Month: September 2021

Soul Sunday

Good morning, my beautiful readers. This is a beautiful morning in my parts. The sun is shining, the air is still, and the flourishing, lush, summer-grown plants are relishing the sunlight drying them off, from the good, quenching rains which we have been experiencing lately. This Sunday physically demonstrates peace and hope, right outside of my window. How fitting for a Sunday! My regular readers know that Sundays are devoted to poetry, here at Adulting – Second Half. I either write a poem or I share a poem that has moved be by another writer. Write a poem today. Get to know what is stirring you. Writing a poem is one of the best ways to get acquainted with your most intimate self. Here is my poem for today:

“Okay”

And then the question starts swirling, What space do I write from today?

My carefully constructed, detached, deprecating, sarcastic self? or . . .

My half-held together, desperately attached, questioning, depleted self?

In my core, my deepest self, holds all of it together, firmly threaded in love,

And lightly pulls my hair away from my ear and softly whispers,

“Honey, just write from your heart, and let the rest of it all fall away.

And then get yourself a cookie, and composed or crazy, just live your day.

It’s all okay. It’s all going to be okay. You, my love, are always going to be okay.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Dog Days

So, in my family, it isn’t just me who gained some unwanted weight from the pandemic experience. It turns out that our Labrador retriever, Ralphie, desperately needs to go on a diet, according to our veterinarian. She decided to make that very clear to me, by printing out and showing me his weight gain graph chart, over the years. When I showed it to my husband, he said, “Well, if that was one of our stocks, I would be ecstatic.”

Ralphie, currently 100 pounds, needs to lose 20-25 pounds. We bought the diet food, the diet treats, and we got the “official” plastic Dixie cup to measure out the measly morsels of diet food. Ralphie is a world champion eater. Ralphie is a world champion beggar. Ralphie is our second Roomba. This experience is going to be interesting and challenging, to the say the least. And just like Weight Watchers, we have to take Ralphie into the vet’s office, for regular “weigh ins.”

I said to my veterinarian, “I don’t understand. Ralphie exercises a lot. He swims all of the time. We take him on long walks daily.”

She answered, “He’s like me. I exercise all of the time, too. When I am not here at the office, you’ll find me at the gym. There’s only one thing that I like more than exercise, and that is food.” And then she patted her cute little tummy for emphasis.

I guess the good thing is that Ralphie is at the mercy of what we feed him. I thought to myself, if I can control what Ralphie eats, I should be able to do the same thing for myself. (in theory) Honestly, I plan (or at least I am giving it serious consideration) to be Ralphie’s “Diet Buddy.” Ralphie and I are typically “happy go lucky” family members, but with both of us watching what we are eating, things could get ugly, really quick. I’ll just ask for your forgiveness in advance, if things get a bit stingy on the blog.

Pin on Cute animals

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Kick It, Cookieless Friday

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Happy Friday!! TGIF!!! I love Fridays. I am so happy to be here at a Friday this week. Thank you for being so loving and supportive and understanding, readers. It’s been a tough week for me, but we are here, at the light at the end of the tunnel: Friday. On Favorite Things Friday, I usually try to keep it light, and I discuss products, or websites, or songs, or books, etc. that make my life fun. I strongly encourage you to add your favorites in my Comments section. Please also check out previous Friday blog posts for more good stuff to try!

Here are today’s favorites:

Cell Phone Kickstand – This is an awesome little gadget to stick on the back of your phone or phone case (as long as it is a flat phone case). I have noticed that I have gotten sore wrists from holding my phone too long. This is a quick and easy tool to safely position and hold your phone at so many different angles (lengthwise and widthwise!) And when you don’t need to use it, it folds right back into a simple silver bar at the end of your phone case. I got mine for $11 from Amazon. I think that I will consider this a standard necessary phone accessory from here on out! Treat yourself to this useful, and inexpensive gadget.

