecting.

“What are you going to do now? What’s next? What are your plans?”

I’ve been doing this same judgmental projecting a lot lately, when friends, family members, and acquaintances, innocently ask me what my plans are now that I am an empty nester. The question stresses me because I haven’t honed in on the answer yet, and that bothers me. I’m a goal directed person. I am a Sagittarius with a pointed arrow. I am used to my time being so scheduled up by other people’s schedules, that I barely have time to think. Now I have time to think. Now I have a pretty empty slate. And my judgmental, bitchy, pressuring alter-ego, loves to ask myself those same questions, but with an unquestionable judgy, impatient, hypercritical, tsk-tsk tone. Hence, beware the poor person who is just being kind, and curious, and interested in me, when they innocently ask, “Oh, so what are your plans now?”

If I don’t contain myself, my defensive response is an either frosty, or fiery (depending on the day and the importance of keeping the relationship), “I plan to rip your head off and feed it to my flying monkeys.”

The key to any kind of change in life is becoming self aware. This I know. I think that if I become more kind and patient and allowing of myself to take my time strolling on to this new path in my life, I am less likely to take offense of other people’s questions about my life. If I allow myself to become less high strung and stop the need for fast-pacing and marching straight ahead, and instead, allow myself some slow meandering, I will see other people’s interest in me, and concern for me, in a different light. I don’t have all my plans set out for this new path, but one thing is for certain, I don’t want to have to walk my new path alone.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.