“You’ve gotta stop expecting honesty from those who lie to themselves. They can’t give you what they don’t give themselves.” – Inner Practioner, Twitter
The best liars whom I have ever known, I don’t think for the most part even mean to be malicious. I truly believe that these people believe most of the yarns that they spin. The best liars whom I have ever known tend to live in their own little worlds. Their fantasies are their realities. And they love the attention that their fantasies bring to them, like an audience to a magical show.
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” This English proverb says it all. The people who lie to us want to believe their lies, because they, too, desperately want to believe their own lies. And we all get caught up in the excitement and the drama of it all. It’s fun to fall into the wardrobe and enjoy a little bit of Narnia fantasy world where everything is perfect and exactly how we all want it to be. But coming back to reality, can be a hard fall for those of us who face truths, live in the truth, and who want to make the most of the “what’s what” in life.
In today’s world, it is hard to know what to believe. There is so much information coming at us, at every level, and all of it seems to be tainted and slanted by opinions and perceptions and agendas. I was a marketing major in college and it was always preached to us, that when it comes to marketing and selling anything, “Perception is reality.” That is why there are often beautiful people in car commercials. Our perception becomes that if we drive “such and such” car, we become one of the beautiful people.
It is really hard to drive in the truth to someone who has no desire to hear it. This is always a frustrating experience, isn’t it? And even more upsetting experiences, are those “a-ha” moments when you realize a truth about something or someone that you have been denying to yourself. When you finally face how something is, versus how you want it to be, this is nothing short of a gut punch. But then you are liberated. It is the pure truth, that the truth will set you free. When you face the truth, the decisions you make become based in the reality of a situation, and therefore you can get concrete results and answers, versus more tied up and tangled into the never-ending, ever-growing ball of yarn of lies and deceit. When you start living the truth, you trust yourself. You become your own best friend and mentor and then you are able to steer clear of other people’s fantasies. Or at the very least, you are able to admit to yourself that you are indulging in a little bit of delusion for a moment, which deep in your core, you know is in fact, a fantasy or even an out-and-out a lie.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Boy, that’s a timely post. Thank you, Kelly.
🙂
I lived with a person that told themself lies and expected everyone around them to be complicit. I tried to go along with it, but when the evidence of reality fell short of the glamour of the lie, I couldn’t ignore it. I just don’t have that capability.
When I started therapy, I would discuss a specific situation with the therapist, and then I would drive both of us crazy by saying, “But what if that’s just a story I’m telling myself, and I only think it’s the truth?” I managed to work my way through that sticky wicket, and everything has been fine until just recently when I began ruminating on that question again. This time it came up as a response to unexpected new emotions. These were positive emotions, helpful emotions, and I didn’t trust them because I haven’t experienced them for a long time. So, I was afraid that I was lying to myself. And then my counselor said these magic words, “So what?”
I thought that I hadn’t been articulate, so I tried to explain it again. And she said, “So what?” I started to get really agitated, and she smiled and said, “So what if it’s a story that you’re telling yourself? We all tell ourselves stories. That’s how we make sense of our lives. You can tell yourself a story with a negative spin and choose to believe it and be miserable. Or you can spin a more positive version and believe it and be much happier. What story will you grow into?”
Her question presented an entirely new perspective for me to consider. Life is a mixed bag of good and bad and while we may not be able to change the facts of a given situation, we can choose how we respond to those facts. Like you, I feel sorry for people who are so deluded that they almost live in an alternate reality. Not much will go right for them in this life because they aren’t using all the available information to make critical decisions. But for those of us who are able and willing to face the truth, to feel those emotions and have those difficult conversations, we can still tell ourselves stories and continue to live reality-based lives. I’ve decided to look for the silver lining in negative situations and tell myself that I will find it. I think my chances of living a happier existence rise dramatically when life is viewed from a place of optimism. I’m going to keep my feet rooted and my head in the clouds. You know what? It’s a breath of fresh air!
I love it, Kelly. I agree. The pure truth in life is that we are souls in bodies, living the bodily sensations. . . . the rest of it all, civilizations, creations, societies etc., are all things we have made up from our wonderful imaginations. It is always good to look for the silver linings!!