RIP – Sidney Poitier, Bob Saget
Usually, when celebrities/public figures pass on, my husband and I feel that little pang of sadness for the loss of another person who has affected one of the eras of our own lives. It’s like a little piece of our own history is again chipped off of the wall, to reveal what is coming next in the fresh future. Since, thankfully, most of these people live to a ripe old age, our kids usually have to ask us, “Who died? Who was that?” But when the news that Bob Saget died came across the wire, my daughter was noticeably glum. As a huge fan of “Full House”, she observably felt that same feeling that my husband and I seem to feel more and more often these days as we get older, and the inevitable losses of life accumulate. One of my daughter’s chips fell off of her own mostly freshly painted wall last night, and I know that she sits with that sad, strange feeling that is relatively new to her. If nothing else, life is poignant.
Speaking of life, I read something interesting yesterday. The idea was that everything that we love in our lives right now, has in some way been gifted to us, by a prior version of ourselves. Our loving relationships, our warm homes, our health and our feelings of security, have all come about, in part, by actions which we have taken earlier in our lives. (Important: Don’t start to use your human nature right now, to start pinpointing all of the areas that you need to improve, and start feeling blameful and angry at your former self. This is supposed to be a positive exercise in gratitude.) Think about everything that you love about your current life, and thank yourself for gifting yourself these wonderful people, places, things, feelings and experiences. Now, in this light, think about what you could do in this next year, for which your future self would deeply thank you for, say, five years down the line. We often talk about what kind of world we would like to leave for our children and grandchildren. But remember, you are still very much alive and vital. What kind of world do you want to create for your own future self? What would you like to be thanking yourself for, in the next five years? I am incredibly grateful to myself for creating this blog, over three years ago, at a time period, when my deepest self knew that the era of raising my children was soon to be coming to a close. I created Adulting – Second Half as a way to open new doors to myself, and I have never, ever regretted that decision. What decisions and actions do we need to make for this new year, that our future selves will thank us for, forevermore? (I fully understand that this is a lot to ponder on a Monday. You may save this assignment for tomorrow, if you like. 😉 Most importantly, have a great week!)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning, Kelly. You’re so right about the chipping away of our history when someone we “know” (and someone we know) dies. I compare it to a lineup of people older than me–oftentimes wiser than me–who drop off until soon I’ll be that front line with no buffers in front of me. It’s a “gulp” kind of moment. So sad about all the people the world has just lost, celebrities and regular folk–regular folk probably being the most important. Anyway! I like your idea of looking at life for the things my previous self paved the way for that I now have or can now experience. Enjoy your day.
“Gulp” is right. Thank you always, Gail, for your support and insight!
Mind = blown!
I swear to you, Kelly, that I was having this exact conversation via email with a friend yesterday. She was complaining about the excessive cost of several home repairs that are necessary over the next couple of months, and I commented that she needs to reframe her thinking. I reminded her that she’s been frugal with her cash for decades so that when these kinds of unexpected life demands came up she would be prepared. I advised her to pat herself on the back and thank her past self for being so wise. Then I told her to celebrate when she writes those checks because they represent success. Plan – prepare – execute. It worked! She is a success.
As a hardcore Scorpio, she did not appreciate my positive spin regarding the demands on her bank account. And I can understand that. But having recently exited a relationship where I spent the better part of the last two decades robbing Peter to pay Paul, I have a new appreciation for people like her who are disciplined, put away money for a rainy day, and then have the means to cover all the expenses when the rain starts. If it were me, I would cheerfully pull out my umbrella and dance in the downpour.
My whole point (sorry it was long-winded) is that I love the idea of doing something today that your future self will consider a gift. I feel sad for people, like my friend, who are unwilling to give themselves credit for their work and wisdom. Today I am meeting with a social media coach (yes, that is a real job) who is going to help me set up my author platform so I will be ready to connect with the millions of readers who will eventually appreciate my work. I think that is the perfect gift for my future self, don’t you?
This is just more proof to me, that we are all so completely interconnected. Another friend, after reading my blog today, mentioned that she also had a similar conversation over the weekend with her friends. Her friends were lamenting their regrets and my friend says that she regrets nothing. Everything that has gone on in her life, has made her who she is today. Our lessons are often our greatest gifts!! I love your attitude and spirit, Kelly!