Cookieless Cookies – This is my new favorite dessert. I made it up recently, all by myself. Essentially Cookieless Cookies are a giant bowl of chocolate chips mixed up with chopped up walnuts. My current Cookieless Cookie holds butterscotch chips, peanut butter chips, white chocolate chips and Ghirardelli chocolate chips, with a dash of the walnuts, of course. (tough weeks call for a higher ratio of chips to walnuts) I figure that a Cookieless Cookie is “healthier” than eating cookies because it doesn’t have any extra butter or sugar. I also like to think of Cookieless Cookies as a form of trail mix without the icky raisins, and with a guarantee of always getting some chocolate chips when you throw a handful of it into your mouth. Happy Trails! Happy “Baking”! It doesn’t take long to mix up, nor does it require an oven – my kind of cooking.

Favorite Picture of the Week

My middle son was driving up the East Coast of Florida earlier this week, and he sent us this picture of what he saw. It is not a UFO. It’s not ET going home. It is the Space X shuttle being launched. How cool is this? What amazing and interesting times we live in!

Bonus favorite: I saw this quote earlier this week on Twitter:

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” – Uncle Duke

I think that this goes both ways. We often think that what we do or what we don’t do, doesn’t really matter, but it does. It’s the individual snowflakes that create an avalanche, but it’s also the individual water droplets that make up a beautiful lake. What we do, good or bad, kind or unkind, thoughtful or thoughtless, does make a difference. It always does. Have a great weekend! Be a good flake!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tent Pole

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sometimes people ask me how I hold it all together. I’ve watched and witnessed other strong mothers, and I’ve often thought the same thing about them. Facts are, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I fall apart. Sometimes I cry until I think that my eyes will fall out, and sometimes I scream so loud that it hurts my chest. Sometimes I act so crazily sad and angry all at once, that I am a witness of my own craziness, in the bewildered eyes of my own family. And it scares me.

My husband made the dire mistake of saying that I wasn’t being “helpful” in a family conversation which we were having at dinner last night. For a woman, hanging on by a thread, and who has devoted her entire life to her family, that was not good wording to use at that moment (even if it was the truth). After the aftermath of the scourge of my outrage, I am sure that he wished that he could have eaten those words the minute they carelessly fell out of his mouth. Have I mentioned that I am a fire sign (through and through)?

This morning, I read a tweet today by the Wise Connector. He put this out to his followers:

What do you tell yourself when you’re having a bad day? This could be helpful to someone today.

I looked at the hundreds of vast responses. A lot of them answered that they tell themselves that “things could be worse.” Of course, things could be worse. Death is the worst case scenario, and if we are still here to complain about our bad days, than things could be worse. We could be dead. Sometimes I, too, make myself feel better with the “things could be worse” thought, but sometimes that thought just pisses me off. It sets me right off. “Things could be worse” discounts my hurt and my anger and my frustration and my fears. It makes me feel bad for feeling bad.

One person answered the tweet with, “Still I Rise” and I liked that. I envision myself rising mightily from the ashes of my anger and pain. Anger is not necessarily a bad emotion. It has a lot of energy to it. My dogs and I got an extremely brisk walk out of my rage, yesterday evening. It was a “heart healthy” walk. That walk was a good outcome of my anger. Screaming at my family was not a good outcome of my angry feelings. Anger can often be a hard guy to manage.

I vented to some friends last night on our text chat. Only other mothers can truly validate moments like these. My one friend said that she realizes that she is the family’s “tent pole”, always holding everything up, for everyone else. I got the reminders, from my friends, to take care of myself, and to do things for myself. My one friend loves to kayak. My other friend raises beautiful butterflies. The truth is, I like to write. I can’t tell you how cathartic it is for me, to be writing this blog post right now. My cousin read my blog yesterday, and she told me that she couldn’t believe that I could have that kind of clarity while I am hurting like this. I told her that writing is my therapy. Writing is my clarity. Writing is what I do for me. If it resonates with others, then that is a blessing. But writing is what I do for me.

These are the answers to the “bad day” tweet, that resonated the most with me today:

“You’re doing your best. And that is enough. And remember, your ‘best’ will look different every day” – Brianna

“Today I’m not okay, but that’s okay bc I know I’ll be okay.” – Jojo

“If you’re going through hell, keep going” – Winston Churchill

“It’s life, chances are tomorrow will be better. Keep moving forward.” – Linzee In Heels

And this was my all time favorite:

“I want to see what happens if I never give up.” – SweMikeMedia

Night Seasons

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

There’s a few good things that are interesting to note, when you are going through one of your “night seasons”, as my aunt calls it. First of all, it’s the numbness. My mom used to call this “God’s anesthesia”. Yesterday, after my son’s seizure, while I had a few periods of crying jags and deep sadness, mostly, I was numb. I felt mostly calm and numb, and this was not caused by any kind of chemical outside of my body. When you go through a trauma, usually your merciful body numbs you right up, so that you can handle whatever you need to do. I think that this is a really nice standard feature of our bodies. I deeply appreciate the initial numbness.

Another thing that your night seasons show you, is that there are so many people who love you and who you can lean on. When you have several people in your life who you can call and/or you can text, and you can feel their deep care and empathy, it means the world. I think that I have friends of every religion praying for us right now, and this feels so great. Yesterday, one of my friends told me that her entire Baptist Church’s prayer warriors were “on it”, and another one of my more “new age” friends told me that she believes that people with epilepsy are getting downloads from God which the rest of us just can’t handle. She told me that my son is probably one of the most enlightened people on Earth. I don’t know if this is true, but all of the prayers and the insights brought me comfort. All of them did. God has many channels. Don’t ever be afraid of saying “the wrong thing” to someone who is hurting. I can always tell true care, over indifferent judgment and arrogance, and that’s never in the words being said. Ignorance being delivered with love, can be cleansed down to just the “love” part. Always err on the side of reaching out. I appreciate all of the love and the prayers from everyone, including my beloved readers of this blog. It sustains me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The final insight about your night seasons, is that you get the reminder that people are mostly kind. Most people don’t want to witness other people’s pain. We had so much kindness bestowed on us yesterday, by perfect strangers, as we often do, when my son has a seizure in public. People want to help. People want to show you that they care. It’s traumatizing to witness a seizure, but people seem to overcome their fears, to act with deep concern and warmth and tenderness. Did I ever mention that EMT people are some of my favorite people on this Earth? They always make my son feel so good, and just like he is one of the “regular guys.” Yesterday, the EMTs got a good laugh with my son, when they reminded him that when my son was first coming out of his seizure, and they asked him who is president, in his hazy confusion, he said, “Lamar Jackson” (who is the quarterback for the Ravens). They all, including my son, got a big giggle out of that one. The EMTs made my son feel like he is a real stud (because he’s a big gym rat, who also attends a prestigious university), just when my son needed it most. These simple, empathic kindnesses are noticed by me, always. Always.

When you are in your night seasons, numbness, your own spirituality (and a big helping of others’ spirituality), and the overall kindness of strangers is what gets you through to the sunshine right around the bend. God has many channels. Yourself, your loved ones, and often perfect strangers, are the passageways, which God uses to get you safely to where the sun rises again. We are in good hands – our own hands, the loving hands of our friends and family, and the kind, empathic hands of strangers, which all come together to form the biggest hands of all. And these Big Hands are firmly and securely holding all of us with Love. This I know.

Monday Fun-Day

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

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I hope that my husband doesn’t take this post personally. My poor husband threw his back out on Friday, and he was understandably quite cranky throughout the weekend. He’s typically a very busy, energetic person. His weekends usually contain a lot of yard work, pool cleaning, long biking excursions, fishing, boating, gym workouts, grilling etc. My husband is a “do-er” personality. Sadly, this weekend, his back muscles put all of that on hold, and he was not a happy camper. Luckily, my husband seems to getting a little bit better each day. Isn’t that the way with every trauma? Every day you just get a little teeny, tiny bit better. It certainly is a lesson in patience, though.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” – Helen Keller

“One of the most healing things you can do is recognize where in your life you are your own poison.” – Steve Maraboli  

“Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy.” – Sai Baba 

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good morning, my treasured readers. I hope that you are having the kind of Sunday morning that I am having. Relaxing, peaceful, sun-filled, hopeful . . . . this morning indicates a day filled with promise.

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Sometimes I write a poem, and sometimes I share a poem that another writer has shared with the world. At the very least today, write a poem and share it with yourself. Poetry is perhaps the most intimate form of language which we have in this world.

“Poetry is ordinary language raised to the Nth power. Poetry is boned with ideas, nerved and blooded with emotions, all held together by the delicate, tough skin of words.” — Paul Engle

Here is my poem for today:

Calm Waters

I am sitting here dwelling in my relief

Isn’t that how it always goes with grief?

It comes in waves, it crescendos and crashes,

Until it levels out, and the tears dry in my lashes.

The largest waves end up as the harmless shallows on the shore,

Only to be sucked back out into the massive ocean of steady core.

The raging storms and waves will be stirred up again, I know.

But today, I will rest in the steady waters that only lightly flow.

The Good Neighbor

Knowing that this horrific anniversary was around the corner, I scrounged the internet this week, for the following editorial that was widely circulated after the 9/11 attacks. I remember getting it from several people in my email box, all of the way back in 2001. This editorial touched me then, and it touches me now. I will always, always be a proud and grateful American. Take care today, friends. This is a tough day for our country and its citizens.

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America: The Good Neighbor
Editorial by Canadian radio commentator Gordon Sinclair, June 5, 1973

“This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth. Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States.When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it. When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped. The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans. I’d like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don’t they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American Planes? Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon – not once, but several times – and safely home again. You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft dodgers are not pursued and
hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here. When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke. I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don’t think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake. Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I’m one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating
over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those.
Stand proud, America!“

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Favorite Things Friday

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Good morning, friends and readers. Welcome to the best day of the week!! My regular readers know that I typically keep it light and fun on Fridays. On Fridays, I list three favorite things, or songs, or websites or books, or life hacks that make my life more interesting and engaging. You, my readers, really like Fridays, at the blog. Interestingly, usually the most popular days on the blog are on Fridays, and on Sundays (the day that I devote to poetry. You never knew that one of your favorite things is poetry, did you? I caught you. ;)) So this tells me that you, my readers, are my favorite kind of people, a delicious mix of fun and frivolous, yet deep and soulful. It’s good to be well-rounded. Bravo!

As many of you know, we suffered another setback with my son’s epilepsy, this week. His new medications aren’t working out, which is deeply disappointing because the side effects of these medications were much more tolerable, than his last medications. We coaxed our baby to come home for the weekend, so I had the best sleep of my week last night, knowing that he was home safe with me, in my safely feathered nest. (I love sleep. It’s definitely one of my favorites.) My youngest son (the son with epilepsy) is obviously one of my favorite people in the world, and it is not just because he is my son. It is also because my son is funny, and smart, and ethical – almost to a fault; he is insightfully (and sometimes brutally) truthful – like no other person I have ever met, and so, so resilient. I admire him greatly. I love him beyond reason.

I’m drained, friends. These setbacks with epilepsy are hard on our family. These disappointments bring all of our fears and uncertainties, back up to the surface. People who live with serious disorders, know better than anyone, just how fragile life is, and how quickly it can be taken. After experiencing a major health setback, and once you calm down from the anxiety, and you let your shoulders drop, you can sometimes find the gift that comes from these painful realities of living with a disease, or a disability that can take your life, at any moment. It brings clarity and beauty and gratefulness for every simple moment of living a life. I can’t tell you how much my heart sang last night, to listen to my husband and my son yell, in unison, at the football game last night, as they have done so many times in the past. I savored that sound like it came from Heaven above. Because it did. Heaven is all around us, if we open up our eyes and connect our watchful eyes to our hearts.

I’m sorry to get so deep on a Friday. You readers don’t like that, I know. You might be thinking, “Lighten up, lady!”, but it’s my blog, and I’ll cry if I want to . . . .

Please always remember that when you are considering your favorite things in life, it’s never really “the thing”. It’s always the feeling that you get from “the thing.” If you think of one of your favorite things, or people, or places right now, you will get those wonderful feelings that those things give to you, seeping into your consciousness right away. Try it. Do it often. Your favorites are really your favorite feelings, and you are capable of dosing yourself with your favorite feelings regularly. They are just a thought away. Stay aware. That’s the only way to live.

Happy weekend, my favorite readers of my favorite blog! See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.